Ben woke an hour and a half later as if he’d had an alarm clock next to the bed. He looked refreshed and suggested they get ready and go down early. ‘I want to drink your health before the guests arrive, Mrs Saunders. Here, let me do up that hook.’
His hands on the nape of her neck made her shiver in anticipation. ‘You make an excellent lady’s maid,’ she said, her voice coming out breathless.
‘I’m going to be even better at helping you out of those clothes later on,’ he murmured suggestively, his fingers toying with a lock of her hair.
‘I wish there were no reception,’ she admitted. ‘I’d prefer it to be just the two of us.’ And she would love him to help her out of her clothes – slowly.
He stepped away with obvious reluctance, offered her his arm and led her over to the mirror.
The immaculately dressed couple staring back at them both seemed like strangers to Megan. Was that really her? She had never looked so good, she knew. But it didn’t seem like her. Didn’t feel like her, either. ‘You look very handsome,’ she said quietly.
‘And no man could want a more beautiful bride than you,’ he said, then glanced at his watch. ‘Better give your aunt and uncle a quick ring and suggest they join us downstairs as soon as they’re ready.’
They went down to a function room on the mezzanine floor, where several attentive staff were standing around and a buffet table was half-prepared. A waiter brought them some champagne and when Ben raised his glass to her in salute, she clinked hers against it.
Then her aunt and uncle turned up, together with his aunt, and their few moments of peace and togetherness were over. The first arrivals followed soon after, then a stream of people.
Megan stood beside her new husband to receive their guests’congratulations. They’re only people, she told herself, but it didn’t help because they were such confident, well-dressed people – and they all seemed to know one another.
She watched her aunt and uncle surreptitiously to make sure they were all right and was surprised at how relaxed they looked. Well, her uncle didn’t get fussed about much and from the gleam in her eyes, Auntie Eileen was thoroughly enjoying this brief taste of high life and would boast about it to her many friends after they got home again.
Cocktails and intricate finger food were followed by a buffet meal of considerable opulence, and the rich people turned out to be just as greedy as anyone else, Megan noted. Had she not been so nervous, she might have been amused by it all, but she could feel the eyes on her and for once, her appetite had quite deserted her.
By the time the meal was over, her head was aching fiercely from lack of sleep the previous night and people’s voices seemed to be alternately fading and booming around her. She sat through three brief but witty speeches, which taught her that her husband was both liked and respected as a businessman and colleague.
But people didn’t say much about him on a personal level. No jokes about his quirks or times when things had gone wrong. Was that because they didn’t know his other side?
Did she know it? she wondered. He was intelligent, charming and certainly good-looking, but she had little idea what was going on in his mind. Why had he pushed her so quickly into this marriage? She had thought that question answered, but today these people had made her wonder about it all over again.
Why would such a successful, confident man want to marry an ordinary person like her? Any one of these immaculately turned out women would have made a better partner for him in this world of wealth and style.
Ben leaned closer and murmured in her ear, ‘Like animals at feeding time, aren’t they?’ which made her feel slightly better.
Another time he sighed and whispered, ‘This one coming in now is the biggest bore in all London – no, all England.’ But none of that feeling showed when he was talking to the man in question. Which made Megan wonder again whether she would know if Ben were telling her the truth or not. She hoped she would. Oh, if only this evening would end! She was exhausted!
Then a woman behind them asked another whether Cynthia knew about this marriage and Ben stiffened. As he swung round and glared at the speaker, the woman took a step backwards and hastily changed the subject.
Megan took a sip of wine, trying hard not to feel jealous, but she couldn’t help wondering what this Cynthia was like. She wasn’t going to ask about her, though. Certainly not! Besides, they’d probably never meet if the Berevics lived in Sydney. And Louisa said the affair had been brief and was long over.
The last guests started to take their leave. Megan shook their hands, feeling quite numb with fatigue. Her aunt and uncle had gone yawning up to their room half an hour previously and Louisa Griffen had followed shortly afterwards.
