Because texting is such a casual means of communicating, it can lead you to say and do things that are better left unsaid. Sending suggestive pictures or texts, or “sexting,” gives a man the wrong impression about you. Sexting is an intimate exchange that has almost no place in a single woman’s life. Moreover, sexting strips the hard-to-get girl of her carefully constructed mystery. He will no longer see you as a Creature Unlike Any Other (CUAO).
Once you demonstrate that you are willing to sext with a man, he will come to expect them, and no longer treat you with reverence. Bad patterns are difficult to change and you may find yourself in an awkward and embarrassing position. Make no mistake, this is not a territory that you want to explore. Besides, the hard-to-get girl is far too busy to sext.
It’s better for him to find you a bit uptight than be the woman he leaves for someone who doesn’t sext. It doesn’t set the stage for a long-term relationship or marriage. The only conceivable exception is for married people, but if you’re too embarrassed to show your grandchildren your texts someday, you shouldn’t send them.
Sexting can start off rather accidentally. On her way to work one morning, Tracy was feeling really cute and wanted her boyfriend, Patrick, to see her outfit. She trusted him, and they had just recently slept together for the first time, so she thought it would be fun to send him a picture of herself. She snapped a quick photo and texted him with a message that said, “Good morning.”
Patrick responded a few minutes later. “Good morning, you look great, cute sweater!” Tracy responded immediately, “Thanks, you should see the pencil skirt I’m wearing.” Patrick wrote, “Send me a pic.”
She snapped another photo and sent it, then decided to up the game a little and snapped a photo of the lace on her panties and sent that as well. Patrick wrote back, “Wow, you made my day! I will be thinking of being in between your legs while I’m at work!”
Tracy read his message and paused for a second. She liked the thought of Patrick thinking about her at work, but maybe not that he would be thinking about sex all day. Tracy shrugged it off and responded, “Have a nice day!”
He responded, “You too, feel free to send me more pictures, with and without panties!” with a winking emoticon. Tracy didn’t respond. She began to regret that she’d started this game.
That night around 10 p.m., Tracy’s phone beeped with a text from Patrick. His message read, “I thought about the lace on your panties all day today.”
She was disappointed his text wasn’t something sweet, like “I miss you,” but decided not to make an issue out of it. She responded ten minutes later with, “Did you? Well, that’s good!”
Patrick responded, “Do you have any more pictures? You’re so beautiful, send me whatever you want.”
Tracy was aching for Patrick pretty badly and decided that she was being too uptight. She took a photo of herself in the mirror, topless in a cute pair of boyshorts. She sent it to him and said goodnight.
Ten minutes later, her phone beeped with a text from her friend Josh, who had introduced her to Patrick. To her dismay, her topless jammies photo was attached. Tracy was mortified; Patrick had forwarded it to Josh. They were probably laughing about it right now. She fired off an angry text to Patrick.
“You’re an @s$#ole! How could you have sent that picture to Josh?” Patrick responded, “Relax, it was an accident.”
Tracy was hurt that he wasn’t apologetic, and now her friend had seen her half-naked. She knew her relationship with Patrick was over and that she could never see him again.
You might think that Patrick was a jerk for sending the photo to his friend; it definitely wasn’t a gentlemanly or respectful thing to do. The lesson here, though, is that when you sext, you run the risk of being treated badly. This same man might be on his best behavior with the next woman he meets, who is careful to play hard-to-get and would never dream of sending suggestive photos. All in all, keep your clothes on. Let him see you naked in bed after you’ve dated him for a few months.
1. All of the following are true about sexting except:
a) It breeds bad behavior in men.
b) You run the risk that he’ll forward the photos to his friends.
c) Intimacy is developed more quickly if you’re comfortable enough to send sexually explicit messages.
d) Bad patterns start if you let a man know that you’re willing to sext.
e) The opportunity for a long-term relationship and marriage can be destroyed.
2. The man you’re seeing is pressuring you to sext. You:
a) Ignore his requests and start seeing someone else if he doesn’t stop.
b) Say that you’ll do it only if he promises not to “show and tell” anyone.
c) Take a few pictures and send them to him. How else will you stay on his mind?
d) Tell him that is something he must earn further into the relationship.
e) None of the above.
3. Your girlfriends sext and are in successful relationships. You:
a) Jump aboard the bandwagon. It’s trendy, so why be uptight?
b) Hold your ground. You’re playing for keeps with your guy.
c) Lecture your girlfriends on how they should behave with their boyfriends.
d) Wait a few months and see whether their relationships last. If they do, you’ll start sexting with your guy.
e) None of the above.
Answer: 1) C; 2) A; 3) B
1. Have you ever sexted with a man? What were the results?
2. Are there occasions when you’ve wanted to sext? What held you back?
3. Do your girlfriends sext? What were their experiences with men after they started?