Joe Berry fastidiously wiped up the last circles of spaghetti sauce with a torn-off piece of sourdough and then pushed his plate away, and that was the end of the last meal he would ever eat.
“Food of the goddamned gods,” he remarked, and took a pack of Merit Menthols out of the pocket of his plaid shirt.
On the other side of the kitchen, Nina Berry was carefully crimping the pastry around the edge of an apple-and-cinnamon pie, a pie that she would never bake. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” she asked him.
He lit his cigarette, and shook his head. “I need my sleep. I’m starting that flat in Cow Hollow tomorrow.”
“I bought some fresh decaff.”
“Decaff isn’t coffee. Same way lite beer isn’t beer.”
Along the corridor of the Berry’s two-bedroom Fulton Street condominium, seven-year-old Caroline Berry and five-year-old Joe Berry Junior were both fast asleep in their bunk beds.
Caroline’s rag-doll Martha lay sprawled on the Navajo rug. Caroline would never again pick Martha up. Joe’s favorite stuffed rabbit Joe Berry Junior-Junior sat propped in the red-painted basketwork chair. Joe Berry Junior-Junior would never be called Joe Berry Junior-Junior again. The next name that Joe Berry Junior-Junior would be called would be “People’s Exhibit H.”
It was 9:03 on the night of Thursday, August 11, 1988.
Joe stood up with his cigarette dangling between his lips and carried his plate to the dishwasher.
“I wish you’d quit,” Nina chided him, taking out the cigarette and kissing him.
“Two a day, is that smoking?” he appealed.
“Two too many. I want you to live for ever.”
There were marginally fewer than eight minutes left to go. Joe said, “I’ll try to cut down to one, okay? But you’ll have to give me time to decide which one. I need the morning one to get me going and the evening one to calm me down.”
“Oh, decisions, decisions,” Nina teased him.
Joe took back his cigarette and walked through to the living-room, where the huge Zenith television set was flickering with the sound turned down. Former 49er Dwight Clark was being interviewed about his new restaurant, Clark’s by the Bay. Without turning up the sound, Joe heaved himself down on the couch and propped his thick green socks on the coffee-table.
He picked up the Examiner. “Did you read here that they’re thinking of scrapping the Mounted Patrol?” he called. “They’ve worked it out that they’re costing the city a million-and-a-half bucks a year, just for a bunch of fancy cops on fancy horses.”
“I like the Patrol,” Nina replied. “They give the city character.”
“Oh, sure. And for every thousand dollars spent on character, that’s a thousand dollars less for the poor beleaguered bastards in the combat zone.”
Nina came through to the living-room, carrying a mug of coffee. “Combat zone! You make it sound as if we’re in a war, or something.”
“Are you kidding me? Four cops have been killed this year already. If that’s not a war, what is?”
Six-and-a-half minutes left. Not even enough time for Joe to finish the afternoon paper, or for Nina’s coffee to grow cool enough for her to drink.
Once, nine years ago, when they were staying the night with friends in Mill Valley, Joe had asked Nina, “If you had a choice, what would be the last thing you would ever do, before you died?”
She had kissed his ear. The sunlight had dropped through the slatted wooden blinds like freshly culled honey. “Make love, of course,” she had giggled.
He had kissed her ear.
Five minutes. Not even enough time for making love.
Joe was thirty-three years old, lean and wiry, with thinning black hair but a surprisingly boyish face, which his drooping grandad mustache did little to mature. After leaving college, he had trained as a cop, because his father had been a cop; but after eight years of active service on the streets of San Francisco he had suddenly decided not to go to work any more. He had lain in bed, unable to rise. The doctor had diagnosed nervous exhaustion, but Joe had recognized it for what it was. A total drainage of the spirit—an emptiness caused not by shock, not by trauma, not even by seeing his friends shot or old ladies beaten to a purple pulp or swollen bodies bobbing in the Bay, but simply by giving away a little piece of his soul day by day, night by night, to those who needed it.
He knew why priests drank. He knew why doctors took drugs. He knew why policemen couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. There was such an emotional famine in the world. such a hunger for human spirit, that sooner or later there came a point when you had nothing more to give.
These days Joe was a skilled joiner, working for Fastiff Interiors in Ross Valley—constructing limed-oak closets and mahogany floors and redwood decks. He loved the peace of joinery, the measured pace, the smell of different woods. He loved the way that carefully cut joints dovetailed into each other. But he still woke up occasionally in the small hours of the night and saw the silent needy faces of all of those people who had stolen his soul, pale as death, pale as a shoal of poisoned fish, floating on the tide.
Joe didn’t care much for crowds any more. It had been three seasons since he had gone to Candlestick Park. There were just too many faces, mouths open, eyes wide, all of them hungry for a piece of his soul.
Nina didn’t exactly understand what had happened to Joe, although she knew several other police wives whose husbands had suffered what was fashionably called “burn-out”. Some of the more hard-bitten officers called it “cop-out”.
Nina had remained her gentle, supportive, and slightly bewildered self – skinny and pretty in a dated flower-child kind of way. She had been born in 1962 to the owner of The Red Flag book store on Haight Street, the irrepressible Thad Buford, and a vague college girl named Vanessa Grade (who in 1967 had legally changed her name to Star Lover.)
Nina had met Joe in 1981, at an Independence Day jazz concert at the Frost Amphitheater at Stanford University. They had just started talking to each other, sitting under a tree, as if they had known each other for years. She hadn’t found out that he was a cop until it was much too late, and she was in love with him.
It had been almost impossible at first for Nina to persuade her spaced-out friends that Joe wasn’t going to run them in every time they lit up a roach; and at almost every party and weekend get-together, Joe had suffered insults both implied and direct. One of Nina’s friends always called him Himmler. Another called him Berry-My-Heart-At-Wounded-Knee. As time went by, Joe and Nina had lost contact with all of those chatty nutty people who felt uncomfortable in the presence of a pig, no matter how much of a regular guy he could prove himself to be, and their social circle had been reduced (as the social circles of all policemen and their families are inevitably reduced) to other policemen and their families.
