Poppy hitched a lift back to St Piran’s on Kelly’s workboat and squeezed in between the packs of electrical supplies and roof tiles. It was lucky she’d spotted Kelly and her workmate as she was on the quayside because her phone battery had died hours before in the airport at Newquay.
But – deep breath – she was finally back at the Starfish after a twelve-hour journey by train, bus and plane from the Midlands. She put the key in the lock of the door and her stomach flipped. It was already open. She’d definitely left it locked, but – she let out a sigh of relief – of course, the Cardews wouldn’t have bothered to lock it while they were keeping an eye on things. It was only Poppy’s city paranoia.
Her anxiety evaporated once she was inside because the studio looked fine – it looked amazing, in fact, compared to the tired and crumbling space she’d been confronted with on that first day back in May.
She headed upstairs to the flat, plugged her phone into the charger in the kitchen and looked out of the window. It was a still evening, the waves gently lapping the shore next to the harbour and a few people were still around, loading fish off boats. She recognised every one of them and it reminded her of how much she’d missed Fen, Kelly and her friends on the island … and she’d missed Leo.
As for Jake, she’d tried very hard not to miss him, but it had been impossible. She hadn’t heard from him for almost a week now, the longest he’d been out of communication since he’d left. She hoped he was OK.
Her phone went nuts as a string of text messages came through. There were two from her mum and one from Zoey. She picked up the phone, still connected to the wall, and texted her mother with a rapid: ‘Home safe, TTYL’, just as several messages came through from Jake.
‘Where are you? J x’
‘Back on St Piran’s. R U at home? J’
‘Need to talk to you. Call me’
There was an answerphone message from him too. With a pounding heart, she listened to his voicemail.
‘Poppy. It’s Jake. Nothing to worry about but I thought I’d let you know that Grandpa’s back on St Piran’s. I hope you’re OK … call me if you can …’
Jake sounded out of breath and there was a noise in the background like a cow mooing. He was back on St Piran’s with Archie? What was going on?
Should she call him? Go around to Archie’s?
She texted him: Back at Starfish. No battery. Do you want to come over?
If he was with Archie, it was better that they had their conversation privately.
She hung over the phone, waiting and willing it to beep.
Five long minutes passed before she heard the door open below in the studio and Jake’s voice call, ‘Poppy? Hello. It’s me.’
She flew down the stairs and almost landed on top of him. He looked – amazing – tall, a little tired perhaps, but very tanned. Every instinct told her to throw her arms around him and kiss him, but his serious expression stopped her just in time.
She stepped off the bottom stair. ‘You’re back.’
Jake hung back. ‘You too.’
‘I hadn’t heard from you for a while … I was a bit worried …’
A trace of a smile touched his lips. ‘That I’d been swallowed by a giant anaconda?’
‘It’s not funny!’
Jake stopped smiling. ‘No, it isn’t. We did have a few hairy moments, but all our comms were out of order and then when I got home … well, I didn’t know if you wanted me to call you.’
‘What do you mean?’
He shuffled his feet, awkwardly. ‘I heard that Dan had been here after his father had died. I’m very sorry. It must have been a massive shock. I assume he wasn’t that old?’
‘Pete was only sixty. I liked him a lot. He was larger than life and he loved a drink and a smoke. To be honest, he was a lot more fun than Dan.’ She sighed. ‘He had a sudden massive heart attack so it was a horrible shock for Dan. He was in a bad way and he wanted my support. I decided to help him.’ She’d been about to say she had no choice, but that wasn’t true. Everything was in her control.
‘I understand,’ said Jake, but there was a tension in his body that said otherwise.
‘Who told you Dan had been here?’ she asked.
He hesitated, then said, ‘Minty.’ He grimaced. ‘And a few other people.’
‘Minty! How did she know?’
‘She said she’d come over to the studio and that Dan had told her you were going back home with him and he implied it might be permanent.’
