Unknown

y nine o’clock on Monday morning Jeanne felt as if she’d been transported to a war zone. A large skip had taken over the drive and anything she had designated as rubbish was being thrown into it, at some cost to her eardrums. Elsewhere drills and crowbars were in full use and she could both hear and feel her house disintegrating around her. Once everything was on track with the builders she planned to go off to Molly’s to work in peace and quiet.

Martin had arrived with his plumber, electrician and labourer in tow and had wasted no time in working out a plan of action.

‘Once the place is clear we’ll concentrate on the new central heating and the electrics. We’ll have to cut off the present supply in a couple of weeks or so. Afraid there’ll be no water at some stage too. By then you might want to move out as it’ll be a bit uncomfortable,’ Martin said dryly.

‘A week or two. And there’d be times when you might not want to be here during the day as well. To be honest, we’d get on much quicker if you’re not living here. No need to worry about power and plumbing or to keep clearing up, see. And all the floors upstairs have to come up.’

Jeanne nodded, wondering where she could go. Molly couldn’t help and it was likely that anyone with a spare bedroom in Guernsey in summer had a list of relatives and friends eager to visit. Even if she could find a room in a guest house or hotel it would be very expensive and she didn’t want to spend hundreds of pounds on a room if she could avoid it. There was always a new problem, she sighed, loading up her car with her laptop, printer and files.

She let herself in and headed for the study which Molly had said she could use. Her priority was sifting through Wilhelm’s letters to learn more about his relationship with her gran.

By 1944 Wilhelm’s English had improved considerably and his letters were easier to read. A letter dated April 1944 proved to be a revelation:

My darling Jeanne

I feel myself so honoured your love and trust earned to have. I know doubtless that you my heart have and I yours have. I have slept not with a woman before and after the last night my heart is with love for you and joy that you have given me, full. I hope that for you also it special and joyful was?

I want the rest of my life in your arms to spend, where I belong. I want to love you and from all harm to protect. When this senseless war over is, will we the world as man and wife face.

I can hardly wait, for you again, my darling, to see. But will try, patient to be. Until next week, at our usual place.

All my love

Wilhelm

Oh, my God they were lovers! How exciting! But dangerous, too as they were enemies. Jeanne felt a rush of sympathy for them both. Wilhelm sounded more passionate, more sure of himself and of their mutual love. What had happened to prevent them becoming man and wife as Wilhelm had so confidently predicted? The question drove her on to read more letters and the next couple were full of similar expressions of Wilhelm’s feelings. There was a letter, dated July 1944, which left Jeanne so shocked that she had to make herself a cup of coffee before sitting down to read it again. It wasn’t true! It just wasn’t true!

Jeanne sat staring into space, the colour drained from her face, when she heard Molly pottering about in the kitchen. Then a knock on the study door announced Molly’s entrance.

She said, ‘Read that,’ and thrust the letter from Wilhelm at her. Jeanne knew the contents by heart.

My darling Jeanne

Such news! How wonderful! I know it a secret we have to keep but I want from the tops of the roofs to shout. You our Baby are going to have! I am going a father to be. My dearest wish is that we were free to marry and have a home together, our little family.

I know not how we will manage after our Baby has been born, but we will, somehow. This War cannot go on much longer and I know that we Germans will probably lose. Now it goes badly for us.

But when the War is ended, if I am allowed to stay here, we will marry, my love. If I am not welcome here, and I would understand why, then we could to another land go where I might be accepted. We will work out things, never fear, mein liebling!

I want to cherish you and our Child. I hope that enough to eat, you have, you your strength will need in these next months. You must stop bringing food to me and must eat it yourself. I will manage, I am strong! We will meet again next week, my darling.

All my love,

Wilhelm

‘Gran had his baby! And we never knew. What happened to it? Oh, Molly, I’m so shocked, I just don’t know what to think!’

‘Nor do I. But perhaps you’ll find out more when you’ve read the other letters. And there’s always a possibility that your gran had a miscarriage which would explain why this is news to you.’