A parting suggestion from one man made Ben’s smile go glassy and Megan blush.
‘Sorry about that,’ Ben said.
Around them the waiters started clearing up in earnest.
Ben smiled. ‘I’m exhausted! And you look as if you’ve been awake for three nights. But I think it went well. We’ve done our duty and now we can think of ourselves.’
‘I don’t know how you can stay alert with so little sleep.’
He put his arm round her. ‘Its anticipation that’s keeping me awake. Come on, wife! Time to retire to my lair. I mean to have my wicked way with you at last.’
She tried to smile, wishing she could recapture the passion of their embrace that morning. Was it only that morning? It seemed like aeons ago.
In their suite she took a quick shower and put on the brand-new black lace nightdress that went with the negligée, a nightdress far more provocative than anything she would have chosen herself. She smoothed it out in front of the bathroom mirror, feeling suddenly shy of appearing before him like this, then took a deep breath and went back into the bedroom.
Ben whistled appreciatively and on his way into the bathroom stopped to run a fingertip across the tops of her breasts. ‘Beautiful! This might just be the shortest shower on record, Mrs Saunders.’
She got into bed and lay waiting for him, her stomach churning and her throat dry. She wasn’t sure he’d appreciate her inexperience as a lover. After a few seconds, she closed her eyes because the lights were hurting them.
Ben came out of the bathroom humming softly, then stopped as he saw how still the figure in the bed was. He walked quietly across and stared down at her. She looked young and defenceless, with utter exhaustion written all over her face.
‘Pity,’ he murmured, with a wry smile, ‘but it’d be a shame to wake her.’
And he felt pretty tired himself, now he came to think of it. He climbed in next to her, expecting to have difficulty in getting to sleep in such an aroused state but, like his wife, he was overcome almost at once by sheer fatigue.
Worried that there was no sign of the newly-weds, Louisa phoned through and woke them at nine o’clock the following morning.
Megan jerked awake and realised in horror that she had fallen asleep on him on their wedding night. ‘Ben, I’m so sorry! You should have woken me.’
He shrugged. ‘The pleasure is only postponed,’ he said softly, cradling one of her breasts briefly in the gentle warmth of his hand and planting a slow kiss on her lips.
‘If it were anything else but a plane waiting for us, I’d tell it to go to hell,’ he growled in her ear. ‘But the airlines wait for no man. Come along, Mrs Saunders, your chariot awaits.’ He turned at the bathroom door to grin and admit, ‘And I fell asleep within seconds, too.’
Which made her feel much better. She hardly recognised him with tousled hair and a face flushed with sleep, but she liked the way he looked now. This was the man she had married, not the suave public figure of the previous evening.
And she, too, regretted that waiting plane.
What magic was this that he could touch her and she would melt? Surely, surely, an attraction this strong must lead to more than just a calm friendship? You’re a fool, she told her reflection in the mirror. Don’t ask for more than he can give, at least not yet. Impatience will only lead to unhappiness.
Auntie Eileen filled the drive to Heathrow with praise of the hotel and the food served the previous evening.
Uncle John was very quiet. Just as the newlyweds were about to go through Customs, however, he stopped Ben. ‘Don’t leave it too long before you come back to visit, lad.’ He clasped the hand he had just shaken in both his. ‘We’d like to get to know you better and we shall miss our girl. And don’t forget your promise to look after her.’
Megan gave her uncle a final kiss and hurried through the waiting barriers with tears in her eyes, not even daring to look back or she’d have sobbed aloud. Ben’s hand on her shoulder made her glance sideways. He wiped a tear off her cheek with one fingertip. ‘I like the way you care about your family,’ he said quietly. ‘We’ll pay their fares out for a visit and we’ll go back to see them.’
She looked at him uncertainly, then someone behind them said ‘excuse me’ and they had to move on. But the concern for her in Ben’s eyes comforted her, as did the promise to pay for her family to come out and see her.
