You might realize when you get home one night that you forgot to thank him for a lovely evening. Because you’re nice, your first instinct will be to send him a quick text to show your gratitude. But hold on. Before you let your manicured fingers fly across your QWERTY keyboard, imagine that he already knows that you like him. After all, you giggled at his jokes and kissed him back pretty passionately. Maybe this is date five or six, and you’ve said yes every time he’s asked you out . . . on some level, he knows how you feel.
There’s nothing wrong with giggling at his jokes, passionate kissing, or saying yes to another date. Sooner or later, even the most hard-to-get girl will give off a vibe that she’s interested in dating a man. But texting to say “thank you” really shows your hand, which could make him a bit cocky.
Remember: hard-to-get girls are very charming in person, but can also be slightly rude. Who cares if you forget to say “thank you” sometimes? You’ve got good reason not to; you’re so used to being taken out by generous, kind men that it occasionally slips your mind. He doesn’t know that your omission was intentional. Let him wonder whether you were caught up in the ambience of the restaurant, the romance of the evening. You were sweet on the date; your lack of gratitude is a calculated move designed to draw him further in.
Of course, you’re careful to not actually be rude. You’re not allowed to notice aloud that his shoes don’t match his belt or that he talks with food in his mouth. You are, however, encouraged to be less than gushingly gracious. If you realize at the end of the night that you didn’t thank him, don’t panic and don’t text him. Just let it be.
Think about someone you’ve gone out with that you didn’t end up liking. You went to dinner with him, yawned into your napkin out of boredom, and acted a little cocky when the check came. With a man you don’t like, it’s easy to rationalize that you don’t need to pay for your meal because you feel like he’s lucky to be out with you at all. You leave without thanking him and are neither surprised nor excited when he asks for another date.
That poor guy on that awful date is now gold to you; use him as a representative sample of all men. It isn’t that men enjoy being treated badly. What was really going on was that you followed The Rules—that’s why it went so well.
For some women, not thanking someone for picking up the check is the epitome of rudeness. Most women have heard a man say, “I had a date with a woman, and when the check came, she didn’t say “thank you.” It’s the whole reason I never asked her out again.” Women hear stories like this and fear rejection, but they’re taking the wrong tack. When he has to have you, he won’t be deterred by this. He’ll feel lucky to have gotten you to go out with him; it won’t cross his mind that you should be grateful for his patronage.
If you must thank him, do so on the date while he’s signing the check. You may politely say thank you at that moment—and that moment only. If you text your thanks later, he’ll think you’re looking for an excuse to contact him. The hard-to-get girl would never do that. Give him a chance to call you!
1. Mr. Handsome took you out for dinner and to the theater. You realize afterwards that you forgot to thank him. You:
a) Text your thanks immediately. He put a lot of effort into the date. You don’t want to play hard-to-get this time.
b) Have no urge to text. You’ll remember to say it after the next date.
c) Text, “Thank you!” the next morning. You don’t want him to know you were thinking about the date after it ended.
d) Thank him after he texts to say that he had a nice time. Then it’s more natural.
e) None of the above.
2. You were raised to say please and thank you, but want to see whether leaving it out here and there works. You:
a) Try it out. He can’t prove you forgot to say thanks.
b) Remember that he’s always telling you how sweet you are. He’ll never suspect it was a calculated move.
c) Want him to think that many men desire you. So many, in fact, that you sometimes forget to thank all of them for taking you out.
d) All of the above.
e) None of the above.
3. Mr. Handsome took you out on a wonderful date. You tried following the advice in this chapter to not say thanks, but are regretting it. You:
a) Do nothing. You wish you’d thanked him, but realize it’s too late to text.
b) Will tell him next time you talk that you realized you didn’t thank him.
c) Text, “Thank you for dinner,” but that’s it.
d) Pretend your phone accidentally dialed him, and thank him when he picks up.
e) None of the above.
Answers: 1) B; 2) D; 3) A
1. If you’ve forgotten to say thank you on a date and contacted a man afterwards to say it, what was his reaction? Did he ever say, “Yes, I noticed you didn’t thank me”?
2. Are you able to see the value of not thanking a man all the time? If you’re having difficulty, ease into it and don’t say it for the little things.
3. Think of a date that you went on with a man that you didn’t like. Did you act as politely and sweetly as you could have? Did he still ask you out afterwards?