WHEN RHYS WAS leaving, Sally didn’t go with him to the door and wait for that final kiss; she sat and stared at the closing door of her shabby room and wondered if she would ever feel again the love they had shared for so long. Her loyalty had been misplaced. He wasn’t the strong partner she had thought him. He would have asked her to abandon this child if it hadn’t been too late and he hadn’t even attempted to hide his disappointment.
She heard Sadie rouse and stretch in her sleep and she stood up and tucked the covers around her more securely, bending to kiss the child’s head. She was on her own with Sadie and the new baby and for their sakes she had to accept help. Tomorrow she would talk to Valmai and Gwilym. Until things became clearer, she would stay with them and the new baby would be born into a comfortable home. After that, well, she still had enough of the money left by her parents to make a start somewhere else.
Into the stunned silence, Rhys had explained that he would be working as many hours as he could and would manage with only a little help just to start. He’d have to find fresh accommodation and books, paper and art materials. Once he’d acquired all those, he’d cope. ‘Just this final hurdle,’ he told her, ‘and I’ll be back and everything will be all right. For the four of us,’ he added.
Sally had hardly heard a word. All she could think of was that she, Sadie and this new baby weren’t worth changing his plans for. Weren’t important enough. She doubted if they were even included in his future plans. Once he’d achieved his aim, he might disappear from their lives completely.
Dawn broke on a dark, gloomy morning before she slept. Her mind was going round and round, confused thoughts of a magical solution, tangling with the harsh reality, touching on vague plans and the dream of Rhys coming back and promising to stay, vying with the more likely outcome of Rhys staying with the life he’d been living for more than two years, with strangers, people she would never know. The confusion of hopes and dismay was still with her when Sadie woke her, calling, ‘Mummy? Mummy?’
That’s what I am, she thought. First and last I am Sadie’s mummy. Sadie and the new baby, they are my life. Everything else comes a poor second.
Valmai welcomed her and Sadie with delight, which increased as Sally asked if she and Sadie might move in, just for a while, until the baby was born and she had found them all a proper home. She opened the door wide and called, ‘Gwilym? Look who’s here! And they’re coming to stay!’
Sally looked towards the shed and saw, through the window, the head of Gwilym, and a hand waving in welcome.
‘Making a surprise present, he is,’ Valmai explained. ‘Won’t let me see it. Not that I mind. I’m so relieved to have him showing an interest in the tools again. He can keep as many secrets as he likes.’
Not as big as the secrets kept by your son, Sally thought bitterly.
‘I’ll just put the kettle on and make some tea then we’ll go up to see him. He won’t come down while there’s anyone here,’ she added quietly. ‘I still can’t persuade him to be seen in that chair of his. Stubborn, he is. I tell him he’s got to face the world sometime but will he listen?’
‘Perhaps I’m the one to persuade him. Look at me, a second child and no sign of a husband. There’s gossip in plenty and at least the talk about him will be kindly. Mrs Sewell never misses a chance to hint that I’m not suitable company for decent people.’
‘Leave Milly Sewell to me. I’ll put her straight.’
‘No, please. Rhys doesn’t want anyone to know. Not yet.’ She was still held by unreasonable support for Rhys, even though he’d treated her so badly.
‘I thought he’d finished his two years and was coming home?’
‘So did I,’ Sally murmured.
‘Can you tell me what’s happened?’
‘Everything is too confused at the moment.’
‘When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. Now let’s get this tea and Gwilym can show you your surprise.’
When she saw the beautifully carved baby cradle Gwilym had made, Sally burst into tears.
Stories spread easily in the houses around Mill Road and School Lane and David heard of Sally’s intention to move in with Rhys’s parents before a day had passed. Would Rhys call on Sally before the move? He kept watch on the back of the house for three nights, patiently scanning the porch for movement. His eyes were well accustomed to the night and he knew that the appearance of Rhys and the opening of the door would not be missed. He sat against a tree, almost invisible to the casual glance, hooded by an old ex-army coat against the chill. On his knees there was a camera. In his eyes there was excitement.
Valmai had proudly shown Sally the room she had prepared for her and Sadie. It had quickly been made, ready for them to move out of the awful boarding house the following weekend. She had written a brief note to tell Rhys what was happening and hearing the letter, formal and without any of the usual loving messages, dropping into the post-box, was like saying goodbye.
