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Her stomach curled in realization. Lyla was talking to the only other survivor in the accident apart from Alex. The girl Alex was making out with when Andrew lost control.
The girl for whom Alex didn’t take his turn to drive.
Her eyes widened in horror remembering all the niceties she’d exchanged with Stella while she knew all along about Andrew’s death. A shiver ran down her spine and Lyla jerked Stella’s helping hand away.
“You were the girl Alex was fucking before the accident.” It was a statement and said loud enough for the two men behind them to look back once again. This time Lyla didn’t notice enough to feel embarrassed. But neither did Stella wince at the accusation.
“That’s not true. You’ve no idea how twisted that story has become.”
“Oh yeah? What’s your story Stella?” Lyla made no effort to hide the sarcasm.
Stella looked down at her mobile, at the wallpaper adorning Alex’s picture. She showed it to Lyla this time. “Remember him?” she asked holding the phone in front of her.
In spite of the rage within her, Lyla couldn’t tear her eyes away from the smiling picture of Alex. She remembered seeing this picture in her hotel room and wondering if Alex and Stella were together because who would carry around a man’s picture as wallpaper if not involved.
But it was only now that she realized Alex looked much younger in the photo. She took the phone in her hand for a closer look and a frown spread on her face. It was definitely an old picture of him. She looked up at her questioningly.
“It was just before the accident,” said Stella as she gazed at the photo. “The reason why Andrew and Alex gave me a lift was because I was sick. I was a disillusioned, drunk, self-proclaimed hippie, abandoned by my boyfriend in the middle of the highway because I would not stop throwing up. They found me almost unconscious and helped me in to the car. Both of them were so nice to me. I was hardly able to keep my eyes open.”
Shadows of pain crossed Lyla’s face as she recalled the day. Lyla had never heard of this. She never wanted to know more about Andrew’s friend and the girl with them. To her, they were dead too. She listened to Stella mesmerized, visualizing every detail of the accident while Stella continued.
“I remember that I worried Alex to death because of my frail state. He didn’t know anything about me expect my name but he was so gentle with me. I wouldn’t stop shaking in Alex’s lap. But it was Alex’s turn to drive. However they decided not to move me from his lap until I fell asleep. I remember seeing the tired eyes of Andrew looking back at me, just for an instant and then...” She caught her breath remembering the accident.
Lyla too felt choked with tears. That was how the accident happened. Andrew looked back to check on Stella. Lyla watched mutely, incapable of any response while tears flowed down Stella’s face.
“The next thing I remember was looking down from the edge, dangling precariously on one hand, screaming for help. My fingers were slipping on the wet rock. Alex was my only hope. He was lying on the ground, moving ever so slowly, gaining consciousness. I couldn’t see Andrew, but I kept hearing small movements somewhere. He wasn’t shouting for help. It was almost as if he knew it was of no use.”
Lyla didn’t notice when Carl had joined them. He sat next to Stella holding her hand, supporting her. Lyla felt lonelier. Alex had held her hand at the funeral and afterwards, but now there was no one holding her hand as she listened to this painful retelling of the day that changed her life.
“I heard Alex shouting our names and only then, I heard Andrew. His voice sounded distant and way below me. I didn’t dare look down again but those boys...they were arguing!” The bitterness on her face spread farther into her eyes. She looked at Lyla incredulously, still not believing the past.
“They argued about which one of us they should save! I saw Alex trying to get down to Andrew but Andrew kept shouting not to do it. He insisted I should be saved and he would be all right. Alex couldn’t see him from top and he wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth. He wasn’t ready to leave Andrew. So, he continued going down. That was when...when...” Stella bit down her sobs while Carl rubbed her shoulders cooing in her ears.
She took another deep breath and continued. “That’s when Andrew threatened Alex. He said if he didn’t save me, he’d jump! He said that he had time but he could see I had only a couple of minutes before I would fall. He reminded Alex that I was sick and might not be able to hold on too long. Alex had to come back to save me after that threat. He would not save his friend if it meant that he would lose him trying to do that. So, he saves me and was about to go back for Andrew but he wouldn’t reply anymore. Alex called to him like a crazy man, shouting, screaming, even cursing but there was reply. I had never seen a man cry that way before. Lyla, Andrew died because Alex had to save me. Not because Alex didn’t want to save Andrew.”
