Chapter 25

Caroline

By the end of the third day at sea, Caroline realized that she’d fallen into the phony-baloney trap. It was just the game that everyone played, so why not play along? Questions like, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?” came consistently on a ship full of strangers. Again and again, she’d hear Janie say she was an attorney and Marley that she was an artist, and even Abby sounded larger than life when she’d tell people she ran a bed-and-breakfast in a quaint seaside town.

Eventually Caroline tired of telling people she was a nobody who did nothing. She began talking up her life and pretending she’d really had a dramatic career that went beyond bit parts and commercials. She even acted as if she really did plan to marry her millionaire boyfriend. Who knew? Maybe she would. It all made for a good story. And, really, what did it matter? Besides, people seemed to enjoy the fantasy. Having spent many years in Hollywood, she was well acquainted with illusion.

But in the still of the night, after everyone else was asleep, Caroline felt like a fraud. Worse than that, she felt like a failure. Really, what had she done with her life? Not much. The more she thought about it, the more she thought perhaps she should call Mitch and apologize and tell him she had changed her mind about traveling with him. Maybe it didn’t matter whether or not they were married. Maybe she should just be thankful that someone with the kind of resources Mitch had was interested in her. Really, did she want to grow old alone?

“You seem quiet this morning,” Abby said as they were getting ready for breakfast. “Are you feeling okay?”

Caroline paused from applying her moisturizer and looked at Abby. “I’m not sure.”

Abby looked concerned. “You’re not sure?”

Caroline forced a shaky smile. “No, I’m fine. I think I just need a cup of coffee.”

“You’re probably worn out from last night.” Abby shook her head. “Who would’ve thought two old guys like Bill and Stan could dance like that?”

“And take turns with all four of us.” Caroline fluffed her hair. “I’ll bet they’re tired this morning.”

“I don’t think Paul could’ve kept up with them.” Abby looked slightly sad.

“Are you missing Paul?”

“I … I … yes, I suppose I am.” Abby turned away, hurrying to the bathroom. But Caroline could’ve sworn she saw tears in Abby’s eyes. Was it possible that something had happened with Bonnie again? Caroline had been paying close attention to those two and had been spending a lot of time at her house—partly because it was exciting to see it coming together, and partly because she felt a responsibility to Abby. But now that they’d departed on the cruise, and with no one was around to keep an eye on Paul, was Abby worried? Caroline considered asking her, then realized talking about it would probably just make things worse. Really, what could Abby do besides feel bad? Besides, Abby wanted this trip to be fun.

Caroline slipped her feet into her sandals and wondered why she felt so tired. Was it always this much work to have fun? Was she just getting old, or perhaps simply regretting her inability to make up her mind about Mitch? Whatever it was, as Caroline walked with her friends up to the dining room, she felt slightly off. And when she smelled the food, even the coffee, which she’d thought she wanted, she realized she had no appetite whatsoever. Not only that, she felt slightly queasy.

“I wonder if I’m getting seasick,” she mused out loud as they were sitting down at their table.

“But the ocean is perfectly calm,” Marley pointed out.

“You know, Irene wasn’t feeling well this morning,” Bernard told them. “She’s still in bed.”

Caroline took in a deep breath, telling herself she was imagining things, but as she reached for the napkin, she realized this was for real. “I, uh, I don’t think I’m feeling too well.” She stood quickly. “Excuse me.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Abby offered.

“No.” Caroline shook her head. “I think I just need some air.”

She hurried past waiters and out of the dining room. Outside she leaned into the railing and took in some deep breaths, but that only seemed to make her feel worse. Her head was throbbing too. Finally, she decided that the only thing that sounded good was the comfort of a bed and a nearby toilet. That’s right where she headed—fast. She got there in the nick of time. Thankful to see the tiny bathroom, she put it to use, emptying the contents of her stomach. Finally, feeling exhausted and empty, she put a cold washcloth to her head and tumbled into bed.