On her last evening she saw the round pebble was in the middle of the porch and her heart dropped. What could she say to him? The room was cluttered with boxes filled with her possessions and only Sadie’s cot was clear of muddle. The little girl was sleeping soundly and Sally had almost decided not to answer Rhys’s knock, but when the second gentle tap came she rose, took a deep breath and opened the door.
As Rhys stepped forward, the light shining out from the open door, someone called and he turned. At that moment there was the flash and a brief whirring sound, followed by a repeat.
‘Someone took my photograph!’ he said angrily. He left Sally and ran in the direction of the sound. Footsteps ahead of him led him across the road through fields towards the mill. He stopped before reaching the building and listened but there wasn’t a sound apart from the peaceful murmur of the stream, and he turned back.
He was cautious as he approached the shabby boarding house and when he eventually reached the door it was locked. This time, Sally didn’t answer his call.
The following day, stories went around the houses of a series of burglaries. Most of the pieces stolen were small, easily transported china and silver items. In three cases money was taken and this amounted in total to ninety-six pounds. When the police called on Valmai and Gwilym, they were told there was evidence that Rhys had been in the area on the night the crimes took place.
Sally was interviewed and she could tell them more or less honestly that she hadn’t spoken to Rhys that night. Less truthfully, she told them she hadn’t seen him since he had run away more than two years before.
‘Yes, he disappeared at the time of previous robberies, didn’t he?’
‘A coincidence,’ she said at once. She knew the photograph, which was probably the evidence to which they referred, had been a trick. Rhys had let her down, treated her like an idiot, but she couldn’t believe he was a thief. Or could she? a small voice in her heart questioned. How well did she really know him? The photograph might have been a trick but perhaps the camera had been held by a victim of one of the robberies and not David Gorse, who had been her instant suspicion. Rhys had never fully explained why he had run away when the police had wanted to speak to him before and he wasn’t here to answer their questions now.
Whether they believed her or not didn’t matter. Guilty or innocent, he was out of her life. Once she had given birth and found herself a proper place to stay, she would say goodbye to Valmai and Gwilym too, much as she appreciated their kindness. She had been used and lied to, and made to look a fool. Enough of all that; she was on her own and she knew she’d cope.
The police knocked on doors asking questions and at each house they asked whether anyone had seen Rhys Martin. Walter Prosser was most disparaging, referring to Rhys as a dishonest and dishonourable man. ‘Everyone knows he got that poor girl into trouble then ran out on her,’ he said.
‘Working, are you, Mr Prosser?’ the police officer asked casually as he was leaving. ‘No, but the wife is and I’m no thief! I was determined to redecorate that big house but I had to give up, didn’t I? It’s my back – suffered with it for years – but at least I try, not like some.’
‘Admirable, you are,’ he was told, the sarcasm wasted on him.
At Valmai and Gwilym’s house they stayed a very long time, repeating their questions in different words, approaching their queries from different angles, trying to trick them into making a mistake. Both were upset at the disappearance of their son and the police finally left, promising to call again if they had more questions.
Constable Harvey called later and said, ‘If there’s anything you want to tell me, remember I’ll help in any way I can. Rhys and I were at school together. I won’t find it easy to believe him guilty of these robberies.’
Gwilym thanked him.
‘Why did he disappear if he was innocent?’ Constable Harvey asked. ‘Does someone hold some kind of evidence against him? Have you any idea what it can be?’
‘None,’ Valmai said. ‘D’you think we wouldn’t say if we knew?’ The policeman waited, staring at them both for a long moment, then went on his way. If they were lying, they were very convincing.
The enquiries went on and the police officers called several times more but there didn’t appear to be any progress in the case.
Amy and Rick were washing windows when Amy saw Eric walking past the house. She looked at Rick, who nodded encouragingly. ‘Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?’ she called in her rather prim voice and Eric turned and looked at her in surprise. Rick waved, beckoning him in.
Eric walked towards them, eyeing Amy nervously. She wasn’t going to tell him off again, was she?
‘I owe you an apology,’ Amy said, reaching for Rick’s arm. ‘Bringing that lovely planter was a very kind thought. I’m very sorry I – um – misunderstood.’
Eric smiled and shook his head. ‘You weren’t to know, but I can assure you that I never steal. Never take anything that isn’t mine or kindly offered to me.’
‘I won’t make that mistake again. I really am sorry, Mr Thomas.’
‘Eric will do.’