Nina remained friends with at least a dozen policemen’s wives, but didn’t regret that she wasn’t still one of them. Whenever she met them, they were all fudge cake recipes and high-pressure cheerfulness. They all had the same bright brittle way of talking, as if at any second they were going to shatter into a thousand pieces. It was bad enough living on the fault line without living on the edge, too.
She sipped her coffee. “Did I tell you that Caroline won a Snickers bar for painting today?”
Four minutes to go. Joe looked up. “They give away candy at school, as prizes? I thought candy was a punishment, not a reward.”
“Oh, Joe, one small Snickers bar isn’t going to hurt.”
“Well, I don’t know. It kind of usurps parental discretion, don’t you think? You try to bring up your kids right, take care of their teeth, take care of their weight. It sure doesn’t help when their teacher starts handing out candy.”
“She did a beautiful painting of the family. She called it ‘We’re The Berrys’.”
“Did she paint herself with her teeth falling out?”
“Joe, for goodness’ sake, it was only one candy bar and she brought it home and asked me before she ate it.”
“And you, of course, said yes?”
Nina shook her head. “You’re impossible sometimes. You smoke, you eat pasta like there’s some kind of award for it, you drink beer until you’re so full of gas that you practically float away. And then you nag me about one measly Snickers bar that your daughter won because she was so good at painting.”
Three minutes. Scarcely enough time to play one last record. Certainly not their favorite, Barbra Streisand singing Evergreen (3:23).
“Okay, okay,” Joe grinned at her. “I surrender. But don’t blame me if she grows up fat and toothless.”
“Go look at the painting, why don’t you?” Nina suggested. “She’s pinned it up on her bulletin-board. And you can kiss them both goodnight, while you’re at it.”
Joe sighed, dropped the newspaper back on to the couch, crushed out his cigarette, and stood up, and stretched.
“I think I’m getting old,” he told Nina. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. That was the last time he would ever kiss her. “I laid sixteen square yards of oak parquet today, and I feel like Quasimodo.”
He walked along the corridor to the children’s bedroom, lightly drumming his knuckles on the wallpaper. As usual, the children’s door was about an inch-and-a-half ajar. A flowery ceramic plaque announced that this was Caroline’s and Joe Junior’s Room. Joe eased the door open, and stepped inside, breathing the warmth and mustiness of sleeping children.
It was too dark for him to see Caroline’s painting clearly. As far as he could make out, she had represented the Berry family as four bright blue packing-cases with startled pigs’ faces and yard-brooms for arms. Why did kids always draw people with about a hundred fingers on each hand? He smiled, and went across to the bunk-bed, and stood watching Caroline sleeping.
She was blonde and skinny and pretty, just like Nina. He had seen so many families in which the daughter had grown up to look like Dad and the son had grown up to look like Mom. His old sergeant George Swope had produced three daughters who had all looked exactly like him. Thick eyebrows, jutting jaws, and bulbous noses. The guys in the bunko squad had called them “The Sergeant Swope Sisters”.
But here was Caroline’s thin blue-veined wrist lying on her My Little Pony pillow, and her shining blonde hair spread everywhere, like the gold that Rumpelstiltskin had spun. Her lips were slightly parted, and she was breathing with a slight catch in her throat.
Down below, almost totally buried in his comforter, so that Joe could see only the back of his dark-brown sticking-up hair, Joe Junior was dreaming of something unguessable. Space, or school, or Kraft cheese-and-boysenberry jelly sandwiches. Joe leaned into the recess of the bunk bed and kissed Joe Junior’s hot little ear. He, too, sounded slightly clogged. Maybe a quick squirt of Dristan room-spray might help them both to breathe more easily.
One minute, fifty-five seconds. Not even enough time to go find the room-spray. Not even time to think about all of those moments when the Berry family had been truly happy.
Joe went to the window to tug the drapes straight. He looked down on Fulton Street, almost deserted except for parked cars and two men in hats walking slowly uphill, gesticulating and weaving from one side of the sidewalk to the other, as if they were drunk, and arguing.
The house itself was unusually quiet. No television from Mrs. Caccamo upstairs, because she had fallen and fractured her ankle, and was spending a week in the hospital. No opera from the Linebargers below.
The silence made the foggy night seem even more spectral. Joe had always promised himself that one day he would move out of the Bay area, maybe to Napa or Sacramento, where the weather was drier, and the kids wouldn’t keep getting snuffles.
But he had been born here, and his mother had been born here, and his grandfather had been property-boy at the Chutes, one of the few theaters to survive the great earthquake and fire in 1906, and where else in the world could he possibly live?
One minute to go. Then less than a minute. Then fifteen seconds. Then ten. Not enough time to say the Lord’s Prayer, even if he had known that he ought to.
He tugged the drapes. Instantly, he heard a noise like a bomb going off. Garrunchh! – a deep, wrenching, grinding explosion. He cried out, “Jesus!”—because for one ridiculous splinter of a second he thought that he had caused the explosion himself, by tugging the drapes.
He listened. There was silence.
“Nina?” he called.
Silence. Or maybe a faint cry? He couldn’t be sure.
His life began to fall apart all around him, moment by moment, as if God wasn’t going to be satisfied until he and his family had suffered all the punishments of hell.
“Nina!” he screamed. (Or did he? Maybe he was incapable of saying anything, he wasn’t sure. As a cop, he had listened to tape-recordings of men under severe stress—hostages, suicides, men trapped in gradually flooding sewer-pipes. These men had all believed that they were speaking calmly and rationally – but all that anyone could hear was an almost alien gibberish, and the huge gasping of hyperventilation.)
He thought: earthquake? But it hadn’t felt like an earthquake. No queasy sensation beneath his feet. Gas explosion? Maybe the Linebargers had left their gas on when they had gone to see their daughter in Eureka.
He stepped out into the corridor. Nina? “Nina? Are you okay?”
The blood in his ears rushed Nina Nina Nina Nina Nina.
The first thing he saw was that their front door had gone. Not just the door, but the frame, and great lumps of the surrounding brickwork, too.
Lying in the rubble was a full-sized jack, the kind used by firefighters to break down security-locked doors in burning buildings.
