ELLIE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR OF HER COUSIN’S HOUSE, praying he would be home. She heard the taxi she’d hired drive away. After talking with Sarah Lynne, she knew she had to speak to Isaiah. He often worked from home, but sometimes he would go out into the community to work on various construction projects.
Her aunt Roberta opened the door. “Why, hello there, Ellie. What a lovely surprise. Did your mother come with you?”
“Nee. I came alone. I need to talk to Isaiah for a minute. Is he home?”
“Ya, he’s out in the workshop. You want me to take you there?”
She shook her head. “I remember where it is.”
“All right. I’ll be out in a minute with some fresh iced tea.”
What she had to say was for Isaiah’s hearing alone. “That’s all right, Aenti.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, let me know. I have a fresh pitcher, just made it a little while ago.”
“Danki, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Ellie turned away from the house as her aunt shut the door. Although she and her mother were sisters, they weren’t anything alike. Aunt Roberta hadn’t changed the way she treated Ellie since the accident, and occasionally Ellie heard her aunt admonish Mamm for hovering so much, especially after the accident.
As Ellie made her way to the workshop behind the house, she could hear the sounds of the cows and pigs her cousin’s family raised. She could smell them, too, and the scent helped her find her way to the workshop instead of the barn, which were right next to each other. The sound of the hydraulic-powered saw reached her ears. She waited a few moments for the whirring to stop, then with a firm fist she rapped on the door, hoping Isaiah heard her. She didn’t dare walk into the shop, not knowing the layout of the building or where Isaiah kept his tools.
Soon she heard the muffled thud of footsteps coming toward the door. When it opened, she felt a slight breeze and inhaled the scent of fresh sawdust.
“Ellie.” He sounded surprised to see her. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you. Now, and alone.”
“All right. Let me tell Daed, and I’ll be right out.” Isaiah walked away, and she could hear him speaking with her uncle. Then Isaiah walked back to her. “Let’s go behind the barn. That’s a gut place to talk.”
Ellie reached for Isaiah’s arm, grasping it just above the elbow, letting him lead her to the back of the barn. A few moments later they stopped.
“There’s a wood fence right in front of us,” he said.
She reached out and touched the rough, splintered wood, holding her cane.
“I think I know why you’re here,” Isaiah said. “I also hope I’m wrong.”
She leaned against the fence, as if its support would give her the strength to say what she should have said a long time ago. Over the years she had accepted what Isaiah had done. And up until Chris’s return, she had seen no need to have this conversation with her cousin. But after hearing what Chris told her today, she knew she couldn’t keep silent anymore. “We have to tell them, Isaiah. We have to tell everyone what really happened.”
“AND ARE YOU WILLING TO FULLY REPENT OF YOUR SINS? OF going against the church and trying to have your brother in Christ prosecuted?”
Chris looked at the bishop, who was peering at him over the rims of his spectacles. He fidgeted in his chair, gripping the mug of coffee the bishop’s wife had offered him. The older man’s steel-colored eyes made him feel like a child again, and perhaps that was the point. He had been acting childishly. He knew that now. Unfortunately, it had taken him far too long to realize it.
“Ya,” he said, sitting up a little straighter in his chair. “I ask that you forgive my sin against Isaiah Stolzfus.”
“It isn’t I who needs to forgive you, Christopher. Forgiveness must come from the congregation, and ultimately from God.”
Chris nodded, understanding. All the way over here he’d prayed, harder than he ever had before, asking God to heal his heart for good this time, to give him the strength he needed not only to stand up in front of the church on Sunday and admit his guilt, but also to face Isaiah, which would be much harder. At the forefront of everything was Ellie. He could almost hear her prodding him on, and he wished he had thought to ask her to come with him. But she would have refused, and rightly so. This was his battle, and he had to face his past on his own before he could let it go.
Bishop Ebersol stroked his long, graying beard. The man had been bishop of their district for as long as Chris could remember.
“I’ll have to speak with the other ministers about it, but I don’t think they would have any disagreement about you making your plea on Sunday. I believe they will think, as I do, that this has been long overdue. Your absence has been missed, Christopher, not only by your familye, but by all of us.”
Chris hadn’t expected the surge of emotion that ran through him. He blinked back the tears, swallowed the lump in his throat. “Danki,” he said, his voice cracking.