Maybe she was worrying about nothing. Maybe things were really quite straightforward, and friendship and sexual attraction would be enough to start off a successful marriage.
And kindness. That never went amiss, either. Warmed by his understanding she settled down in her seat.
Singapore’s Changi Airport was massive, so full of people and noise that Megan, who felt groggy from dozing on the plane, kept tight hold of Ben’s arm as they made their way along in a buffeting crowd of tired travellers, all eager to get to their hotels.
They passed through Customs so rapidly she couldn’t believe it. ‘I thought they checked everyone for drugs,’ she whispered.
‘Only suspicious persons. And no one,’ he added with a grin, ‘would ever think you suspicious. Now, I’m expecting to be met.’ His eyes searched the crowd and a man materialised, wearing a driver’s peaked hat.
‘Mr Saunders? I have your car waiting.’
They were driven to another luxury hotel. Just like the one in London, it enclosed them immediately in a warm cocoon of fuss. It could have been the one in London.
A young man took their luggage away even before they had finished registering and a beautiful Asian woman ushered them quickly across the foyer and into a lift which zoomed upwards to what Ben called the executive floors. Their guide opened the door to their suite and left them with a graceful inclination of her head.
Megan moved quickly from bedroom to sitting room, exclaiming in delight at the view. When she went into the bathroom she called out excitedly, ‘There’s a spa bath. Oh, Ben, I’ve never tried one before.’
Turning, she saw him standing watching her with an indulgent smile and looked at him uncertainly, suddenly worried that she was making a fool of herself. ‘I must seem very naïve to you sometimes.’
He walked across to plonk a friendly kiss on her cheek. ‘I like it. I’m sick of blasé people who never seem to enjoy anything except other people’s discomfiture.’
He might like it, but she felt a bit embarrassed.
They moved by unspoken consent to stand by the windows. ‘So many boats,’ said Megan wonderingly, ‘and all full of people going about their business.’
‘We’ll go for a trip round the harbour if there’s time. How would you fancy a ride in a junk?’
‘Could we? Oh, Ben, you make me feel like Cinderella at the ball!’
‘Well, I’m no Prince Charming, I’m afraid.’
She eyed him sideways. ‘You look the part – tall, dark and handsome – but…’
He looked at her suspiciously as she paused. ‘Well, go on. Finish it! What comes after the but…’
‘But just a trifle grumpy at times.’ She pretended to shrink away from his mock anger.
‘You’ll pay for that later, woman!’ He tilted her chin up. ‘In the meantime, I’ll take a small deposit on account.’
The kiss began gently and it went on until her whole body was bound up in it, till she was pressed tightly against every masculine inch of him. When he moved away from her, she had to clutch him or she would have gone spinning onto the floor.
He chuckled softly. ‘No one ever kissed you properly before, did they, Cinders?’
‘No.’ She smiled at him. ‘I think I’m going to need a lot of practice to get it right.’
He sighed and looked at his watch. ‘I hate to say this, but I have a meeting to attend.’
‘Now?’ She could not believe her own ears. He was going straight to a business meeting on their honeymoon!
‘I’m afraid so. I’d planned this trip before we even met. I couldn’t have cancelled things without giving serious offence to some people whose goodwill is important in the finalising of this part of a multiple deal.’
She pulled away from him, trying to speak cheerfully. ‘OK, then. You’re forgiven.’ But she knew she wasn’t concealing her feelings very successfully.
‘I really am sorry.’ He looked at his watch again. ‘Do you want to go out shopping or will you wait for me here? You only have to ring if you want room service. The hotel staff are very helpful.’ He reached out to tease a strand of her hair into a curl, something he seemed to enjoy doing.
He sighed and let the curl drop back, then went into the bedroom, where he changed hurriedly into a clean shirt and dark suit. As he left, the kiss he planted on her cheek was distinctly absent-minded, his thoughts already elsewhere. ‘I expect I’ll only be a couple of hours.’
