If he stops texting, then it’s over. Once a man’s finished, he never really comes back. If he does, it won’t be how you want. Somewhere along the way, you lost The It Girl Factor. You know you have The It Girl Factor when a man starts responding to your hard-to-get behavior by pursuing you relentlessly. All of a sudden, he must have you, can’t wait to take you out, calls you for no reason, and spends his days trying to figure out how to get through to you.
Linda was out with a girlfriend when she noticed Mr. Handsome staring at her from the bar. She met his gaze and he smiled. She looked away without smiling. In truth, she was shy and simply didn’t know what to do. A few minutes later, the waiter came over and placed a glass of wine on their table. Linda said, “I didn’t order that.”
The waiter replied, “The gentleman at the bar did.”
Linda looked over at the attractive man who’d been watching her. She smiled and raised her glass in thanks. Kim said, “He’s really cute! I’m going out to make a quick call. Let’s see if he talks to you.” Before she could protest, Linda was alone at the table.
Mr. Handsome approached and asked, “How do you like the wine?” Linda said, “It’s nice, thank you.”
Extending his hand, he said, “I’m Jonathan.” She took his hand gracefully. “Linda.”
“I assume your friend will be here in a bit, but I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to take you out for a drink sometime.”
Linda paused for a moment. Something about him was too smooth, too practiced; she suspected that he had approached many women before she came along. When she still hadn’t answered him after a long silence, he asked, “Is that okay?”
Linda waited a few more seconds before she replied, “Sure.”
He pulled out his cell phone. “What’s your number?” Linda gave it to him. “Are you free Monday night to meet me here, say around 7:30?”
Linda answered, “Monday works fine.”
Jonathan said, “I’ll text you on Sunday to confirm.”
True to his word, Jonathan texted Sunday night, “Hi Linda. It’s Jonathan. Just wanted to confirm tomorrow for 7:30.” Linda waited two hours before she responded, “Hi Jonathan—7:30 is fine!”
That Monday night, Linda met Jonathan at the restaurant. To her surprise, they had a lot in common and she enjoyed being with him. They had the same taste in movies and music. He made her laugh on several occasions. After an hour, Linda ended the date.
Jonathan didn’t miss a beat. “Dinner this weekend?”
Linda said, “Sure.”
Jonathan asked, “How’s Saturday?”
“Saturday’s fine.”
“Good, I’ll text you later this week to make plans.”
Linda smiled and replied, “Okay.”
Thursday night, Jonathan texted Linda to confirm their plans. On Saturday, he picked her up at her place and brought flowers. He paid for dinner, dropped her off, and planted a very sweet kiss on her cheek when they said goodnight. Linda was in heaven. Everything was going perfectly. Three more delightful dates followed, and Linda began to hope that Jonathan was The One. He seemed so into her, and Linda knew that if she kept her hard-to-get game going, she’d be fine.
The next Saturday night, Jonathan hit traffic as he drove from two hours away to see Linda. He was even later because he’d decided to wash his car to impress her, and the first two restaurants he’d tried to call were booked for the night; he had to settle for his third choice. When all was said and done, he arrived almost half an hour late to Linda’s apartment.
She was annoyed that she’d had to wait for him and didn’t smile when she climbed into his car. Every time Jonathan tried talking to her, she replied in monosyllables. Finally he asked, “Is something wrong?”
Linda said, “You could’ve texted to let me know you’d be late.”
Jonathan got very quiet. He was thinking, “you’ve got to be kidding me. She isn’t even my girlfriend. I just drove two hours to see her, got my car washed, and called three different places for reservations.” Instead he replied, “Sorry. I didn’t realize I was running so late.”
Linda said, “It’s okay.” They drove the rest of the way to the restaurant in silence.
The restaurant was crowded and they had to wait for a table. After standing in the bar for fifteen minutes, Linda started complaining. “My feet hurt. How much longer? I thought you made a reservation.”
Jonathan replied, “I did. Let me talk to the maitre d’.” Whatever he said to the host worked, and they were seated a few minutes later. When their appetizer arrived, he tried to lighten the mood. “How do you like it?”
Linda said, “It’s okay. Sort of cold.”
They spent the rest of the evening in awkward silence. Jonathan stopped trying to make conversation and started looking at his phone. He couldn’t wait to get away from her. On the ride home, Linda regretted having said anything, but it was too late. When they pulled up to her house, Jonathan opened her door, kissed her on the cheek, got in his car, and drove off.
Linda could have kicked herself. She called her girlfriend, Kim, who listened carefully and then asked, “So you were mad at Jonathan for being late even though he drove two hours to see you, picked you up, and took you out?”
Linda said, “Well, how hard would it have been for him to text that he was late?” Kim agreed that it would have been polite, but she wouldn’t have ruined an evening over it. Kim told her it was likely over with Jonathan.
Linda felt her world crashing down around her. She thought about texting him, but couldn’t bring herself to. She decided to wait a week and see whether he would text, but he didn’t. Sitting at home without a date the following Saturday night, Linda wondered how she could get him back.
