Given the uncertainty about what’s really considered a date, it’s important to define the term. The Rules explains it very clearly: a date is when a man drives to you, takes you out for the evening, and pays for everything. It can include dinner, a movie, sporting event, concert, or a play. Activities that do not constitute a date are jogs, hikes, canoe trips, and other casual, friendly endeavors. Also, for the first three months, don’t drive to him.
If you’ve been seeing Mr. Handsome for a month and he asks you to drive to his house, don’t do it. Even if he’s driven to your house for every date and you’re feeling badly that he’s doing all of the work, this is not a date you should accept. As a general rule, limit your driving to him. Otherwise, he’ll know how much you like him and won’t see you as the hard-to-get girl anymore.
Once you start driving to meet him for dates, he might start asking you do to so all the time. Katy had been seeing Justin for about a month when he texted, “Great restaurant just opened near me. Want to drive out here and go?” Since Justin had borne the brunt of the driving responsibilities so far, Katy thought it was only fair that she go. She replied, “Yum, sure, sounds fun!”
The day they were supposed to meet, Justin texted Katy and said, “Let’s meet at the restaurant, probably faster.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond, but decided not to make an issue of it because she’d already agreed to drive. She wrote, “Sure.”
Five minutes later, Justin texted her with the address. At this point, Katy’s feelings were hurt. She was driving out there to meet him at a restaurant, and he was giving her the address without directions. She realized that driving out there would undo all of the pursuing Justin had already done. Katy couldn’t help but think he’d be less chivalrous and caring on their date because of it. She knew that a man would cancel on a woman in a heartbeat if he needed to, so she decided to take an extreme measure. She waited an hour and texted, “I’m so sorry, not feeling well, think I need to cancel tonight.”
Justin texted, “Oh no! Need anything?”
Katy answered, “So nice of you, but I should be alone since I’m sick.” Justin responded, “Ok . . . well, let me know if you change your mind.” Katy didn’t reply.
The next day, Justin actually called instead of texting. Katy answered and let him know that she was feeling “a bit better.” He told her that they would reschedule their plans. The next weekend, Justin texted to invite her to dinner at the restaurant near him. Katy knew better than to act frustrated; in Justin’s mind, there was no connection between Katy’s sudden illness and the thought of driving to the restaurant.
She waited a few hours and then responded, “So sorry, that won’t work for me. Not up for the drive.”
To her delight, Justin wrote back, “Ok, we’ll do the restaurant another time. Let’s do something close to you. I can make a reservation at your favorite Mexican restaurant.”
She replied a few hours later. “That sounds great!”
Katy didn’t let on that she was upset about his aloof manner before their last date. She’d had enough courage to cancel and risk any fallout. Katy knew that it was better to cancel a date than to drive out to Justin’s and risk not being treated as well in the future. Above all, the hard-to-get girl doesn’t ask, “Why aren’t you giving me directions? Why are we meeting at the restaurant? What changed? Is everything ok?”
The trick to regaining and sustaining a man’s interest is to take the necessary steps to repair the damage that’s been done. The less he knows about how rejected or disappointed you’re feeling, the better. There’s no need to go down this path with him; it never leads to anything good in the long term. It’s up to you to make sure that bad patterns aren’t created. Take note of which men are worth allowing into your life and, act accordingly.
Try not to drive to a man’s house until you’re dating exclusively, and even then, make it very rare. Driving to him demonstrates that you like him, and while this is safer after you’re exclusive, it’s still up to you to maintain the mystery and make him continue to pursue you. After all, you’re playing for a long-term relationship or a ring.
Throughout April and Dominic’s courtship, Dominic always drove, no matter where they went. April told him early on that she was afraid of freeways, and that she even took side streets to work. He was happy to take on the driving duties, telling her that he loved driving. One weekend, his parents were in town and he wanted April to meet them. He drove to her, forty-five minutes away, and brought her back to his house. He downloaded her favorite music onto his iPod for her and looked forward to a nice ride together.
When he has to have you, he will make excuses to take care of you. Dominic made the
car ride a bit of an event and worked to make it something that April would enjoy. Making a man put in some effort to see you will increase his appreciation for you that much more.
1. All of the following are considered acceptable dates during the first three months except:
a) A morning bike ride.
b) Dinner and a play.
c) Tickets to an evening concert in the park.
d) A picnic he has packed for an evening on the beach.
e) A movie and ice cream.
2. Mr. Handsome texts and wants you to drive to his house. You say no, because:
a) It isn’t considered a date if you’re the one driving.
b) He might not treat you nicely on the date if all he did was text and you drove to him.
c) You’ll tip your hand that you like him.
d) The hard-to-get mystique you have going for you could be damaged.
e) All of the above.
3. Mr. Handsome texts and asks you to drive to his house Saturday night to an art exhibit he wants you to see. You:
a) Don’t respond. He’ll text later and offer to drive to you.
b) Text back, “Sounds fun, but that won’t work for me. Not up for the drive.”
c) Tell him that you don’t drive to men.
d) A & C
e) None of the above.
Answers: 1) A; 2) E; 3) B
1. Reflect on your past dates. Did you accept any over text? Did you drive to him?
2. How are your dates typically arranged? How frequently do you drive to see men, if at all?
3. Have you ever been in a situation in which he started asking you over text to drive, and continued asking you out?