Jack & Sarah
New Beginnings
Jack called out to the horse to stop. The magnificent shire obeyed, but snorted and shook his mane in protest.
Pressing his hands into the small of his back, Jack straightened up to soothe the ache there. He could ease the pains in his limbs from the physical work on the farm, but he never thought to do the same with those that fragmented his soul.
Looking across to the house, he saw an image that would stay with him forever: his Megan sitting on the bench with his ma-in-law. Megan waved. Jack lifted his hand, but let it drop down by his side again as the image faded. She wasn’t there.
Leaning heavily on the plough, he dropped his head forward. Every day since he’d begun to focus on life again he’d faced a daily battle against the deep-seated horror and devastation that had paralysed him for months. Every hour and every minute he had to try and dispel the scenes playing over and over in his mind. As if they were being shown through a projector, they flickered in jerky movements in his head, putting all the players in place, vividly coloured against a background of red – red everywhere, spurting like fireworks, dripping like a tap that needed a new washer, a flowing river of blood.
‘Jack?’
Dorothy’s voice penetrated the self-destruction that had threatened to engulf him. He turned to see her running towards him, urgency in her pace.
‘Are you all right, Jack? I thought . . .’
‘I’ll never be all right again, lass.’
‘You will. I promise you. It’ll take time, but I’m . . . we’re here for you, Jack, all of us. And there is a future. Your Sarah has cemented that by bringing new life into the world, and by her marrying Richard in a few days’ time.’
Jack looked into Dorothy’s eyes and saw in their deep violet colour something he couldn’t cope with. And yet part of him was gladdened by it. Though he didn’t want the kind of love he knew she felt for him, he needed it. That kind of love said it forgave everything and would stand by you, no matter what, so he’d take some strength from it, even though he couldn’t give anything back. ‘I know, and you girls are like me saviour. I know you’ve been hit hard by what happened, and especially what happened to young Iris. You came as a four, and now you are three. And the horses an’ all – you all loved them horses as much as I did. But when I hear the three of you giggling over sommat, it’s like there is hope – resilience – and I can take some of that from you.’
‘You can, Jack. I – we – have oceans of it to give you.’
‘Ta, Dorothy.’
‘Here, I’ve brought a billycan with some hot, sweet tea in it, and some butties. Mildred made them. She likes looking after us in that way. She’s a real mother-hen type.’
‘Ha, you hadn’t better let her hear you say that. She thinks of herself as a bit of a liberator of women. She were talking to me for ages about political stuff and how the war will show women’s worth, and it reminded me of my Megan – well, Megan thought like that an’ all. She said as women had a role to play in all walks of life, and she proved it too, with running her own business. Her and Hattie, they are – were, I mean – well, Hattie still is – women ahead of their time.’
‘There, you see. That’s good, Jack, you talking about Megan. You should, you know, like you do of Issy, because Megan deserves that. Oh, I know it is painful to do so, but the more you do, the easier it will be. And it will bring her to you. Don’t try to shut her out.’
‘Eeh, lass, I forget you’ve been through it. We’re akin in that.’
In remembering this, Jack felt a deeper sense of comfort from being with her. Her words weren’t empty condolences said with the best intentions, but were meant, felt and experienced. Aye, he had a mate in Dorothy – a kind of soulmate, in a way, as she’d travelled the same road he was travelling, though for him this was the second time this kind of agony had visited him, and he wondered at the cruelty of life.
The day Sarah had dreamed of was upon her. She smiled up at her Aunt Hattie’s reflection in the mirror as she stood behind her.
‘Oh, Sarah, lass, you look grand as owt. Like a fairy princess. Eeh, if only—’
‘No, don’t say it. There is no if only today, Aunt Hattie. Today we must think of them as all being here. We must make it a day to remember. Just one in a sea of hell that we all survived.’
‘Eeh, lass, it gladdens me to hear you say that. And you’re right. They are all here – here in everything we are and have. That frock, it’s cut from the same batch as the one your Aunt Megan made a frock from for your mam, years ago. Megan kept everything, and she put labels on it all. It gives me a headache now, with storage and everything. But that one had written on its label “was used to make a frock for Cissy, 1918, for a social at the Miners’ Club to celebrate the end of the war”. By, it’s pretty, and with it being silk and having such a soft, silvery sheen, it’s perfect for today.’
‘Aye, Phyllis has done a grand job of it, and the shawl Daisy has made is lovely. It’s nice to think that material has a link to Megan, too. Daisy told me the label on the cloth was “used for my bridesmaid’s dress when I stood for Cissy and Jack on their wedding day. Given to me by Madame Marie.” That was who Megan worked for when you left the convent, wasn’t it?’
‘Aye, Megan loved her placement, and it was where she met your mam. Cissy were a grand lass.’
