What if a man texts to postpone a date without canceling? What exactly is a postponement? What’s the difference between postponing and canceling? Do you have any obligation to go if the new plan inconveniences you?
As long as he still wants to see you that same day, it’s a postponement and not a cancellation. This is true even if he asks to switch afternoon plans to the evening. It’s when he can’t make it that it becomes a problem.
Generally speaking, a postponement can be as simple as a man texting, “Hi, running late, it took longer to get ready than I thought,” or, “I’m still at work and will be an hour late. Instead of dinner, can we grab a quick drink? I’d still like to see you.” Both scenarios are acceptable postponements. You can text fifteen minutes later with, “Yes, later is fine!” or, “Sure, a drink sounds good!” Things happen with people’s schedules. Even the most punctual person runs into delays every now and then; you’d appreciate the benefit of the doubt if it were you.
If his tardiness interferes with your schedule, you may let him know very nicely that, unfortunately, you have other plans. Make sure you’re not canceling out of anger. There’s no harm in meeting him for a quick drink, even though it’s not the long dinner you’d hoped for. And if he does try to coax you into dinner, you’re certainly not obligated to stay, especially if you have something to do the next day. Tell him simply that you won’t have time and must get home—and be sweet when you say it!
Remember, you’re dating for long-term results. Don’t let an otherwise wonderful man be ruined by his own chronic tardiness—and by all means, don’t let on that it’s an issue with you. But if he keeps postponing your dates, you can make it more difficult for him to secure one. Be busy for a while. He’ll come around if he really wants you.
It may seem counterintuitive to decide not to talk to him about what bothers you, but it’s important to weigh the consequences of doing so. Chances are that a heavy conversation early on in your relationship about your expectations and disappointments isn’t going to get you what you want—an adoring, devoted boyfriend or husband. A bit of hard-to-get behavior, on the other hand, just might. Go about your life and see what he’ll do to get you.
1. All of the following are examples of a text postponement except:
a) “Hi, stuck in traffic, got to get gas. Not sure when I’ll be there, keep you posted.”
b) “Still at work. They just called another meeting and I have to go. Don’t wait, probably better to cancel.”
c) “Hi, running late, basketball game hasn’t ended yet. What’re you up to?”
d) “Can we switch our afternoon plans to tonight? Got nothing done. Wanted to sleep.”
e) “I’m not hungry for dinner, had a huge lunch. Can we just do drinks tonight?”
2. Mr. Handsome texted that he has to postpone, which inconveniences you. Your best response is:
a) “That won’t work for me. Wish you would’ve texted sooner. My schedule is just as important as yours.”
b) “Of course I understand, but I can’t meet you then because I have plans.”
c) “That’s fine, but I can’t do dinner tonight, early day tomorrow!”
d) B & C
e) None of the above.
3. Mr. Handsome has texted to postpone one too many dates for your liking. To get this back on track, you try everything except:
a) Chat with him about what you both can do to help him be on time. Maybe he just needs a watch.
b) Go on the date, but only stay for an hour.
c) Be too busy to see him for a week or so.
d) Tell him you’re so sorry, but you can’t make it.
e) If the behavior persists, flat-out ignore the postponement text one night.
Answers: 1) B; 2) D; 3) A
1. Write down some of the excuses you have heard men give to other women or to you about why they’re late. Which were postponements? Which were cancellations?
2. How have you reacted when a man postponed his plans with you? What happened?
3. Has there ever been a situation in which Mr. Handsome’s postponing problem got to be too much? How did you handle it? Is there anything you’d do differently?