She swallowed hard and took a step backwards, away from the temptation to cling to him and beg him to stay. She had never considered herself the clinging type, but she kept getting an urge to drape herself all over him. ‘I’ll wait inside the hotel, I think. I’m a bit bewildered by all the crowds outside. When I’ve unpacked, I’ll go down to that nice café off the foyer for a snack.’
‘You can have something sent up here. Or eat in the executive hospitality area on this floor.’
‘Oh, no! Much nicer to go down and watch people. It’s one of my favourite pastimes.’ She stopped in the middle of the room as it occurred to her that she had perhaps spent too much time watching other people in the past and not enough time living her own life to the full.
Well, she was going to enjoy life from now on. Every second of it. And enjoy her new husband, too. She was looking forward to tonight. If his kisses could affect her so strongly, what would his lovemaking be like? A delicious shiver ran through her at the thought.
Ben got back two and a half hours later to find Megan still sitting in the café in deep conversation with an elderly woman who looked like a retired schoolteacher. As she saw him, Megan made her excuses and walked towards him, beaming a welcome.
‘How lovely! I didn’t expect you back so soon.’ Now, perhaps they could go out and start exploring. It was infuriating to have come to a romantic foreign city and then just sit around in a hotel waiting.
‘Unfortunately I have to have dinner with the same people and their wives aren’t coming.’
She knew her disappointment was showing clearly in her face. When had she ever been able to conceal her feelings? Swallowing hard, she managed a shrug. ‘Well, if you have to—’
‘It’s a dreadful thing to do to someone on their honeymoon.’ His tone was coaxing. ‘Will you ever forgive me?’
With an effort she summoned up a smile. ‘I can’t enjoy the fruits of your labour and then complain when you have to work, can I? But I’ll have to change some of my money or I’ll not be able to do anything while you’re away.’
He had been turning towards the lifts, but now he swung back. ‘Are you intending to go out?’
She was not so wimpish that she would just sit around waiting for him to look after her! ‘Well, I’m not intending to stay inside the hotel for the whole of our visit!’
‘No. Of course not. But…’
‘Ben, I’m a modern woman,’ she said firmly, ‘and I often go out without a minder.’ In Upper Shenstead. Which wasn’t exactly a humming centre of activity. But the principle was the same. Wasn’t it?
‘I’ll go and get some money changed for you, then.’
‘I have my own money.’
‘Don’t be silly, Megan! You’ll need more than that.’
Anger surged up again. Did the women he had known sit around and wait for handouts? Well, she wasn’t going to. ‘I won’t need more, actually! There’s a group excursion going out for a tour of the main sights tonight, and then on to a restaurant for dinner. It’s not very expensive. Miss Barreth is going, so I won’t be alone. I’ll go and book on that.’ Determined to show him how independent she was, she turned to wave at her former companion, mouthing the words, ‘Wait for me!’
The older woman nodded.
‘I’ll go and book for you, then,’ he said brusquely.
She was surprised as well as annoyed at his insistence. ‘Ben, I’m quite capable of managing things like that for myself!’
‘I know you are, but I have to go and get some money changed for myself and I can book your excursion at the same time.’ He hesitated. ‘I didn’t mean to sound over-protective, truly. I’ll see you up in our room shortly.’
She watched him walk across the lobby. When wearing his public persona, he looked sleek, well groomed and ready to kill. She could see women’s eyes turning to follow his progress.
She much preferred him in relaxed mode, but she realised suddenly that she’d only seen him looking relaxed a few times. Since she joined him in London, he’d more often looked like this.
Her heart sank. Was this to be the pattern of their lives? Formality and separation, with an occasional relaxed patch in between? Ben said he’d sold his company, but his business interests still seemed to dominate his life, even on his honeymoon.
I’m being unfair, she told herself. He can’t renege on his previous arrangements. Squaring her shoulders, she walked briskly across for a word with Miss Barreth, who was delighted to have a companion on the sightseeing trip.