‘Right then. Now, a cup of tea and one of Mummy’s scones?’
As Amy was making tea, Eric began scrubbing the planter and he stayed talking to them for a while after the scones were demolished. He and Rick finished cleaning the pot while Amy was busy inside the house.
‘Ever been married, Eric?’ Rick asked as they rubbed at the pot, revealing its elegant design.
‘Oh, yes. I have a daughter.’ He took out a rather battered photograph of a girl aged about twelve. ‘Julia she’s called but I haven’t seen her for years. She’ll be twenty-four at Christmas.’
‘What happened?’
‘My wife took her away, you see. She’d got herself in a spot of bother. Debts she couldn’t clear. She liked pretty things, see, and loved wandering around the shops.’
‘She left you with the debts?’ Rick asked softly.
‘I’d sold the house and had just managed to clear the last one, although it meant I had to sell the last of my possessions, then the factory closed. I was left with no money, a small pension and no home.’
Afraid to ask more Rick said, ‘Closing that factory ruined quite a few lives, didn’t it? Walter hasn’t worked since, or David. Several families had to move away in the search for employment.’
‘Walter didn’t miss a day when the factory was there, but once he was made redundant he quickly gave up looking for something similar, and was afraid of trying something new, so he settled into the bad-tempered misery he now is. He and Netta are always quarrelling.’
‘And he’s making young Jimmy’s life a misery.’
‘Netta worked in the factory too, in the wages office, and she got a job straight away. Pity, he might have made more effort if she hadn’t.’
Rick grinned. ‘Mind, he does have a bad back!’
‘You learn quick. You haven’t been here long but you’ve got most of us sussed!’
‘He gave up on the decorating job. Nervous exhaustion, he told me. The job was too big, too daunting, for someone with his sensibilities.’
‘Aw. Poor dab!’
Rhys stayed away from his usual haunts, aware that the photograph would be clear enough for him to be recognized. He searched the newspapers waiting with dread for the rest of it to come out. David had his fingerprints on stolen property and this might be the chance he’d been waiting for to hand them to the police. Thankfully, not even Sally knew exactly where he could be found and even though they had parted on bad terms, due to his shock and stupidity, she wouldn’t help them find him. Still, better to change his address, just in case.
David surprised Sally by becoming a regular visitor to the Martins’ house. He usually stayed in the shed with Gwilym, and according to Gwilym he was helping with ideas as well as some of the stages of the models being made. He also brought gifts of flowers to Valmai, and sweets and an occasional toy for Sadie.
Although Sally had never been deeply fond of the man, she had been going out with him occasionally before Rhys began to show an interest and now she wondered if Rhys’s attraction to her had been nothing more on his part than stupid revenge, due to David’s interest. It was so easy, she mused, to dislike someone having heard one side of a story. The person whose story you hear first is usually the one you believe. Rhys’s dislike of David Gorse had coloured her opinion of him, she realized that. Recently she had seen more of David and found him increasingly easy to talk to and he never once mentioned his stupid feud with Rhys that had begun at school.
From what she had gathered from Rhys, it had been little more than childish rivalry. David had copied some of Rhys’s work then told the teacher the reverse was true and Rhys had been punished for cheating. That deliberate set-up had been an angry response from David because Rhys had spoilt one of his drawings and, from such trivial beginnings, the dislike had grown.
Sally was thinking of Rhys, trying to retain her anger, trying to hate him, but she couldn’t. She remembered some of the times they had spent together and knew she was wrong. She and Rhys had been deeply in love and she had been right to trust him enough to give him support for two years and a large amount of her money. But where was he now? The baby was due in a couple of months, she had no home and she needed him badly. Surely he wouldn’t let her down?
October 1960 was a cold month even though the sun shone weakly and the skies sometimes looked like summer. Sally continued to work although her cleaning jobs had been changed to less strenuous ones. Valmai had often offered to look after Sadie for Sally to have some free time but Sally refused. Her intention was to leave, go right away and start again, and she didn’t think it fair for Rhys’s parents to become too fond of the little girl. One Sunday afternoon, however, when her back ached and she was restless but couldn’t relax, she accepted.
She wrapped her swollen form in a loose coat borrowed from Valmai and set off through the woodland path towards the mill. Someone called and she turned to see Rick waving to her. She waited as he ran towards her.
‘Going for a walk? Where’s little Sadie?’ he asked.
