Kathryn propped herself up on her pillow and stared at Jenny’s sleeping form. Moonlight suffused the room with an ethereal glow that lit the soft outline of Jenny’s profile. Kathryn eyed the gentle curve of her lashes, the classic slope of her nose, and her beautiful lips, parted in sleep. She had to be the most good-natured, tolerant person she’d ever met, but even saints have their limits, and Jenny had reached hers. Despite the jovial end to their evening, Jenny was bathed and on her way to bed with barely a word. Kathryn followed meekly behind, sensing she’d reversed field once too often.
Repeated questions about the silence brought on repeated assertions that she was just tired, but Kathryn knew there was more to it than that when Jenny gave her a platonic kiss goodnight and promised she’d be ready for round two in the morning. Kathryn felt terrible. She’d reduced her lover to a prizefighter and their love affair to a sparring match. She didn’t know enough about giving or letting go to make Jenny happy. She knew that about herself, but it never mattered before.
She briefly wished their affair were relegated to just sex, per Jenny’s original proposal, but it had never been just about sex for either of them. The memory of how it felt to make love, when all she’d known was meaningless sex, left her wanting more. Needing more. That need filled her heart, overwhelmed her senses, and displaced selfish thought until all she wanted to do was give. Why then, when Jenny was ready to offer the same, did she sabotage the opportunity?
A tear fell when she realized she was afraid. She feared the longing in her soul. It made her vulnerable, and she needed strength for what lay ahead. This love affair would end, sooner rather than later, and it would hurt both of them. Her pain she would absorb, but she didn’t want that for Jenny. She should stop this now while Jenny still had a way out. Maybe she’d found that way out tonight. Maybe she was done and her comment about round two in the morning was the final blow.
Kathryn ached to reach out and touch what she’d thrown away, but when she lifted her hand toward Jenny, she imagined her touch like that of a succubus, sucking the life and joy from her lover until nothing was left but eternal damnation. She returned her hand to her pillow and looked away, realizing it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She stared out the window at the moon, trapped behind the tangled limbs of the lone tree on her block. She likened it to her heart: aching to escape but unable to find its way clear of the mire. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t let Jenny go, but she couldn’t keep her either. Maybe Jenny would do the hard work for her and end things. She bit down on her raw emotions and let the silent tears fall.
Jenny felt a tear brush her shoulder. She looked up into Kathryn’s pained face and caught the next tear before it fell with a gentle hand to her cheek. “Oh, Kat. Is it so terribly hard for you?”
Kathryn swallowed and wiped the emotion from her face with an impatient hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” She rolled onto her back with an apathetic sniff and stared at the ceiling.
Jenny rolled toward her, placing a hand on her bare shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
She heard Kathryn swallow again before she spoke. “I wish I was better for you. Cleaner. Stronger.” She paused. “You deserve that. You deserve—”
“Kathryn—” Jenny sat up, realizing she couldn’t defeat Kathryn’s Pollyanna image of her as a naïve innocent needing protection from her deep, dark past. “This is madness. You can’t change your past, and I’m not asking you to. I accept you for who you are. I don’t know what the hell—” She stopped and exhaled, closing her eyes against her frustrated outburst.
“You asked me what was wrong,” Kathryn snapped, as she sat up and tried to throw off the sheets to escape.
Jenny stopped her retreat with a quick slide to Kathryn’s side of the bed and a firm hand on her shoulder. She sensed they were at a crossroads. They would move forward from here, or this would be the end. She didn’t want it to be the end, but something had to give. She moved in from behind and offered her apology in a tender embrace. Kathryn accepted it, albeit stiffly, and Jenny waited to speak until she felt Kathryn’s frustration subside. She laid her cheek on her shoulder blade, willing her to let her in. “Are you afraid?”
Kathryn released a controlled exhale. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jenny.”
Jenny repositioned herself so that she was facing her and cupped her cheek in her hand. She could see just enough of Kathryn’s eyes in the moonlight to know she was looking at her. “Honey, the only thing hurting me is you trying not to hurt me.”