The next morning, she decided to try to resurrect his interest. She texted, “Hi, Jonathan.” Two hours later, Jonathan responded, “What’s up, Linda?” Linda waited half an hour and wrote, “I wanted to say hello.” Jonathan responded an hour later, “Hey.” She thought it best to apologize: “I’m sorry about last Saturday.” Jonathan responded, “Why?” She wrote back right away, “Because I should’ve been nicer about you being late.” Jonathan wrote, “No worries, I have to run. Talk to you later.”
Linda thought she’d show some vulnerability and tried one last time. She wrote, “I’d like to see you.” Jonathan wrote back, “Cool, I’ll let you know when I’m free.”
Linda was mortified. She’d put herself out there and contacted him first, let him know she was sorry, that she wanted to see him, and still she had no date. It was over. The It Girl Factor was gone. She never heard from Jonathan again.
What’s so unfortunate about this scenario is that it was a perfect Rules beginning. Jonathan saw Linda from across the room and had to have her. He’d made a beeline towards her, asked for her number, and set up a date for drinks. Unwittingly, Linda had followed The Rules: she didn’t act overly interested when she saw him staring at her, acted cool when he asked her out, and she waited for him to initiate their dates.
Linda first started to lose The It Girl Factor when she told Jonathan he should have texted to say he was running late. Of course, it’s common courtesy to text or call with an ETA; Linda wasn’t crazy for being annoyed. But saying something about it to him was her undoing.
She sacrificed more of The It Girl Factor when she complained about having to stand and asked whether Jonathan had really made reservations. She may as well have accused him of lying. If her feet were hurting that badly, she could have said, “I’m going to go sit down for a moment. I wore these incredibly hot heels for tonight, but I want to find a seat.”
The kiss of death to The It Girl Factor was complaining about the food. She could have saved the evening if she acted as if she were enjoying their dinner. Jonathan put considerable time and energy into planning their date. Linda should have recognized this and been gracious. Jonathan was so disappointed with her behavior that she didn’t have a prayer of regaining his interest with a text. She would never again be an It Girl in his eyes.
If Linda and Jonathan had been dating for longer than a month, it would have been easier for her to say she was having a bad day. But she was starting a fight on the fourth date! Men, just like women, will mentally fast-forward to a long-term relationship and marriage and decide that you’re not for him if you pick little fights like this in the beginning. You may think it’s unfair that you can’t always voice your opinion, but the fact of the matter is that nagging a man will drive him away.
There are plenty of other ways to lose The It Girl Factor. Going through his things and checking his phone are surefire ways to kill his interest. Talking too much about your personal problems, leaning too heavily on him, going to him for emotional rescue—the It Girl girl doesn’t use her boyfriend for these matters. She is confident and independent. When she needs help, she goes to her family, girlfriends, or therapist. Anyone but her new man!
Women whose husbands are still chasing them after decades of marriage have kept The It Girl Factor alive and well. It’s an element that you can destroy at the outset of your relationship or keep alive ‘til death do you part. Follow The Rules: be light and breezy. Cherish The It Girl Factor when you have it. It’s something that you can take well into your marriage.
If The It Girl Factor is gone, though, don’t text or call him to try to regain his interest. This is tantamount to pursuing him which the hard-to-get girl simply doesn’t do under any circumstances. Attend singles dances, post a profile on an online dating site, and date other people. The Rules taught women that if he isn’t contacting you, he’s a NEXT!
1. You’re on a date with Mr. Handsome and aren’t feeling well. He admitted that he didn’t plan what you two were doing while on the date. You:
a) Sit down as much as possible throughout the night to take it easy.
b) Say nothing to Mr. Handsome about his lack of planning. You know how quickly The It Girl Factor can be ruined.
c) Text your girlfriend while you’re in the bathroom about how annoyed you are.
d) Graciously end the evening a bit early to avoid getting crabby with him.
e) All of the above.
2. All of the following will kill The It Girl Factor except:
a) Giving him space and doing your best never to fight or criticize.
b) Asking if it was another woman who just texted him.
c) Complaining endlessly about your problems.
d) Telling him about how awfully your exes have treated you.
e) Fighting about how little he’s doing for your dates.
3. You lost The It Girl Factor and want it back. The best thing you can do is:
a) Get busy and start seeing other people. Your confidence will be higher if and when he comes around.
b) Follow The Rules strictly and let him try to get you back. Abandoning The Rules would only worsen the situation.
c) A & B
d) Text to let him know you’re thinking about him. You messed up and want him to know that you’re still there.
e) Call to talk. Your girlfriend told you that texting won’t make it better, and you agree.
Answers: 1) E; 2) A; 3) C
1. Losing The It Girl Factor is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship with a man. Think about a time when you lost it. Were you able to get it back?
2. What contributed to you losing The It Girl Factor? Were there fights that you started that you now wish you hadn’t?
3. Analyze the most successful married couples you know. How do the wives act with their husbands? Write down what you like most and will emulate now or in your next relationship.