Hattie
A Final Goodbye
Hattie stood by the open grave, a lone figure, too encased in grief to cry and too drained to think. Megan’s coffin lay on top of Issy’s. ‘She’ll be a comfort to you, Megan, lass.’ The words croaked from her parched throat.
Is this what happens when your heart is splintered? At this moment it felt as if hers was damaged beyond repair, and it wouldn’t be possible to feel anything ever again. But then, she did feel something: she felt hate – a hate so vivid it consumed her, and it was directed at Billy.
Why had they been afflicted with him? How could someone so blackened by evil have come from Megan’s pure self? From a young age he’d vandalized the lives of Issy, Jack and Megan, and now he’d done the same to hers. He’d deprived her of so much that she held close to her heart. He’d torn her apart.
Oh, Megan. Megan . . .
Her body folded. Strong arms grasped her. They’d all stood back, allowing her a moment, but now Richard was by her side. ‘Hattie, come away now. You’re frozen.’ He held her close to him.
A wet droplet hit her cheek. It had fallen from his eyes, and felt like one of those wax seals must feel to the paper they stamped. Because the tear stamped her with a seal of sadness that she thought she would never let go of.
As Richard turned her away, she saw Edward holding Bridget: two figures stilled by grief. And beyond them, a crowd of about one hundred stood with their heads bowed, all of them from Breckton. Miners, their wives and the Irish community were paying their respects to two of their own: two women who had made their mark through love and character. And there, too, were the business folk of Breckton, as well as the remaining four Land Girls.
Anger seared Hattie as she looked at these girls. Anger at the one called Rita, who’d caused so much devastation. How glad she was that Rita was now locked up. I hope she never gets out while I’m alive! And anger mixed with pity at the terrible injuries caused to the poor lass who had tried to save the horses. She was in a bad way, and not expected to live.
Neither Jack nor Sarah were there. Both remained in hospital – Jack all but shut down, and Sarah a trembling bundle of fear who could barely function. And no Harry. Poor Harry seemed weaker by the minute. Oh God, where had her world gone?
As Richard guided her away, Hattie looked back. The wind swayed the naked boughs of the tree under which the grave lay. She felt the same back-and-forth movement going on inside her, churning her up and taking her in one direction and then the other. But her heart jolted her as she turned and saw a figure dressed all in black, standing on the edge of everything. Arthur! He’d come to support her. She’d have to go to him – she needed to.
‘Richard, there’s someone I need to talk to. Will you tell everyone as them at Hensal Grange have put on a wake, and as everyone’s welcome?’
‘Yes, but are you sure you will be all right?’
‘I will, ta, love. I have an old friend as has come to be with me. I’ll come up to the Grange in a little while. You go and look after your mam and dad. Poor Bridget. She’s taken this hard.’
‘She has. Her happiness seemed complete on finding her daughter, Megan. It was strange for me at the time to have this older half-sister suddenly, but Megan brought me so much love and seemed to bring sunshine into all of our lives.’
‘Oh, Richard, we’ll get through this, lad. We’ll get through.’
‘But what about Sarah? Hattie, it was all my fault.’
‘No, lad. No one knew more than Megan what you were both going through. You just be there for Sarah, lad. It’s going to take her a long time, thou knows. But if she has you – the man she loves – watching out for her, that’s going to help.’
‘You knew?’
‘Megan told me.’
‘Megan knew?’
‘Aye, and she weren’t without feeling guilty, bless her. She thought she should have stopped the wedding. But no one could change Sarah’s mind. Poor lass.’
‘I think it was because of her fear. She knew if she crossed Billy, this would happen. She went through with the marriage to prevent it, then I—’
‘Richard, you must stop this. You’ve got to, lad. Guilt can consume you, and you’ve no time for that, neither can you give time to it. You have to be strong. I can’t do this on me own. I need you to help me to prop up Sarah and Jack, and there’s no one better.’
‘Thank you, Hattie. I’ll try. I promise you, I’ll try. I’ll just go to Mother and Father now. I’ll see you up at the Grange.’
Hattie watched him go. For all her words, she knew Richard did carry some of the blame on his shoulders, and he deserved to. He’d taken what was forbidden. But then hadn’t they all? No. She’d not think of him as deserving guilt, for Sarah had kissed him back. Her ramblings had told Hattie that much. And two people who loved each other, snatching an illicit kiss, didn’t deserve what it had brought down on them two. No one did.
‘Hattie, I don’t know what to say.’
‘There’s nowt anyone can say, Arthur. Me world has been shredded. I’ve nothing left.’
‘You have me, my love. I’m back. I’m here for you.’
‘Oh, Arthur. It’s not reet that you can get through all of this pain and give me a warm spot of hope. It’s not reet for me to feel that.’
‘I know, but I’m glad you do. You have a lot to deal with. Don’t shut me out. I don’t expect anything other than to be your friend, for the time being.’
‘And that’s what I need most in all the world, as two of me best ones lie back there in that grave, and my Harry is fading fast. If you can replace them in just a small way, then I’d welcome you back into me life on that basis. Don’t expect more from me, though.’
‘My love for you is not a selfish love. I know that now. It can manifest in many ways and can adjust to what you most need, my dear.’
‘At this moment, I – I want help. Help me, Arthur, help me; please take away my pain.’
She was in his arms. He held her close. As wrong as it was, it felt so right that he should come back to her when she most needed him. And, despite everything, Hattie hoped with everything that was in her that Arthur would never leave her again.