‘Mrs Martin is looking after her for an hour so I can get some fresh air.’
‘Mind if I come? Unless you want to be on your own?’
‘As long as you don’t walk too fast. I’m a bit slow these days.’
‘Suits me. I’m a bit slow myself. My muscles are complaining because I’ve been digging a patch of the garden that I hope to call my own. Amy isn’t keen on a vegetable garden, insists they’re untidy, so I’ve got less and less space as she and her mother find ways of filling the plot with other things.’
‘I’d love to grow and eat freshly picked food. Vegetables and a few chickens to provide eggs – I’ve dreamed of that since I was a child. My parents did those things, you see, and although they died when I was very young I still remember feeding the chickens and helping pull carrots, pick peas and marvelling at them. Putting a fork in the ground and potatoes appearing as though by magic is one of my strongest memories.’
‘Perhaps you can help change Amy’s mind,’ he said with a smile. ‘Although I don’t think so. It’s two against one these days as her mother advises her on practically everything.’
‘I don’t suppose many marriages are equal. Everyone has to learn to compromise.’
‘What about you, when will you marry? I presume there’s a handsome young man somewhere waiting for the moment when everything is just right.’
‘It never is right. He asked me to support him for two years while he studied to become a teacher. The two years are up and instead of coming home and facing everything as he promised, he asked for another year.’
‘But the baby? How does he expect you to manage?’
‘He’s just sorry it’s too late for an abortion,’ she said bitterly.
He could see tears threatening and he put an arm around her and handed her a clean handkerchief. ‘It must have been a shock and he simply spoke his first fearful reaction out loud, that’s all. Most of us can leave it unsaid until we’ve had time to recover. I’m good at that. I need to be with a strong-minded mother-in-law-to-be. Come on, let’s sit in the old mill for a while.’
‘I always come here when things are wrong these days, yet it used to be the place to come when something wonderful happened.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘Exam results, getting my first job, promotion, you know the sort of thing. Then meeting Rhys and realizing he was the most important person in my life and I in his.’
‘I’m sure you still are,’ he said. ‘This nonsense about him being the man breaking into houses and stealing, it’s a story invented by the real thief, conveniently made easier to believe by Rhys’s absence.’
‘I don’t even know where to find him,’ she said, wiping her tears away with his handkerchief.
‘Any clues?’
‘He’s just completed a teacher-training course in Bristol and there’s an address where I used to write where he collected the letters. But that’s no longer valid. So many changes, so many lies.’
‘Amy and her mother are going to Cardiff all day on Saturday to choose her going-away outfit.’ He laughed. ‘I hope it clashes with mine. Would you believe that mother-in-law-to-be chose the material and the style of my suit? In a rare brave moment I went in and changed it all. I hope they’re suitably shocked. Amy’s mother had picked a dark navy and a very formal style that I would never wear. I changed it for something more sporty, much to the tailor’s concern. But I insisted and asked him not to tell Mrs Seaton-Jones. It’s light grey with a hint of green.’
He took the handkerchief and wiped her cheeks gently. ‘I don’t know if this will help, but I have a few days’ holiday due and as Amy will be away all day, I could take a day off and if we went to Bristol early, you me and Sadie, we’d have hours to search for him. The college would be a good place to start. What about it? Shall we try? It would be a day out for you and Sadie if nothing else.’
Sally shook her head and patted her swollen body. ‘How can you spend a day with me in this state and with a two-year-old. What would people think?’
‘That I was a lucky man?’
She frowned, and was about to refuse, her usual reaction to offers of help, but he seemed so anxious for her to agree she smiled. ‘Thank you, I’d love a day out and if we do find Rhys, I’m in the mood to get a few things straight.’
The first shock was when they went to the address to which Sally had been writing and sending money. It was a small café.
‘Sorry, love,’ the proprietor said, ‘but I’ve no idea where you’ll find Rhys. Comes in from time to time and has a meal, then picks up any letters that have come for him.’ The man gestured with his head to a shelf where she could see a neat pile of brown envelopes. They were all addressed to Rhys and all in her writing. He hadn’t picked up his mail for weeks.
The college was closed but the secretary was there until one o’clock and offered to help. She went through various lists and files but came back shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry, but there’s no one of that name registered here at present.’
‘Sorry, I should have told you, he finished the two years last July so he’ll be on last year’s list,’ Sally apologized.