‘Oh, my dear! I’m sorry! I don’t want to upset you even more.’ Molly reached out and touched her arm.

She shook her head. ‘It’s not your fault, Molly. Don’t worry. I just keep thinking of Gran, so young and burdened with such a big secret. I expect she had to keep it from her family, too. How did she feel when she realised she was pregnant? Happy? Scared? Angry? Wilhelm seemed happy enough but his letter doesn’t show what Gran felt. And she might have hidden her true feelings from him. He loved her so much! Here’s another letter I read earlier,’ she said, handing Molly the letter written in April.

‘I see what you mean, Wilhelm sounds a lovely man. I wonder if it will be possible to find out what happened to him?’

‘I’d love to try. I feel I need to know, not necessarily for the book but for me, personally. But I don’t even know his surname,’ she sighed.

‘There must have been a list of the soldiers stationed here and then rounded up by the liberating forces. That could be a starting point. But is tracing Wilhelm a priority just now? Make some enquiries by all means, but perhaps the focus now ought to be on the rest of the book so that you don’t get behind schedule. After all, you don’t want to be in trouble with your, hopefully, generous publishers, do you?’

‘Do you feel up to our session now? Or shall we re-schedule?’ Molly asked, gently.

‘It’ll probably do me some good now. Calm me down. I’ll just clear the decks a bit.’

After Jeanne had tidied up her papers she and Molly settled down for their session. A much calmer and more relaxed Jeanne opened her eyes twenty minutes later.

‘That was good! And I noticed you included suggestions about my fear of the sea and boats. I could actually imagine myself on a boat without feeling terrified. So that’s progress! But it’s not the same as physically going on a boat, is it?’

‘No, that’s true. But once your mind accepts that you feel relaxed about it the actuality will be easier, too. I’ll keep reinforcing the message to build up your confidence. Now, let’s have some tea.

Jeanne piled her belongings into the car and arrived home in time to find the builders packing up. According to Martin it had been a constructive day but as Jeanne looked around she would have said it had been more destructive. And the dust was everywhere! She quickly vacuumed up the worst so the main rooms were habitable, but it was dispiriting to sit amongst the mayhem. To cheer herself up she played a favourite CD, a compilation of 90s music, as she typed up the day’s notes.

A couple of hours later, Jeanne went out for a long walk on the beach followed by some impromptu weeding in the herb bed. The fragrance of roses and honeysuckle hung in the air and as she brushed against the herbs they released their own heady scents. Rosemary and thyme were her particular favourites and she picked some for her evening meal, leaving her fingers impregnated with their perfume. The beauty and scents of her garden, together with the tang of the salt-laden sea air flowing in from the beach, combined to compensate for the apparent destruction of her home. It would only be temporary, she reasoned, and perhaps she should spend more time outdoors to make the most of the summer. Even Rachel’s jokey idea of a tent in the garden was beginning to look tempting if nothing else turned up.

The next few days followed a pattern, with Jeanne either spending a few hours at Molly’s or going to the library for research after a site meeting with Martin. She also spent time at the Greffe, the office where all births, marriages and deaths were registered, tracing her family’s records to fill in some gaps. Her knowledge of the Occupation was increasing daily and she had made enquiries about tracing Wilhelm, but was warned it could take time. A manifest had been made of all German personnel but there were procedures to follow to gain access. In the meantime it occurred to Jeanne that if any of her gran’s friends were still alive they may be able to shed some light on the affair. This thought was so promising that Jeanne was impatient to ask Molly if she knew of any such women.

‘Yes, your gran did have some friends who were still alive when she died. Three attended the funeral but one was pretty frail, as I remember. Let me think.’ Molly’s face creased up in concentration.

‘There was Mrs Ozanne, from Perelle. And Mrs Robins from Vazon. And I believe the frail lady was Mrs Thompson who lived in a nursing home in town. I think they had been friends for years. I can’t say if that included the Occupation, but it’s possible. Years ago Guernsey was like a big village and everyone seemed to know everyone else. The old ladies were all widows, I remember, and I think Mrs Ozanne still lived in her own cottage. Is this any help?’