The bishop nodded, his expression still stern. He looked Chris up and down. “You’ll have to give up your fancy clothes and car. You realize that, ya?”
Chris set the cup down on the coffee table in front of him. “They mean nothing to me.” His car was a convenience, nothing more, and he had no attachment to the clothes. Everything of worth he had in his duffel bag, which he could easily give up. He would be coming back to the community with nothing, ready to fully embrace the Amish life again.
Bishop Ebersol steepled his fingers beneath his fuzzy beard and stared at Chris for a long moment, enough to make Chris squirm again. Finally the man spoke. “What made you come to this decision, Christopher? It’s been five years. Your sister is marrying the man you tried to have sent to jail, the mann who was at fault for your fiancée’s accident.”
Chris rubbed his palms over his jean-clad thighs. Was the bishop trying to rile him up? He gripped the tops of his kneecaps. “I realize that.”
“Then how have you found it in your heart, after all these years, to forgive Isaiah?”
He leaned back in the chair, suddenly serene. “Someone has changed my heart,” he said, smiling. “Someone very special.”
“So you are doing this because of a maedel?” The bishop’s gaze narrowed, and he looked more stone-faced than ever. “Does your change of heart come from God . . . or from her?”
“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS,” ISAIAH SAID. “WHAT’S done is done.”
She could hear Isaiah’s voice drifting away, indicating he was walking away from her. She took a tentative step toward him, using the fence as a guide. “Things have changed, Isaiah. We both know that. I should have said something before now—”
“Ellie, I said I don’t want to talk about it. The past is past. Remember? It’s what we say to each other when we forgive, ya?”
“Isaiah, please don’t be angry.”
“I’m . . . not.” He sounded closer now, and she could tell he was facing her. “I’m not angry with you, Ellie. I’m still mad at myself. I should have never driven that car.”
“Caroline and I got in there with you. We trusted you.”
“And look what happened.” Isaiah touched her shoulder. “You’ve suffered enough, Ellie.”
She moved her head up. “As have you.”
“Not as much as I deserve.” He sighed, dropping his hand from her shoulder. The wood fence creaked as he leaned against it. “Why are you bringing this up now? Is it because of the wedding? Because of Chris?”
“Both. And because of my conscience.”
“Your conscience should be clear.”
“But it’s not. I’ve been talking to Chris, Isaiah. He said he’s ready to forgive you and come back to the church.”
She heard him move.
“He did? That’s great! Sarah Lynne will be so happy.”
“She is. I just told her about it.”
He let out a deep breath. “I prayed so hard for this, Ellie.
Sarah Lynne has been so sad since Chris came back. I think it was worse with him being here than when he was in Apple Creek. I offered to call off the wedding, to spare Sarah Lynne’s familye any more pain. I thought stepping aside might make Chris change his mind about me.”
“Not one of your smarter decisions.”
“I realize that now. But, Ellie, listen to me.” He gripped both of her shoulders, almost hard enough to make her wince. “The decision we made five years ago was a gut one.”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice at the time. I was in the hospital, still hurt and confused.”
“I did what needed to be done. At the time I didn’t know what would happen. Caroline was dead, you were blind . . . I had no idea what would happen to either of us. That’s why I did what I did. And I’d do it all over again.” He released her, but he didn’t step away. “Just drop it, Ellie. Chris is forgiving me. He’s coming back to the church.”
“But I don’t think he’s doing it for the right reason. I don’t think he’s forgiving you with his heart.”
“Who are you to make that judgment? Ellie, please. Just leave it alone. After all this time, everything is finally getting back to normal. I have to get back to work.” He brushed past her, then added, “Can you make your way back to the haus?”
She nodded, not wanting to press the matter further. Her cousin had made up his mind, and she wasn’t about to change it. “I’m fine. You geh on.”
Once Isaiah left she turned, feeling the fence pressing against her waist. She couldn’t mistake the pleading in her cousin’s voice, nor his admonishment about her judging Chris’s heart. He was right about that; she had no right to assume what Chris was feeling. After five years he was practically a stranger to her. And she knew judging others was frowned upon, not only by other Amish, but by God. Why did she have a hard time letting this geh?
But she knew the answer to that. And even though her cousin wanted her to keep their secret, she wasn’t sure she could do it anymore.
