Sarah
From Beyond the Grave
Sarah looked out of the window. There were things she would miss about Market Harborough. The lovely view from this window, for one. And she was aware how difficult leaving was really going to be for Bridget. She had spent most of her very happy marriage to Edward here. They’d brought their two boys into the world and raised them here. And though she said she hankered for the north, she was a young lass in her teens when she left there.
The phone ringing interrupted her thoughts. What was it about telephones? Somehow you always knew when it was going to be bad news, and this feeling came over her as she crossed from the front room to the hall.
Even Hattie’s voice, as she said hello, set alarm bells ringing.
‘What’s wrong, Hattie? Is everyone all right?’
‘Aye, they are, but I have news, and you’re not going to like it, love, but . . .’
Sarah stared at the phone. Pictures came into her head of her wedding day, and of Billy talking to Miss Theresa. But surely not – not then, no, but . . . Oh God, the next day, when he was missing for ages.
‘Sarah, are you all right? Look, love, you don’t have to meet her. None of us wants you hurt. Not even Patsy, who’s never met you. She understands, now we’ve told her everything that happened, but she wants to meet Harriet. What do you think?’
‘I’ll tell her. It – it’ll be up to her. I can’t keep from her that she has a sister. But if she wants to meet this Patsy, then I will too. And, well . . . I – I don’t know. It shouldn’t be affecting me, but it is. It’s like the last slap in the face, like Billy’s reaching me from the grave. I can hear him laughing. Oh God!’
‘Oh, Sarah, lass. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault, Aunt Hattie. I’d not expect any less of you. No one knows more than you how the girl feels. And none of it’s her fault, either. It’s just that I feel like Billy’s won. With one last thing he saved to hit me with, and I can’t do anything about it.’
‘Try not to think of it like that, Sarah. Billy couldn’t have known about Patsy. Rita told her it were rape, so Theresa didn’t have any choice in it.’
‘I don’t believe that. I – I saw something between them at me own wedding. I didn’t register it then, but it’s very clear now. There were always rumours about Theresa; things you’d not think on as true. But why, when Patsy came back to confront him, did it tip Terence Crompton over to suicide? I would never think of him as a man who would take his own life. He had everything: wealth, power, a lovely family. He must have thought Patsy’s appearance would mean his past would come and smack him in the face and ruin what he’d got. Especially as it was Rita who’d set it all up. It all makes you think Crompton were behind the fire.’
‘Aye, it seems likely. But like you said, though it hurts and is a lot for you to take on, none of it is Patsy’s fault. It seems Rita used her. Oh, Patsy admits she wanted some revenge for her family having given her away, but I can understand that. Me own thoughts have gone down that line many a time towards me own, who did it to me, and it’s the reason I never sought them out. Rejection hurts. The only thing I hang onto is how Bridget said as me mam wanted me. Patsy ain’t even got that, but once she realized the extent of everything and what happened as a result, she’s been almost inconsolable.’
‘But what if Harriet rejects her? What then?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll have to find a way round everything, as I can’t just say, “Well, that’s it, lass, sling your hook.” I’m going to have to keep Patsy in me life and take care of her. After all, she’s Megan’s granddaughter, and that makes her bound to me as if she were me own. I’m sorry, lass. I hope you understand that.’
‘Of course I do. And I wouldn’t have it any different. It’s what makes you the person you are: someone who is loyal and loving and . . . Eeh, Aunt Hattie.’
‘I know, lass. And I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have had owt disturb the happiness and peace of mind you’ve found. Talk it over with Bridget – see how she feels. Patsy is her great-granddaughter, thou knows.’
‘Oh God, of course. It just gets worse.’
‘It needn’t. Give yourself a little time. I know you, Sarah. I know as you’ll come to terms with it all. Richard’ll help you. Patsy’s willing to give you time. She understands.’
Understands? How could anyone understand? Sarah couldn’t even understand her own feelings. Billy was nothing to her now; nothing but a vile memory and a source of pain whenever she thought of him. But this – it was like being asked to accept something from him back into her life. She’d never thought of Harriet as a part of Billy. Richard had helped with that – he’d been Harriet’s father right from her being in her womb, and he’d sealed that the moment she was born. But this made her face that relationship for what it really was, and she’d never done that before. It made her think differently about who Harriet was, and she didn’t want that. Oh God, she didn’t want that!