Nina!
He didn’t know how he managed to reach the living-room so quickly. It was as if he had simply blinked and thought “living-room”, and he was instantaneously there. It was then that he saw at once what had happened, and it was worse than anything he could have imagined.
Something inside of his mind said: This is madness. This is too terrible to be true. This is the nightmare that haunts every hardworking taxpaying middle-class man and woman, and it simply doesn’t happen outside of dreams, or movies.
A huge towering man in a strange and terrifying black horned mask was standing in the middle of the living-room, one booted foot resting on the kicked-over coffee-table. He was gripping Nina tightly by the roots of her hair, and up against her thin bare neck he was pressing the blade of an enormous triangular-bladed butcher knife. Nina was white-lipped, and her eyes were bulging. Her arms dangled limply by her sides, as if she were a life-size marionette of Nina whose strings had been cut. The man was holding the knife-edge so tightly against her larynx that the skin had been broken just enough to make her bleed, and even if she had done nothing more than swallow, her throat would have been sliced open.
Joe cautiously raised both hands, breathing heavily. His police training told him: hostage situation – don’t go crazy, don’t panic. She may be your wife, but that’s all the more reason to stay in control. Act calm. Act conciliatory.
The man’s grotesque mask made it impossible for Joe to judge what he looked like, or what age was, or what state of mind he was in. The mask was jet black, glossy, plastic or papier-mâché, like the head of a huge beetle, with antlers rather than horns. The eye-sockets were dead-black, and foxily slanted, and they were as dead as velvet and they gave away nothing at all.
The man was stripped naked to the waist, although his chest was streaked in glistening rust-and-crimson-colored oil, or maybe oil mixed with paint, or blood. He had the knotted muscular chest of a dedicated weight-trainer, although Joe thought: weird, this guy’s extra-weird, because his nipples were both pierced with shining gold rings, from which hung ragged collections of beads and feathers.
He wore a heavy black-leather belt with a silver buckle in the shape of a grinning skull, and tight black jeans, and boots. Slung from his waist was a heavy canvas sack. He was enormous—six-three, easily, and well over 200 pounds. And what made him so frightening was that Joe had never seen anything like him, ever before.
He didn’t look like a Hell’s Angel; or one of those overdressed homosexual fetishists who came clanking into San Francisco General to visit their dying friends; or any one of those archetypal crack-maddened freaks whom you could encounter unexpectedly around any street corner, and without whom the San Francisco Police Department would have been almost a normal place to work.
This man was different. This man was decked out like an emissary directly from Satan himself.
What was more, he had smashed down their front door with a firefighter’s jack, and unless he had known for sure that the other two apartments in the building were empty this weekend, he obviously hadn’t cared how much noise he made. To Joe, that meant that he didn’t particularly care whether he lived or died, and if he didn’t care whether he lived or died, that meant that he wasn’t afraid to kill.
A long time ago, on Green Street, one of Joe’s partners had made the mistake of trying to cajole the shotgun away from a man who didn’t care whether he lived or died. His face had splashed Joe’s shirt like a tipped-up plateful of minestrone soup.
Nina’s eyes pleaded, but she couldn’t speak, and if the man hadn’t been gripping her by the hair, she would probably have collapsed.
Joe spread his arms, to make it clear that he wasn’t carrying a weapon; to show that he wanted to talk.
“What is it?” he asked, his throat clogged with tension and phlegm. “What do you want?”
The great masked head turned slowly as Joe circled around the coffee-table.
“What do you want?” Joe repeated. “Is it money? Is it drugs? Just tell me what it is, come on, anything, and we’ll talk about arranging it. Come on, you’ve got my wife there, friend, you don’t think I’m going to fool around, do you?”
“Joe—!” gasped Nina, in desperation.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay,” Joe told her, knowing all the time that, Jesus, this guy could go crazy at an instant, and cut her throat, and kill me too, he’s totally irrational. Who the hell busts into somebody’s condo with a jack? Who takes out their whole door, when there’s nothing to steal but silver-plated baseball trophies and a four-year-old video recorder?
Who the hell wears an insect mask and smothers themselves in blood?
“Come on, friend, what is it?” he repeated.
The man hesitated for a long, long time. Minutes of dark-sliding silence, like oil pouring over a weir. Then he said, in a deep muffled voice, “I’m not your friend, friend. I’m your worst nightmare.”
Joe nodded, and tried to clear his throat. “Okay, I’m sorry. I apologize. No offense meant, huh? I’m just interested to know what you want.”
Another long silence. Then, “You know what I want.” Joe couldn’t stop his heart from scrambling; couldn’t stop his lungs from constricting. Calm, Joe, calm for Christ’s sake. But don’t let him know how frightened you are. “I don’t know, no, how could I know?”
The great shiny black head nodded and dipped. “What does everybody want? Power, money, revenge, sex.”
Joe was beginning to panic. “You won’t get any of those things here.”
“Oh, no?” the man replied. He drew the knife backwards and forwards across Nina’s throat, so that it tugged at her skin. “What would you call this, revenge or sex? Maybe you’d call it power.”
“Listen, listen, you want money, I’ll give you money,” Joe promised him. “I have at least two and a half thousand dollars in my savings account, you can have it all.”
The man let out a deep, harsh cry of mockery. “What are you going to do, write me a check? You don’t have the first idea, do you?”
“Then what?” Joe demanded. “Just tell me what it is, and I’ll do my best to give it to you!”
Again the man was silent for what seemed like hours. Joe strained his ears to pick up the warble of a distant siren – anything that would tell him that help was on the way. Hadn’t the neighbors heard his door being broken down. for Christ’s sake? Were they stone deaf, or stupid, or what?
He could hear the fog-lagged noises of San Francisco at night, but that was all. Traffic, aircraft, and the long animal cry of a ship’s foghorn. No sirens. He and Nina and Caroline and Joe Junior were trapped with their nightmare, in a city that seemed to have turned over and gone to sleep.
Nina choked, “Please. Please don’t hurt us.”
The man turned to Joe. “You want to live?”
“What kind of a question is that?”
“Under the circumstances, pretty reasonable, wouldn’t you say?”