Stella started wiping her tears with the handkerchief that Carl gave her. Lyla felt the ground beneath her slip away and she held on to the chair, dazed and willing her soul not to cry. Alex tried to save Andrew and it was Andrew who said no?
Mouth agape, Lyla felt her body shiver in sudden cold. Stella’s sympathetic look gave her goose bumps and she wished she wouldn’t look at her that way. She placed a warm hand on her that was strangely soothing. Lyla did not jerk her hand away this time. The other rested on her mobile and it struck Lyla that the photo of Alex was Stella’s way of remembering her savior.
“Then why does everyone think what I know? Why did Jeff tell me Alex was responsible and he was...was... making out with you before the accident?” Lyla asked trying to hold on to some of her past.
“That I would never understand. It might be because of Alex’s past. His background of being a flirt and a Casanova. An accident, the only survivor along with a girl like me. I guess that might have started the rumors. But I knew why he never denied any of it.”
Lyla did not want to hear the answer because she knew. Warily, she tried withdrawing her hand, feeling the guilt for the first time but Stella held on to it tight.
She continued, “He never denied it because he considers himself guilty of his friend’s death. He could never forgive himself for not saving his best friend soon enough - for leaving him at death’s door to save me. He never cared to correct any rumors because in his mind, that is what happened. But you... you were his salvation. He wanted to do everything to help you move on. But he had no idea that he’d fall in love with you.”
The breakout of the smile on her face was welcoming to Carl and even Lyla. Lyla smiled shyly remembering the love-struck Alexander Knights looking so much similar to the photo in Stella’s mobile.
“Alex would probably kill me for telling you this but you had to know, Lyla. He made me swear I would not tell you anything. He wanted to win you his way! It was killing me to see you both suffer for such a stupid rumor that he wouldn’t correct and you never questioned! I knew Alex was crazy but you knew better!”
The chiding was back in her voice and so was her control over the situation. Stella sized up Lyla with one statement and watched as pain passed over Lyla, bringing fresh tears. For the first time, Lyla felt the tears of guilt and lost hopes engulf her. She really did not question any of the rumors. She just accepted everything that was against Alex. Was her love so weak? So superficial?
And Alex still loved her. In spite of her betrayal. Yes, it wasn’t Alex who betrayed her by hiding the truth; it was she who betrayed him by not trusting enough to even face him with her questions. Shame reddened her face and she looked away fighting the tears, trying not to cry in front of Carl. As if they sensed her need to be alone, both left her after soft pats on her hands.
She felt the airport blur and drown in her tears as they silently flowed. Guilt was squeezing her heart dry and memories of her rejection of Alex flashed in front of her eyes like a slide show. She rejected Alex’s every attempt to explain and then completely cut her ties with him. She blamed him for her woes for five years when she could have just garnered enough courage to ask him if it was true.
Today, when he was there with her, still in love and ready to start fresh, she still rejected him. She accused him of interfering and jeopardizing her engagement with Nick. Even when she knew that she still had feelings for him.
If only she could change the past! How many times did Alex feel the same? To change the past, to save Andrew instead of seeing him die? To have enough time to reach to Andrew instead of running out of time? And where was she when Alex had those nightmares? She was too busy hating him. She thought she was the only one mourning Andrew’s death but the one person who was really mourning him was Alex. She wished she could talk to Alex and ask for forgiveness right away. But how was she going to face him?
***
The project wrapped up, Lyla was saying her goodbyes to Stella under a severely overcast night. “I’m going to miss you,” said Stella as the cab driver pushed her bags in the cab.
Lyla smiled gratefully and hugged her. “Me too.”
“Are you sure about your decision to quit?” asked Stella still not convinced. “Yes. I need the break.”
