The following day Ben had to attend more meetings. ‘Just a few more, then that part of my life will be over,’ he explained.
Determined to remain cheerful, Megan nodded. After he had left, she went out on her own to explore Perth, delighted to find it sunny if cool today. She lifted her face to the sun, enjoying the warmth. And although it was winter, she had no need of a coat, which seemed absolutely miraculous after English winters.
The city centre was criss-crossed by walkways and shopping malls, which created a world apart from the traffic. She particularly liked Forrest Place, where preparations were being made for a midday concert in the open air and where, even in winter, it was warm enough for people to sit outside at tables and chat over cups of coffee. She joined them, sipping her coffee and watching the passers-by.
Still feeling faintly defiant after Ben’s gibes about shopping, she decided to buy books not clothes. Once she was inside a book shop, the last traces of her anger evaporated and as always she lost herself in the sheer pleasure of browsing through the rows of colourful volumes that tempted her fingers to reach out for them, touch them, open them, buy just one more. For the first time she used the credit card Ben had provided, signing her new married name with a smile.
When she came out of the bookshop, she continued to stroll along. In one mall there was a stand where people were collecting money to save endangered species. She made a contribution, feeling it a good way to start life in Australia, then got talking to the guy handing out leaflets. They compared notes about what was being done in her part of England and what needed to be done here, and half an hour had passed before she realised it.
By the time she moved on, she had volunteered to join their efforts and he’d given her an application form.
Since it was now lunch time she hurried back to the hotel, her heart lifting at the thought of meeting Ben as they’d arranged. She felt guilty for being late, but found the room empty, with only a brief message pushed under the door saying Mr Saunders had been unavoidably detained on business and would get back as soon as he could after lunch.
‘Oh, and I’m just to wait around again, am I?’ Megan exclaimed, feeling bitterly disappointed. She had been looking forward to Ben’s company in the afternoon, had wanted to share what she had found out and do some further exploring together.
And she didn’t like the brusque tone of the note or the way he kept issuing what sounded like orders. She screwed up the paper and let it drop to the floor. ‘Well, sorry, Mr Saunders, but you won’t find me sitting here meekly waiting until you deign to return!’
She flicked through the brochures she’d picked up in the hotel lobby and found she could cruise down the river to somewhere called Fremantle. Good! She’d vanish for the afternoon and if Ben came back when he said he would, she’d let him sit around wondering where she had gone, for a change!
The desk clerk gave her instructions for finding the cruise-boat terminal, but she refused his offer to call a taxi because she needed a brisk walk to use up some of her energy.
As she passed a sign indicating a shopping precinct, she decided to go inside and buy herself a sandwich. By this time she had walked off some of her anger and was wondering whether to return to the hotel. Perhaps she had over-reacted. Well, she knew she had over-reacted. Her feelings for Ben seemed to be see-sawing up and down all the time.
She rode down the escalator into a basement shopping mall, looking around her with great interest. Half the city’s shops seemed to be underground or indoors. Was that because of the hot summers?
Part of the way down, however, she gasped aloud and shock held her so rigid that she would have fallen off at the bottom had it not been for the quick support of a woman behind her.
Murmuring a hurried thank you, she ducked behind a pillar, flushing as the woman turned round to stare at her in open-mouthed amazement.
After a moment Megan peered carefully out. Yes, there they were, sitting in an intimate huddle at a table outside a café - her husband and Cynthia! They hadn’t noticed her, so engrossed were they in earnest conversation. She stood there watching them, fuming. It was disgusting the way that woman kept pawing Ben! And even more disgusting that he kept allowing it!
Swallowing hard, Megan tried to keep her emotions under control, but tears filled her eyes. From the look of things, Ben wasn’t finished with Cynthia. Perhaps he wanted to have his cake and eat it?
Well, Megan wasn’t going to put up with that. Definitely not!
After a minute or two she managed to pull herself together and stepped back on the escalator, resentment sizzling through her. She wondered if he’d notice her. But of course there was no shout from behind her because he hadn’t eyes for anything but Cynthia.