‘Oh God. Dan … I never said anything about staying away. I admit I was soft with him while he was here. He was in bits, but there was nothing between us – on my side – other than friendship.’ She hesitated. Jake didn’t need to know the details of her conversation with Dan at the café … but he did seem desperate to know she wasn’t staying with Dan. Her stomach flipped. Could this mean that … ‘I left in a hurry,’ she said. ‘But it doesn’t matter now. We’re both back. How long have you been here?’
‘Since this morning … I came straight round to see you. There are things I want to say to you, but I’ll walk out now if that’s what you want. I don’t want to pressure you, not after the time you’ve had with Dan leaving and coming back … He didn’t only ask you to go to the funeral, did he?’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘A hunch. A fear … Why would he come all this way to see you and ask you for support if he didn’t still love you? When I heard you’d gone back with him, even if I dismissed what Minty told me, the odds on you and he getting back together were strong. I didn’t want to pressure you or risk being knocked back. But lately I’ve realised that some things are worth fighting for.’
Poppy listened in amazement. So, it was true. Jake was opening his heart to her after all this time. She hadn’t expected him to be here at all, let alone to tell her that he wanted to be with her. She felt as if she could jump for joy.
‘You-you’d better come up to the flat.’
They sat next to each other on her bed. She could hardly believe that he was only inches away after all this time. She could feel the warmth of his body, the weight of him next to her on the bed. She wanted to reach out and touch him.
‘So, you and Dan,’ Jake began. ‘What happened? I feel sorry for his loss, but why did he come over here? I thought he was with Eve. The Temptress.’
She smiled. ‘He was, but she was tempted by someone else. The baby’s not even Dan’s.’
Jake snorted. ‘Jesus. I’d say poor Dan, if I didn’t think he was a total twat.’
‘He said he’d made a big mistake and he wanted us to get back together.’
‘And were you tempted?’
‘No. It’s funny, but despite how much he’d hurt me, I used to fantasise about what I’d say and how I’d feel if he walked in that door and begged me to take him back. Does that sound mad and sad?’
He shook his head. ‘Neither. Just sounds human, like someone who’s been hurt. So, when he did turn up, how did you feel?’
‘Confused. Angry with him and sorry for him. Disoriented, as if the past few months had never happened. Weird, because he’d invaded my new life. I couldn’t cope with him being in the Starfish, a place I rebuilt – we rebuilt – from the fragments of my old life.’
‘And what about when you went home?’ Jake sounded as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, afraid to ask the question.
‘Just as strange. I felt terrible explaining to Dan that our time had passed. I tried to let him down gently, but I don’t think he’d ever have come back if Eve hadn’t left him, and even if Dan had decided to dump her, I still would never have him back. He’s not the person I thought he was and I’m different too now. I’m stronger and more independent than I ever dreamed. I’ve come here and gone home again but I’m back. I’m sticking with St Piran’s and the Starfish.’
Jake covered her hand with his fingers. The connection was electric after so long apart, so long not knowing how he felt or how she did and now – knowing.
‘I don’t love Dan any more. I care about him and I’m sorry for him, but only as a friend. I can’t be the prop I once was. You know when you wish for a thing so hard until it hurts and then when you get it, it’s too late? You’ve moved so far on, you don’t feel the same? It’s like that with Dan. I’ve moved to another place, in every sense of the word.’
He took her other hand. ‘I … do know the thing about wishing for a thing so hard it hurts,’ he said softly. ‘The pain of losing Harriet was so strong that I’d have given up everything to have her back. I wished it was me, a thousand times. For her parents’ sake, for my sake. If I was dead, I wouldn’t have to bear the pain. But I don’t feel like that now.’
She held his hand. ‘I’m glad, Jake.’
‘I need to tell you something else too. Grandpa had guessed, but I’ve never told anyone else …’ He faltered momentarily before going on. ‘Things weren’t perfect between me and Harriet when she died. We’d both been having doubts about getting married. That afternoon on the yacht, we were rowing about trivial stuff to do with the wedding. Who would sit where and whether various people should have been invited at all. It was a niggling little row at the start, but it escalated. You know, the way arguments develop when there’s something bigger underneath?’
