Since less is definitely more, responding to a voicemail with a text is a great idea. Yet, there are several exceptions. Is he asking for a date? Is he confirming a reservation? Is he asking you to call him to discuss plans? Is there even a real need to return his call—is he just calling to chat?
In the perfect scenario, a man will leave a voicemail message and ask you for plans. He’ll say something like, “Hi, I wanted to see what you’re doing Saturday. I have tickets to a play and want to have dinner beforehand at a great restaurant near there. I was thinking around six, the play starts at eight. Call me back and let me know if this sounds good.”
Because he called and asked you out, you could return his call with a text. If he leaves this message on a Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday before you are exclusive, you can text twenty- four hours later with, “Hi there! Sure, a play and dinner sound great!”
Text as little as possible when you confirm your date. Don’t embellish, “Oh, that sounds lovely!” You are the hard-to-get girl—men ask you for dates like this all the time. You’re busy and don’t have time to write sweet words about how much he’s going out of his way for you. Don’t compliment his forethought; it’ll make him think that men don’t usually treat you this well. Let him think this is commonplace.
If he leaves this message on Wednesday during the day, you can respond after work. If he contacts you in the evening, you can text him back an hour or so later. If he misses the nine p.m. deadline on Wednesday, then he won’t see you that weekend. Respond twenty-four hours later, texting, ”So sorry, really would have liked to, already have plans.” Hopefully, he’ll know for next week that he needs to get on your calendar earlier. Don’t exchange any texts between four p.m. on Friday and ten a.m. on Monday.
Now for an imperfect scenario. Say you had a date with Mr. Handsome on Saturday and don’t hear from him again until he leaves a voicemail on Monday or Tuesday, saying, “Hey you, I just wanted to see what you are up to. I’ve been thinking about you, and hope you’re doing well. Give me a call when you have a chance.”
While it’s nice, a message like this warrants neither a return phone call nor a text. He made no mention of future plans and it sounds like an idle call to chat. Better to wait and see whether he calls or texts again when he doesn’t hear from you. This might sound strict. Again, though, you have to remember that you are setting the stage for a long-term relationship and marriage. He must understand that conversations with you will generally consist of making plans, not chatting as if he’s one of your girlfriends. If you make a habit of returning his voicemail when he didn’t ask for plans, then he’ll probably get used to making plans whenever he feels like it. The point of being the busy, hard-to-get girl is that when he finally reaches you, he’ll be so relieved that he immediately asks you out.
Mary and Chris had a Saturday night date. Chris called on Monday afternoon and left a nice message that unfortunately said nothing about their next date. Mary thought she’d still be playing hard-to-get if she texted instead of returning his call, so she texted him back on Tuesday after work, thinking that he would ask her out.
“Hi Chris!”
He immediately responded, “Hi! What’re you up to?” Mary waited an hour and said, “Just got off of work.” Chris asked, “So how was your day?”
Mary replied, “Great, but long.”
Chris said, “Yeah, me, too. I’m kicking back watching TV now.”
Mary sighed, disappointed that he didn’t ask her out. She answered, “Ok, well, got to run!”
Chris said, “Ok, nice to hear from you.” He didn’t ask, “When can I see you?”
Mary’s instinct was right when it came to texting instead of calling Chris. But had she waited until he contacted her for a date, she wouldn’t have had hurt feelings over a text exchange that netted nothing. Since she’d seen Chris on Saturday and he called on Monday, chances are he would have tried to reach her later in the week to make plans.
Sometimes a man won’t ask you out for a date because he thinks he can pick up the conversation with you at another time over text. Men don’t understand that women want them to get to the point and ask for a date when there isn’t one scheduled. It can take a long time to schedule a date over text. You don’t want him to think you’re easy to reach, so you shouldn’t respond to all of his calls or texts. As the hard-to-get girl, try to only respond when it’s something that will move your relationship forward.
1. Mr. Handsome calls on Monday night but doesn’t leave a message or text. You:
a) Send him a text saying, “Hey, saw you called. What’s up?”
b) Do nothing. He didn’t leave a message or text. Pretend he didn’t contact you.
c) Wait 24 hours and text, “Sorry I missed your call. Was really busy.”
d) Text him and ask, “Why didn’t you leave a message?”
e) None of the above.
2. You just started dating Mr. Handsome, who left a message on Tuesday asking you to call him back to plan for Saturday. You:
a) Wait 24 hours before texting. He wants to see you Saturday, so wait to confirm.
b) Respond with a text 24 hours later: “Sure, Saturday sounds great!”
c) A & B
d) Call him back because you don’t play games.
e) Text him the same day to make sure that he doesn’t make plans with someone else.
3. You texted Mr. Handsome after he left a message that didn’t ask for plans. After the text exchange, he still doesn’t ask. You:
a) Text, “Is everything okay?” Maybe he’s upset, and that’s why he didn’t ask.
b) Text him and ask for a date. Because he called, it’s fine to ask him out.
c) Text him and mention that there’s a new movie out that you want to see. You aren’t asking him out, only letting him know it’s safe to ask.
d) Text him and simply say, “I want to see you.”
e) Only respond to his next phone call or text if it’s about plans.
Answers: 1) B; 2) C; 3) E
1. Have you ever called a man back after he left a message that didn’t ask for plans? When you called, did he ask to see you?
2. When a man has asked you to call so that he can make plans to see you, and you took a while to respond, had he already made other plans? Or did he still want to see you?
3. Think about a time when you spent too much time texting with a man. Did you ever wish that you had held out for plans instead of texting?