So he had been detained on business, had he? What business could he possibly have with her? All that talk in England about faithfulness and loyalty within marriage! What he meant was that his wife must be loyal, while he did as he pleased. The usual male double standard and she had fallen for it, hook, line and sinker!
More by luck than good management, she found her way down to the ferries. Once on board she gazed out at the Swan River with lacklustre eyes, unable to get the picture of her husband and Cynthia cosying up at the table out of her mind.
At one stage in the slow journey down the river, she noticed a man looking at her admiringly. He gave her a friendly nod and she glared at him, feeling a surge of satisfaction as he hurriedly looked elsewhere. She didn’t flirt with other men. Didn’t want to.
Pain filled her and tears welled in her eyes. All she wanted was for her husband to love her. Would that be too much to ask?
She was sure she and Ben were well suited – or at least, they could be if he would give it a real chance. If he would only let affection grow between them, they could build a home and a wonderful life together. She lost herself for a while in dreams of what that home might be like, what a child of Ben’s might look like, then jerked back into cold reality as she realised they had just reached Fremantle.
So upset was she that she even considered getting off the boat and staying out all evening, just to emphasise her independence, but that urge was short-lived. It would gain her nothing to behave irrationally. Besides, there might just be some reasonable explanation, at least on Ben’s part. She hoped there was, though she couldn’t think of one at the moment.
What was plain was that Cynthia was making every effort to re-engage his attention.
What wasn’t plain to Megan was what he really wanted.
As she thought about it, she frowned and tried to picture the pair of them, realising suddenly that there had been nothing lover-like in his expression or body language as he sat in the mall. It was Cynthia who’d been leaning forward and pawing him.
Was that just her own wishful thinking? No, now that she was feeling calmer, she didn’t think so. Oh, dear, had her anger blinded her?
In any case, it was time to get back to the hotel. She had made her point by now. If there was a point. She felt so confused she didn’t know any more.
The return journey up the river seemed to take for ever and the sky had clouded over again. The scenery was beautiful, with large homes set among grey-green gum trees on the low slopes overlooking the river. The occasional boat went chugging past, bobbing round the wide curves of water in a leisurely way. In other circumstances she would have been delighted with it all, but it was a relief when the trip was over. She wasn’t in the mood to appreciate scenery today.
She walked slowly back along the foreshore towards the hotel and when she got close, she sat down on one of the benches by the river and admitted to herself that she was reluctant to face Ben. Ignoring the cold wind that promised more rain, ignoring the fact that dusk was falling fast, she stared across the water and admitted it.
She’d over-reacted.
I am jealous, she decided. Ben was right about that. Only she loved him so much.
But what sort of love was this where she couldn’t even tell him how she felt, couldn’t even complain about him having lunch with another woman? Sniffing away a tear, she blew her nose determinedly. She must be totally stupid to have got herself into this.
She stared blindly at the expanse of water and sighed. No, she wasn’t stupid. How could she not have fallen in love with him? It was more than a physical thing, for her at least. She remembered how happy they’d been together in Singapore, how much fun they’d had, how she’d enjoyed simple things like chatting to him or just walking along hand in hand.
Misery swept through her. Their delicate situation had gone from bad to worse since their arrival in Perth.
She balled up the soggy tissue and fumbled for another. Well, she decided, she’d accepted his conditions about marriage, so she couldn’t complain that she hadn’t known what she was getting into. And maybe he might grow fond of her over the years.
A tear slid down her cheek. She didn’t want fondness. She wanted romance, passion. Fierce hot lovemaking, yes, but on a foundation of love. And she didn’t want to wait years for it, either.
Rain, hunger and darkness drove her back to the hotel. All she had managed to decide by then was that she must continue to be cool and pleasant with him as he was with her. As for Cynthia, Megan intended to wait and see what happened before she said or did anything more about that woman.
If she could force herself to wait.
If she didn’t lose her temper first.