‘I know. The stuff you’ve kept a lid on – the things that really matter – come to the surface,’ said Poppy.
‘Yes. Exactly that. What you don’t know – what no one knows – is that we’d both been having doubts and Harriet had confessed to me that she’d had too much to drink at a work conference and she’d had a one-night stand with some guy she met in the bar.’
Poppy gasped. ‘Oh my God.’
‘Obviously I was shocked to the core. It was about a month before the accident. She swore it had meant nothing, that she’d been under a lot of stress and worrying if we were doing the right thing. She also promised me that it would never happen again and we should try extra hard to make a go of things. So, I forgave her – because I did love her – and we tried to move on. The doubts niggled at me, of course, and the trust was lost and I think she wasn’t sure either.’
‘I know the feeling. Doubts eat away at you, you blame yourself, you question every moment you had together, wondering if it was genuine. You start asking yourself if that person – Dan or Harriet – ever really loved you at all. I mean, I’m sure she did. Not like Dan. Oh, Jake, I’m digging a hole here.’
‘Not at all, and anyway, that’s one of the things I like about you. You dig huge holes. You’re open and honest and say what you feel.’
‘Too much.’ Poppy smiled at him and she brushed his lips with hers. ‘Go on.’
‘So, we were arguing and Harriet accused me of not being considerate and being moody. She was probably right, but I wouldn’t back down. Then it came up – her sleeping with the guy – and she accused me of never being able to trust her again. She said I didn’t want to trust her and I said that maybe she wanted to drive me away. Next thing I know she said maybe we should call off the wedding. I said “maybe we should.” I didn’t mean it and I hope she didn’t, but I’ll never truly know. She said she was sick of bloody St Piran’s and my family and she wanted to go home.’ He raked his hair back off his face. ‘I should have stayed calm and not risen to the bait, but it’s too late. It all happened in a flash. She said she was hot, and she was angry and wanted to go below to get away from me … She ripped off her life jacket and she stood on one of the cockpit lockers to climb past me.’ He let go of Poppy’s hand and stared at the floor. ‘Then the boom swung and the next thing I knew she was overboard.’
‘Oh, Jake. That’s horrible. I can’t imagine.’
‘I was frantic and tried to gain control of the yacht to make my way back to her but it was too late. She was unconscious in the water without a buoyancy aid. She’d been unconscious when she went in, so she never knew anything but I will always blame myself for that row.’
‘Jake. I’m so sorry for this. It wasn’t your fault, just bad luck and you said yourself that you had to move on.’
He took a deep breath. ‘I have. I can’t keep running and hiding and I’m ready to let Harriet go. Grandpa left the pictures hoping I’d stay. He stayed away when he knew you and I were … getting on well.’
Finally, a small smile touched his face. Poppy had been worried that telling her about Harriet would drag him back down into the depths of despair.
‘You mean Fen’s been spying on us?’ she said.
‘And reporting back to Grandpa.’
‘Oh, what a crafty pair.’
‘I know, but I suppose I should thank them. When I came here to St Piran’s and saw how beautiful it was and reconnected with it through Grandpa’s paintings … and … I began to rediscover everything I left behind but that also meant facing up to losing Harriet. It was like I was right back there on that day when the lifeboat finally reached us. I was holding on to her once I’d hauled her onto the yacht and they had to tear her out of my arms. I’ve been holding on to her ever since, but in staying here and facing up to the past, I’ve finally been able to let go of her.’
His body relaxed as if he was physically letting go of the tension and pain. Poppy also felt as if she was letting go – of Dan and her bitterness – and embracing something new: new possibilities at the Starfish … and with Jake. It felt like and putting on fresh clothes in bright colours.
‘It’s horrific to lose someone you love, and then, one day, when you realise that you feel happy again – in a new and very different place – it’s terrifying. You feel guilty, as if you’ve betrayed them. That you’ve had to leave them behind twice. Once when they died and again when you live,’ said Jake.
It was the most natural thing in the world to reach out and hold him.
‘Believe me it was much easier to let go of Dan,’ said Poppy, trying to ease his tension.