“Are you okay?” Abby asked as she let herself into the room. “Everyone is worried.”

“I’m sick,” Caroline said weakly.

“Seasick?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I think I just need … sleep.”

“Janie’s not feeling too good either,” Abby told her. “At first I thought it was just the power of suggestion, but then she really started to look a little green around the gills. Marley just helped her back to their cabin, and I think she’s hurling.”

“Oh.” Caroline couldn’t think of a response to that.

“I’ll go find you some Sprite,” Abby said. “And maybe some medicine.”

“Yeah. Sprite might be good.” Caroline closed her eyes, which felt like lead weights were attached. “Just … need … sleep.”

And she did sleep for a while, but when she woke up she was shivering and cold, and, to her surprise, Janie was lying next to her. “What are you doing here?” Caroline asked in a hoarse voice.

“Sick,” Janie answered, barely opening her eyes.

“Marley and I are playing nurse,” Abby said from where she was seated in the chair with a magazine in her hands. “How about some Sprite?”

“No.” Janie groaned and rolled over.

“Not yet,” Caroline told her. “But are there more blankets? I’m freezing.”

“I’m burning up,” Janie said as she pushed the covers off. “Is the AC broken?”

Abby came over and tended to them, although with her eyes closed, Caroline couldn’t be sure what she was doing besides bumping the bed, which made Caroline’s skin crawl. She wanted to tell Abby to go away but couldn’t find the words.

The day continued to pass in a haze of misery, restless sleep, and occasional news flashes from their “nurses.”

“It sounds like about a hundred or so people are sick, and not just the passengers. Some of the crew got it too,” Marley reported. “They call it a norovirus, whatever that is. I heard the ship’s doctor is running his legs off because some of the older passengers have health problems that complicate matters. It’s possible we won’t be allowed into port until it’s over.”

“When will it be over?” Janie asked in a pitiful voice.

“I heard it usually runs two to three days.”

“How long has it been so far?” Caroline asked.

“Just a day.”

Janie jumped up, making another dash to the bathroom. Caroline was relieved she didn’t need to throw up again. She tried to imagine she was feeling better, but her body ached like she’d been run over by a truck.

“Stan and Bill are just fine,” Marley told her.

“Uh-huh.” Caroline tried to sound interested, but she really wished Marley would stop talking.

“They say they’re immune to ship sicknesses. You know, because they travel so much. But they did have some advice. Bill suggested aspirin, and Stan said a shot of whiskey would help.”

Caroline pulled the blankets closer around her neck and up to her ears, hoping it would block the sound of Marley’s voice. But Marley continued to prattle until Janie emerged from the bathroom and said, “Please! Be quiet.”

Marley didn’t say much after that. Caroline vaguely wondered if her feelings were hurt. Not that she cared so much at the moment. But later they’d have to apologize. She also marveled that Marley and Abby weren’t sick. Of course, if they were sick, who would take care of them?

Thankfully, Caroline started to feel better by the following afternoon. Although she was weak, she was able to sit up in bed and sip on some chicken broth. And by the end of the day, Janie started returning to normal as well.

“You guys are lucky,” Abby told Janie and Caroline as the four of them sat in the cabin together. Marley had brought a plateful of food down from the buffet, which the two “patients” were picking at. “The other ones who got sick are still pretty bad off.”

“Yeah, the ship’s not a whole lot of fun tonight,” Marley said. “Most of the people who got sick are still in bed, and the ones who aren’t sick are all afraid they’ll get sick. Well, except for the ones like Stan and Bill. They still seem to be enjoying themselves. They send their best wishes, by the way.”

“I feel so bad,” Caroline told Abby, “for ruining your trip like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” Abby said. “I feel bad that I brought you girls on a cruise where so many people got sick. Bill told me that we’ll probably get some cruise vouchers to make up for it. Not that I’m planning any more cruises anytime soon.” She looked tired.

