The key to finding the best replacement habit is to examine your mood after completing a new routine to see if you still feel a desire to do the bad habit. If it’s still there, then you know the replacement habit doesn’t produce the reward you’re seeking.
Let’s go back to our drinking example.
You tried exercise and meditation, but neither reduced your stress levels. What did work was forming new friendships with people who don’t spend their time in a bar. These positive people help you feel relaxed, which minimizes the tense feeling you experience before having a drink.
You also know that Dave (one of your buddies from O’Brien’s Bar & Grille) loves hiking, which is an activity you also enjoy. This means you can minimize your drinking while staying connected to one of your friends.
Another thing you might notice is that people often trigger bad habits. That means you have to make a decision—either you spend less time around them or you keep repeating unhealthy behavior. Sure, it’s not easy to “let go” of certain people, but sometimes you need to sacrifice relationships that typically lead to self-destructive habit loops.
CASE STUDY
In my first attempt to reduce cellphone usage, I tested a few things: tracking the time I used it, disabling certain apps and asking my fiancée to hide the phone every evening.
None of these worked because I wasn’t resolving the underlying reasons of why I felt the urge to check my phone. I also discovered that when the phone was physically “put away,” the impulse wasn’t always there.
I ultimately chose the cellphone sabbatical solution because it gave me a simple choice: (a) Either I wasted time on an activity that didn’t matter, or (b) I spent my time doing the things I personally enjoyed. I almost always made the right decision.