He had never seen her lose her temper. She didn’t give in to it nowadays, though she had as a child. But then, during the past few years what reason had she had to go into a red rage? None. She had made sure of that. Lived a quiet life. Avoided things that might be painful.
When she entered their suite, he bounced to his feet and glared at her, hands on hips. ‘Where the hell have you been?’
‘Out.’ Delighted with this reaction, she took off her jacket and shook the raindrops from it, avoiding his eyes. She was glad he was angry. Serve him bloody right! He never told her where he was going, so why should she always have to tell him?
He moved across to her, opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and stretched out one hand to feel the jacket. ‘You’re soaked!’
She spread the jacket carefully over the back of a nearby chair, still avoiding looking directly at him. ‘Yes. And I’m feeling quite chilled, so I think I’ll take a nice hot shower. That’ll warm me up.’
He followed her into the bathroom, barring her way to the shower. ‘You still haven’t said where you’ve been.’
Briefly she considered refusing to tell him, then shrugged. ‘I’ve been on a boat trip to Fremantle. It’s a beautiful river, isn’t it?’
‘What on earth made you do that?’
‘You weren’t here, I didn’t know when you’d be returning and I was fed up of shopping. Fed up of hotel rooms, too.’
‘But we agreed you’d wait here for me! I sent a message to say I’d be back after lunch and I was.’
She could see that he was controlling his temper only with an effort, but she was beyond caring whether she upset him. He’d upset her twice in the past twenty-four hours. ‘I’m getting a little tired of waiting for you in hotel rooms, Ben. And we didn’t agree to anything. You gave orders, told me what to do. Since I didn’t agree and you don’t always return when you say you will, I decided to go out on my own.’
He scowled at her. ‘I’ve been worried sick about you. Perth, like every other large city, has its share of muggings and crime, you know.’
She shrugged again. ‘I thought you didn’t want a clinging wife. I distinctly recall you telling me that.’ She started taking her clothes off.
‘I’d prefer to know where my wife is, especially when she’s out after dark in a strange city. You left no message, you know, not a single word.’
‘Sorry. I forgot.’ She turned on the water and stepped into the shower, effectively cutting off further questions. A few tears slid down her face, but by dint of concentrating on her grievances, she managed to stop her stupid tendency to weep.
The shower screen opened and a naked body joined her under the water. ‘Oh, hell, Megan, I missed you this afternoon!’
‘Did you really?’ She stared at him through a blur of spray. He seemed to fill the whole shower space. A shiver of excitement ran down her spine and the antagonism started to fade.
‘Of course I missed you!’ He pulled her into his arms and kissed her wet face. ‘Here, let me wash your back.’ He took the soap out of her hand, turned her gently round and began to wash her body with slow, sensuous movements.
She felt bewildered. He was behaving as if he really did care about her. Why didn’t he say something affectionate, then?
When he pulled her against him, she lost the battle to think.
Dropping the soap, he trapped her in the corner, took her face in his hands and pinned her to the tiles with a thrust of his lean hips, rocking against her belly, his arousal an urgent throb against her softness.
‘Stop,’ she muttered half-heartedly.
‘Why should we?’ he demanded. ‘Your body shows you’re enjoying it as much as I am.’
She tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but the way he was standing made it impossible. ‘Ben, I’ she began, but his mouth covered hers and stopped any further protests.
Suddenly there seemed to be only the two of them and the warm hissing water in the whole world. She sighed and put her arms round him, leaning her wet face against the damp skin of his shoulder and blinking the water from her eyes. ‘Oh, Ben, I only went out because I was so fed up,’ she confessed. ‘I was missing you, too.’
He turned off the taps and drew her towards the bed, cradling her in his arms and making love to her with exquisite tenderness. At least it felt like tenderness.
Or was it just skill?
Afterwards, she lay with her head against his chest and sighed.
‘What’s upsetting you, Megan?’
You are, she wanted to say. You’ve done it again, made love without using any words of affection. ‘I’m getting a bit tired of hotels.’