Jake smiled. ‘Thank God for that. I was worried you might feel the same way as I did about Harriet. I didn’t say anything before I left for Brazil. I deliberately put all that time and those miles between us, hoping I could escape from the way I felt, but the longer I was away, the more I missed you. I’m an idiot.’
‘Yes, you are.’
He shook his head but was smiling again. ‘I set myself up for that one, didn’t I?’
‘Yup. Carry on. I like it.’
‘So, I still don’t know if you’re ready to start again, let alone with a brooding moody sod like me who spends half his life looking through a lens?’
‘I think I could give it a try.’
Jake smiled. The sun was back behind his eyes, lighting their deep brown depths with warm rays. He rested his fingers on her cheek. ‘I don’t know exactly how this is going to work. I’ll be away a lot, even if I do base myself on St Piran’s …’
Base myself on St Piran’s. She let the significance of his words sink in but simply smiled. She didn’t want him to realise how momentous they were. Not yet. Just in case he got scared and changed his mind.
‘If you’ll have me,’ he added. ‘I forgot to ask you that part.’
‘You did. But my answer is yes.’
She leaned forward and kissed him. He leaned in too and at first, they simply kissed, just her mouth on his, slowly savouring the thrill of being in physical contact after so long apart. The kiss sent shivers down her spine. They moved closer and Jake folded his arms around her and she slid hers along his back. The warmth and closeness was joyous. There was no need to hide how she felt any more. Everything was possible. Even though she’d kissed him before, and enjoyed his body, it was different now they had nothing to hide from each other.
It seemed only moments before they were undressing one another and tumbling into bed, exploring each other again. Everything else – explanations, words, plans – could wait.
Later that day, Jake went to see how Archie was and returned to Poppy with the news that he’d spoken to Fen. Apparently, she’d been to spend some quiet time at the grave of an old friend and then walked the coast path for a couple of hours. To everyone’s relief, she was also coming home the next day.
The following morning, Archie went on his own to meet her at the St Piran’s jetty, but after they’d had some time together, Poppy and Jake knocked on her door together. When she opened it, they were standing there hand in hand. The smile spreading over Fen’s face when she realised that Poppy and Jake were together almost made Poppy cry.
Archie was inside, making a cup of tea and wearing one of Fen’s aprons, looking like he belonged there. Leo was stretched out in the window, surveying his kingdom and his human vassals.
‘It’s not officially official yet,’ said Poppy. ‘We need as long as we can to enjoy being together before we go public.’
‘Well, well, better late than never,’ Fen said.
As Poppy and Jake walked back to the studio, Poppy couldn’t help dwelling on Fen’s lack of spark, despite their news. Poppy and Jake had tried to get her to talk more about the funeral, which had been for a friend Fen had known many years before but not seen much of lately. Fen hadn’t wanted to ‘dwell on it any more’, she said, and was far more interested in hearing about how Poppy and Jake had got on and hearing about their plans for the forthcoming Low Tide Festival, next weekend.
She and Jake had respected this, but Poppy had spotted Archie patting Fen’s back and giving her a sympathetic smile. At times, Fen had appeared to lose the thread of their conversation and when she made the tea, Poppy saw her gazing out of the window, frozen for a few moments.
She voiced her fears to Jake. ‘Did you think Fen was OK? She seemed happy for us, but she looks very tired and I thought she was subdued.’
Jake nodded. ‘Funnily enough, I thought the exact same thing. She wasn’t her usual self. I guess it’s to do with the funeral, and it must be depressing when you start to lose people the same age as you.’
‘You’re probably right. I know how draining and upsetting funerals are, even when you weren’t super close to the person who’s died. It’s so horrible. I’m glad she has Archie back. That’s bound to cheer her up and Leo looked like he was king of the world. He’s happy that his humans are home.’
‘Hmm. I thought he was planning his next assault on me. My trainer’s never been the same since he decided to use it as his litter tray.’
They both laughed and walked hand in hand back to the Starfish, but despite her happiness, Poppy couldn’t help worrying if there was something far deeper troubling Fen.