Chapter Twenty-eight
She opened the door. Not because she wanted to, but because she more so had been threatened to. Kenya didn’t want to know what the threat would turn into if she decided not to allow Charlene into her home.
Kenya knew the consequences just “trying” something would bring. Heck, she had preached about holiness or hell too many times to count. Closer than that, she had spoken about fornication, cast the lust demon out of folk, and lo and behold, there she was ... walking the same plank. Now her one moment of “trying” something stood looking at her face to face.
“Look, we can make this easy or hard, however you want it to be.” Charlene had walked into Kenya’s house with authority and said, “I guess you call yourself ditching me ... That’s cool, but I just need to know some things.”
There was fury in her eyes. Yes, Charlene had gotten wrapped up in the possibilities of maybe she and Kenya actually being able to grow something. It wouldn’t be her first same-sex relationship, but she had hoped it would be her last. Especially with all the new laws and gays having the right to marry.
Charlene had even envisioned the two of them starting up a ministry together. But now, she knew that would never happen. What was a growing possibility to Charlene had only been a regretful fling to Kenya.
“Are you the one who told my business to the bishop?” she asked with a hard look into Kenya’s eyes.
Confused by the question, Kenya had no idea what Charlene was talking about. But it was obvious Charlene’s play days were up.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Kenya slowly closed her door and stood with her arms crossed, not offering the woman to venture farther into her home and definitely not offering her a seat. Now it was obvious why Charlene had shown up at her doorstep. Her game had been squashed.
She had been in the Word since early Sunday School days. The books of the Bible, she knew them. Beating the tambourine like there was no tomorrow, Kenya conquered it. And she even cut a mean rug when the Holy Spirit hit. But it was a moment of weakness, away in another country that led Kenya to experience all she disagreed with. Now her moment of lust stood in her house, bossing her around.
Had she been prayed up like she knew she should have, it wouldn’t have been as easy as it was for the enemy to cloud her thinking. But when offered the opportunity to go minister in another country, Kenya hadn’t prayed if God was sending her or if she had just gone on her own accord. As a pastor once said, “There’s a difference between being sent opposed to just went.”
“Well, somebody did!” Charlene walked up on Kenya, close enough for her breath to be felt. “I don’t know who did, but I’m going to find out!” Her eyes danced back and forth to either of Kenya’s own.
Realizing her anger was overbearing, Charlene settled with, “You know they took my credentials?” She fell into Kenya’s unsuspecting arms.
“Oh, my.” Kenya was caught off-guard, yet couldn’t care less who took what away from her. It wasn’t that she counted herself better than Charlene, but from where she was standing, repenting and accepting God back into her life, Kenya was better off.
Is this why she just showed up? Kenya questioned herself. Maybe she had jumped to conclusions, she thought again. All she needs is a friend, especially if she is going through losing her evangelism license through the church.
“Charlene. I’m sorry. I truly had no idea.” Kenya allowed herself to let down her guard. “No, it wasn’t me.” Kenya gave a one-arm hug to the older woman who had once been a mentor.
An opportunity of a lifetime was what Africa had been to her. Kenya thought about what a blessing it would be to be able to visit a continent she had only dreamed of visiting one day. When asked by Charlene if she would join the mission, she immediately said yes.
When one is given the gift to encourage, uplift, and pray over others, there is such a responsibility of being spiritually equipped for the task. Being a spiritual leader carries more weight than what meets the eye.
Being accountable over souls who were ready to call out to God was what Kenya was. Once she had landed in Africa, her sights were set on sight-seeing and photo opportunities rather than fasting and praying. Doing so caused her to just go through the motions at the nighttime revivals. She had acted in the spirit but not walked in it.
“I believe you, Kenya.” Charlene lifted her head but kept her body close. “Now everyone knows about my personal life,” Charlene said, sounding as if she was worried about it. “It makes me sick to think of how they will try to judge me now.”
Kenya’s eyes scrunched. She couldn’t believe Charlene was actually worried about her reputation opposed to the actual sin.
“Maybe we can just sit on the sofa and you ...” Charlene grabbed a lock of Kenya’s hair and twirled it with her hands.
“No. Stop it.” Kenya pushed the taller and more built woman off of her. “No, ma’am. Not here, not ever.” Kenya meant business. She didn’t want to but if she had to put up her dukes, then so be it.
Gaining her composure, Charlene played it smooth, ready to use reverse psychology on Kenya. “So it was you, then?”
“Nope. Not at all,” Kenya shot back, adding her hard stance to her physique. “But it won’t be none of that up in my house. Not up in here.” She wanted to break it down to Charlene, who obviously thought Kenya couldn’t take up for herself. Walking back toward her front door, Kenya realized some things and spoke her mind. “You come up in here, all wishy-washy with your motives. Is that how you’ve done it to people all of these years? Manipulate them, test and tempt them?”