She saw Kathryn’s acceptance in her downturned gaze.
“You can’t live like that, Kat. You certainly can’t love like that.” Jenny paused. Moment of truth. “I can’t love like that.”
That got Kathryn’s attention, and her eyes snapped up, widened in panic.
It broke Jenny’s heart to see Kathryn’s fear, but this was supposed to be the easy part. You both declare your love and the honeymoon phase begins. Kathryn was standing in her own way. Jenny couldn’t just ignore that and expect it would change.
She looked deeply into Kathryn’s eyes and hoped she could see all the love she had for her there. “As much as I love you, I can’t go on like this.”
She swore Kathryn stopped breathing, but she could see her pulse pounding in the hollow of her throat. She did what Jenny expected her to do. She raised her chin and became defensive. “What are you saying?”
Jenny shook her head, weary of the pattern. Kathryn was closing up again. They were never going to make it without trust. “Give us a chance, honey, please. We love each other. This is ridiculous.”
After a few defiant beats, Kathryn bowed her head, her face like stone under Jenny’s hand.
“I don’t know how to love,” she finally said in a voice heavy with regret.
Jenny leaned in until their foreheads touched, relieved she’d gotten through. She stroked Kathryn’s hair, trying to ease her self-doubt. “You said you loved me. Do you?”
Kathryn quickly raised her head, obviously finding the question absurd.
“Yes,” she said, strong and confident.
Jenny suppressed a thankful smile. “Then you know how here—” She put her hand over Kathryn’s heart. “You just have to learn how here.” She gently kissed her tortured, misguided head.
“Ah,” Kathryn drew out, “there’s the rub.”
Jenny smiled. “Well, let’s not bring rubbing into this just yet.”
Kathryn exhaled a chuckle but fell silent again. When she spoke, it was in a whisper. “Do you have the patience to teach me?”
Jenny’s heart melted when Kathryn dropped her guard. She reached out and took her hand. “Do you have the courage to let me?”
Kathryn raised her eyes. Did she have the courage to love? She didn’t know, but she knew she didn’t have the courage not to. Jenny had stolen her heart while she wasn’t looking and held it ransom with her persistence. Her normal checklist of how and why was lost in the realization that she had no choice but to surrender. Action absent an alternative was blameless, and, suddenly, falling in love was acceptable, and now that it was acceptable, a necessity. Miracle of miracles, she was getting yet another chance, and she was going to take it—no, she was going to give.
She brought Jenny’s hand to her lips and kissed it before bowing her head and pressing her cheek against her palm in a silent thank-you. Whatever brought her to this absolution, this person, this place, where the past had no power, it humbled her. Speech failed her, so she did the only other thing she could do—she sought Jenny’s lips instead. Her kiss was tentative at first, sure of herself and her intentions, but not of the breadth of Jenny’s pardon.
Jenny quickly dispelled any reservations when she eagerly accepted her answer. The ensuing kiss delivered her message more succinctly than words ever could.
Kathryn took Jenny in her arms and eased her back on the bed. Healing, desire, and need took over, and Jenny’s throaty response to her body weight settling above her and the weight of her breasts caressing her rigid excitement blinded her to everything else.
Kathryn didn’t know what had taken her so long to find her way home, but whatever it was deserted her like a restless bird in the face of an open cage, when fear turned to trust and years of carefully crafted defenses crumbled.
She felt free, unencumbered, caring only for the woman in her arms and the overwhelming need to have all of her and give her everything. This was what it was like to adore someone, she realized. Her whole body craved Jenny’s attention, and the emotional awakening heightened the need to touch and be touched. Her usual appetite for aggressive sex, normally fueled by anger, was replaced by an urgent desire to give her lust, her body, her heart, her soul. Her longing verged on desperation, and it was reflected in her hungry kiss. Jenny was taking it, and giving in kind, but the reckless abandon frightened Kathryn in its intensity. She was losing herself, losing control.
She pulled back, her breath uneven, her eyes dark and searching for the mystical power that had bewitched her so completely. Jenny had never seemed more beautiful or inviting.
