Harriet
Joining the Threads
Harriet stared, her eyes wide with shock. ‘A – a sister! How do you know she’s telling the truth? She could be anybody. I – I mean—’
‘Like I say, Aunt Hattie said Patsy is your double. She thought it was you, and even after the girl put her right, she couldn’t believe her eyes. And besides that, your dad were seen with the woman who gave birth to Patsy. He were caught in the act.’
‘I can’t take it in. Do you think that was the reason my dad killed himself?’
Sarah couldn’t answer. They’d told Harriet that Billy had taken his own life, and suspected she’d guessed there was more. With each passing year she’d asked more questions. Questions like ‘So, me granny died of shock on the same day?’ and ‘They couldn’t be buried together because taking your own life means you’re a sinner and can’t be buried in consecrated ground?’ And on and on. Perhaps now was the time to tell her the truth.
Looking over at Richard, Sarah saw him nod. He understood and agreed. When he spoke, he gave her a lead. ‘Harriet, darling, we haven’t told you the whole story. We wanted to protect you. Now you are grown-up, it is right that we should tell you exactly what happened.’
‘You mean there’s more? I have a sister I didn’t know existed, and now there’s more to learn?’
‘Yes, dear, there is.’
Sarah took a deep breath. She had to do this without bitterness and hate, but with compassion – compassion for her beloved daughter and in memory of Megan, because Megan deserved no less of her. She’d loved her son despite everything, and to taint his memory would be to taint hers.
‘Your dad were two people. One were like you and his mam and Granny Bridget. Loving and kind, and everything you’d want and need in a dad. But he had an illness that split his personality . . .’
‘Schizophrenia. You will learn about it in your studies.’
Richard brought some normality to what they had to reveal by taking Harriet through what the medical profession knew of the illness. It wasn’t his field, but because of what Billy did to his mother, Richard’s beloved half-sister Megan, Richard had studied the condition in depth to help to give him some understanding. He’d tried to talk about it to Sarah over the years, but she’d preferred just to close her mind. Now she was forced to listen.
‘. . . and so, given this, Billy – your father – had no control over what this other half of him did. It took him over. And what we haven’t told you, dear, is that this other half: it – it murdered your granny.’
‘What?’
Sarah registered the shock and pain in Harriet as if it were a knife sticking into her own gut. Rushing towards her child, she held her, stroking her and sobbing her own tears alongside Harriet’s. ‘I’m sorry, me little lass, I’m sorry.’
‘It – it’s not your fault, Mam. It must have been awful for you. Well, for all of you. I just feel strange, like I’ve suddenly become someone else.’
‘No, you haven’t. Harriet, you are my child.’ Richard had stepped forward and taken Harriet and now held her to him. ‘You’re not Billy’s, and never have been. I was with you from the very beginning. I talked to you whilst you were in your mother’s womb, and I loved you right from then. You are not changed by any of this.’
‘I am more you, aren’t I, Dad? That’s right, isn’t it?’
‘It is, my darling.’
Sarah watched. She couldn’t speak. Harriet and Richard. Harriet and her father – for that’s what Richard was: her father.
‘You are me. Just as much as, if not more than, the boys are, because we have something even stronger than blood ties. We have a love that stretches all of your eighteen years and the bit before you made your appearance. That doesn’t change, does it? And look how the boys are not remotely interested in medicine, and yet you have a passion for it. That comes from me, and from my father.’
They clung together to the exclusion of all else – even her, Sarah thought as she stood still, not interfering. But then at this moment she’d have it no different; they needed to cement their bond once more, to overcome what could have created a schism in their love for one another.
After a moment Richard asked, ‘Harriet, do you think you can look on Patsy in the same way? Not as an intrusion into your world, but as an addition to it? I think if you can, and she’s as nice as your Aunt Hattie says, then knowing her and having her as your own will enrich your life.’
‘I hadn’t thought of it like that, Dad. I hadn’t thought of how she’ll add to my life, but she will, won’t she? A sister. Aye, as Mam would say, that’d be grand as owt.’
Their laughter penetrated the shield that Sarah had thrown up around herself from the moment she’d heard of Patsy’s existence. It shook her pain and splintered it into tiny fragments that she found she could deal with. Her own laughter started as a smile, then spread through her body, and suddenly she could think on this Patsy not as a threat, but as someone they should welcome as Harriet’s sister, Bridget’s great-granddaughter, Megan’s granddaughter and Richard’s great-niece. And, as such, the lass must be a nice person. She couldn’t fail to be, with all that goodness flowing through her veins. And, she had to admit, after listening to Richard’s explanation of Billy’s illness, for the first time in a long while a little understanding of Billy entered her. It broke down the ball of hate that had clogged a part of her mind and heart, freeing her of the shackles of the past.
When she went over to them both, it was as if they read all of this in her, as Richard said, ‘You’ll be all right now, Sarah. Everything will be all right.’ And Harriet squeezed her and said, ‘I understand now, Mam. I understand.’