Again the young woman searched through lists and files, then she left the room. It was ten minutes before she returned and again she was shaking her head. ‘The only reference I can find is a student of that name registering two years ago then failing to complete more than three months. I have no idea where he is now. I’m very sorry.’
White-faced, her eyes wide with disbelief, Sally thanked her and walked out, holding Sadie’s hand, Rick following. They went back to the café.
‘Now what do we do?’
‘There must be an explanation. There are other colleges – we just have to find them.’ Rick tried to sound positive, as though what they had learned had been only a slight glitch in their search. ‘Come on, Sadie, time to find you and your mother something to eat. Not here though.’ He wanted to get her away from the sight of those ignored letters. He picked the little girl up and guided them to a restaurant.
‘Where can we ask?’ Sally wondered, as she tried to eat the food in front of her. ‘We can hardly go to the police. If they’re looking for him he wouldn’t thank us for that.’
Rick wasn’t thinking about what Rhys needed. ‘Look, there isn’t much more we can do here. Saturday was a stupid day to choose, I don’t know what I was thinking of. All the offices are closed. I’ll start making a few enquiries from home. Carefully, not causing any curiosity, and together we’ll work out what to do.’
‘Why should you bother? It’s my problem.’
‘It was, but after you trusted me with the situation, it’s mine too. I don’t think you confide in many people. Now, there’s a nice park somewhere near and I think Sadie deserves some of our time, don’t you?’
There was a shop selling toys near the park and he bought a coloured ball. Sally sat on a bench, aware of aching in every bone, while he and Sadie played a complicated game of football which involved Rick falling over quite a lot. It was a good way to end their visit, with laughter and silly games, and despite the unanswered questions and the discovery of Rhys’s deceit, Sally was surprisingly happy as they travelled home.
It wasn’t until she went to her room, after offering Valmai and Gwilym an edited version of their day out, that reality set in and she began to wonder where Rhys was and what had happened to all the money she had sent to him.
Another sleepless night followed during which she wondered how much – if anything – she should tell Rhys’s parents. Perhaps it would be better to wait until she had at least some of the answers.
One decision she did make was not to send any more money until Rhys had told her the truth. The second was to withdraw some of her money for her own use and cut down on the hours she was working.
The woods and the old mill had always been a favourite place and when the weather allowed she would take Sadie in her pushchair and they would walk down and sit listening to the birds, feeding them to encourage them to come closer, and the sound of the water was always soothing. Today, after learning of Rhys’s deceit, the water sounded angry and they didn’t stay. Instead they walked on to the next village where, it being Sunday, the shops were closed and the only people about were either going to church or visiting family.
Cars emptied and family groups piled into houses, calling excitedly, in contrast to the more solemn groups heading for the ancient building from where the sound of organ music came. A car stopped near her, a door of a cottage opened and an elderly couple stepped out and were quickly surrounded by lively children as their parents unloaded the car. She felt invisible, as though, not having a family to visit, she had no importance.
‘At least you’ll have a brother or a sister,’ she said to Sadie as they turned to return home. ‘You’ll have someone who belongs, who’ll always be there.’ She gave Sadie a small biscuit, aware of her own hunger, and thought of the dinner Valmai and Gwilym had promised. A kindness to a person in need. Nothing more. They wouldn’t be her family, not now. Rhys had ruined that dream. She had believed for a long time that they’d be her and Sadie’s family but now she was an intruder in their house even though Sadie was their grandchild. Sadie might be a part of their family but she was excluded. She would never marry Rhys. She was on her own, as she had been for most of her life.
Rick had enjoyed his day out with Sally and her little daughter but he knew he had to tell Amy what had happened. If one of the Milly Sewells of this world had seen them and given her a slightly exaggerated report, she might be upset. He waited until they were at the house, where he was painting and Amy was measuring for curtains and deciding on the cupboards she would need in the empty room that would be their kitchen. Stopping for a cup of coffee from a flask he said. ‘I went to Bristol last Saturday while you and your mother were looking for clothes.’
‘Bristol? Why did you go there?’
‘I went with Sally Travis and Sadie. Sally hasn’t heard from the man she’s planning to marry and I took her there hoping she could find out what was happening.’
‘And did you? Find out what had happened to this mystery man? If he exists.’
‘He exists all right but he’s in a spot of trouble and is lying low. But no, we didn’t find him. At least the little girl enjoyed a day out.’
