The Graverobber

You’re out of the will

Think it’s a long shot to curse the dead, or at least redundant? You’re wrong. The ancient Greeks, for instance, specialized in restraining the ghosts of the dead by building small effigies called poppets for the purpose. (Poppets and voodoo dolls? Same, but different. Voodoo works on the living—or some manifestation of them. Poppets mess with the already-dead.)

The Greeks not only bent and bound their poppets, they tore them limb from limb, pierced them with spikes and needles, bent the heads to ensure eternal confusion, or hacked heads off altogether so that they couldn’t rejoin bodies and revive.

None of that here, please. Play nice.

The Graverobber probably won’t win you a jackpot, sorry. But it is a great leveler. Before you cast it, make sure your dead guy was indeed the one who willfully disinherited you, not someone who influenced or took advantage of him, or simply made a mistake. Make sure your exclusion was unjustified, too. Were you a good nephew? Did you visit?

You need:

• A possession of the deceased (believe it or not, a shoe is best. If you can’t find a shoe, use a slipper or a sock; whatever you can find. It has to be pliable because you’re going to bend it)

• A good length of heavy twine

Take the shoe and bend it heel to toe, then wrap enough twine tightly around it that it’s bound as bent. You’re restraining a ghost and canceling the effect of a will.

Say: “I hereby bind [deceased’s name here]. May [name] be defeated; may [name] be restrained. May [name] be restrained in hand and foot and head and heart. May [name] be disappointed in all intention.”

Set the bound shoe on the deceased’s grave at dusk. (Have someone you trust do this for you if the grave is at a distance; if, say, you’re in New York and the grave’s in Los Angeles.)

Say: “Cold and powerless is [name]; cold and powerless is [name] in thought and effect. [Name’s] soul, his mind, his tongue, his plans, let all these things be twisted now.”

Leave the shoe atop the grave and walk away without looking back.

The will’s effect is now bound. The ghost may be a little ticked, too.