Chapter Thirty-nine
After all the commotion at the church, Keithe drove Kenya home. He didn’t want to push the issue but he needed to show her that he cared for her ... no matter what. It took the majority of the night, but Keithe stayed and sat attentive as he listened to Kenya’s woes.
Even though he was still stunned, devastated, and taken aback by her admission of not only fornicating, but doing so with a woman, Keithe didn’t waiver from his plan to have Kenya in his life as long as she’d have him.
Having dedicated this time and night to Kenya, it had hit Keithe like a ton of bricks: the conversation he was freely having with Kenya was the same conversation he had deviated from numerous times when Mike wanted ... no, needed to talk to someone. Keithe had been unwilling to lend himself. But because of his admiration for her, Keithe stayed to help Kenya through.
Embarrassment and guilt spread through him at rapid speed. The mere thought made him feel as though he had rejected Mike all over again.
It wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning that Keithe made it to Mike’s place. He was drained, tired, and needed a shower, but his responsibility of being a friend, a true friend, drove him to his best friend’s place.
Before he even got out of the car to ring the doorbell, Keithe called Mike on his cell phone to make him aware of his arrival. Mike answered on the first ring.
“Hello,” Mike answered.
“Open the door, man.” Keithe sounded groggy; no different from Mike.
All Keithe could think about was how confused a person would have to be with the struggle of not knowing what the physical man wanted to do while the spiritual man wanted to do another.
He felt so stupid. It wasn’t until Kenya explained to Keithe, broke down how her flesh, at the moment, fought her spiritual life and won. She didn’t have to go into how she really did have a relationship with God and that she would have never thought to do such ... just like he was sure Mike had initially fought the same battle. Only he didn’t have anyone to talk to about it.
“Dang.” Keithe parked his Porsche and hit the steering wheel. Over thirty years had gone by without Keithe even questioning Mike why or how, or asking him what he needed from him. He’d just felt it was something Mike wanted and chose to do.
But the present was here. Keithe didn’t want to dwell on the reasons of how right or how wrong it was for Mike to do what he did. His beliefs were his beliefs. The reason for this visit had everything to do with Keithe being the support system, prayer partner he should have been from jump.
When Keithe turned his key back and took it out of the ignition, he looked through the passenger window and saw his friend’s front door open. Right after, someone walked out. As he focused on Grant leaving his best friend’s home, Keithe thrust himself back against his driver’s seat.
“What? What now?” he said to himself. Wondering why Mike was still holding on, he sat there and even pondered starting up his vehicle and coming back another time. But Keithe had to remember to remove himself and his personal feelings from the situation. Plus, he’d beaten himself up enough for going above and beyond for Kenya and giving nothing to Mike. Keithe had to both man up and be the friend Mike had been to him all the years before. Either that or walk out of his life all together.
He didn’t know if it was difficult because Mike was a man and Kenya was a woman: a woman he was deeply interested in. Whatever the case, Keithe realized he loved them both. He owed Mike his understanding just the same.
After Grant had pulled away in his car, Keithe hesitated in getting out. By the time he shut his car’s door, Mike was already at the edge of his yard to greet him.
“Hey,” Mike said in the dark.
Keithe nodded, then decided to say, “Hey,” as well. Just in case Mike hadn’t seen his gesture.
“He didn’t have anywhere to go.” Mike knew what was on Keithe’s mind as they both walked back up toward the front door. “It’s not like I hadn’t told him. I told him awhile back that it was over.”
Waiting for Keithe to make his way through the front door, Mike continued. “Keithe, I had no clue who he was tied to. Had he ever mentioned Mercy’s name, Bishop Perry, anybody, I would have known. But I wouldn’t even allow him to share with me who he was. Didn’t care.” Mike went to the kitchen to put some coffee on.
“So he’s staying here with you, now? I mean, he jilted Mercy; surely he can’t go back there,” Keithe mentioned.
Mike took in a breath. “Right. No, he can’t stay here. But ... I did just call him in a room for a week at the Marriott.” He shrugged his shoulders while drying his hands on the kitchen towel. “I guess I’m partly to blame, so I have to help the young man get on his feet.” He questioned Keithe with his eyes.
“Hey.” Keithe threw up his hands in defense. “I’m just listening.”
With a twisted lip, Mike nodded. “You didn’t have to come over, you know.”
“Yes ... yes, I did. Look, I owe you ... an apology.” Keithe scooted to the edge of the leather sofa he had relaxed on. “There is so much time I have allowed to just go by ... with me having the same mind frame ... not giving you me.” He placed his palms on his chest. “You know ... in a friendship way.”
“Oh, ’cause I was about to say, ‘I knew it ... I knew you were my brother for real.’” Mike held up his dap fist for Keithe.
“Uh. No, bro. You on your own with that one.” He tossed a throw pillow at Mike’s head. “But I’m for real.”
Mike yawned and already knew what brought this on.
“Oh. Oh! Kenya told you about her little trick or treat, huh?” He watched Keithe roll his eyes and nod his head.
“Right.”
“So now you come over with your ‘woe is me, I didn’t really know, I’m sorry, It was me ... not you ...’ programmed conversation.” Mike wanted to go on.
“Look,” Keithe cut him off. “I’m not going to allow you to play this down. And no, I wasn’t going to go there, but I’m not going to sit up here and say I believe it’s okay. That’s not why I’m here. I’m here because never, not once ... unless I can’t recall, did I sit and allow you to tell me who, why, what, when. I didn’t allow you to share the details of how you knew your life had changed from straight to gay. I didn’t let you vent when your parents pushed you to the curb. I just assumed like they did, I guess, that you had just chosen to wild out.”
“You for real, aint’cha?” Mike scooted from sitting on the arm of his sofa to the cushion.
“Fo’sho, Mike. I’m not gonna lie to you though. I guess it did take Kenya to break it down to me how she lost her battle. At first, I didn’t think it was wilding out what you were doing.” He shook his head.
Pumping his fist in his open palm Mike was relieved but angry. He had suppressed his need for anybody to care for him all the years prior. Now that Keithe was confiding and apologizing, it brought emotions out of Mike.
“What? You thought I wanted to try it out just to be trying it out? But you were supposed to know me. You should have known I was struggling with this,” Mike shared.
“Maybe I should have. But in all fairness, Mike, I was young and you know that wasn’t the ‘in’ thing to do. You know this.” Keithe wanted Mike to understand his point of view as well.
Nodding, Mike agreed, “You’re right.”
“So where do you go from here?” Keithe did believe in miracles. He believed that God sat high and looked low. There was no doubt God watched and waited for His people to say the simple words of surrender. But sitting on Mike’s sofa in Mike’s home, Keithe wasn’t holding his breath to Mike’s surrendering.
“You know, Keithe, I can only take it one day at a time. For some years I was able to hold back what I felt on the inside. Then something just switched in me ... like I wanted to be a family man ... have a wife and kids. That’s when I went after Vicky. That lasted only a minute because I was still lonely, feeling like I had no one to care for me. That was because I wasn’t being who I know I am: a gay man.”
Keithe’s eyes saddened. He was happy he had cleared up the friend part of their issue, but internally, Keithe knew God would have to handle the rest.
“I’m not saying God is pleased with what I do ... but I know He loves me. And if you ask me if I would accept a miracle transformation from above, of course—” Keithe cut him off.
“Be careful what you ask for.” Keithe knew prayer changed things, and sometimes in a blink of an eye.
“Then be careful what you pray for,” Mike returned.
“I just need a friend. A real friend, Keithe. Someone who loves me regardless.”
“And you know I do,” Keithe said.
“Now I know you do,” Mike answered with peace in his heart.