‘Lovely, Nick, darling. But I hope you won’t do that again.’
‘Why not? Sally is in trouble and I tried to help, without success, as it happened.’
‘Didn’t you think that you might have succeeded in making me look a fool? If someone had seen you together, you with a pregnant woman and a small child, what would they have thought? How could you do that to me?’
‘Do what? I drove them to Bristol, spent a few hours there and brought them home. I enjoyed it. Sadie is a happy child. I hope when we have children they’ll be as contented and as easy to enjoy as Sadie.’
‘Children? I don’t think so. I can’t imagine being a mother and dealing with a child day in day out for years and years. No, you don’t need practice to play with children. I don’t want any.’ She put down her cup and stood up. ‘I don’t even know whether I want you at this moment. What were you thinking of? Going out for the day with a woman who’s obviously expecting a child. You didn’t think of the embarrassment it would cause me, did you? And as for a mysterious man who will one day marry her, I don’t believe that for a moment. She’s got herself in trouble. Twice. The story of the secretive man is an attempt to cover up her disgraceful behaviour.’
‘No, Amy. I won’t think that badly of her. She’s genuinely hurt by this man who promised her everything. She’s been helping him and now he seems to have let her down. Please, don’t add to the gossip. She doesn’t deserve it.’
‘You’re too gullible. Everyone knows there’s no man. I doubt if this one has the same father as the last one.’
Rick didn’t try to argue any more; it wouldn’t have done any good. He stood and reached out for her. ‘Amy, love, you’re wrong about her, but I shouldn’t have tried to help. I just didn’t think. It certainly didn’t occur to me that you’d be hurt or embarrassed. I can see now how it might have looked, especially as there’s no obvious man in her life and people are quick to gossip. I should have thought. But I didn’t. Hearing Sally’s story, I impulsively offered help. I’m so sorry.’
Eating humble pie wasn’t difficult. Their wedding wasn’t far off and she was working hard to make their home ready in time. He had been thoughtless. He put aside the jobs they had planned and took her home, where her mother explained all she had done towards planning the buffet lunch. He hugged her and smiled encouragingly even though it was hard to keep his mind on what was being said.
Jimmy struggled with school. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do the work but looking out of the window made him restless. He wanted to be outside. He’d had a row that morning from his father, after the teacher had called to discuss his frequent absences. Then at lunchtime he’d walked into yet another argument between his parents.
‘Don’t be so hard on the boy,’ Netta was saying. ‘He’s only ten.’
‘Time he learned to behave. He’s out for hours at a time, only comes in when he’s hungry. And he spends too much time with that couple moving into the Waterstones’ place. Giving him ideas they are.’
‘Better than any he can learn from you!’ Netta shouted.
Jimmy darted in, grabbed some food and ran out again. He had started cleaning off the paddles of the waterwheel at the mill. It was stained with green slime where it occasionally touched the water and there was even greener moss on the higher places. After he’d eaten his lonely meal, he rubbed it with a stone and then a blunt knife and slowly the wood was clear and to his relief was surprisingly sound. There was no purpose to the task but it was very satisfying to see the wood revived, brought back to life. He sat and dreamed of one day starting the wheel turning, seeing the water cascading below the ancient wheel and pressing against each paddle until the weight sent it on its way.
Rick helped him with homework whenever he could and although he was often absent from school once lunchtime was over, he kept up with the class-work, often with information they hadn’t covered in class, which mystified the teachers, unaware of the help he was being given and the books he was able to borrow.
He was at the mill one chilly November day, scrubbing away and clearing the resulting mess of moss and weeds into a pile within the wood. He had found an abandoned trenching tool and with this he was digging out the silted-up leat. He imagined how it would look with the stream running and the great wheel turning and spent hours working towards his dream. He had a cold and insisted his mother wrote a note to excuse him from attending school. He had food, and a vacuum flask of cocoa as well as a couple of apples given to him by Valmai.
He was just finishing his meal when he heard footsteps. People rarely stayed now summer was gone. Any footsteps he heard would hurry past, but these footsteps stopped. He looked warily out and recognized Sally and saw that she was crying. He didn’t know what to do so he stayed perfectly still and waited for her to move on. But she didn’t.
Sally had still not heard anything from Rhys. Rick had tried to find him, ringing up various schools and colleges and had even driven to Bristol a second time, this time taking Amy with him. No one had heard of him. He even took a photograph in case he was using a different name. He was nowhere to be found.