Joe smeared the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. “Of course we want to live. We have kids to take care of.”
“Sure you do,” the man nodded. “So what I want you to do is, to kneel down on the floor, and to place both of your hands flat on the floorboards.”
Joe hesitated. “That’s all? That’s all you want me to do?”
“Just kneel down on the floor, like I said, and place both of your hands flat on the floorboards.”
Joe did as he was told. The man looked at him for a while, and then said, “Okay, that’s good.”
He released his grip on Nina’s hair, but when Nina started to sag, he nudged at her neck with the butcher knife, keeping her upright. With his left hand, he rummaged in the canvas sack that was tied to his belt.
Joe said, “Can’t we talk? There must be something you want. I can arrange to have some cash brought around. My brother-in-law—”
“Screw your brother-in-law,” the man growled. With some difficulty, he tugged out of his sack a small heavy-headed hammer, and then probed inside with two fingers, and brought out a long steel rail dog – a flat-sided nail used for pinning rails down to railroad ties.
“Here,” he said, shuffling forward a few paces, bringing Nina with him, and shoving them aggressively under Joe’s nose.
“What?” asked Joe, bewildered. He felt a sharp wetness down the side of one leg, and suddenly realized that he must have squirted pee into his pants. Fear beat against his forehead like an endless monotonous drumbeat. Please go away. Please don’t be here. Please let me open my eyes and find you gone.
“Here,” the man repeated. “Take the goddamned hammer, will you?”
Mutely, Joe took it, and tried to take the nail, too.
“Unh-hunh. Not the nail. Your lovely wife’s going to hold the nail.”
The man reached down and tried to press the nail into Nina’s hand. But Nina’s fingers were trembling uncontrollably, and she dropped the nail on to the floor, and it bounced and rang.
“Pick it up,” the man told Joe. “Give it back to her.”
Joe picked it up, and placed it gently back in Nina’s hand, and closed her fingers around it.
“What do you want us to do?” Joe asked. His voice didn’t even sound like his own.
The man grasped Nina’s hair again, and slowly levered her head back. Her bare throat was stretched. White skin, visible veins, highlighted by the white triangular reflection of the knifeblade. The knife’s reflection didn’t waver once. This man isn’t even human, thought Joe. Not only isn’t he scared; he isn’t excited, either. He’s calm, he’s relaxed. He’s not even threatening us because it turns him on.
“You spread your left hand on the floor,” the man instructed Joe. “That’s right. nice and flat. Now your lovely wife’s going to kneel down beside you nice and slow, and she’s going to hold that nail for you right in the middle of your hand, she’s going to hold it real steady. Then you’re going to knock it right in.”
Joe stared at those dead black eyes in horror. “You want me to nail my own hand to the floor? Are you crazy?”
“You can do as you’re told or you can watch your wife die, up to you.”
“You’re out of your mind!” Joe gasped at him.
The man grunted, dipped his masked head. “It doesn’t matter squat to you whether I’m sane or I’m crazy. All that matters to you is staying alive. And the only way you’re going to have any chance of staying alive is if you do what I tell you.”
Very slowly, still tightly gripping her hair, the man forced Nina to kneel down next to Joe.
“The nail,” he told her.
“I can’t,” she choked. A thin runnel of blood had slid straight down the center of her larynx and pooled in the hollow of her neck.
“Tell her, Joe,” the man coaxed him. “Tell her what’s going to happen if she doesn’t behave.”
“Nina,” said Joe. “You’re going to have to be brave.”
“But I can’t do it! I can’t!” She was close to becoming hysterical; and Joe knew how dangerous it could be, if a hostage became hysterical. That was when you had to go in with guns blazing, because anything could happen, and usually did, and all you could hope to do was keep the casualties down to the minimum.
“The nail,” the man insisted.
Shaking wildly, Nina held the nail between finger and thumb, about two or three inches above the back of Joe’s hand. Joe took hold of the point and placed it between his finger-joints, well clear of his veins.
“I can’t do it,” Nina panted. “I can’t do it. Please don’t ask me to do it.”
“Listen,” said Joe, “it won’t even hurt. You remember Bill Gates? He caught a .45 slug in the middle of his hand, just like he was playing baseball. He didn’t even feel it, and he’s fine now. Absolutely fine.”
In spite of his soft words of reassurance, Joe was sweating iced-water, and he could feel his spaghetti knotting and churning in his stomach like a jarful of tomato-flavored worms. If he had to do it, if he had to nail his own hand to the floor, he wanted to get it over as quickly as he could.
“Just hold the nail there,” he begged her. “Hold it there and close your eyes. You won’t be doing me any favors if you don’t keep it real steady.”
Nina stared into his eyes, and swallowed. “I love you,” she said. “Don’t ever forget that I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart,” Joe told her.
“Get on with it, for Christ’s sake!” the man snarled. “You want to see her die?”
Joe could feel the point of the nail trembling against his skin. He had to hit it hard and accurate—think about it as joinery. He didn’t want to hit his fingers with a 5lb hammer, he could smash his knuckles and never be able to work again. And he didn’t want to hit Nina’s fingers either.
A drop of Nina’s blood fell on to the back of his hand and that decided him. If she could shed her blood to save him, then he could certainly shed his blood to save her.
He swung the hammer back, shouted “Ahh!” and banged the nail right through the flesh between his index and middle fingers, right through muscle and cartilage, and into the hard oak flooring.
He hadn’t imagined that it would hurt so much. After all, Bill Gates had told him that he hadn’t felt a thing. But the nail sent a hideous spasm of pain all the way up his arm to the elbow, and his fingers contracted as if he had been electrocuted.
“Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” he babbled. It was partly a release of tension, partly surprise, mostly agony.
But the man in the mask wasn’t going to let up. “Again,” he ordered, his voice harsh. “Right in, as far as it can go.”
His eyes filled with tears, Joe lifted the hammer again. The man had forced Nina to stand up now, well away from him. She hadn’t been able to close her eyes, but she had turned her face away, and she was gray with shock.
Joe looked down at his hand. The L-shaped head of the nail protruded about an inch-and-a-half above the skin, but apart from a narrow red line that ran between his fingers, there was surprisingly little blood.