“You aren’t going to Spain, are you?” The concern in Stella’s voice was very evident now.
Lyla had grown very fond of her with the truth no longer hidden and it was a mutual feeling. “Don’t think so. At least not until Gramma gets wind of my unemployment,” replied Lyla grinning.
Stella joined her laughter and Lyla walked her to the door. “I know it’s none of my business but dear, don’t give up so easily. All is not lost.”
“I’ll try. I’m not sure I can face him now.” Lyla replied sensing what Stella’s next advice would be.
Today, Stella agreed to it. They had argued long and short about it and every time, Stella had to give up exhausted. The guilt ran deeper within Lyla than she imagined. Stella hugged Lyla for the last time and bidding her goodbyes, she left for the airport.
Lyla closed the door behind her and walked into her hardly-used apartment, missing her already. Stella was a great support for her in the last week and today, when she left; Lyla felt she bid a goodbye to a friend.
She was sure Stella would keep in touch with her but Lyla wasn’t sure she would return the favor. She had other plans and they included disappearing from the face of earth. Perhaps, the Himalayas, thought Lyla wistfully. Where else was she going to go to escape from her guilt?
At first, she thought facing Alex wouldn’t be that difficult. But as the shock of the truth wore off and the moment she had to face the next steps, she realized it was so much harder.
It dawned on her that Alex’s last words were to forgive him. How was she going to do that? It was her that needed to ask for his forgiveness. But then what? What would happen next? Do they go back in to being a couple again? But worse than that, what if he doesn’t forgive her? It was difficult to believe he would do that but what if he doesn’t? She had made him wait for five years. He could do the same!
And then there was Nick. She’d wronged him too by never returning his love. He left her with an ultimatum. After three nights of insomnia, she was sure of one thing - she could never go back either to Nick or to Alex.
It took her an agonizing forty minute call to explain to Nick her reasons for breaking their engagement. Surprisingly, Nick was very calm and had no questions. Almost as if he knew the reasons. But Lyla insisted on explaining because he deserved to know the truth.
She wanted to make up for all the times she withheld the truth from him. She conjured up images of Nick smiling on the other end of the phone in her mind and it helped her relax by the end of the call. He wished her luck and asked her to go back to Alex.
According to Nick, that was what she was meant to do. Lyla shook her head in denial once again recalling how confident Nick had sounded with that advice. He had no idea that she couldn’t ever face Alex. She didn’t deserve him after all that she put him through. The need to punish herself was too strong and this was the only way.
As she slid into her short nightdress, the overcast sky outside her window finally gave way to a heavy downpour. To Lyla, it looked as if they were shedding their guilt and she wished she could do the same that easily.
As the windowpanes gave her no more view than that of the incessant shower, she flicked her laptop on and Googled the Himalayas. The images of snowcapped peaks and turquoise colored lakes made her pine for the peace the pictures held. She wondered what it would take to travel there while she typed a new search on Google.
She was in the middle of the itinerary for a 6-month trip to Himalayas when her doorbell rang. Irritated for having disturbed her momentary peace with the images of Himalayas and wondering who could be out during such heavy rains, she dragged herself to the door. When she saw who her visitor was, she concluded Himalayas held no chance to offer anything close to what she felt right then.
Completely drenched with water dripping from the ends of his dark blue denim jeans and light blue shirt, Lyla couldn’t tear her eyes away from the piercing blue eyes staring back at her. With his wet hair disheveled in his attempt to pull it back, Alexander Knights, the famous Casanova looked every bit like a lost wet puppy.
She curled her toes in desperation, trying hard not to fall in his arms and hoped he wouldn’t notice that. Her short nightdress didn’t hide much of her legs though and she worried how tattered she looked in spite of his wet appearance. They stood awkwardly at the door with Lyla holding the door for support and a reminder of how she had no right to even stand there admiring his handsome face.
“Stella said you quit.” The first words spoken and Lyla felt a thrill down her back listening to his voice. He sounded concerned and it reached his eyes. Somehow that made him even more tempting to Lyla.