Where was he? Sally wondered. What was he doing? More worryingly, who was he with? There had to be someone else. His shock at realizing she was expecting a second child had been more than a brief reaction. He more or less admitted wishing there was time to arrange an abortion. There had to be someone else. It was the only explanation. Sadie was out with Valmai, who was taking her to the shops promising to buy her a new doll to go in a doll’s bed Gwilym had made her.
Restless and deeply unhappy, she walked with her arms under her coat, around her unborn child as though protecting it from the troubles that faced the three of them. Her back ached and she had a few niggling pains that she presumed were what some called false labour. A sudden fast and growing pain made her gasp. It eased and she relaxed. It was two months before the baby was due and she presumed it was only the weight that was causing the backache. She leaned slightly back to ease the discomfort. Another sharp pain alarmed her. She was utterly lonely. When the baby was born, she’d face life as the unmarried mother of two. Yet she didn’t feel any regrets about the pregnancy. As soon as she had guessed she was expecting this baby, she felt a joyful excitement. Now, at this moment, she had doubts. How would she manage?
The sharp pain came again and she began to feel very afraid. They were nothing in themselves but were reminders of the brief time she had left to make plans and start to prepare for life with two children.
She wanted to turn back to the Martins’ house but decided to rest in the mill. Foolishly she half hoped to find Rhys there, where they had met so many times, until he’d run away and everything had gone wrong.
She stood for a while, her hand on her lower back to ease the discomfort, just looking at the wheel, and to distract her thoughts from her predicament she imagined it working to provide bread for the local inhabitants of the villages many years before. She forced herself to think about the lives of the villagers at that time, trying to take her mind away from the present with its seemingly impossible problems.
She noticed that some of the moss had been cleared and wondered whether Jimmy was responsible, unaware of his presence just yards away from her. She knew he spent time here. Reaching over, she pushed at the green moss and with a finger began to work it free. The water smelt unpleasant as Jimmy’s disturbance had brought rotting leaves to the surface. Picking up a piece of slate from among the stones, she concentrated on clearing a small area, choosing to start on a different paddle from the partially cleared one. It became important to clear one of the paddles and she leaned across to continue, when she slipped.
It hadn’t been a careless move, she told herself as she scrabbled for a hand hold. The pain had been sudden, sharp and taken her unaware. She hadn’t fallen far, just about two feet, and once the pain had again receded she tried to get back up. Stay calm, she told herself as the pain came again. It’s nothing but a warning, plenty of time and I’m not far from the Martins’ house. Then she thought of walking along the path and the distance seemed too great. A pain engulfed her, staying too long and with increasing intensity, and she cried out loud. She had to walk back; she couldn’t stay here.
She tried again to get back up and this time she stopped pretending. Early or not, she was in the first stages of labour. Panic filled her, perspiration burst out on her forehead. All attempts to stay calm were forgotten in the urgent need to get back to where there were houses and people who would help.
In the room at the top of the mill, Jimmy listened and wished he could run away. Then he felt a sneeze coming on and he covered his face with his jacket. Sally heard the muffled sound and called.
‘Is anyone there? Can you come and help me, please?’
Jimmy stayed perfectly still.
‘Please, help me. I’m stuck and I need to get home.’
Slowly Jimmy peered out over one of the broken walls. Recognizing Sally, he came down. ‘What are you doing down there, miss?’
A pain caused her to grimace and when it had passed she smiled and said, ‘Being stupid, Jimmy. Will you go and bring help? Just knock on someone’s door if you can’t find Mrs Martin, will you? Please, Jimmy, I need a doctor, and fast. I think my baby is about to be born.’
That was enough. He ran. He’d heard about babies, about how they came with a lot of moaning and groaning and a lot of blood and he didn’t want any of that! He ran down the path but when he reached the road he saw Rick Perry and ducked down behind a wall. He was nice enough but he’d ask why he wasn’t in school and wouldn’t believe his excuse of having a nasty cold.
He ran to his house but his mother wasn’t there and his father was sleeping and he didn’t dare wake him and talk about babies being born in the old mill. He ran next door but Gwilym couldn’t help. ‘Go to the phone box as fast as you can, Jimmy. Dial 999 and ask for a doctor and an ambulance. Quick! Sally’s in real trouble!’
