Ryan must’ve come in really late, way past the ten pm prediction Brianne made, because he doesn’t wake up the next morning. This is good for me because it means I can share with Richa what I created in the middle of the night.
Richa comes round straight after breakfast, keen to work on our disco routine.
On the dog walk yesterday we agreed that we would dance to ‘Disco Inferno’ by The Trammps. Brianne and Richa started singing it as we walked round the park. Patchy got so excited he started barking. It was pretty funny – like he was joining in.
‘Hey Leo.’ Richa bounds up our back garden with Patch jumping with delight by her side. ‘Is Brianne really going to help us with costumes? Did she mean it?’
I nod, and wave for her to come into the house. Brianne had been clear with Richa, I heard what she said even though she was supposed to be whispering.
‘Don’t be upset if Leo can’t perform, OK? I’ll make the costumes but he will probably only do the dance at home to family.’
Richa had nodded and they both looked across at me. I pretended that I hadn’t heard them and threw the ball for Patchy.
‘What you got there?’ Richa asks me, coming into the kitchen and sitting down next to me at the table. ‘Is that Ryan’s phone?’
I nod and show her the set of headphones and the copy of Bronco.
Richa watches me enter the passcode. The less than subtle replacement wallpaper I made instantly appears. Richa has no idea what it says so she doesn’t mention it. But when she sees me open up the voice memo app on Ryan’s phone, her face stretches with shock. ‘You’re never going to play me the forbidden recording, are you? The one…’ she mimics my brother’s voice quite accurately, ‘…not for the ears of ten year olds?’
I shake my head, but I’m smiling.
This is the moment and I have to concentrate – to force myself to go on.
I plug in the headphones, put one in my right ear and gesture for Richa to put the other in her left ear. She does, then I press play on the recording I made in the middle of the night.
I really don’t want to listen to my voice and especially not with Richa hearing it too, but there’s no other way to do this. I can feel the SM starting to build; a flutter of anxiety, like butterflies in my chest, my heart beating faster, a tightening around my throat.
This is the first time Richa has ever heard how I sound. It’s mortifying but it’s worth it – she’s worth it. I try my best to swallow the feelings down and concentrate on my breathing to steady myself.
My voice begins, wobbly and small: The Story of Bronco by Darlene Day. Drawings by Rory Dawson.
As my voice plays from Ryan’s phone, down the wire and into our ears, I run my finger under each word printed on the yellow cover of the book. Then I open the book. My words come again: The classic story of the young stallion who would rather think than buck. Again, I run my finger under the words of the introduction and then turn to the first page. Concentrating on the task is helping to control the feelings. I’m adjusting to it. I can do this.
The O in ‘once’ is huge, taking up the whole left corner of the first page. All my recording says is: Once upon a time in Texas. Each word is spoken slowly. There’s a big pause, giving Richa time to look at the drawing of the tall American buildings on the hill and the valley with the horses below. I turn the page again and follow the words that we hear with my finger. There was once a young colt and his name was Bronco. The picture is of a foal, far away from the other horses grazing peacefully. Richa glances up at me, her face filled with grin. A grin that says, ‘wow’. Her eyes snap back to the book, hungry for more. I turn the page again. All the other foals he lived with would buck and jump and race one another.
And so we go on, slowly, carefully, page by page, until we get to the very last page of the book with the picture of Bronco winking and the words: THE END.
The recording comes to a stop.
Richa is beaming, I mean really smiling and it’s the best kind of catching because it makes me smile too. I only truly know that I’ve helped her when she says, ‘again’.
It only takes Richa an hour or so to learn Bronco off by heart. She says her favourite word is ‘lonesome’ or maybe, ‘rodeo’ – although ‘butt’ is probably more useful.
We return Ryan’s phone to charge, next to my note and my brother hasn’t moved. He doesn’t even stir when Patchy licks his bare thigh and Richa giggles.
The rest of Saturday morning is spent in the library. Brianne is really pleased because it’s one of the few places in Luton, other than the mall (which Brianne calls, ‘A Plastic Throw-Up,’ but I quite like), that has air conditioning. Brianne drops us in the children’s library, that smells of new books and freshly cleaned carpets, then goes up a floor to study.
Richa asks to join the library. Luckily, the librarian fills in everything on the computer for her, and Richa gets a brand-new library card. Richa asks about the audio books. If I do get Ryan’s phone we’ll have loads of reading material, because there’s an app you can download to borrow audio books. For now, there are a few books in the library that come with CDs. Richa has an old CD player of her dad’s so that’s where we’ll start.
It’s amazing to see how excited Richa is about learning to read. She flicks through loads of books and when she sees a word she remembers learning from Bronco she says it out loud, all proud.
‘Years’ and ‘mother’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘quietly’ and ‘shouted’.
There’s a lovely tingly feeling inside me to see my idea working. I’ve never helped anyone before and it feels amazing.