“Again.” the man commanded him.
Numbly, Joe lifted the hammer, hesitated, and then banged at the nailhead again, and then again, until his hand was pinned flat to the floor. He felt as if he were suffering from severe frostbite. He was overwhelmed by a relentless aching that seemed to penetrate every bone in his body. He dropped the hammer and knelt shaking and silent, not even thinking what might happen next.
“Now,” said the man. “Mrs. Berry’s turn.”
Joe lifted his head. “What?” he asked, fearfully.
“The lovely Nina’s turn,” the man replied. No emotion. No gloating. As matter-of-fact as an airline steward, announcing that it was time for them to board their flight.
“What do you mean, what are you going to do?” Joe demanded.
“Will you just cut out all the fucking questions?” the man told him, his voice still muffled but rising.
“But you’re not going to—”
“I said shut the fuck up!” the man screamed, and this time Joe was seriously frightened. The man might sound calm most of the time, but it was clear that he was right on the brink. One wrong move, one smart answer too many, and he could kill them both. Joe closed his eyes tight, in excruciating misery, and thought of Caroline and Joe Junior; and tried to think of something hopeful, too, some way out of this terrifying insanity.
But the masked man had crowded the whole apartment with such a suffocating aura of illogical dread that Joe couldn’t think of anything constructive or optimistic at all; except that he wanted this over. No matter how it ended, he wanted it over.
He opened his eyes and found that Nina was kneeling on the floor facing him, her hands flat on the floor. Their fingertips were almost touching. The man was hunkered down beside her, his belly rolled over the belt of his jeans, and now he was holding the point of the knife close to her jugular vein.
Joe could smell him. He smelled of sweat and automobile grease and something else indefinable: a smell like stale hay, or dry leather, or poor-quality marijuana.
“We’re going to do the same thing again now,” the man said. “Nina’s going to hold the nail and Joe’s going to hammer it in.”
He produced another railroad dog from his sack, and laid it carefully on the floor close to Nina’s left hand.
“They’re going to gas you for this,” Joe told him, his voice fragmented, like all the bits and pieces inside a child’s kaleidoscope.
“Shut up, please,” the man said, much more softly this time. “They’re not going to gas me for nothing.”
Joe, wincing with pain, said, “You can’t expect me to—Jesus, she’s my wife!”
“Sure I can expect you to. I can expect you to do anything. It’s up to you, do it or die. What could be simpler?”
Nina breathed, “Joe, do it. For God’s sake let’s get this over with.”
She picked up the nail with her right hand and carefully positioned the point over the back of her left.
“Do it, Joe. Come on, we’ve shared everything before.”
“Yes, come on, Joe,” the man urged him, digging the point of his knife into Nina’s neck. “Double your pleasure, double your fun.”
“God, you maniac,” Joe cursed him.
He lowered his head. There was a moment when he didn’t know whether he would be able to do it or not. After all, what guarantee did he have, after he had nailed Nina’s hand to the floor, that the man wouldn’t kill them anyway? But his police training kept telling him: compromise, take the line of least resistance. He had seen too many times what had happened to people who had tried to be heroes.
Nina said, “Go on, Joe. Be brave.”
Joe shivered. Why did he feel so cold?
“Go on, Joe,” he heard Nina repeating.
He tried not to think about anything at all. He lifted the hammer and beat at the nail in Nina’s hand with all his strength, hoping to save her the pain of a second or a third stroke. She let out a strange cry like nothing he had ever heard before; except for a seagull with a broken wing, which he had once seen crushed by the wheel of a slowly-reversing truck, on the Embarcadero.
He dropped the hammer heavily on to the floor. But the man in the mask said, “Again! Come on, Joe! Again! It’s only half of the way in!”
He picked up the hammer. He tried to look at nothing but the head of the nail. He beat it again, and still it wouldn’t go in. He beat it again, and again; and at last Nina’s hand was pinned flat to the floor, like his own.
The man peered closely at Joe, and then at Nina, and they were both weeping.
“You did good!” he exclaimed. “You did really, really good! I’m proud of you!”
Joe said nothing. He couldn’t speak out of pain; and humiliation; and complete disgust. Nina kept on sobbing and sobbing; but Joe knew that she was sobbing more out of pity for him than she was for her own pain.
The man took his knife away from Nina’s throat, and eased himself back so that he was sitting on the floor. “Well, well,” he said. “That’s good. That’s just the way I wanted to see you. Kneeling, you know? Obedient. And sick at heart.”
He dug the point of the knife into the floorboards, and it vibrated backwards and forwards, like a tuning-fork.
“Joe’s had his turn and Nina’s had her turn. Now it’s my turn.”
“Aren’t you satisfied yet?” Joe asked him, wretchedly.
“Satisfied?” The glossy black mask turned toward him in apparent curiosity. “Don’t you know that his Satanic Majesty is never satisfied?”
“For God’s sake,” Joe pleaded.
“Oh, no,” the man replied, and his voice was rich with lewdness. “For Satan’s sake.”
He grasped Joe’s right hand, and forced it flat on to the floorboards.
“No,” said Joe, dully, although there was nothing he could do.
The man kept Joe’s hand flat against the floor with his knuckles. Then, with a jingle, he sorted another nail out of his sack, and dug it directly into the back of Joe’s hand.
“No,” said Joe. But with three or four hard, insistent bangs, his right hand was nailed to the floor, too.
Joe cried, “Ah! Ah! Oh God, ah! Oh God, that hurts!”
But the man said coarsely, “Shut up, please, will you? This is all going good. We don’t want to spoil it, do we?”
“Jesus,” wept Joe.
He kept his head bowed and his brain closed while the man nailed Nina’s right hand to the floor. But the sound of the hammer struck through every bone and nerve in his body.
The man stood up, and paced around them. “Good, Joe, you’re looking good. That’s the way I like to see you, don’t you know? Kneeling down, showing the proper respect.”
Eventually, he hunkered down behind Joe, and said. “This is going to hurt. But I want you to think about something that takes your mind off things that hurt. I don’t know, think about your mother. Your dear sweet little old mother.”