Jeanne didn’t have time to start her enquiries as early the next day she got a phone call from her agent, asking her to come over to London.

‘I’ve just received the draft contract from the publishers and it would be better if we went through it together, face to face. Can you come over tomorrow?’

‘I’ll check the flights and get back to you. Does this mean you know the advance figure?’ Jeanne’s heart was racing and she was sure all this tension wasn’t good for her blood pressure.

‘Ah, yes, a figure has been included in the terms. But remember, we have to be happy with everything before we accept. That’s why I need to see you.’

She got onto the airline and booked a seat to Gatwick for the following morning.

When she rang back Sally suggested that Jeanne met her at the office, just off Piccadilly, at twelve and they would then go out to lunch, she promised. But she didn’t say where. Jeanne hoped that the contract warranted somewhere more salubrious than a burger café.

‘Hi, it’s me, Jeanne. Have you heard anything about my contract? Sally’s received a copy but she’s not telling me the details till we meet tomorrow.’

‘Sorry, haven’t heard anything, my boss would deal with that. But if Sally wants to see you I’d say that was good news, wouldn’t you? Are you staying over for the weekend?’

The next day being Friday Jeanne had booked an open return flight just in case. The thought of a weekend in London was very tempting.

‘You’d be welcome to stay with me, if you don’t mind the sofa bed. Rob’s away this weekend visiting his parents so you can take me out for the super-duper evening you promised me!’

Rob was Freya’s boyfriend and although they did not live together they were usually inseparable.

‘Thanks, I’d love to stay with you. And we’ll definitely go out, whatever happens with the contract. I need to let my hair down a bit. Do you want to book a table somewhere? Whatever’s your favourite these days. And we can fit in a club afterwards.’

After they’d rung off Jeanne checked that everything was all right with Martin. She gave him her mobile number in case he needed to reach her before going off to Molly’s.

The rest of the day passed in a blur as she attempted to concentrate on the book while her mind kept wandering off to the coming meeting with Sally. She could only hope that Freya was right and that it was good news that Sally wanted to meet before giving her the details. When Molly arrived home from work she was as optimistic as Freya had been and wished Jeanne good luck.

‘And you have to ring me as soon as you can. I don’t want to be on tenterhooks all weekend!’

‘Oh, Marcus. Okay, thanks. Just about to start packing, actually as I’m off to London tomorrow for the weekend. Got a meeting with my agent to discuss the contract.’

‘I see. That’s good news, then. If you’d let me know, I could have come over with you and we could have hit the town.’ Marcus sounded hurt.

‘I’m staying with Freya and I’d promised to take her out as a thank you for her help. Thanks for the offer, though.’

Jeanne wasn’t sure how to react to him. They hadn’t seen each other for two weeks and had hardly spoken on the phone and yet he wanted to go away with her. It surprised her to realise that she would enjoy a weekend with Freya more than with Marcus. That presumably said a lot about her feelings for him, she thought ruefully.

‘So, is it a big celebration in London? Are you being paid a fortune?’ Marcus asked, a little more warmly.

‘I don’t know yet. That’s what Sally wants to discuss. But I plan to enjoy myself, regardless.’

After her supper Jeanne packed her case. Her smartest outfit was the one she’d worn to Nello’s so that was packed along with casual wear for the inevitable shopping trip. As she had no idea where Sally was taking her she decided on her black linen skirt, a smart cotton top and the washed velvet jacket, which should take her most places, she reasoned.

It was difficult for her to get off to sleep but finally, after some tossing and turning, she drifted off. When she awoke the next morning her stomach was clenched with tension and Jeanne needed to practise her self-hypnosis to calm down before she headed off to the airport and her appointment. She was also practising all the positive thinking that Molly had taught her but, just to be on the safe side, she crossed her fingers as the plane took off.