She still stood clutching the door, pining for his touch. It took her all her control to say her first words. “You’re wet. Come in. I’ll get you a towel.”
Lyla knew that sounded pretty lame but she really didn’t want to talk to Alex about her job. What she wanted to talk about was forgiveness and she was trying to avoid that conversation for a bit. Ideally, this should be the point where she should drop on her knees and beg for his forgiveness. Yet all that she could muster to come up with was a towel!
He stood in the middle of her living room taking in the familiar smell of her home.
The last moment that happened was five years ago and then the memories of their time together working on the project flooded him.
He had thought he could stay away from her. That was why he left from Paris as soon as he could in spite of Stella’s valiant efforts to make him stay. She was a great champion of his love for Lyla and he often suspected she blamed herself for their breakup. But that was ridiculous. Lyla hated him because of what he did.
The moment he had left Paris, he’d fought the constant urge to come back to Lyla and give it another chance. Yet, that wouldn’t have been fair to Lyla. He wanted her to move on and be happy. Therefore, when Stella called him yesterday to fill him in on Lyla’s decision to quit and her apparent break-up with Nick, he got worried. That wasn’t what he wanted for her. He wanted her to be happy and if needed, he would make it so!
Flying down to London immediately to talk her out of it, he did without thinking. He had to do his part to keep her happy. That was all he thought about until he arrived and saw her here - at her house in a simple nightdress, devoid of any make up and looking so vulnerable that he wanted to scoop her up in his arms.
She walked in with a towel in one hand and coffee in another. The aroma of hot coffee instantly warmed up his chilled bones. While she placed the coffee on the table, she handed him the towel. Their fingers brushed each other and Lyla almost jerked hers away. The current was impossible and Lyla looked down tensing up. It was not at all going the way it should and his wet shirt clinging to his chest was making matters worse. She reminded herself of the speech she tried preparing in the kitchen.
“So Stella said you quit,” repeated Alex.
Lyla closed her eyes for a fraction of second in disappointment. She had so hoped that he would have forgotten that part. “Yes.”
“She also said Nick served you some kind of ultimatum.” The uncertainty was evident, so was the awkwardness he felt at talking about it. He definitely didn’t have any business discussing her affairs with Stella, and nor did Stella.
Lyla felt hot around her ears realizing how much Alex knew about her. “Stella shouldn’t have told you that.”
“I’m sorry on her behalf. She was just concerned.”
She nodded unable to trust herself with words. His gentle voice and presence nearby made her very aware of the hot desire rising up within her. He closed the space between them and held her arms, turning her to face him.
A sudden shock went through her and every muscle in her body went taut. She felt her skin burn where his fingers met her arms even as water seeped into her nightdress drenching her as well. She felt incoherent with the sudden cold and closeness to him.
“What are you doing? Move on. Don’t quit your job.”
“Why does that matter?” she asked trying hard not to give into her desire. She didn’t deserve him. Pain shot in his eyes too and his grip loosened. Disappointment engulfed Lyla with his release and she looked away hiding it. “Your clothes are wet too. Let me dry them for you.”
He looked at her unsure if that would be the wisest thing to do. The moment their fingers had brushed, he’d felt the urgency to make love to her and his holding her took all of him to not push her on to the sofa and kiss her ridiculously cute lips. Her bare legs from her short nightdress had already stretched him to his limits.
She stood there avoiding his eyes and he wondered if she felt the same. If her reaction to his touch was anything to go by, he knew she was feeling it too.
He removed his shirt and Lyla bit her lower lip from doing anything stupid. His well-chiseled chest seemed to taunt her. She crossed her hands over her chest, pulling them into a fist so as not to reach out to him. But he’d stopped undressing.
He stood awkwardly with the towel in his hand and the other one hanging down, apparently waiting. Lyla realized belatedly and to her utter embarrassment that he was waiting for her turn so that he could undress. Her eyes turned huge in realization and with cheeks flushing pink, she turned immediately. She heard him chuckle lightly and a smile slipped from her too.
“There,” he said handing the damp clothes to her.