“I’m just thankful I didn’t get sick,” Marley told them. “You girls should be thankful too, because I absolutely hate being sick. I’m the worst patient ever. I’d be whining and complaining like you wouldn’t believe.”

“And did you notice anything different?” Abby asked. “I mean about Marley or me?”

“Different?” Caroline studied them. “Well, now that you mention it, you both look rather lovely. Is that because you didn’t get sick?”

“While you girls were sleeping it off, we took turns getting some spa treatments today,” Abby told her. “I had those free coupons that came with the cruise tickets, and since there were so many spa cancellations due to the sickness, we made the most of it.”

“I had a hot stone massage this morning.” Marley sighed. “It was amazing.”

“I was just happy to finally cool off,” Janie told her.

“And I had a seaweed wrap,” Abby said, “followed by pedicure and manicure.” She held out her hands.

“Very nice.” Caroline nodded.

“And I had a facial.” Marley patted her cheek.

“Well, I’m glad we didn’t spoil everything for you,” Caroline told them. “I was feeling guilty about you girls being stuck playing nursemaids to us.”

“I’m sorry I grumped at you for talking,” Janie told Marley. “Honestly, it felt like my head was going to explode or implode or just melt down.”

“It’s a bad habit,” Marley admitted. “When I don’t know what to do, like if someone’s sick, I tend to talk too much. Sorry about that.”

“I’m sorry too,” Caroline said. “I think I was unappreciative too.”

“All is forgiven,” Abby told them. “We’re the Four Lindas, remember? We have to forgive each other. Forgive and forget.”

Caroline took a whole-wheat roll and broke it in half. “You know, while I was feeling really, really horrible, like so sick that I almost wanted to die, I thought maybe God was punishing me.”

“Punishing you?” Abby asked. “Whatever for?”

So Caroline confessed how she’d felt guilty for exaggerating about herself and her so-called life. “I’m not usually like that. It’s just that I was starting to feel embarrassed,” she explained. “You girls are so impressive—an attorney, an artist, the owner of a bed-and-breakfast—and I’m just a nobody.” Caroline’s eyes were tearing up. “A failure.”

“You’re not a nobody,” Abby told her. “You are the sweetest person, Caroline. Everyone loves you. And you were an actress. We saw you in those commercials.”

“And you gave up a lot to take care of your mother,” Marley reminded her. “That is not a failure. Really, don’t you think that being a kind and generous person is better than being famous?”

“Besides that, what you said about possibly marrying a millionaire is true,” Abby injected. “And then your life will be as glamorous as you’ve been saying. Think about it, Caroline—you’ll be able to do whatever you like and travel all over the world.”

“But I don’t think I’m going to marry him.” Caroline sniffed loudly.

“Why not?” Marley handed her a tissue.

“I don’t think Mitch truly wants to be married.” She blew her nose. “And even if he did want to, now I’m not so sure that I want to get married.” Now she started crying even harder. “I … I just don’t think I’m the marrying kind.”

“Then why are you so sad about it?” Janie asked.

“Because … because I don’t want to grow old all alone.”

“But you have us,” Abby reminded her.

“Yes. But I guess I don’t want to grow old all alone … and … and be poor too.” Caroline felt silly and shallow for admitting this, but it was the truth—the plain, ugly truth. “I mean it’ll be bad enough to be old and alone, but what if I end up like my mother? What if I get sick and I’m poor and I don’t have anyone or anything and—”

“Don’t be silly,” Marley said. “Like Abby said, you have us.”

“Yes, but you all have men in your lives—real men. Not like Mitch. He’s here today and gone tomorrow. Maybe gone forever now that I turned him away.” She was crying even harder. “And—and—you’re not poor!”

Abby sat down on the bed, putting her hand over Caroline’s. “Well, Caroline, as a matter of fact, I am poor.” The room got quiet, and Abby told them how Paul was going bankrupt and losing his construction business and their investment property and everything. “And not only will we lose the new house, which I never thought I’d feel too badly about—but I do—I’m going to lose the inn as well.” Abby was crying too.