It was part of the truth, at least. She knew she was a poor liar. ‘I guess I’m the sort of person who needs a home and – and something to do with her days.’ She didn’t say anything about his meeting with Cynthia, because she couldn’t bear to spoil the rapport between them.
‘I’m tired of hotels, too, have been for a while.’
He said nothing for a few minutes and she couldn’t think of anything to fill the silence with, so didn’t try. He seemed quite relaxed and she could only hope that her own tension didn’t show as she lay against the slow rise and fall of his chest.
‘I have a confession to make,’ he said at last.
It felt as if her heart had stopped beating for a moment or two and only a whisper of sound scraped out. ‘What?’
‘It’s about my – our house.’
Relief flooded through her. She could not have borne the confession to be about Cynthia. ‘They say it’s good for the soul,’ she managed at last.
‘What is?’
‘Confession.’
‘Hmm. Well, here goes. I haven’t built a proper house yet, so there’s nowhere you’ll really be able to call home. I’ve bought about two hundred acres of land fronting onto the Harvey Estuary. It’s undeveloped bush, most of it. There’s a house of sorts there, but it’s only a tumble-down beach shack. I was going to live in it until I’d designed and built a much bigger house, then knock the shack down.’
‘Sounds fun.’
He fell silent for a while. ‘Perhaps we’d better rent a house somewhere. Here in Perth, or in Mandurah, if you like the town. I’d prefer Mandurah, I think. It’s a seaside resort, not at all like the English ones, very Australian.’
‘Couldn’t we go and look at this shack, then decide afterwards? Surely you don’t have business meetings every single day? Besides, I’d love to see what Western Australia is like, the real Western Australia, not this city.’
‘Don’t you like Perth?’
‘I’ve only seen the city block and the river. And yes, I do like it. What’s more, I met some people today who are trying to do something about endangered species.’ She told him about the guy she had been talking to, about her intention of joining the group.
‘I’ll check them out for you, see if they’re bona fide,’ he said immediately after she’d finished.
‘No, I’ll check them out. As soon as I get on line, I can email some contacts in England. In the meantime I can tell whether people are amateurs or near professionals, you know.’ She smiled. ‘I really don’t need you to act as watchdog over everything I do.’
He was silent, then admitted, ‘I’d like to help with something like that as well. I am aware of the conservation issues, but I’d never really had time to do much about it, apart from making donations. But you can’t avoid thinking about it these days and it does make sense to take better care of our environment.’
‘Everyone should make some effort. And donations are needed as well as workers. But maybe, once you’ve sorted out the rest of your business dealings, you’ll have time to do something in person?’ She’d like that, working together.
He smiled. ‘And I’m sure you’re going to show me what to do.’
She couldn’t help smiling back. ‘Yes. I probably am, once I’ve got to know this country better. I bought a couple of books today. But,’ she looked quickly sideways at him, feeling the need, as always, to gauge his mood before she revealed her own feelings, ‘it would definitely have been more fun to go out together today.’
‘I did send a message to say I was delayed.’
‘Great! Mr Saunders is delayed. Suspend all activity until he beckons. I’m not like that, Ben. I like to keep busy.’ She bit off more angry words. She must keep her temper in check. Their relationship was still too fragile to stand any real stress. His next remark both surprised and pleased her, however.
‘I should have rung you personally. I’m sorry, Megan. I will next time.’
‘I’d much prefer that.’ Honesty compelled her to add, ‘I’m just not – not used to this sort of dawdling life. I not only need something to do, I’d prefer it to be something worthwhile.’
She leaned across to kiss his cheek. His expression was unfathomable. He could hide his emotions better than anyone she had ever met, just switching them off in mid-sentence at times. When he spoke, however, he surprised her again.
‘I hope you’ll never get used to such a life. I admire your enthusiasm. I’m tying up the loose ends as quickly as I can, Megan, I promise you.’
She was surprised by the expression of distaste on his face. ‘You sound as if you hate it.’
‘Not hate it, no. But it would never have been my choice to go into this sort of business.’
‘Why did you do it, then?’
