Jessica’s story is similar to Elizabeth’s. A recent divorcee and newly born hard-to-get girl, she was on a six-month dating hiatus. One of her single girlfriends wanted to attend a speed dating event on Saturday and asked Jessica to go as her wing chick. Initially, of course, Jessica declined. Everyone knows how difficult it is to get a woman in the doldrums out for an evening.
Her girlfriend persisted. “The men only talk to you for five minutes before moving on to the next woman. As Ellen and Sherrie say, your next date is not in your apartment. Come with me.” Jessica couldn’t say no to such a sweet friend, and besides, a quick dating event would not kill her; she started to get excited. By the time she headed out the door feeling great and looking hot, she hadn’t given a single thought to her ex-husband.
Jessica arrived at the swank lounge to find at least twenty men. Upon first glance, she found no one of interest. She felt wildly uncomfortable and told her friend that she was leaving. But as she said goodbye, the door opened and a man that she thought was incredibly handsome entered the lounge. Deciding that Mr. Handsome was worth staying for, Jessica found a place to sit and waited for the event to begin.
Since Jessica was recently versed in The Rules, she was not overly-talkative with the men who sat down in front of her. She simply smiled, waited for them to speak first, answered their questions, and giggled at their jokes. Because she was being coy, the men struggled more to talk to her. They had no idea that they were talking to a woman actively playing hard-to-get and simply typed her as “quiet.” So quiet, in fact, that one man asked if she was shy. Jessica paused and replied, “Maybe a little.” She knew that they couldn’t prove whether she was holding back a bit.
Mr. Handsome was getting closer. When he reached the table next to Jessica’s, she overheard the woman ask him, “Do you like jogging? I love jogging, we should go sometime. I work right by your office.”
Mr. Handsome responded, “My work schedule is kind of hectic.” Jessica breathed a sigh of relief. The last girl’s blunder would be an easy act to follow.
Finally Mr. Handsome sat down in front of her. He was even cuter up close. Still, his cuteness did not weaken her resolve to play hard-to-get. She assumed women asked him out a lot, and Jessica wanted to distinguish herself from the rest and not seem eager. Less is definitely more never hurts, and first impressions are always remembered.
He smiled at her. She smiled at him. After all of the opportunities to practice The Rules on the men who preceded him, it was easy for Jessica to wait for him to talk. He said, “Hi, I’m Jason, and you are . . . ?”
She replied, “Jessica.” And it went from there. She made sure to smile a lot and answer Jason’s questions mysteriously during the next five minutes. She just went along for the ride and didn’t put much effort into the conversation.
Jason found Jessica very different than the other women there whose behavior seemed desperate in comparison. He found himself really enjoying their conversation and thought Jessica was beautiful. The bell rang; time for him to move to the next table. Without missing a beat, he asked Jessica to have a drink after the event. Jessica waited a moment and then replied, “I really wish I could, but I have plans after this.” Truthfully, she had time, but wanted to appear exciting and busy. She also wanted to see whether he really liked her and what he would do next.
He said, “Oh, ok. That’s too bad. Well, can I have your number then?”
Jessica paused and smiled. “Sure, that would be fine!” Jason pulled out his phone, put her number into it, and said he would call next week. Jessica breezily replied, “Sounds good!” She acted as if men asked for her number all of the time. She did not tell him the best time to reach her or ask when he was going to call.
Jessica was thrilled! Letting Jason initiate and being rather quiet were successful and yielded such a quick result with an incredibly cute man. He was only sitting with her for five minutes before asking for her number! Not revealing too much to Jason made him want more of her, not less. For women who are new at playing hard-to-get, it feels strange not to try so hard with men. Their instinct is to let a man know when they are interested. But, for Rules girls, less is definitely more
There are two final notes to mention. The first is that in order to run, you must walk. Get out there and date if you are single. Show up at singles events looking drop-dead gorgeous. After all, men who attend them are interested in dating and looking for a girlfriend or a future wife.
The same goes for online dating. Second, one of the most brilliant parts about playing hard-to-get when you first meet a man is that he can’t prove that you’re acting or are up to anything. You will seem reserved. He will think that is just how you are.
Next time you meet a man, even if he’s not your Mr. Handsome, do what Jessica did. Don’t talk to him first, smile nicely, and wait for him to ask for your number. It works!
1. You’re standing at a bar and see Mr. Handsome. You:
a) Do nothing. Smile at the room. Hope you’re his type and that he’ll talk to you.
b) Start talking loudly with a friend to get his attention.
c) Make casual conversation with him about his cocktail.
d) Stare at him to let him know that you’re interested.
e) None of the above.
2. You’re dying to meet someone. To find men looking to date, you:
a) Go to bars anytime after 10 p.m. when men are out.
b) Attend singles events and start online dating.
c) You don’t need to look! When it’s your time to meet someone, he’ll be there.
d) All of the above.
e) None of the above.
3. What are some of the benefits of getting out there?
a) You increase your chances of meeting Mr. Handsome.
b) There are none. It’s better not to look desperate.
c) There’s opportunity to practice playing hard-to-get.
d) A & C
e) All of the above.
Answers: 1) A; 2) B; 3) D
1. Are there local single events for you to attend so you can meet someone?
2. What concerns do you have about playing hard-to-get? About going to singles events? Why do you have them?
3. Think of scenarios in which you played hard-to-get when you first met a man. Do they provide evidence that playing hard-to-get works?