No. Responding to a man’s text message makes it too easy for him to reach you. It denies him the opportunity to plan what to say on the phone, and denies you the pleasure of hearing that delicious nervousness in his voice as he asks you out. Hard-to-get girls know that moment of uncomfortable silence will be followed by the sound of him clearing his throat and that soon he will ask for a date.
You might think texting is great—and you’re right, under certain circumstances. It puts you more in touch with others, it’s convenient when you can’t actually make a phone call, and it gives you time to think before you respond. Yet texting does not work so well in the realm of romance, especially for women who follow The Rules and play hard-to-get.
Men have a tendency to treat women very casually when their texts are promptly returned. Once a man knows he can text anytime and get a response, he will lose interest because there is no challenge. You don’t want to make it too easy for him to reach you. If he has to struggle a bit, all the better—he’ll perceive you as the woman he had to work hard to win over.
Many women are acutely insulted, especially in the early stages of dating, when a man texts instead of calls. Yet, they continue to text back. Deep down they worry that if they don’t, he will lose interest and drop off the radar. They don’t want to miss the opportunity and doubt their value. Simply put, they are terrified of being alone.
Does not responding to his text make a man call you? Maybe and maybe not. If he really likes you, you won’t be able to keep him away—he will call. If he doesn’t like you or is seeing someone else, it’s neither here nor there whether you respond to his texts.
If you don’t respond, the benefits are twofold: he either calls, letting you know he is interested, or he doesn’t, and you know he was never that into you in the first place. Then you’re free to move on to another man . . . one who must have you.
You might prefer texting to phone calls because you are nervous about what to say, but that’s not your problem. He’s the one who should be thinking of witty, funny, and interesting conversation. Before he calls, he should be crafting his speech and wondering whether the joke he just workshopped on his friends will make you laugh. You’re simply along for the ride.
If the conversation dies, that’s fine; don’t try to say something funny or entertaining to fill in the silence. Give him time to think about what he wants to do on your next date or imagine the house you might have after you are married. Yes, men think like this too, if you’re not always talking!
1. Mr. Handsome texts about dinner plans. You:
a) Return his text the next day to confirm plans.
b) Don’t return his text. Hopefully, he’ll call.
c) Answer his text within an hour. If you don’t, he might ask someone else.
d) Text after you get off work.
e) Call and let him know that you don’t text—you’d rather talk.
2. Texting:
a) Is convenient for those times when you cannot call a friend.
b) Gives you time to think about your response.
c) Doesn’t work well in romance.
d) Can make a man treat you casually and lose interest.
e) All of the above.
3. When a man calls, you:
a) Don’t worry about what to say because that’s his job.
b) Let the conversation wane if it’s supposed to. He’ll pick it up for you.
c) A & B
d) Make jokes—no one likes a boring girl!
e) None of the above.
Answers: 1) B; 2) E; 3) C
1. Have you encountered dating scenarios in which texting didn’t work well? Have you ever felt like you were being treated casually when he texted instead of called?
2. Write down your fears about not texting men anymore. How does this chapter address them?
3. Has a man who you didn’t like called after you didn’t respond to his text? Does it seem reasonable that a man you like would respond the same way?