Joe’s hands, cold at first, now felt as if they were blazing. He hung his head in pain and exhaustion.
“You don’t want to think about your dear sweet little old mother?” the man chided him. “You bastard! What kind of an American are you? Next thing you’ll be telling me you don’t like Pee Wee Herman!”
He spent some time rummaging in his sack. Then he produced a nine-inch rail dog and held it too close to Joe’s face, so that all Joe could see was blurry black-and-blue. “Look at that! Is that a nail or is that a nail? That’s hand-forged. No expense spared on you, Joe.”
He pressed the point of the rail dog into the soft hollow just in back of Joe’s knee. Joe thought: holy shit, he’s going to nail my legs to the floor, too. He hesitated for a moment, while the man picked up the hammer. Then he lashed out with both legs, like a donkey. His right foot caught the man on the elbow, and the man rolled over, unbalanced. But the next thing Joe knew, the butcher knife came slicing right up between Joe’s legs, cutting through his pants, opening up his scrotum, and digging halfway into his penis. Missing his urtery by an eighth-of-an-inch.
Joe stayed motionless, crouched, hunched, with blood soaking his pants. Oh God. One more inch and he could have turned me into a woman.
“That’s good, Joe,” the man told him. “You just stay still like that; don’t move; and everything’s going to be fine and dandy.”
Another kind of crucifixion followed. The pain was so terrible that Joe openly cried. The man drove nails right through his bended knee-joints into the floorboards, so that he was fixed into place, on all fours. Then he did the same to Nina.
When he had finished, he tossed the hammer aside, and it bounced and bounded across the floor.
“There, Joe! There, Nina! Crouching like servants! Crouching like slaves! I like you like that, Joe! That’s the way you were born, crouching. That’s the way you lived your life! It suits you to crouch! Servile, yes? That’s it, servile!”
He walked around and around them, so that Joe lost touch of where he was. But at last he stopped, right behind Nina, and hesitated, one booted foot drumming quickly on the floor. Oh dear God. the pain, thought Joe. But he was past weeping; at least for now.
“Servants, yes!” the man decided. “That’s what you are, servants!”
He slowly knelt down, flexing his chest-muscles as he did so, jangling the beads that dangled from his nipples. He lifted Nina’s flowery green-and-yellow dress, all the way up to her waist, until her bottom was exposed. She wore shiny tan-colored pantyhose, with white lace-trimmed panties. The man trailed his fingertips around the cheeks of her bottom, gently, musingly, but confidently too, because he knew that whatever he wanted to do, neither Nina nor Joe would be able to stop him.
“I’m going to fall,” whispered Nina. “I can’t stand it any longer. I’m going to fall.”
“You couldn’t fall if you wanted to,” the man cooed. “You’re nailed in place, Mrs. Berry. Fixed in slavery. Fixed, you housetrained bitch!”
“Leave her alone!” Joe bellowed. “You touch her, so help me, I’ll see you in hell!”
The man raised his black masked face. The lamplight shone on every glossy curve. Only the eyes remained dead. “That, Joe, has been on the cards since you were.”
With finger and thumb, the man fastidiously rolled down Nina’s panythose, down to her bloodied knees. He couldn’t pull them down any further because she was firmly nailed to the floor. Then he tugged down her panties, a little at a time.
Jesus so help me if we ever get out of this I’m going to strangle this man with my bare hands and happily die for it.
Joe closed his eyes. He heard the man’s belt buckle unlatching. He heard Nina whimper. Please Jesus spare me this. Please don’t let this be happening. Please may I now wake up.
He caught a blurred glimpse of the man with his leather pants pulled down to his thighs. Black shaggy hair, white shaggy thighs, and a rearing red totem. Then all he could do was concentrate on Nina’s face, in agonizing close-up, as the man reared up behind her, and dragged the cheeks of her bottom apart, and forced himself into her.
She winced in agony, although by now she was almost beyond agony. Her green-flecked irises contracted. Her mouth opened, as if she couldn’t breathe.
“I love you,” Joe told her. There was nothing else that he could do. He wished now with an agony that made the pain in his hands and his knees seem like kisses by comparison that he had struggled and fought for her. Even if the man had stabbed him to death, he could at least have died like a man—died like his partners had died, when he was a cop—out on the streets, fighting injustice, fighting for something they believed in.
But Joe—no, Joe was nailed to the floor, while a brutal sadist raped and tortured his wife, right in front of him. The great tough husband and protector Joe Berry was nailed to the goddamned floor!
Perspiration quivered on Nina’s forehead like a crown of pearls. The man thrust harder and harder, and she was starting to pant.
“She’s a good hump, Joe!” the man grunted. “She might have given you two kids, Joe—but no problem, she’s still as tight as a nut!”
Joe saw Nina’s face with her eyes tight shut and her teeth gritted. Then all of a sudden the man shouted, “Oh! That’s it! That’s fucking it!” and Nina cried out, and the worm-spaghetti wouldn’t stay down in Joe’s stomach. It filled up his mouth with a huge hot rush which he couldn’t contain, and splattered over his hands.
The man stopped his jerking and thrusting.
“Oh, come on, Joe. That’s not nice. We’re just trying to have a little fun here. That’s not nice.”
“You’re killing me!” Nina screamed. “It hurts so much! I can’t stand it any longer!”
The man hesitated, then sat back on his haunches and tugged up his pants, and buckled himself up. “I see,” he said, and although his voice was soft, it was filled with a terrible cold resentment which made Joe feel even more frightened than before. “I see, so that’s the way you feel about it.”
Joe heaved again. A string of scarlet saliva swung from his chin.
“Can’t you leave us?” Nina begged. “Can’t you see that we’ve had enough?”
“Enough?” the man repeated, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What do you mean, enough? This is the sixth ritual of the seven rituals. Don’t you understand?”
The sixth ritual, thought Joe, lowering his head. Now, at last, he understood who their attacker was, and it filled him with such fear that he could have screamed, and gone on screaming. Every month this year, a family had been butchered somewhere in the Bay Area… Forest Hill, Crocker Amazon, Pacific Heights, Bernal Heights, College Park. The murders had been deliberate and ritualistic, and in most cases the victims had been killed so horribly and in such bizarre ways that the TV and newspapers had withheld most of the details.