When Ben came up to their room, they were polite to one another but a little cool as they changed for their respective outings. The suit he donned this time was a light cream in colour, but no less formal than his dark ones, and with his hair sleeked down and his expression impersonal, he seemed like a different man entirely.
That man didn’t even attempt to kiss her goodbye and this upset her most of all. Had she married a myth of her own creation? Had she been completely mistaken about Ben Saunders’ true nature? The thought sent a pang through her. Surely not? No, that was just disappointment colouring her thoughts.
She finished getting ready, telling herself that she mustn’t become paranoid. As he had said, these meetings had all been arranged before he even met her. Of course he couldn’t cancel them.
But she couldn’t help wishing he had done.
Megan didn’t get back until quite late. It had turned out to be a fascinating evening for someone who had never visited Asia before. As she returned the greetings of the reception staff and took the lift, she was still bubbling with excitement about the temple they’d visited, the harbour at night and the food she’d eaten.
To her surprise, she found Ben waiting for her in their room. He’d changed into casual slacks and a short-sleeved top, but he didn’t seem to be in a good mood. In fact, he scowled and made no attempt to walk across the room to greet her.
She paused in the doorway, her smile fading at the sight of the expression on his face. ‘Oh! Have you been waiting long? I thought you’d be later than this.’
His voice was quite curt. ‘I managed to get away early. I confided to my Chinese friend that I was on my honeymoon and he told the others. As a result we got through the business quite quickly by their standards.’
He’d been so disappointed to find the suite empty, with only her perfume lingering in the air to tantalise him that he’d grown angry with himself. He had no intention of getting dependent upon anyone, not even a wife. That way lay danger. Wiser to steer clear of intense emotions. Who should know that better than he?
But even so he had not been able to get the memory of their embraces out of his mind. How warm and willing Megan was, how responsive! And how unlike any woman he had ever known before!
As he’d waited in the hotel suite he’d been unable to settle to anything, and had simply sat there, listening for her. He’d felt ridiculously happy when he heard her stop outside the door and fumble with her key card, then had been afraid to reveal his feelings.
‘What exactly is your business, Ben? You’ve never really talked about it.’
‘It’s partly import and export. I also manage some mixed deals, property, shares, things like that.’
‘And what was tonight about?’
Frustration exploded out of him. ‘Who the hell cares what tonight was about? You and I are supposed to be on our honeymoon!’
As he strode across to where she was standing, he looked so angry she couldn’t help flinching. He grasped hold of her arm and pulled her towards him and she felt a tremor run through her. This kiss was nothing like the others. It was savage, dominating and as powerful as storm waves crashing on a beach. Within seconds she was kissing him back just as hungrily.
He paused to glare down fiercely at her. ‘I don’t care how tired you are, I intend to make love to you tonight.’
He was going too fast. She felt panic rising. ‘Ben, I don’t…’
His mouth smothered the rest of the sentence and as her dress fell to the ground, he dragged off the elaborate bedspread in one swift movement and tossed it aside, then turned to her, his eyes gleaming. ‘Not ready yet? You’re behaving like a virgin about to be ravished,’ he teased.
‘I… um, I am a virgin.’
He had been about to pull her down with him onto the bed, but at that remark, he suddenly grabbed her shoulders and held her away from him. ‘What did you say?’
She could feel herself going even redder and buried her face in the nearest thing, which happened to be his chest.
‘Megan – we never talked about it – but are you really a virgin?’
She nodded, still avoiding his eyes.
His arms slackened for a moment. ‘I never even gave the possibility a thought!’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters!’ Hell, he couldn’t remember ever making love to a virgin. It put upon him the responsibility to make love to her even more carefully, to ensure that she was ripe and ready before he gained his own satisfaction.
And the idea of being the first filled him with an aching tenderness that seemed to intensify every feeling and response.