Jenny’s labored breathing caught as she questioned the faltering action. For a moment, she feared the worst, and she reached up and tucked Kathryn’s long hair behind her ear to reveal her face in the moonlight. To her relief, behind the raw passion, she saw purpose, vulnerability, and awe. “I love you,” Kathryn whispered to her. She sounded surprised. Under their heaving chests, Jenny swore their hearts were beating as one, and she smiled. “I know.”
After another passionate kiss, Jenny was left gasping for more as Kathryn slid lower, dragging her cheek along her chest and then across an erect nipple.
Jenny tangled her fingers in Kathryn’s hair and moaned her approval as warm lips enveloped the most sensitive part of her breast and strong hands possessed them. She sucked in a sharp breath as playful teeth and then a soothing tongue teased her nipple.
She clutched Kathryn’s back and moaned her approval. “God, yes, don’t stop.” Being wholly possessed was intoxicating. She was never one for rough sex. It always came across as demeaning and vindictive, but Marcella was her only experience with it, so she considered the source and realized this was decidedly different. Kathryn’s insatiable need for her set her body aflame with heightened desire, and she found the more forcefully she consumed her, the more she wanted it, wanted her, and wanted to return it in kind.
Kathryn slid her body the length of her open thighs, painting a trail of kisses down her heaving abdomen. Jenny pulled on Kathryn’s retreating shoulders. “I need you here,” she said, guiding Kathryn back to her mouth. Their bodies became a writhing puzzle of entwined limbs. She wanted to see Kathryn’s face, see the depth of her wild desire.
Kathryn quickly retraced her path up her body and captured her lips in a kiss so desperate that Jenny knew Kathryn was hers, body and soul. They were connected like never before, and she drank in every unspoken word from Kathryn’s lips until love was a given and passion stole her reason. She needed to feel Kathryn’s surrender, her trust, her acceptance. She wrapped a leg tightly around the small of her back and reversed their positions. She looked down into Kathryn’s eyes, thankful to find not only a willingness to submit but understanding as well.
She was on her knees, straddling Kathryn’s undulating hips. She leaned forward and resumed their passionate kiss, but her lust was raw now, and the throbbing at her center became an aching need. She stopped kissing long enough to say “Touch me.”
Kathryn slipped her hand between her parted thighs and slowly glided her long fingers through her wet, swollen folds. Jenny moaned from deep in her throat and her mouth fell away from their kiss. “Yes,” she uttered in a breathless whisper. Gentle but firm strokes pulled sounds from her that grew more and more insistent until she couldn’t hold on any longer. “Inside. I need you inside.”
Kathryn slipped her fingers deep inside, and a wave of pleasure shuddered through her body, eliciting an unintelligible cry that ended in “God, yes!”
Kathryn didn’t move for a beat, for which Jenny was thankful, because she would have come on the spot, and she wanted this feeling to last. She attempted to resume their kiss, but Kathryn started drawing her fingers in and out in a slow, steady rhythm, and Jenny went weak with every deliberate stroke. Her forehead fell limply onto Kathryn’s shoulder, and she just rocked and moaned with the languid waves of pleasure.
She was quickly losing coherent thought and the ability to reciprocate. She lifted her head to protest but was stopped by the sight of Kathryn’s face, so open and giving, eyes filled with desire and a longing to please. There was nothing to do but let her take her.
Kathryn sensed an impending objection and slowed her movements, but Jenny passed on the chance to complain. The rapture in her half-lidded eyes sent the message her voice could no longer convey.
Kathryn eased out, recognizing that Jenny wasn’t quite ready to climax. She slid her fingers along her slick folds, pressing and teasing until staccato affirmations became one long, pleasurable moan and she begged to be filled again. Kathryn denied her, taking perverse pleasure in her delicious torture, wringing out every ounce of erotic delight until guttural sounds of pleasure gave way to unabashed pleading.
Kathryn knew there was a fine line between a merciless tease that enhanced pleasure and a premature orgasm that muted it, and she read Jenny perfectly as she slipped her fingers into her again and gave her what she wanted.