How do you report that a man was forced to push his own hand down a sink-disposal unit, in order to save his wife from being set on fire?
The murderer had left scarcely any circumstantial evidence; but he had called KGO Radio after every killing and claimed responsibility. Joe had heard his tape-recorded voice on television, blurting, “Every one of these sacrifices has brought the great day closer. Soon my master will rise again, as it was written in the scrolls.”
Joe couldn’t remember if the voice was anything like the voice of this maniac who had nailed them to the floor. He hurt too much to think with any kind of clarity.
KGO had dubbed the killer the Fog City Satan. His killings had followed no particular pattern; except that they had all been ritualistic, and that nobody had survived to tell the police what had happened; not even a child. When the Fog City Satan visited your home, that was the end of you and all of your kind.
There had been no discernible logic behind the Fog City Satan’s choice of victims. One had been white-collar, two had been blue. One family were Mexicans, another were Chinese. Two had been Catholic, three had been connected with the hotel or catering business. None had been gay. None had served in the armed forces. Two had owned Pontiacs. One had owned a Volkswagen.
Either the Fog City Satan chose his victims at random; or else he was following some obscure personal vendetta which nobody else could explain. Once, Joe had arrested a man who had been shooting anybody whose name began with a G and ended with an D—“in case they got uppity ideas and tried to claim that they were God.”
The brutality of what happened on the streets had eventually led Joe to hand in his shield. It was almost too much for him to accept that he and his family had fallen victim to the madness that he should have stayed on to fight.
“Do you know what I’m going to do now?” the man whispered. “I’m going to bring in your children, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to rouse them up from their beddy-byes, and I’m going to bring them in here to see you; and they’re going to say goodnight. In fact, they’re going to say more than goodnight, they’re going to say goodbye.”
Joe roared, “If you so much as touch one hair on their heads—!”
The mask dipped closer; black and shiny; its eyes dead. “You’ll what, Joe? What will you do? Rip half the muscle out of your leg, and crawl after me? Or maybe you’ll curse me, Joe—maybe that’s what you’ll do! Well—curse away, that’s all I can say! Because there’s no curse worse than me.”
Joe swallowed, and spat out fragments of ground beef. Then he said, “Listen, if you need a sacrifice, I’ll be your sacrifice. But don’t touch the children, please. Just let them sleep.”
He coughed, and then he said, “You can kill me now. Go on. You can kill me now. But please don’t touch those children, please.”
The man listened thoughtfully. He turned away. It seemed as if time had come to a premature end; as if logic had melted like one of Salvador Dali’s buttery pocket-watches, draped over a branch.
“You know something?” the man said at last. “You just don’t get it, do you? Fate, destiny, call it what you like. You just don’t see where it’s going. You don’t see what’s happening, all around you. The old order’s coming back. Not those fusty old farts from pioneer times. The real old order. Pure evil, Joe. Pure and cold! They’ve waited and they’ve waited; but now’s the time! The time that was told of. And there’s nothing you can do to hold it back.”
Joe said, “Don’t touch our children, okay?”
The man waited, tapping the tip of his knifeblade against his teeth. Then he said, “Give me a minute, will you?” and walked quickly out through the living-room door.
“Don’t touch our children!” Joe roared.
There was a lengthy silence. Nina began to cry.
“It’s okay,” Joe told her. His throat was sore with vomity-tasting phlegm. “Everything’s going to work out fine. He’s a headcase, that’s all. He just wants to make us feel scared.”
“I’m so scared! I’m so scared! What more does he want?” blurted Nina.
“Just hold on, please,” Joe begged her. He felt as treacherous as a lizard; as stupid as a clown. Worst of all, he had allowed the most vicious and irrational killer that the Bay Area had ever known to break into his house and terrorize his family. And he had allowed himself to be rendered totally helpless, so that if the killer wanted to torture and sacrifice his children, there was nothing he could do to stop him.
“Joe,” Nina panted. “Joe.”
Joe rocked his hands, just a fraction, from side to side. Each movement was critically painful, and fresh blood bulged out around the nailheads, and slid warmly down between his fingers, so that his hands were soon paddling in it.
Left, right. Left, right. Jesus, I never knew anything could hurt so much.
“I’m working myself free,” he told her. “Don’t you worry, Nina. It hasn’t gone through bone. I’m working myself free.”
Inside, he wept. Inside, he felt as tiny as a child.
Nina whispered, “Joe, listen, don’t. You’ll hurt yourself. Joe, listen, if this family has to die then we’ll all die together. Joe, don’t try to fight him.”
“He raped you!” Joe screamed. “He raped you!”
And he used that anger to shout out, “hah!” and to tear his right hand free from the floorboards, with a hideous crackling sound, leaving a string of scarlet muscle clinging to the nail, and his hand spraying blood in every direction. He sucked in his breath in a sharp “theeeeeee!” of agony, and pressed his hand close to his chest. The pain was worse than anything he had ever experienced. And it was even worse because he knew that would never have the courage to pull his other hand free from the floor, because it hurt too much, because he didn’t have the balls. And there wasn’t a chance in the world that he could possibly tear out the nails that were buried in his knees. He would rather stay crouched on the floor than try to pull those out.
This is the point when pain overcomes bravery—when you have to admit that you simply cannot take any more.
“Joe,” Nina whispered. “Joe?”
He raised his head. “What is it?”
“I just want you to know that whatever happens, I still love you, and you’re not to blame.”
He wiped his torn hand against his face, and streaked his cheek with blood. He started to sob. Deep, braying sobs, like an animal in pain. He sobbed and sobbed, and he thought that he would never be able to stop.
Not until the man appeared in the living-room doorway, leading Caroline with one hand, and Joe Junior by the other. Both children were pasty-faced and swollen-eyed and staring with terror. Joe immediately damped his hand back to the floor, as if it were still nailed down.
“Mommy?” whispered Caroline. “Daddy?”
