Dragging my school bag out from under the bed I find my pencil case inside. It has the smell of school attached to it: pencil shavings and feet. Opening it, I take out a highlighter pen.
I flick through Bronco, looking for the words that I need to say. My plan is that I will highlight them in turn then show them in the right order to Richa. Having a plan is good, it settles my nerves and makes me focus.
I try, but it’s no good. There’s no ‘sorry’ in the book, nor can I find ‘dancing’ or ‘perform’ or ‘tonight’. I keep glancing at the clock. It’s taking too long. If only I could just speak, then I could tell her.
This is a stupid idea. Frustrated I throw the book on the floor and sit back down on my bed. I feel useless and pathetic. Why can’t I just talk? Why can’t I be normal?
‘Hello?’ It’s Mum.
Patch leaps up, galloping down the stairs to greet her.
‘Anyone home? Apart from Patchy? Don’t we have to leave soon?’
I hear a low rumble of voices and even though I can’t work out what is being said it’s obvious that they’re talking about me. I don’t move and the bad thoughts inside my head slosh around like dirty washing.
I hear Mum coming up the stairs, a gentle knocking on my open door.
‘Hey Lion.’ Mum’s face peeps round the door.
‘Hello,’ I say.
Mum takes that as an invitation and comes into my and Ryan’s bedroom. She smells of chip fat and, even though it’s way too hot, she sits down next to me and puts an arm round my shoulders.
‘Brianne told me you and Richa had a falling out,’ Mum says into my hair.
‘Yeah. It was my fault,’ I say, hoping Brianne didn’t tell Mum Richa’s secret.
Mum cuddles me for a bit then says, ‘Want me to be interpreter?’
Do I want this? Can I even do it? The letter would’ve been better, but that’s not going to work, this might be the only chance I’ve got.
‘OK,’ I say, wondering what I can whisper into Mum’s ear to make it better and not give Richa’s secret away. The bad thoughts settle into a low rumble at the back of my mind now that there is another plan.
But when we get over to Richa’s house nobody answers the door. I’m hopping from one foot to another wanting to see Richa and not wanting to see her at the same time.
‘Maybe they’ve left already,’ says Mum looking at her watch. She sniffs at her uniform. ‘I’ve got to have a quick five-minute shower before we go.’
I tap her on her shoulder and she offers her ear. ‘What about Richa?’ I whisper. We can’t just leave things unsaid.
‘It will blow over. She’s a lovely girl.’
Mum walks back down the path. How can she say that? None of this will just blow over. I’ve got no choice but to follow Mum, but I know that Richa will never forgive me. I’m the worst friend in the world. The only way I can think of to try to make it right is completely terrifying, yet I’m determined to do it. I have to force myself to try. Performing is the only way to show Richa how sorry I am for breaking her trust. I hope she shows up. If she doesn’t come tonight then I won’t have to perform, but I’ll know that I’ll have lost her friendship forever.
While Mum has a shower, I do a few bounces on the trampoline. Patch comes with me – sadly sniffing under the fence for a future DogGirl who isn’t there.
Bouncing up high I look over the third fence panel and see the empty trampoline. It’s like I’ve made her disappear. The thought of what I’ve done stops my bouncing and I sit on the side of the trampoline, letting my white-flared trousered legs hang off the edge.
Nothing is fun without Richa.
What if what I’ve done makes her go away for real? What if she never starts at Lakeside and the family move away from Luton? I’ve got so used to all the sounds from their house, the delicious cooking smells from their kitchen. I’ve got used to Richa as my friend.
‘You look super-funky in that outfit.’ Ryan is standing in the doorway. He takes a picture of me with his phone and starts his slow, cowboy-style walk towards me. I’m not sure I want to see him or Brianne right now. I’m still angry with them both so I don’t say anything back.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ he says getting closer. ‘I feel bad about telling Richa what you told us. Maybe if me and Brianne had kept our mouths shut it wouldn’t be so bad. To make it up to you,’ he waggles his phone at me. ‘I’m going to let you keep this bad boy.’ He hands it to me. When our fingers touch there’s a shock of static electricity.
It hurts.
‘Woah,’ Ryan says reeling backwards. ‘That some fierce polyester you got going on there.’
I don’t care that it hurt, I’ve got my own phone! I turn it over in my hands. It’s hot to the touch. This makes up for everything both Ryan and Brianne said to Richa. I can’t believe that I’ve got my own phone!
‘It’s a bit of an old timer and temperamental at times, but it does the job. I’ve been deleting any incriminating evidence. There’s a couple of things I don’t remember, like my wallpaper.’ He looks up to smile knowingly at me. ‘And this…’ He gets close again, bending his head over the phone and I catch the sweet smell of his spray, fainter now.
I watch the screen as he opens the voice memos.
‘Bronco,’ he says, ‘You’d think I’d remember a client with a name like that, but I’ve got nothing.’
Ryan motions as if to press play, but lifts his head up, makes his fingers into a gun and pretend shoots me instead. ‘On the money that one, Lion,’ he says and winks.
Risking another shock of static, I hug his head and shoulders because that’s the only bit of my brilliant brother that I can reach sat up on the trampoline edge.
‘Thank you, Ryan,’ I whisper as I hug.
‘Least I can do, little dude,’ he says, his voice muffled from my hug. ‘Richa’s right. I’m well overdue an upgrade.’
I jump down with my new phone in my hand and run into our house, Patch at my heels. I’ll need my dog for this new and improved plan. Patch can pretend to be Richa. Determination beats back my fear.