‘I remember her. Which is lovely, as I can picture her in me head and talk to her. I do that with Megan now. By, Megan must have looked lovely in this gold.’
‘She did. And, thou knows, that were the first time as your dad really noticed her. Oh, I’m not saying as he fancied her, or owt like that. He loved your mam to the exclusion of all others. But up until then, he’ll admit it himself, he never saw anything in your Aunt Megan. It were sudden, like. He turned to greet your mam and caught a glimpse of Megan all dressed up, and it shocked him at how changed she were. He’d only ever seen her as Cissy’s mate from work.’
‘Well, that’s a nice story, and he should never be ashamed of how things turned out. These memories are the ones we must hold onto today. Eeh, I’m so happy. And to think, like Aunt Megan, I’m finally getting the real love of me life.’
‘Aye, and dressed in silver and gold, which is how I think of your mam and Megan, as Cissy had hair so light it were like silver, and Megan had golden hair. But both had hearts of gold, and both glowed like silver and always will.’
‘Eeh, Aunt Hattie.’
‘Aye, lass. We’ve a lot to be thankful for. Our lives were crossed by such good ’uns as Megan and Cissy, and Issy and my Harry, and many more. God rest their souls.’
‘You’ve never told me much about Arthur, thou knows. I know as it ain’t my business, but . . . well, it is all a mystery to me. And why isn’t he coming today?’
‘Well, it’s a long tale, but Arthur was my first and – now this is going to sound reet bad – but me only real true love, in the sense of how Richard is to you. And yet I loved Harry, I did, and it wrenched me heart to lose him. Am I making any sense?’
‘Aye, you are. And now Arthur is back in your life.’
‘He is, but it isn’t proper as we should be together. Harry’s not gone yet. He still has a big place in me. But, thou knows, we have his blessing. Look, it’s all too much of a long story to tell right now, but one day I will. Just to say that once a year has passed and I’m feeling in a more comfortable place with everything, then me and Arthur will be together. He has asked me to be his wife. I don’t know if you know, but he is a lord. Well, anyroad, he’s giving up all that peerage stuff and we’re going to live just outside of Leeds. He’ll support me in me businesses and carry on advising on Megan’s, though. Oh, well, that’s all for another day.’
‘I know what you are thinking, Aunt Hattie, and I am in agreement, as I know Dad will be. Any time you are ready to make us an offer for Megan’s business, the whole lot is yours and we’ll be glad to be rid of it. We know it couldn’t go to anyone better.’
‘Ta, lass. I didn’t know how to approach you, but now I can make plans. Phyllis and Daisy are going to be full partners in that side of the business, so that would have pleased Megan an’ all.’
‘Aye, and me. I’m so glad they’ve come down to Market Harborough for today. It’s good that as many of us as can be are together. It comforts me.’
‘I know, lass.’ The door opening interrupted them, and Sally walked in. Aunt Hattie made light of the situation by making a joke. ‘By, look at this, another princess! We have the full set now. Sally, love, you look a picture.’
‘Always the bridesmaid.’
‘Naw, love. Eeh, come here. You will have your day, I know you will. Mark will come round. He’s a strong lad. He’ll wake up, and the first thing he’ll do is ask you to marry him, you’ll see.’ Standing up and taking Sally in her arms, Sarah held her close. ‘Eeh, Sally, ta, love. I’d have understood if you’d have said as you couldn’t stand for me, thou knows.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—’
‘Eeh, don’t be. I know what you mean. But you have to have faith, love. Aunt Hattie’s right. Mark will make it – he will.’
As if on cue, Granny Bridget came through the door. ‘Sally, Sally, lass.’ It is funny how, when she’s excited or sad, Granny Bridget reverts to her Yorkshire accent. ‘There’s a phone call . . . it – it’s Mark!’
Sally hurried down the stairs, her head refusing to let her thumping heart believe that the miracle had happened. Mark able to talk to her on the phone! She never thought the day would come. Grabbing the receiver from Edward, all she could say was, ‘Oh, Mark.’
But Mark stopped her from saying anything further, as in a faltering voice he said, ‘Sally, I – I’m not . . . the man I was.’
‘You are, my darling. Inside, you are. Nothing can be at changing that. I love you, Mark. You’re me world.’
‘Oh, Sal, I – I love you.’
She didn’t comment on the sob, but felt it mingle into her own tears. ‘Mark, something wonderful is happening today. Richard and Sarah are getting married! They couldn’t wait, not with how things are, and we none of us knew if—’
‘It’s all right, it – it’s wonderful n – news. Mother told me. And it – it means you were there when I phoned. I didn’t kn – know how I was going to – to contact you. Sally, I . . . I can’t see.’
Again the sob. Her heart felt as though it would break. ‘I’m sorry, my darling. I wish I could change that, but somehow we’ll get through it. I’ll be there for you. I’ll be your eyes.’