‘What is it, lass? I don’t want to intrude, but I can see that phone call has upset you.’
‘Oh, Bridget, it has. It was Hattie. And I don’t know what all she has told me will do to you – and more so, to me little Harriet. And her just starting out on her new life an’ all.’
‘Me and Harriet? What’s happened? What can affect us?’
‘Eeh, Bridget.’
Bridget was quiet for what seemed like an age, after Sarah told her all that Hattie had revealed. Emotions of all kinds washed over Sarah while she waited: hate, pity and love. Love for this woman who’d been through so much as a young girl, and for all them years when Bridget couldn’t find her child; then having to face the brutal murder of that child by her own grandson; and the loss of her soulmate, with Edward dying; and now this. For this Patsy didn’t represent to them what she did to Hattie. It was easy for Hattie to see the girl from the perspective of her not being wanted by her family and having been brought up by nuns; but to them it was as if Patsy was bringing all the evil back into their lives.
‘I don’t know how we’re going to do it, Sarah, but somehow we’ve to be bigger than this. We’ve to beat the evil by not letting it win. If I reject my great-granddaughter, I’ll be no better than him as gave her life. Hattie’s right. None of this is Patsy’s fault; and, like Harriet, she came from me daughter. Me lovely Megan was her grandmother. So she’ll have her goodness in her. Oh, I know Billy’s strongly in the equation, but well . . .’
‘I know. We have to remember that Billy was mentally unstable. Others can look at what he did and analyse it and come up with reasons. Maybe that’s what we have to do. If we’re ever to get any real and lasting peace, we have to think of Billy’s evil self as being something he couldn’t control, and that was the side of him that did all the terrible things.’
‘He was possessed. But Harriet isn’t, and from what you tell me Hattie has said about Patsy, she isn’t, either. Her understanding and feeling no bitterness towards us shows that. Her willingness to give us time shows it. And her shock and horror at what her phone call to Terence Crompton caused shows it.’
‘Are you wanting to have her in your life, Bridget? Are you saying we should let her be in Harriet’s?’
‘Aye, I am. Of course Harriet has to make her own mind up, but at the end of the day I’ve been given a gift. A great-granddaughter – and if she’s anything like me first, who they say she looks like, then she’ll enrich my life.’
‘Then I can do it an’ all. Given a little time, I can.’
‘When will you tell Harriet?’
‘I don’t know. I think I’ll leave it until after her holiday. She’s so looking forward to it. Me dad’s told her such a lot about Switzerland and the beauty of the journey there, since Harriet told him that her friend’s family had invited her. And I think relating what he saw when he went there with Megan, to forgive that Laura Harvey, has helped him to quiet some of the guilt he held over all that happened.’
‘Aye, Jack seems a lot better these days. I was talking to him for ages on the phone the other day. And though it hurt when he married Dorothy, I realize she has done wonders for him.’
‘You didn’t say owt about it hurting you, and you certainly didn’t show it. It hurt me a bit an’ all. It were like he’d shoved me mam even further back when he took a third wife, but I came to understand. He’s one of them men as can’t be on his own. He’ll always need a woman by him. Someone of his own, who he can lean on and have love him. Like you – and us all – he’s been through a lot.’
‘I know. And I now know the loneliness you can feel, even with everyone around you, after you lose that special someone – the one you can share anything and everything with.’
‘I can only imagine. Look, I’ll make us a pot of tea and then we’ll chat some more. Try to come to terms with a few things, because we’ll need to, before we share it with the others.’
‘I’d like to go up and meet the girl while Harriet is away.’
‘Oh? Well, if you must. I think I’ll wait till I see if Harriet is of a mind to, before I do. I don’t want to make me mind up about her, one way or the other, until then.’
‘I’ll ring Hattie and see if I can come and stay. It’ll get me from under your feet while you get everything ready for the move. There’s only three weeks to go now. I’ve packed everything I’m not using, and I will take what I can to Hattie’s with me.’
As Sarah went through to the kitchen, she marvelled at how Bridget had taken it all and at her eagerness to embrace this new blot on their lives. Because that’s what Patsy was: a blot. Something she’d hoped wouldn’t happen to them again. Something that had thrown a shadow over their happiness. At this moment she couldn’t see a time when she’d accept the lass. A bastard of Billy’s? No, that was the last thing she needed in her life.