Considering herself romantic and old-fashioned, Reese refused to buy a cell phone. She told the man she had been seeing for several weeks, James, that she didn’t need one. Her inaccessibility forced him to actually pick up the phone and call her at home or at work to ask her out. An experienced Rules Girl, Reese found the nervousness in his voice before he asked to see her on Saturday nights very endearing.
Reese prided herself on waiting until he’d ask for Saturday and savored the few seconds of quiet before she responded, “Sure, Saturday sounds fun!” Once she closed the deal, Reese would follow The Rules and end the call shortly afterwards with, “I have a lot to do.” She would giggle at one of James’ jokes before hanging up. They anticipated their dates happily. She considered it the beginning of a true courtship.
As a birthday gift, Reese’s parents gave her an iPhone with an unlimited text plan. It was chic and sleek. She found herself intrigued with the new technology. When she told James about it, he enthusiastically replied, “Nice, now I can text you!” She thought nothing of it and agreed.
Immediately thereafter, James started texting her cute “I miss you” messages. Reese was in heaven, loving the instant communication and knowing she was on his mind. She would wait a couple of hours, following The Rules, then respond briefly.
Wednesday was the night that James usually called to ask her out for Saturday. This time, though, her phone beeped with a text from him saying, “Hi Reese!” Reese wondered why he was not calling, but kept her cool and responded two hours later with “Hi!” He immediately responded, “How was your day?” She waited another hour and responded, “Great!” thinking that he would certainly get to the point and ask her out in his next text. Instead, he responded with, “What’re you up to? Are you busy?”
By this time, it was 10 p.m.; Reese was ready for bed and didn’t want to wait another hour before responding to James’ text. Noticing that she had responded to texts with no date to show for it, she wondered how many more texts she would have to endure before he asked her out. She was confused and thought, “Why isn’t James calling? Doesn’t he want to hear my voice? Isn’t he wondering when he will see me?”
The next day, Thursday, James called and asked her out for Saturday night. Reese followed The Rules and turned him down for the date since it was too late in the week to say yes. They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long and she didn’t want to become his last-minute date. She declined, saying, ”Oh, I’m sorry, I already have plans.” James’ reply was awkward. “Oh…ok.” He ended the phone call first, wishing her a nice weekend.
Reese hung up feeling awful, but knew better than to go back on her decision. She decided to make plans with her girlfriends. James continued texting her throughout the weekend, even writing “I miss you” on Saturday night. Reese was tempted to respond, thinking he was probably lonely. Yet she held her ground and her silence.
By now, Reese had vowed to never respond to another text. Everything had been moving along just fine with James before they started texting. She reasoned that the cell phone was not causing their disconnect; it was the texting that was too casual. She resolved to await his phone call and tell James that she had no idea why she wasn’t receiving his texts.
Because she had been playing hard-to-get for several days now, James called Sunday night. Reese knew better than to act annoyed, lest he find her crazy. He didn’t know that texting wasn’t working out for Reese. In his mind, he was just calling. She couldn’t start a fight over something so small. After all, he had tried to make plans for the weekend before, but texting had caused the hiccup. Reese answered the phone as cheerfully as she always did.
After a minute or two of small talk, James asked, “I’ve tried texting you, why haven’t you responded?”
Reese gasped and said, “That is so strange! My friend tried texting me too, and I didn’t get it. There must be something wrong with my iPhone.”
James replied, “Really? It’s a brand new phone!”
She laughed lightly. “I have no idea about these things.”
“Are you going to call and find out what is wrong?”
Reese reassured him that she would. James said, “Okay, good. So when am I going to see you?” This time, he asked her for plans that Saturday—over the phone, not by text.
For the next couple of weeks, he would ask if she’d fixed her phone yet. Reese would exclaim that she had completely forgotten and thank him for reminding her. She went through a whole list of excuses; that she was terribly busy and hadn’t had a chance, that she would take it to the Apple store the next day. He kept insisting that she fix it, and she kept putting him off.