Jenny cried out in relief, and her vocal appreciation grew with every plunging stroke. She sat up straight and thrust her hips forward to take all Kathryn had to offer. Kathryn intensified her pace, giving her no reprieve from pleasure.
Jenny reached back and clutched Kathryn’s raised thighs. She threw her head back and drove her hips forward, faster and harder, as Kathryn ground deeper and deeper into her. She gave her weight to Kathryn’s hip and hand, and they became one with the fluid rhythm that matched their hastened breathing.
With each thrust, Jenny’s passionate cries intensified, and Kathryn knew she would come soon. Kathryn felt her own release building, and her gasps and moans joined Jenny’s as they pushed each other to the height of pleasure and into madness.
Jenny reached for her, still trying to participate, but Kathryn stopped her. “No. Just feel me loving you.”
Jenny gave in and just held on.
Kathryn slowly pressed her thumb to Jenny’s swollen center, eliciting a cry that resonated somewhere between pain and pleasure.
Jenny bucked her hips to escape the intensity. “Not yet,” she managed between gasps and tried to reach for Kathryn again.
Kathryn ended that effort when she made a final deep plunge and Jenny had taken all of her. She curled her fingers inside, pressing hard against the ridged wall beneath the pads of her fingertips. Jenny cried out at the intense pleasure and arched her back as her body strained to remain upright.
Kathryn massaged the spot and watched Jenny lose herself to unrestrained gasps of rhythmic pleasure. She was beautiful, lost in ecstasy, and Kathryn felt a warm rush of desire as the engorged flesh between her legs ached for release.
Jenny rode her, harder and faster, while her cries rose into a crescendo of bliss. Jenny’s arching body at the end of her hands brought Kathryn to the edge of her climax. “Come with me,” she urged desperately, as she was losing control. “Come—”
They cried out their release together, and Jenny clutched Kathryn’s hands to her as she rode out the spasms. Soon, heavy breathing and involuntary whimpers on every exhale turned into sighs of gratification as Jenny collapsed at her side. Kathryn reflexively settled her arm across Jenny’s hips, and neither could manage words or further movement for a few heart-pounding moments.
Jenny licked her dry lips as her breathing slowly evened out, and she rolled toward her. “God, you’re easy,” she said with a chuckle, referring to her lack of participation in Kathryn’s release.
Kathryn grinned between ragged breaths as she welcomed her into her open arms. “I figured I’d better make something easy. Heaven knows nothing else has been.”
Jenny rested her head contentedly over Kathryn’s still wildly beating heart. “That’s all over. We’re together now.”
Kathryn hesitated, wondering if it really was that easy. She felt Jenny’s lashes tickle her skin when she opened her eyes and waited for a reply.
She lifted her head and looked up. “That’s all over now, right?”
“We’re together now,” Kathryn said with a kiss on the forehead.
She knew she couldn’t promise smooth sailing ahead, but they were together, and they would meet the roadblocks head on, side by side, from now on. They had shared so much in the past few days. It seemed she’d known Jenny a lifetime. She felt safe in her care, safe in her arms, safe in the knowledge that this was someone she could trust with her heart. We’re together now. She smiled. She felt lighter, unburdened, if only for these few moments. She turned her head toward the window to give hope to the entangled moon, but it was gone—freed like her heart—pulled from its trap by a force of nature it could not deny. Kathryn kissed her force of nature on the head and whispered, “I love you, Jenny.”
Jenny lifted her head and slid her body forward until she was hovering over Kathryn’s face. “I love you too.” She reached out and stroked her face. “Do you know, Kathryn? Do you know I would never hurt you? Do you know you’re safe?”
Kathryn knew there were no guarantees, but Jenny was looking into her soul, promising everything, and there was nowhere to hide from her most fervent wish. “Yes.”
Jenny kissed her, sealing her words and their fates. The kiss slowly turned from promise to passion, reigniting a slow-burning desire, as Jenny caressed and kissed her way down Kathryn’s humming body.
“God, I am easy,” Kathryn said with a chuckle and surrendered utterly.