‘It was the family business. At the time, there were a couple of elderly cousins of my father’s who had shares in it. They’d have been left penniless if I’d let the business fail. And I knew Aunt Louisa had invested rather heavily in it, too. Well, not invested, but lent my father some money, which amounted to the same thing, I suppose. He was her only brother, after all.’
There was a long pause, and he added in a bitter tone, ‘There was also my mother to consider, you see. She’d have taken everything if I’d tried to close the business down. She has excellent lawyers and usually comes out of her marriages with a fistful of extra assets.’
‘Marriages?’
‘Yes. She’s on her fourth husband now, but if I read the signs right, she’s tiring of him.’
He scowled and it was a few moments before he added, ‘Anyway, she put some money into my father’s business when they were first married and her lawyers tied up her rights to repayment rather cleverly. My father hadn’t really studied the contracts – he trusted her, I suppose. As it turned out, he was never able to pay her off. I have, though.’
She was surprised. And touched by his confidences. This was a rare glimpse behind his mask. ‘Well, you certainly seem to have made a huge success of it all.’
‘Yes. If a thing’s worth doing, and all that… I’m financially independent now, thank goodness.’
He sighed as if that gave him little pleasure, then caught sight of the wall clock. ‘Oh, damn! Look, I’ve agreed that we’ll have dinner with Nick and Cynthia this evening. I suppose we’d better start getting dressed.’
The joy left her abruptly. ‘Do we have to?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
‘I must admit I find Cynthia hard going.’ Silence stretched between them. She was determined not to be the one who broke it.
‘Yes. I realise that. But I’d be grateful if you’d make the effort to be polite to her, just this once. I owe Nick a lot and he’s a very nice man, but he’s not as well as he pretends. If I can help him in this matter, I’d like to.’
She shrugged. ‘All right. We have to eat, I suppose. And we needn’t stay up late, surely?’
‘Definitely not. You’re wearing me out. I need some sleep.’
She rolled over, intending to go and get dressed, but he pulled her back into his arms. She had expected one of his devouring kisses that set her whole body tingling, but he simply pressed his lips against her cheek and said softly, ‘You have beautiful skin, Megan and I’d like to kiss every inch of it. Believe me, if I had my way, we’d stay here and order room service.’ Then he put his hands on either side of her face and pressed another very gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. ‘Come on, then, Mrs Saunders. Let’s go and do our duty!’
Gentle as the last kiss had been, she could feel its imprint for several minutes and it had just as much effect on her as one of his passionate mouth-bruising kisses. More perhaps, because it offered the tenderness she craved.
But it occurred to her as she finished dressing that she’d wound up agreeing to do what he wanted. She always did. And, unless she mistook what was going on, he was getting better at managing her.
She didn’t like being managed.
Cynthia and Nick were waiting for them in the foyer and Nick was looking very tired. Megan found herself paired off with him as they walked across to the restaurant while Cynthia draped herself possessively over Ben’s arm and shoulder.
Gritting her teeth, Megan chatted to Nick with determined cheerfulness, keeping her eyes away from the others. Well, most of the time.
Throughout the meal, Cynthia continued to sparkle and address all her remarks to the two men. Megan decided there was an amusing side to all this – if you could keep yourself detached – if you didn’t feel like scratching the other woman’s eyes out. After all, Cynthia was working very hard indeed to keep herself the centre of the two men’s attention and if one were honest, one had to admit that she seemed able to hold a light and amusing conversation with ease.
You didn’t get passionate diatribes about conservation and global warming from her, but a cynical amusement at the vagaries of the world, which had even Megan chuckling several times, though she was annoyed at herself for that.
When the meal was over Nick excused himself. ‘I still get a bit tired,’ he said with an apologetic glance at his wife. ‘I’d like to have an early night.’
It made Megan’s blood boil to see displeasure showing so clearly on Cynthia’s face. That woman had no sense of loyalty! Ben’s expression, as usual in public, betrayed nothing.