James thought it was strange that her brand-new iPhone could not receive texts, and because she was so mysterious and hard-to-get, wanted to demonstrate his care for her. During their weekday date, James asked for her phone, announcing that he was going to call her phone company and get it taken care of right then. “I really miss texting you!” he said.
Reese looked at him and sweetly said, “That is so nice of you. But I don’t even miss it, so I doubt I would use it. Everyone calls me and I enjoy talking to them.”
James pushed a bit more. “Even if I texted you, you wouldn’t use it?” She smiled again. “I didn’t really like it. It chipped my nail polish.”
James laughed and said, “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll just have to call you when I want to hear your sweet voice. I would rather keep your nails beautiful, anyway.” Reese smiled.
Needless to say, this was the last time that James asked about her texting capabilities. Occasionally he would make a comment about how he missed texting her, but for the most part, he let the subject go. For her part, Reese never mentioned texting again, fearing the resurrection of an uncomfortable conversation. James always called to ask for dates after that.
Reese’s approach to the texting problem will work with some men and end the conversation for good. Others, though, will keep pushing. If your man falls into the latter category, don’t be annoyed with his persistence; he is crazy about you! Men look for any excuse to call the hard-to-get girl . . . when he is in love with you, don’t be surprised if he looks for little ways to take care of you.
When Reese declined to return James’ texts, it gave him the opportunity to pursue her. He couldn’t let the subject go—it just made him want to text her more. By giving him less access to her, James pushed for more. Had she responded to him text for text, the whole conversation never would have occurred. She maintained levity and composure as he struggled to come to terms with her boundaries. When he finally tried to corner her into calling the phone company, she held her ground with a smile.
If you have already begun texting with a man and want to put an end to it, don’t tip your hand. He has no way of knowing—unless you tell him—that you are disappointed that it changed the way you used to communicate with him. The last thing you want is to make him feel pressured to call you for dates, and you don’t need to argue with him about your decision. Tell him as little as you can; give him light answers, make up as many excuses as you need to. The keypad is too sensitive, you don’t like squinting at a screen, you can’t stand creative spelling, and so on—tell him anything you can think of. But, don’t let on that you have an agenda. If he accepts your reticence and drops the subject, do not explain yourself any further.
1. You want to stop texting Mr. Handsome. Which of the following are good excuses?
a) “I didn’t know my text wasn’t working. My friend texted too, and I didn’t get it!”
b) “I’ve been meaning to get my text feature fixed, but I’ve just been too busy.”
c) “I don’t like texting, and I wouldn’t use it even if I had it.”
d) “I wanted to stop texting because our relationship was becoming too casual.”
e) A, B, & C
2. Mr. Handsome is frustrated that he can’t text you anymore. He’s asking you to start texting again. This means:
a) You should go back to texting him. You don’t want to seem too obvious.
b) He likes you! Otherwise, he wouldn’t worry about why he can’t reach you.
c) He’s going to stop contacting you if he can’t text you.
d) Act like you fixed your text and let him know he can start texting again.
e) None of the above.
3. Mr. Handsome finally calls after you stopped texting. You’re disappointed that it took him so long. You:
a) Let the call go to voicemail. He took a while to call, so don’t answer right away.
b) Pick up the phone and sound like something’s wrong. Hopefully he’ll hear the irritation in your voice and ask if everything’s okay.
c) Sound like you’re happy and busy. He doesn’t know you’re playing hard-to-get, so there’s no need to pick a fight.
d) Tell him you’re upset that he didn’t call sooner. You’ve been in bad relationships and must know what his intentions are.
e) Take the call, but tell him you’re busy; see if he calls again.
Answers: 1) E; 2) B; 3) C
1. What other excuses can you make up about why you aren’t receiving his texts? About why you’re no longer texting?
2. List the benefits of no longer texting with a man. Refer to this list whenever you feel unsure of your decision and want to go back to texting.
3. Track the results of what happens when you stop texting. Are men treating you better?