Kenya wasn’t backing down. She had allowed the enemy and Charlene’s advances to wear on her in Africa, but Kenya had repented, fasted, and given her cares over to God. In her heart, she knew she had been forgiven. She may not have forgiven herself, but God had been too good to her. With this chance, there was no way Kenya was giving up or giving in.
“You will not come in my house and disrespect me.” Kenya let her have it.
“Oh is that all? You don’t want it to be in your house?” Satan was busy. “’Cause I have a room downtown. That ain’t nothing.” Charlene took a step and pointed as if Kenya could see where she was talking about.
At that very moment Kenya got the answer she had been waiting for. She may have been stunned by her own actions, but standing face to face with the lady who had thrown herself on her, Kenya wasn’t falling into the notion of try it once, buy it the next time. It wasn’t her. The moment that was had now passed.
“I’m not gay. I don’t believe in it nor do I accept it. I love you as a person, Charlene, my sister in Christ. It’s the sin I hate.” Before Charlene could share with Kenya how ignorant she sounded, especially since they had shared beds, Kenya stepped toward her. “I am not gay. Like a sinner, a fornicator, a weak saint, I fell for the okie-doke. And yes, every time I think about that time and my soul burning in hell, I get sick to my stomach. But God is good.” Kenya laughed in the spirit. “You know why? Because He has allowed me to have my mind, my body, and my spirit man back.” Kenya danced as she moved toward the door.
“You can call me what you want, you can tell who you want, but even if you had been a man, I would be just as disgusted with the whole notion as I am now.”
Charlene just stood and looked at Kenya. “Girl, go on and psyche yourself up all you want.” She took her time walking toward the door. “You can try to believe it if you want to, but we will see. If not, then ...” Charlene, with an evil spin, shrugged one shoulder. “We’ll see how long I can keep all my lovers’ names to myself. Like I said. If you are feeling froggy and you want to put me in the mix, then leap.” With Charlene on the outside of her front door, walking as fast as she could, Kenya slammed it shut.
Kenya was sick. The farthest she could go was to her sofa. The empty pit she felt in her stomach grew with a vengence every time she thought about her hasty decision to lie with another woman.
Just as the Bible stated in James, one sin when fully grown, birthed death. Though she fought a good fight, Kenya still had her moments that she felt she needed to crawl out of the grave with. And just like now she felt like her whole world was about to succumb to the way she felt.
If only she had been praying without ceasing, she wouldn’t have gotten this deep in. But she hadn’t and now she was here ... at the verge of not knowing if Charlene would expose her or not.
The flirtation and all of the playing around Charlene had done with Kenya had been overlooked on her behalf. Instead of putting her mentor in check, Kenya had taken it as a joke, laughing it off, using her relaxed “girl, please” as a way to ward off the advances. One come-on led to another then another.
Not one to even occasionally partake in drinking of wine, Kenya thought about being in a beautiful country on a wonderful vacation; opposed to seeing God’s glory on the other side of the world, and doing His work. Instead, Kenya became a little too relaxed in her surroundings and shared in drinking more wine than she could handle.
“I will keep my mind on thee.” Kenya rocked as she sat on the sofa and recited a popular scripture.
When her intuition had told her to remove herself from Charlene’s room one night, it had been too late. The wine had already taken effect, telling her that everything was okay. That was all Charlene needed to make her move.
First, by a one-way conversation of how Kenya had deprived herself long enough of a man’s touch. And that God had been well pleased with her staying pure for as long as she had. The massage gesture didn’t help Kenya fight against the wilds of the enemy.
Charlene played the mind games, the “what if” games with Kenya.
“If you weren’t saved do you think you would have ... ?” she had asked, giving different scenarios each time.
“I’m so stupid.” Kenya shook her head. “Lord, I know you’ve forgiven me, but I need you to remove this dirty feeling from me.”
Kenya had no doubt she would have felt the same had it been a man who she had lain with. But the thicket the enemy had made just for her angered her even the more. She was supposed to be stronger. She was a praise and worshipper. There was no way she was supposed to let the enemy play with her.
Kenya had continuously in her young adult life made a pact, a vow to the Lord that she would save herself for her husband on their wedding night. She meant it. And in all the times she’d testified about it and shared with young women to wait, the enemy heard her too.
In turn, Charlene, a woman who preached the Word, wound up being her Achilles heel. Kenya never thought to see it coming.
“Lord, help me to know that in due time you will help me to believe in the power you’ve given me, once again. I need you to show me that I will get past this.”
Just like that, in her spirit Kenya heard, And this too shall pass.
“Even though I betrayed you?” she questioned.
I will never leave you, nor forsake you.
“Even when I turned away from you, Lord, and served another god; you could have killed me, Lord.” Kenya lost herself in her pain. “I’m not worthy, Lord,” she cried.
Come unto me.
Kenya realized that all she had to do was go to God in prayer. She knew simply, if she took one step, He’d take two. She knew without a doubt that His Word could not return to Him void.