He stared at her unhappy, flushed face and pulled her back into his arms. ‘Come here, you idiot, and kiss me again!’ Holding her close, he murmured in her ear, ‘There’s nothing at all wrong with being a virgin, Megan. I was just surprised, that’s all. In this day and age one doesn’t expect such a precious gift from one’s wife.’
Precious gift! Relief surged through her. He didn’t mind, then. ‘I hope I – I won’t disappoint you,’ she whispered, raising one hand hesitantly to stroke his face, then run it over his firm skin.
‘I don’t think you could disappoint me, Megan.’
Afterwards, she lay in his arms, drowsy but happy. ‘I didn’t know it could be like that. It was wonderful.’
He chuckled.
She was glad, now, that she had waited, though her virginity had been a secret cause of shame for years, forcing her to pretend an understanding of sex she didn’t have when her cousin Sarah’s conversations grew too confidential.
Megan had read books about making love, of course she had, but to know what happened between a man and a woman was one thing, to experience it quite another, she decided happily.
Ben’s arms were loosening.
‘I’m exhausted, wench. It’s hard work ravishing virgins. You’ll have to let me sleep now.’
Megan lay and listened to his breathing as it deepened and slowed down. It was a while before she could join him in sleep, because after they had made love, she had realised suddenly just why he could rouse her so easily.
She’d been fooling herself. All the time. Ever since that very first weekend. Hiding from the truth, in fact. But she wasn’t going to hide from it any longer. She’d fallen in love with him, this self-contained, arrogant man who scorned the very idea of romance!
Only he was also a tender, thoughtful lover. He was kind and acted in a loving manner, to her, to his aunt as well.
She was stunned by the realisation of how she felt and hoped desperately that she hadn’t betrayed her feelings while they were making love, because she was not sure how he would react to the idea of her loving him.
He had made it more than plain from the beginning that he didn’t want or believe in romance, only friendship and loyalty.
But she couldn’t help loving him. Wanted to tell him, to say it aloud, to revel in it.
And didn’t dare.
She would have to be careful to say none of the words of love that rose to her lips so easily.
She frowned. And what about him? Not once in all the time they’d been together had he used even the slightest endearment, not even when they were making love. He had spoken her name, called her wench, said she was beautiful, but nothing else.
And suddenly she wanted endearments. She wanted the whole damn thing. She felt bewildered by the strength of her own emotions and yet terrified of driving him away from her by revealing them.
At least they were married now and she could be with him, whether he loved her now or not. She must be very patient. Surely he would grow fond of her in time? She knew he liked her. She did have that, at least.
It was a strange thought for a bride, but then, theirs was a strange union.
Rubbish! a last sleepy thought drifted through her mind. That sharp little voice in her head again. You’re still fooling yourself, Megan Saunders. What you really want now is for him to love you. As much as you love him.
Was she a fool to hope for that? She didn’t know. She prayed not.
She didn’t think she’d be satisfied with mere liking and friendship, not for the rest of her life anyway, not from the man whose children she wanted to bear one day.
The next two days passed in a whirl of shopping and sightseeing, with Ben only attending two very brief business meetings. Apart from that they spent every minute together and for most of the time, it was in every sense a honeymoon.
The only thing missing was that the bridegroom still did not use any endearments and the bride was careful to follow suit. And why it mattered so much to her, Megan couldn’t have said. But it did matter. Details like that seemed very important indeed in a long-term relationship.
But passion was there, at least, sometimes seeming to float through the air that separated the two of them, igniting at the most unlikely moments and always bringing intense pleasure to them both.
‘We are,’ he said one day, ‘incredibly well suited sexually.’
‘Yes.’ She held her breath, hoping he’d say something tender, but he just murmured sleepily in her ear that she had a gorgeous body and snuggled up to her.
Don’t expect instant miracles, Megan, she told herself as she lay waiting for sleep to wipe away that moisture brimming in her eyes. No one promised you miracles. Just take it one day at a time. Don’t be greedy. Be thankful for what you’ve got, which is more than you’ve ever had before.
But with every day that passed she did want more, wanted it quite desperately.