ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
TO MY CHILDREN. Words are not enough. From the beginning, you have supported me and cheered me on throughout the writing of this book, each in your own way. You have risen so far above what I could ever have dreamed, considering my upbringing and all the ways I could have done better by you. That you don’t hold those things to my account is the greatest gift I will ever receive. David, Caleb, Jacob, Kristina, and Hannah, you are my most precious treasure and purest joy. You have my whole heart forever.
To my family —every one of you. We’ve suffered and lost way too much. The losses were unbearable for some, and we lost them, too. The weight of it all hangs too heavily on others. I am fully aware that many of you experienced unimaginably worse than anything you will read here.
Ramona, Faye, Kathleen, Celia, Hyrum, and Adine, I couldn’t have done this without you, nor would I have wanted to.
Celia, you taught me to love reading and learning before I started kindergarten, which helped me become who I am today. You’ve continued teaching me throughout the years. We’ve spent countless hours talking, in person and by phone, and it won’t ever be enough. I can’t imagine living life without you. I love it that we grew up together. I love it more that we made sure our children did too.
Madlin, you’ve been my best friend and the sister my heart chose for what feels like forever. We’ve been through it all in the three-plus decades we’ve shared. You and your family are precious to me. Praying with you and Mark until Joshua was born and then fasting from dessert all those months until Alexandra joined your family are my two favorite stories about us. I also love the legendary 9-1-1 stories, and we have a slew of them. The best is always yet to come.
Kelli, you were the wind beneath my wings even before chapter 31 had been written in this book. Yes, we were breaking the rules when we went to the movie theater to see Beaches. Your irrepressible and resilient spirit is what I love most about you.
To my high school (SBCGA) and “college” (I.I.) friends. You embraced the new girl and included me in all the shenanigans, which only got better as time went on. Your friendship changed my life forever.
Jessica Kirkland, you believed in my story from the first time we talked. You demonstrated that when, for our next call, you blocked off your entire morning so you could listen to me unravel the tangled tale front to back. I’m forever grateful.
Leslie Wilson, you took my first draft —the “dry bones” of my story —and breathed life into them. This was truly a collaborative effort. By the time we were finished, I felt like you knew and loved me and my family, just as if you had been born into it yourself, though I’m sure you are glad you weren’t. The tender way you shepherded me and held every story I told as sacred and worthy of being heard was mothering to my heart.
The Tyndale Momentum team. Sarah Atkinson, thank you for hearing my heart and allowing me to tell my story. Bonne Steffen, your guidance through the endless rounds of edits was steady and sure. Nicole Grimes, you nailed the cover. Sharon Leavitt, you made me feel like part of the Tyndale House family. Jillian Schlossberg, Katie Dodillet, Cassidy Gage, and Nancy Clausen, thank you for your enthusiastic partnership. Jan Long Harris, I have more books inside me. Here’s to more yeses.
Bob Hamp, your pastoral influence set me free to become the person I was created and redeemed to be. I think, live, lead, and learn differently because of you. You taught me how to hear God speak and then how to receive, internalize, and broadcast what He speaks to me. This book is my favorite broadcast so far. Knowing you’re proud of me is fathering to my heart.
Joy, my first counselor. I’m learning to “live in my skin” and can say it’s quite nice.
Tiffany, my current counselor. You had your work cut out for you the day I inadvertently ended up in your office. You walked some pretty rough terrain with me as I blazed new trails for my life.
The Dirty Dozen (My Covering). I was knee-deep in the soil of my heart in counseling when I pulled you all together and asked you to pray. I knew Tiffany meant business, and so did I —and things got messy fast. So much was being uprooted to make room for the beautiful and nourishing seeds that God wanted to plant. Then I started writing this book, and you have kept right on praying to this day.
Wendy Walters, this book-baby was growing inside me for decades when Release the Writer came along. Now look what you’ve unleashed! Some debts of the heart can never be repaid. This is one of them.
Mary DeMuth, I’ve read so many memoirs. Then I read Thin Places, and my heart healed in ways I didn’t expect. I knew that if I ever wrote my story, I’d want to have the same impact on my readers that you had on me. Your early input on the manuscript and (later) your endorsement mean the world to me. The little girl inside of me sees and acknowledges the little girl inside of you. A well-Fathered heart is my best prayer for you and for all those touched by our stories.
Ticcoa Leister, you came along at just the right time and extroverted your heart out. Thank you for helping me edit when I was Done with a capital D. About the epilogue, you heard my heart and then put words on paper that my heart had not yet spoken. I hope Sunshine and Jess forgive me for your newfound love of Texas.
#the4500, I can’t even. Can you believe all that’s happened since we met online in March 2015? I love you all more than the telling of it. I hope to meet every single one of you #IRL one day. So many women, from every walk of life, and every brand and flavor of crazy people who dared to believe that Jesus was who He said He was and decided to follow Him so they could become more like Him. You, heart friends, are a modern day Jesus-turning-water-into-wine miracle when the best wine was saved for last. I’d like to propose a toast: #the4500forLYFE.
Tracy Lynn Page, your hashtag-thieving ways began a new chapter in my life. I will never get tired of telling our epic story. I wrote that sentence sitting in your living room with you and Dobie.
My Launch Team —#the4500launches —where to start? You matched my boundless enthusiasm for book launching and cranked it up a few notches. I’m over the moon that you came alongside me. You embodied my favorite Jessie Kirkland quote: “Behold, the power of social media!”
The Olivia Newton-John album cover sleuths, those sentences survived the final edits! That was the most crowd-sourcing fun I’ve had on the Internet.
My very early readers: Celia Manila, Mary DeMuth, Anne Mateer, Wendy Walters, Carolyn Simmons, Stacey Giles, Tiffany Millen, Rachel Bruce, and Ticcoa Leister. Thank you for your invaluable feedback, suggestions, and edits.
To all the helpers, teachers, counselors, mentors, coaches, pastors, friends, influencers, authors, Bible study teachers, volunteers, and program facilitators that shaped my life. What you do matters for all eternity.
Ruth Wariner, thank you for replying to my Tweet, and then for trusting me to help launch your New York Times bestselling book, The Sound of Gravel. I felt like I was doing reparations for the atrocities my dad committed against your family. Mostly, thank you for opening your heart and life to an “Ervilite.” Four decades of fear and familial estrangement were undone when you messaged me back on Twitter that day.