‘W – will you, Sal? You won’t—’
‘Don’t even say it, Mark, let alone think it. I will be with you forever. I love you. In fact, I know it ain’t the conventional way, as you’re s’posed to ask me and be on bended knee an’ all, but, Mark, will you marry me?’
The sob became a full-blown crying from depths she never thought to hear from him. Fear gripped her. Someone took the phone from him and said to her, ‘I’m sorry, but he is too overcome, and this is dangerous for him. I’ll have to end the call.’
‘No,’ Mark screamed from the background. ‘I – they’re happy tears. Please.’
‘Well, calm down and I will, but if this sets you back,’ the voice droned on. A caring voice, that of a man who wanted the best for Mark. She could hear that in his tone.
‘It – it won’t. My girl h – has just asked m – me to m – marry her!’
‘Oh, right, love.’ The male voice again. It became louder and said, ‘The answer is yes,’ then faded again. ‘There, I’ve told her for you. Anything else?’
The sound of Mark laughing lifted Sally and filled her with joy.
‘Oh, and I’m going to be the bridesmaid!’ This was the male voice again, said in an effeminate voice, and had her laughing out loud. By, whoever it was with Mark, he was a tonic.
‘G – give me the phone.’
‘Only if you promise no more crying, right?’
‘Oh, Sally, sorry, l – love. The answer is yes! Th – thank you, thank you.’
‘Reet, we’ll fix it up. I’ll be down to see you as soon as I can. Tomorrow. I have a few days’ leave. I’ll get the first train. I’ll stop off to buy you a ring, seeing as I did the asking. You can get mine when you are well enough.’
‘I will, my darling, I will. G – give—’
‘Don’t speak any more, sweetheart. I can hear you are exhausted. I know what you want to say: congratulations and love to Richard and Sarah, love to your mam and dad and everyone. Tell them you’re looking forward to seeing – being with – them soon, and that you love me beyond anything! There, will that do?’
‘Yes. Yes.’
The sob came again, but then she’d to expect that. No one could go through what Mark had been through without it nearly crushing them. She was to be his strength. He loved her. He was going to marry her, and that was all that mattered. Her world was complete. He managed another ‘Goodbye, and I love you.’ The last was all she needed.
The day had been perfect, made even more so by the phone call from Mark, and Sally announcing that she and Mark were to be wed. By, that had made Bridget and Edward happy, and her and Richard an’ all. Not that Sarah had ever doubted that Sally would stand by Mark. But now Mark knew that too, and this would give him hope for his future.
Richard pulled the car up outside the small cottage that was to be their home, just a mile from his parents’ house in the pretty Northamptonshire countryside. Part of Sarah was sorry that this had to be so, but Richard would need to continue with his studies when he returned from the war and it seemed the best arrangement. Before that happened, she would stay as normal with her dad, but would come down here to Market Harborough if her petrol allowance would let her to be with Richard when he could get away.
A murmur from the crib on the back seat reminded her that they were now a family. ‘Uh-uh, Harriet is awake, and hungry no doubt. Richard, thank you for agreeing to her coming with us, on what is meant to be our honeymoon.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any different. She is “us” now. We can’t possibly go anywhere without our little Harriet. When I am away, I shall think of you both together at all times.’
Sarah had heard the saying one’s heart swelled with joy, and now she knew what it felt like.
‘Come on, let’s get in and get Harriet settled. I’ll cook for us while you feed her.’
It was as if they’d been doing this all of their lives.
That feeling stayed with Sarah as they got into bed later on. No nerves entered her, just complete and utter love and desire. Up until now, they’d kissed and had come near to going further, but they’d waited. Sarah had needed that, after what Billy put her through. She’d wanted to know the respect and gentleness of real love, but in its rightful place within their marriage, so that there was no guilt attached to it – no illicit taking and giving. She wanted purity.
Richard’s arms enclosed her the moment she slipped between the sheets. His kisses, tender and searching, landed in her hair, over her face and snuggled into her neck before he found her lips. They were giving kisses, not taking ones. They tingled a love through her and the feeling of being everything to her man.
His hands explored her and hers explored him, in the way they’d allowed themselves to before, but this was different. With the exploration of her naked body and the feel of his body pressing against hers, it was worlds different.
Her throat constricted until she could hardly swallow, and her breath panted, labouring with the sexual tension that had taken control of her. Now his fingers found the very heart of her, caressing her until she thought she would die with the ecstasy that took her into another world, a world she’d never entered before. And all to Richard’s whispered words of love, telling her she was beautiful, and was his, and would always be so.
When at last he entered her, Sarah’s very being let go. Flood after flood of feelings were released. Tears flowed down her cheeks at the utter fragmentation of the her she’d been, before this moment.
That person splintered into a thousand grains, as love and passion washed over her. And then, as the spasms of completeness passed, her body and soul reunited. Richard had made her whole again.