“Oh my!” Marley handed her a couple of tissues.

“So, see, Caroline, you are not alone in your poverty.” Abby looked at her with watery eyes.

Caroline hugged Abby. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I had no idea.”

“But we still have each other. If I have to be poor, at least I’ll have friends.” Abby wiped her wet cheeks. “I didn’t want to tell you guys about this. I wanted to keep the cruise all happy and lighthearted. But it seems pointless now. I just hope I didn’t bring everyone down with my bad news.”

Janie sighed as she leaned her head against the headboard. “Since misery loves company, I might as well share my bad news too.”

“You have bad news?” Caroline peered curiously at her.

“Lisa walked out of the rehab facility. And she’s already used up her second chance.” Janie’s chin quivered. “After all our hard work, the intervention, I just don’t know why she couldn’t try harder. Why did she give up so easily?”

“Who knows?” Marley shook her head.

Caroline reached over and patted Janie’s knee. “I’m so sorry, Janie.”

“You know, while I was so sick, I was thinking about Lisa, wondering why …” Janie reached for the tissue box, which was in the center of the bed. “I just felt so helpless, you know? Not just because I was sick and felt so lousy. But I just feel so helpless when it comes to Lisa. I realize there’s really nothing I can do. Not a thing. Well, besides praying. Even that’s been hard.”

“We can pray for her too,” Marley told Janie. “I’ve been praying for her a lot. In fact, I’ve been praying for all of us.”

“Good for you, Marley.” Caroline smiled at her. “It’s nice to know one of the Lindas still has her act together.”

Marley laughed. “My act together? Are you kidding?”

“At least your life isn’t falling apart,” Abby told her.

“Don’t be so sure.”

“Come on,” Abby said. “Not only are you a famous artist now, selling your work at—”

“I sold some paintings,” Marley said offhandedly, “and for all I know I’ll probably never sell another one. I haven’t heard a word back from Thomas in Santa Barbara. He was so excited, I thought I’d hear from him by now. My paintings might be gathering dust in a back room somewhere even as we speak. Who knows? Maybe he’ll try to return them to Jack.”

“You’re just being an insecure artist,” Caroline told her. “Give it some time.”

“That’s not all.” Marley confessed how she was still quite worried about Sylvia going after Jack. “I’m trying to act like everything’s fine, but underneath it all, I’m worried.”

“But you know Jack loves you,” Janie pointed out.

“I hope you’re right,” Marley told her. “But from what I’ve seen, Sylvia is a determined woman. And as Abby can attest to, men can be fickle creatures.”

Abby just shook her head. “You know, when Paul told me he had bad news, I immediately thought he meant about him and Bonnie. I was absolutely certain that my marriage was over.” She made a weak smile. “Instead, we’re just going to lose everything.”

“Everything but your marriage,” Caroline reminded her.

“So it seems.” Abby shrugged. “But I suppose that could still go by the wayside too.”

“Don’t go looking for more trouble,” Janie warned her.

“That’s right,” Marley said.

“Wow, you know what’s funny?” Caroline said suddenly. “Not laugh-out-loud funny. Maybe just ironic. But there we all were, going around this pretty ship with our happy faces on, talking about our wonderful, successful, blissful lives, and the truth is we’ve all got problems. Real problems.”

“Are you suggesting we should go around talking about all our problems?” Abby scowled. “Good grief, that would depress everyone on the boat.”

“Just the ones who aren’t already sick in bed,” Marley said wryly.

Caroline laughed. “No, I’m not suggesting we go around dumping on everyone. That would be seriously twisted, and it wouldn’t take long before people started running when they saw us coming.”

“We could rename our group the Whining Lindas.” Janie reached for a piece of pineapple.

“We don’t have to pour out our troubles on everyone,” Caroline said quietly, “but I do think we should always be truthful with each other.”

And so they all agreed, promising that come what may, they would be honest with each other. No pretenses.