This is the most controversial and popular question about texting. Most women despise being asked out via text message. They perceive it as an insulting and incredibly lazy approach to dating.
If Mr. Handsome knows that you’re in the habit of texting, though, then it is appropriate to accept the date. In fact, it’s the best text you can get from a man—he’s asking you out! Because it’s of paramount importance to maintain consistent standards in your relationship, it’s not fair of you to ignore a text asking for a date, but then respond to another. If you demonstrate to him that texting is a means of communicating with you, don’t change the script when your emotions shift.
Hold off on returning that text, though. You need to put some guidelines in place. If you’re going to text and accept dates, what “less is definitely more” guideline should be used? Does your response depend on how long you’ve been dating?
In a perfect scenario during the beginning stages of dating, a man will text you for a date with plenty of time before the weekend. The Rules recommend that you accept a request for a Saturday date no later than Wednesday. If Mr. Handsome texts on Monday, “Hi beautiful! Free Saturday?” you can respond twenty-four hours later with, “Sure, Saturday sounds great!”
A quick note about the Wednesday for Saturday Rule: If Mr. Handsome’s willing to make plans for every Saturday, make sure you’re available. You want to cultivate Saturday as the standing date night. If you work on Saturday evenings, change your schedule if at all possible. Tell your girlfriends and family that if he asks for the date, you’re busy; you can see them on Sundays or any other night during the week. Remember, you’re dating for a relationship and marriage: consistency is key.
If he texts on Wednesday to ask for Saturday, you don’t have to wait twenty-four hours to respond. If it’s early in the day, wait until you are off work to return his text. If he texts early in the evening, wait a few hours and then text, “Sure, Saturday sounds great!” If he missed the Wednesday deadline for Saturday, but contacts you over the weekend, wait until around ten a.m. on Monday morning to respond. This sounds strict, but you’re busy on the weekends and don’t have time to hang on every text that you receive.
If he asks for Saturday by Wednesday but you already have plans, wait twenty-four hours before you reply to his texted request with, “So sorry, really would have like to, but I already have plans.” Hopefully, he’ll ask for another day that works for you, but only agree to see him with two full days notice. Deliberately space your responses to his texts; remember, less is definitely more.
As a rule of thumb, do not exchange texts past nine p.m. He should be thinking of you early in the day. Letting him know that he can reach you at all hours of the night sets a bad pattern for last-minute texting. You’re too busy to text that late, anyway! You’re preparing for the next day of work, getting ready for bed, relaxing. Let him get used to texting at appropriate hours for dates.
1. Mr. Handsome texts on Wednesday and asks for Saturday, you can:
a) Respond 24 hours later. You’re a Rules girl. He can’t expect a same-day response.
b) Answer Wednesday with, “Sure, Saturday sounds great!” If it’s early in the day, wait until evening to respond. If it’s evening, respond no later than 9:00 p.m.
c) Don’t respond. If he was really into you, he’d call to ask for a date.
d) Text him, “Not sure, what did you have in mind?” Don’t commit to plans unless you know what you’re doing.
e) None of the above.
2. If he asked for Saturday by Wednesday and you aren’t available, you can:
a) See him on Friday if the date is scheduled at least two full days in advance.
b) Reply 24 hours later with, “So sorry, really would have liked to, already have plans.”
c) A & B
d) Don’t respond. If you can’t see him that weekend, there’s no need to text.
e) Text, “I have plans, but what’re we doing? I can move my plans.”
3. The Rules emphasize that a man must ask for Saturday night no later than Wednesday. Which of the following is true about this Rule?
a) If Mr. Handsome wants to see you every Saturday, be available.
b) You want him in the habit of seeing Saturdays as your standing date night.
c) Change your schedule if you work on Saturdays.
d) Tell your girlfriends and family that you’re busy. See them another night.
e) All of the above.
Answers: 1) B; 2) C; 3) E
1. Have you ever been asked out for a date over text? If so, has reading this chapter shaped how you’ll respond? Why or why not?
2. How do you respond when a man asks for Saturday? Are you typically available?
3. If he hasn’t asked for Saturday, which nights are you seeing him? Are you able to establish consistency?