AFTER HIS VISIT TO BISHOP EBERSOL’S, CHRIS DROVE HIS car back to the bed-and-breakfast in Paradise and checked out. He loaded his duffel bag into the back and put the basket Ellie had given him in the passenger seat. As he turned the key in the ignition, he realized this might be last time he would drive this car. He didn’t have a single regret. Smiling, he headed to his parents’ house, his nerves steady until he got a few feet from their driveway. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It read four thirty. His father usually arrived home before five.
He turned in the driveway, excited to see his mother’s face. She had been right about staying one more day. Talking with Ellie had put things into perspective. She was a special woman, and once he rejoined the church, he hoped she would be willing to let him court her.
He pulled his car to a stop and hopped out, went to the front porch, and knocked on the door. A few moments later he knocked again. After a third time, he frowned. No one was home? His sister and father were probably still working, and his mother sometimes visited friends in the afternoon. But he didn’t mind waiting for them to return.
Chris left the porch and went around to the backyard. He saw a couple of cows grazing in the pasture next to the barn. He strode toward the white wood fencing, then leaned against it, watching the cows nibble on the tender blades of grass. Peace filled him like he hadn’t experienced in so long. Why had he fought so hard all this time? He could barely remember his reasons.
He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, soaking in the afternoon sun and watching the cows in front of him. But when he heard the sound of a car in front of the house, he dashed around to find out who it was. He didn’t recognize the car, but he knew the woman stepping out of it. Ellie. He went to her just as she was taking out her cane.
“Here, let me get that.” He dug into his back pocket for his wallet so he could pay her taxi fare.
“Get what? Oh.” Then she nodded. “Nee, I’ve already paid.” She turned to the driver. “Danki, Mrs. Jones.”
“You’re welcome, Ellie.”
Chris ducked to see an elderly woman behind the wheel of a car that seemed to swallow her whole.
“What time do you want me to pick you up?” Mrs. Jones asked.
“Half an hour will be fine,” Ellie replied.
“You don’t have to pick her up.” Chris stepped beside her and leaned over, poking his head through the passenger doorway. “I can take her home.”
“Are you sure?”
He heard Ellie say something behind him, but he didn’t let her finish. “I’m positive. Thanks anyway.”
“Okay.”
Chris stood up and shut the car door. After Mrs. Jones started pulling away, he turned to Ellie. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it when he saw her stormy expression.
“I wanted Mrs. Jones to pick me up.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I’d save her a trip and take you home. I should have asked.”
“Ya, you should have. Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself.”
The strength of her irritation surprised him. “I never said that you couldn’t. I didn’t think you’d mind. It’s not like I haven’t driven you home twice before.”
“You shouldn’t assume anything about me, Chris. You don’t know . . . You don’t know the real me. And once you do . . .”
The break in Ellie’s voice made Chris go to her. But when he touched her shoulder, she shrugged him off. “What’s going on here, Ellie? I don’t understand why you’re upset with me.”
“I’m not.” She took in a deep breath. “But I need to talk to you. Privately.”
“No one’s home, so you have me all to yourself.” That didn’t come out exactly right, but at that moment he didn’t care. He bit the inside of his cheek. Remembering her sore ankle, he said, “Let’s sit on the front porch.”
She nodded, and he followed her as she made her way to the porch. Even though she obviously knew the way, her steps were slow. A few moments later they were both seated in the wicker chairs. But she didn’t speak. “What did you want to talk to me about, Ellie?”
“Did you see the bishop today?”
He nodded. “Ya. Everything is ready for Sunday. But I thought I’d go over to Isaiah’s on Saturday and talk to him. I think a conversation is long overdue.”
Her hands clutched the ends of the wicker chair. “Whatever he tells you about the accident, don’t believe him.”
He looked at Ellie and frowned. What was she talking about?
“Maybe Isaiah was right,” she murmured. “Maybe I should leave this alone.”
“Leave what alone?”
“But I have to tell the truth. I should have told the truth a long time ago.”
Her words unnerved him. He leaned forward in the chair and reached for her hand, not caring if his mother and father showed up and saw them together. Soon everyone would know how much he cared for Ellie. But just as before, she shirked from his touch.
“Ellie, please, talk to me.”
Her body started to shake before she turned toward him. “Chris, Isaiah isn’t to blame for Caroline’s death. I am.”