His legs began to feel like wet string as he dashed back to the road. ‘I’m only ten!’ he wailed as he ran. Then he saw David Gorse. He wouldn’t worry about him missing school.
‘Sally Travis is at the mill,’ he said. ‘Moaning a lot. Having a baby she says and needs a doctor.’
‘At the mill? You aren’t lying, are you, Jimmy?’
‘Honest! She asked me to run and tell someone and get a doctor fast. Moaning she is and that red in the face you’d think she’ll burst.’
‘What on earth is she doing there?’
‘I just told you, she’s having a—’ He didn’t finish the sentence. David pushed him out of the way and ran into a house and demanded to use their phone.
Jimmy didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to go home but he certainly didn’t want to go back to the mill. He went to tell Valmai Martin but she was still out. To his relief he saw his mother coming, so he told her instead, crying like a baby, afraid something would go wrong and he’d get the blame. ‘I’m only ten!’ he wailed again after telling her, between sobs, what had happened.
Netta gathered a few things from the house, kicked Walter awake and told him where she was going and ran out towards the mill.
Somehow, Sally had struggled back up from the edge of the stagnant water around the wheel and prepared her coat for a bed. The rest was a blur of pain and fear and then the terrible and wonderful sensation of birth. She was trembling and shivering with shock and felt the urge to push again, before being aware of the afterbirth coming away. She wrapped the tiny baby in a cardigan she had taken off in readiness and before she could do anything else help arrived. David saw to his amazement that she lay there, propped against a tree, nursing a small infant.
‘Sally? You’ve had your baby out here? All alone?’
‘That’s my life, David. I am all alone, with Sadie and now Samuel to look after.’
‘Samuel?’ He took off his coat and wrapped it around them both then sat beside Sally and held her. She was feeling sick, her eyes were swollen with tears and she was still trembling uncontrollably.
‘Samuel. My father’s name.’ She moved slightly to make sure the baby was covered with the cardigan she had removed. ‘I’m so afraid he’ll be damaged. I didn’t know what to do. Isn’t that ridiculous? He isn’t the first; I should have known exactly what to do. I’m so afraid I haven’t done the right things.’
David leaned over and looked at the tiny face and felt a warm, protective feeling overwhelm him. ‘He’s so perfect. I’ve never seen such a young baby before. I didn’t expect him to be so – so perfect.’
Sally was weary and past tears. She sat staring down at her child as they waited just a few minutes more for the doctor to arrive. Netta Prosser came first, carrying a couple of blankets. After a few words she ran back to hurry the doctor. ‘I’ll telephone again in case he didn’t get the message,’ she promised. She met the doctor on the path and at once scolded him for being so idle. ‘Hurry, man, there’s a newborn baby back there,’ she shouted as she ran after him back to the mill.
‘An ambulance is on its way. Now please keep your voice down – we don’t want the mother panicking. Stay out of the way so I can examine my patient in peace.’ The doctor and David wrapped her in the blankets then she was carried in a stretcher the ambulance crew had brought, everyone talking soothingly to her, assuring her that everything would be all right. Netta offered to carry the baby but Sally wouldn’t let him go. Netta ran then, to tell Valmai. David went with Sally in the ambulance and sat in the waiting room until there was news. Jimmy had locked himself in his room and drawn the curtains.
Sally complained tearfully as the baby was taken from her, but the nurse assured her it was only for a few tests to make sure the unconventional birth hadn’t caused him harm.
Half an hour later the nurse returned with a doctor.
‘I’m afraid your baby is in need of extra care, Mrs Travis,’ the doctor began.
‘Where is he? I want to see him,’ she sobbed.
‘He’s rather ill – a shock birth, you see – but believe me we’ll do everything we can,’ the nurse promised.
An hour later David was told that the infant had died.
‘Samuel,’ he said sharply. ‘His name was Samuel.’ He stared at the doctor. ‘Why?’
‘He was tiny, and he needed immediate help and by the time we got there it was too late, I’m afraid.’
‘But he was perfect.’
‘Oh yes. He was a beautiful boy.’
‘Can I see her?’
‘For a moment, but she needs sleep.’
David felt so emotional he didn’t think his voice would work. Sally was in a side ward and he went over and touched her shoulder.
‘He’s gone,’ she whispered.
David leaned over and kissed her cheek. ‘And I’m so pleased I met him,’ he whispered. ‘Samuel is so beautiful.’
She reached out a hand and he held it until she slept.