The man squeezed her wrist. “Come on now, kids. You promised you’d be quiet, now didn’t you? So just stay quiet.”
Joe said hoarsely, “It’s all right, kids. It’ll soon be over. Just do what he tells you, and everything’s going to work out fine.”
The man let out a muffled laugh. “You’re some kind of optimist, Joe, I’ll say that for you!”
“Just don’t hurt them, all right?” Joe insisted.
“The great one requires pain,” the man replied. “Pain and humiliation, and a prayer of forgiveness.”
“If you so much as scratch those children, you’re going to burn in hell, I promise you. You think the police department wouldn’t hunt you down and make absolutely sure that you die the most painful death they can think of?”
The man laughed again. “Even Satan’s entitled to a trial.”
“You’ll burn in hell for this!” Joe yelled at him. “You’ll burn in hell!”
Joe Junior started a high-pitched terrified crying, almost like a whistle, and tried to twist himself away from the man’s grip. But the man swung him around and growled, “Shut up, you little bug!”
He dragged both children across to the couch. Joe turned his head away. He didn’t think that he could bear to watch. But Nina, trembling, couldn’t take her eyes off them; and all the time she muttered under her breath “Don’t hurt my children, dear God don’t hurt my children, dear God don’t hurt my children.”
The man dragged a length of thin nylon yachting cord out of his sack, and deftly lashed Caroline’s left wrist to Joe Junior’s right wrist. Neither of the children was crying now, but they whimpered and shivered so pitifully that Joe decided that however much it was going to hurt him, he was going to try to tear himself free from the floor.
Up, Joe! he told himself. You have to get up.
He clenched his teeth, and reached behind him, gripping his ankle with his bloodslippery hand, so that he could lever his leg upwards, and drag the nail out of his right knee. One—two—three—
He screamed, but he didn’t hear himself scream. The pain put him into convulsive muscular spasm, and he ground his teeth so forcefully that he crushed one of his ceramic crowns. He still couldn’t get up. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it. The nail had been driven too deeply into the floorboards, and he didn’t have the strength or the will to have another try at tugging it out.
“Are you all right?” the man asked him, with creepy solicitousness.
A strange quietness came over the Berry family, all four of them. The quietness of complete terror. The quietness of looking death, real death, straight in its dark and velvet eye.
The man ushered the children against the wall. Then he took hold of Caroline’s right arm, and lifted it high above her head Joe saw the hammer and the nails coming out, and screamed, “No!”
Why didn’t the children cry? It must have hurt them just as much as it had hurt Nina and him. Yet they were uncannily silent, and their silence was far more agonizing to Joe than their screaming would have been. It was as if they prepared to endure anything, because they trusted their father to save them. Daddy wouldn’t let us die.
The knocking sounds echoed in Joe’s ears like somebody knocking on the doors of a mortuary. The children said. “Ow, ow, ow, ow,” in a terrible soft unending appeal to a world that could hurt them so much. But they didn’t scream, and they didn’t cry, and with every knock of the hammer. Joe withered away inside of himself, until it was all finished and his spirit was as frail as a dried-up leaf.
The man had nailed the children to the wall like two paper dolls, their arms outspread, their feet scarcely touching the floor. Neither Joe nor Nina could look at them, or the expression on their faces.
“Mommy it hurts,” whispered Caroline. “Mommy it hurts so much.” And all Nina could do was kneel and weep.
The man paced around the room, his shadow swiveling from one wall to the other, admiring his handiwork, and slapping the head of the hammer in the palm of his hand.
“Now we’re going to say a prayer, yes? Now we’re going to ask the great one to forgive us. Now we’re going to pledge our lives to the old order, the way it was always supposed to be.”
“Please,” Joe begged him. “You can kill me if you like, but let the children go.”
The man shook his head. “This is it, Joe. This is where you make your peace with the god that you and all your kind turned your backs on. The real god.”
He rummaged around in his sack yet again, and this time he produced a red plastic bottle of barbecue starter fluid.
“Oh, God, not that,” Joe breathed.
“What?” asked Nina. “What?”
But Joe wouldn’t answer; and if there was anything merciful about being nailed to the floor, it was that Nina couldn’t see what he was about to do.
“Joe?” she pleaded. “Joe?”
The man walked backward and forward in front of the children, jetting them with fluid. All over their hair, all over their pajamas, all over their hands and feet. Joe Junior coughed and gagged at the smell of it, but although their eyes ran with tears, still neither child cried out.
“How about praying for forgiveness?” the man demanded, his glossy black mask dipping and swaying like the head of a huge black insect performing a ritual dance. “How about saying with me, ‘o great Beli Ya’al, whose day has now come, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.’”
“Are you crazy?” Joe screamed at him, in a sudden surge of panic and temper. Jesus Christ, who cared what the man did to him. Things couldn’t get worse.
“Come on, now, that’s not going to help any,” the man told him. “Just say after me, ‘o great Beli Ya’al, whose day has now come…’”
Joe remained mute; but Nina said, “O great Beli Ya’al… whose day has now come… forgive me.”
It seemed to Joe that the lights in the living-room flickered and darkened.
“Come on, Joe,” the man urged him. ‘“O great Beli Ya’al, whose return was written in pages of dust, whose name lived on when every other name was taken by the wind…’”
Joe shook his head, and began to recite his own prayer.
“Our Father, which art in Heaven… hallowed be Thy name… Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done… on earth, as it is in Heaven…”
But he stopped; because he knew that he would have to ask God to forgive him his sins—as he was supposed to forgive those who had sinned against him. And he would never be able to forgive this man in his black antlered mask, not even in heaven, not even in hell.
“Come on, now, Joe, we’re depending on you,” the man coaxed him. “‘O great Beli Ya’al, whose return was written in pages of dust…’”
As he spoke, the man approached the children, where they hung on the wall. Caroline appeared to have gone into some kind of fit, because her eyes were rolled back in her head, and she was quivering and bubbling at the mouth. Joe Junior had his eyes tightly closed.
The man said, more softly now, “…whose name lived on, when every other name was taken by the wind…”
Then he bent down in front of the children, and struck a match, and played it backward and forward beneath their cringing feet.