Megan decided that she had had enough of this charade, more than enough. ‘I’m tired, too. I’ve still not adjusted fully to the time change. Let’s go up now as well, Ben.’ She pushed her chair back without waiting for his answer and was relieved when he stood up, too.
Before he could speak, Cynthia said plaintively, ‘But I’m not at all tired! Ben, why don’t you stay and have just one more little drinkie with me? You don’t look at all drowsy and I’ll never get to sleep so early! You know what I’m like.’
Megan put her arm into Ben’s and tugged.
He took a step away from the table. ‘Sorry, Cynth. Another time, maybe.’
Nick stepped into the breach. ‘You two go up. I’ll just have one more drink with Cynthia. She forgets sometimes that you’re newly-weds.’
Cynthia’s face showed a momentary anger, then became smooth again.
Megan saw Nick watching his wife’s reactions carefully. He does know, she realised suddenly. He knows exactly what she’s like. Why doesn’t he stop her tricks, then? And why did he marry her in the first place?
But Megan knew she had no right to be criticising anyone else’s reasons for marrying. After all, she and her brand new husband hadn’t got together for the usual reasons, either.
Ben’s smile was replaced by a look of concern. ‘You look as if you need a sleep more than we do, Nick.’ He squeezed Megan’s hand. ‘Look, why don’t we stay for one more drink? We’ll let Nick get to bed while we tire this energetic woman out for him.’
There was nothing Megan could do but sit down again. Nick was indeed looking extremely weary and she didn’t intend to allow Cynthia to have free access to Ben. Nor, it seemed, did he intend to make himself available to her. He sat down very close to Megan and put his arm round her shoulders, keeping it there.
Cynthia chatted brightly on through two more drinks to their one.
You had to give her credit for never being at a loss for a subject, thought Megan. But the warmth of Ben’s arm was comforting and once she reached up to pat the hand that lay on her shoulder and smile at him.
As time passed, however, and the others showed no sign of moving, she yawned openly and nudged her husband.
He looked at her and nodded, then cut Cynthia off short. ‘I really will have to tuck this wife of mine up in bed now, Cynth. It’s been lovely bumping into you two. Tell Nick I’ll see him on Monday to finalise those contracts.’
‘Oh, it surely won’t be that long till we meet again, us being in the same hotel. We’re bound to bump into one another tomorrow.’ Her words were slightly slurred. ‘In fact, let’s have dinner together again.’
You’ve had too much to drink, Megan thought. Not clever, Mrs Berevic.
‘I’ll just have another slurp or two,’ Cynthia announced loudly and signalled to the waiter, but he didn’t see her.
Megan was puzzled by the sudden tension in Ben’s body. His hand dropped from her shoulder and he leaned forward. ‘Don’t you think you’d better join Nick now?’ His words were a bit more than a suggestion.
Cynthia flapped a hand defiantly. ‘Nope. Definitely not. He’ll be asleep by now, anyway.’ She waved at the waiter and this time he did see her and came over. ‘I’ll have another dry martini, please. A large one.’
Not only was her speech slightly slurred, but she was staring round at the other people sitting in the bar, eyes narrowed as if assessing them.
Ben sighed and closed his eyes for a minute. ‘Look, you go up, Megan. I’ll join you shortly.’ He lowered his voice and added, ‘I can’t leave her when she’s in this condition.’
Cynthia made no effort to conceal her jubilation.
Megan felt bitterly upset at Ben giving in to this blatant blackmail, but she wasn’t going to give Cynthia the satisfaction of showing it. Making no attempt to say goodnight, she stood up and marched across the foyer, her back straight and her head held high.
Rage made her feet beat out a tattoo as she walked. It was only too obvious whose wishes were getting priority with her husband. Well, just let him lay one finger on her when he came back to their room that was all! She’d pretend to be asleep.
If he came back to their room, said that little voice in her head, and she had to bite her lip to hold back the tears. She couldn’t cope with much more of this, didn’t see why she should have to, either. Ben wasn’t playing fair by her – or by their agreement.
It was like being on a roller-coaster, and she’d never enjoyed those.