She turned around to take them. But one look and she felt dizzy looking at his almost naked body. Why am I being so civilized? Can’t we have all our discussions after I devoured him? she wondered wryly.
The moment she ran out of the room, she felt her breath gushing into her lungs again. She had no idea why she hardly breathed when Alex was so close to her. Only that it did things to her she had not felt in a long time.
When she came back to the room, Alex was on the sofa with his hands curved over the hot cup of coffee. Seeing him, as handsome as he looked right then, half naked on her sofa, stirred warmth at the pit of her stomach and vile images of what could happen blinded her for an instant. She sat opposite to him, facing him again.
“Are you feeling cold?” asked Lyla concerned.
He shook his head and replied, “Not with you around.”
Tingles of anticipation pierced her skin. She felt an acute need to cover her bare legs that Alex’s eyes seem to find every now and then. “I quit because I need a break,” she finally blurted out replying to his original question and creating a desperate attempt to move away from the dangerous thoughts that filled her.
He looked up at her taken aback with her sudden revelation. For an instant he wondered what she was talking about. “Oh. Right. That. Break from what?”
“From...just a general break. I want to travel.”
The thought of Lyla away somewhere felt like a punch in his stomach. His eyes inadvertently turned to the laptop at the corner desk and found images of snowcapped mountains. He scanned his memories trying to remember when she said she liked cold places. Her idea of a holiday was always a beach.
Lyla noticed as he narrowed his eyes on the laptop. She turned to look at last page she had kept open of the Himalaya trip itinerary and gasped in horror. He couldn’t know that! He would laugh if he knew her silly plans. She stood hastily and rushed to her laptop’s rescue but Alex was faster and he held her back from the waist.
The touch undid her. She squealed in surprise and turned around suddenly, their faces close enough to touch noses. His bare chest was pressing against her and she felt terribly weak in her knees.
Alex could feel the slightly wet top of hers touching his skin and his arms around her waist made him very aware of the smooth skin beneath it. She was breathing heavily and her scent was driving him mad. He made no effort to release her and she didn’t struggle.
“Your nightdress is wet too. I think you should remove it,” he whispered into her ear as he felt her shiver.
He smiled at her response and desire gripped him like never before. He brought her closer and brushed his lips against the side of her slender neck. Lyla felt goose bumps on her skin and she pressed against his chest. He played with the soft skin at the bottom of her neck and on her shoulder with his lips, gently pushing her shirt down off her shoulder. It revealed a thin pink strap. He slid that down too and kissed every inch of her bare shoulder.
Lyla tensed up further and could feel her bosom getting heavy with enticing anticipation. She arched her neck back giving more access to her body, urging him to explore further. She could feel the rush within him as he planted urgent kisses around her neck.
He was holding himself back from her luscious lips heightening the ache within him. It had been five long years since they were together like this and he wanted to make sure it was done the right way. Hearing her pleasured sighs as his hand slid down from her neck, he gently but urgently opened the front buttons of her nightdress.
Urgency to feel her gripped him and he pushed her to the sofa. She looked up in surprise at the sudden rough edge but before she could do anything else, Alex was on top of her with his lips exploring hers again. He slid a hand behind her and with an expert flick, her bra came loose. And with that all her barriers.
She moaned as he explored every corner of her body and the throbbing sensation between her thighs made her breathless. As his mouth lowered on her navel, he chanced a look at her open, innocent face and that was all he could take.
He pulled her down and claimed her lips so urgently that Lyla’s moans were silenced even before they started. His hands moved around her waist and down the vast expanse of her pale thighs and she shivered violently.
She hadn’t slept with any man since Alex. Doubt clouded her thoughts and she felt very shy. As if aware of her thoughts, Alex broke away from her lips and looked down at her barely covered body.
“You look lovely, dear. More beautiful than ever.” he whispered and looked straight into his eyes.
Her cheeks flushed pink with the compliment and he claimed her once again. As he ravished her, his legs sought hers and locked them with his. A hand caressed her tight thighs even he probed her sweet mouth with his tongue.
Waves of passion washed over her as his tongue explored hers and she dug her hands in his thick hair locking his lips with hers. Her response to him undid Alex completely. He spread her on the sofa, careful that she would not fall and took her legs in his hands. He caressed his hands all over them; teasing her into an exquisite pleasure.
As impatience to have him rose within her, she locked her legs behind him and pulled him towards her. He laughed at her impatience and bent to kiss her one last time on her lips before he claimed her. And when he did, the world faded away in the background as they both reached the zenith of pleasure in each other’s arms.
Neither of them kept track of time as they reveled in each other’s arms, glowing with love and passion not experienced ever. As their bodies met and drove each other to their peaks, they felt desire exploding within, drawing out every bit of them with it.
They slipped to the floor, both stark naked and spent. Still catching up on breath, Alex bent over her and kissed her softly on the mouth. “I love you, Lyla.”
It was the absolute truth and one he should have told that very first day in London.
As the wave of shock drowned her, Alex kissed her soft cheeks down to her lips. How could he love her? He would take it back when she would tell him she knows about the accident and how she hasn’t yet bothered to ask for forgiveness. She felt ashamed suddenly to have given into desire when she so obviously didn’t deserve him.
Grimly, she wriggled out of his embrace and leaned on the base of the sofa behind her on the floor. Sensing a change in her, Alex rose to sit facing her. She looked distraught with her head bent, not facing him. It irritated him not to have her sparkling green eyes look at him.
“What’s the matter, Lyla?”
She looked up with tears shining in her big eyes and her lips trembled as she spoke. “I am sorry Alex. For not giving you a chance. For not trusting you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I now know how Andrew died. How you tried to save him. Stella told me everything,” she said, cautiously measuring his reaction.
His eyes widened and she watched as his anger rose. His face had turned blank. “She shouldn’t have,” he said sternly.
“But she was concerned about you. About us fighting this way. I am so sorry Alex. I should have trusted you.” All her guilt overpowered her and she felt her voice catch in her throat.
Concern hit his eyes and he cupped her face in his hands searching her face. “Why are you sorry Lyla? It was my fault entirely. I let him die. I should have been quicker.”
As shadows of pain crossed his face, Lyla held him closer to her. He felt an odd sensation of protection immediately. Five years ago, Lyla was his strength to face it when the tragedy occurred and even today, she was his only hope. Else he would’ve drowned in guilt long ago.
She caressed his hair and said, “I shouldn’t have left you without asking you if it was the truth. Why didn’t you tell the truth to anyone? They think you let Andrew die.”
Alex shook his head loosening himself from her embrace to face her. His earnest eyes bore in to her.
“It never mattered to me. I knew what had happened and knew what my real guilt was. In any case, I had nothing to lose. My money always ensured I had “friends”. Only you mattered. I tried telling you many times but you had made it clear you didn’t want to know more about his friends in the car. I only hoped you would give me a chance to explain when you did learn about me.”
“And I didn’t. I left you like a coward, not having enough courage to face you.” Tears flowed rapidly in to his palms.
“No no...You are anything but a coward. You are my strength Lyla. You had the courage to move on when you lost Andrew. I didn’t. It was you who helped me move on.”
Lyla held his hands to her bosom and shook her head denying every good thing about her. “That’s not true.”
He brought her closer and kissed her soft lips tasting her sweet fragrance while tears dampened her face even more. “Let’s just say it doesn’t matter anymore?”
He peeked at her lowered head still trying to brush away the tears. A small watery smile escaped her and he scooped her up in his arms with so much love that Alex thought he would burst with it. She melted in to his arms, peace and love embracing her finally.
Alex held on to her tightly when his eyes fell on the laptop again. “And please don’t go to Himalayas. I heard there isn’t any cell phone reception there. I would be worried sick if I couldn’t talk to you.”
Laughter tore out of Lyla and her body shook with it. She nibbled his ear teasing him and said, “Then keep me occupied enough not to think about it.”
Alex caught the hint and proceeded to occupy her enough for the rest of the day.