Chapter 15

N

icole felt puzzled by Ben. She had sensed a strong connection between them, the intensity of his gaze and the warmth of his protracted hand shake had said so much. She’d been convinced that he would at least have said goodbye properly. Oh, well, she must have got her wires crossed, she thought, returning to Eve’s sitting room. Seeing her grandmother looking so small and frail put things into proportion and she pushed Ben to the back of her mind.

Eve looked up from staring at her hands and smiled.

‘Can I get you anything, Grandmother?’

‘No, thank you. I think I’ll just have a little nap.’ The door opened. ‘Ah, there you are. I was telling Nicole I’d like a rest. Have you got time to get my prescription before they close?’

‘Yes, of course,’ Hélène picked up the prescription and asked Nicole if she’d be happy to stay in the house while she popped out, adding, ‘Please feel free to explore the house and don’t get lost!’ she laughed.

Nicole was only too happy to agree and started her tour downstairs. She found room after room bearing the look of neglect and lack of use, the furniture covered in dust sheets.

One room appeared to have been a library with walls covered in what looked like custom-made book shelves, now staring blankly at her. How sad, she thought, walking round, her fingers leaving trails in the dust. The all-pervading air of mustiness seemed to seep into her skin and she gave an involuntary shake.

In another passage Nicole discovered what must have once been a very grand drawing room, complete with an impressive crystal chandelier, marble fireplace and French doors set into the bay window. Scattered scruffy modern sofas and chairs tried, and failed, to create a more homely look. A television stood in an alcove facing a couple of well-used, saggy armchairs. Books and magazines littered coffee tables.

Near the kitchen she found an elegant dining room replete with a ten-seat dining table covered in dust and tarnished silverware. Nicole sighed. All these rooms and only two women living here! And after Eve had been widowed she would have been alone until Hélène had moved in. As she gazed around Nicole could see that the house had a kind of beauty but she didn’t sense that there had been laughter and joy in it for a very long time. It’s as if the house is in a coma, just waiting to be brought back to life. It needs people – children. A thought struck her – it must cost the earth to heat! Frowning, she wondered how Eve and Hélène were managing financially. No wonder Hélène looks so worried…

The sound of the front door opening and closing took Nicole back to the front hall.

‘This place is so big for the two of you. I now see what you mean about the cleaning! And I guess the utility bills must be ginormous.’

Hélène rolled her eyes. ‘They certainly are. I’ve tried to persuade Mother to move into a care home but she’ll have none of it. Wants to die here, she said.’ She looked sad for a moment, as if trying not to think about the inevitable. ‘We can only manage the bills thanks to my salary and the rent from my house. If – when – Mother is no longer with us, I’ll return to my own home.’

‘Do you miss your house?’

‘Yes, I do. It’s a lot easier to look after for a start. And the small garden is a great sun-trap. And being in Town there’s less need to drive, another bonus.’ Hélène sighed then, gazing at Nicole she continued, ‘It’s what us women do, though. Look after our mothers when they’re old. Will you look after yours, if she becomes unable to cope?’

Nicole hesitated. ‘To be honest, I haven’t thought about it. With Mum and Dad looking so fit and well in Spain… I guess I’ll have to see how things go. But I have two mothers to consider, haven’t I?’ she grinned.

Hélène waved her hand dismissively.

‘Oh, you don’t have to consider me! You owe me nothing, Nicole. If I ever become incapable of caring for myself I’ll be checking into a care home – or the Castel Mental Hospital if more appropriate!’

Becoming brisk, Hélène said that she needed to start preparing dinner and accepted Nicole’s offer of help.

When the dinner was ready Hélène went to fetch Eve, wheeling her back into the kitchen.

Nicole thought that Eve looked a little better after her nap but, although she joined in the conversation, she ate little.

The talk was general; it was if they had all mutually agreed to stay away from “personal” topics. For this Nicole was glad. It had been quite a full-on day as the new girl in this little family and she needed to regain her sense of self. After finishing her meal she asked, ‘What do people do in the evenings around here? I’d like to go out for an hour or two.’

‘Well, the cinema’s not far, at The Mallard complex on the way to the airport. The Guernsey Press will tell us what’s on,’ Hélène got up and fetched the newspaper from a pile on a stool.

Nicole flicked through and saw that one of the options was a rom-com with good reviews.

‘I think I’ll go and see “Waitress”, it doesn’t start for forty five minutes so I’ve got time to help you with the dishes before I go – ’

‘No, that’s all right. You get off. I’ll give you a key so that you can come and go as you wish.’

After a quick freshen up, Nicole collected a key and said her goodnights before driving to The Mallard. She would have preferred company but had no real choice considering she had no friends in Guernsey. Yet. And she felt in need of some fun after such an intense day.

The film proved to be only a qualified success. Nicole had laughed but the storyline brought up a few personal issues with similarities to her own story. An unhappy marriage – unwanted pregnancy – thoughts of adoption – gorgeous doctor lover.

It felt like an epiphany for Nicole. The thought of Hélène, in love with a married man, getting pregnant and giving up that baby, just as the girl in the film had once thought of doing, made her determined that she would get it right. Love a man who was free to love her and happy to have babies with her. And remain faithful. Not too much to ask then! Her other decision concerned Adrian. Much as she had doubts about him, she realised she needed to try to meet him or she’d always have a nagging regret. She’d ask Hélène tomorrow.

The next morning Hélène and Nicole had breakfast together while Eve had hers in bed. Hélène was worried and it showed. She could feel her forehead crease as she considered what Nicole had asked of her. I know it’s perfectly natural that she should want to meet her father but that means I’ll have to contact him and I vowed never to do that…her thoughts skittered about as she sought to find a way around the problem. I suppose I could give Nicole his address and let her write to him. For a moment this seemed the ideal solution until she realised that this was the coward’s way out and that poor Nicole would be left waiting to see if Adrian replied and wanted to see her. Her heart sank as she accepted that it had to come from her. She had to prepare Adrian that his – their – daughter was in Guernsey and staying with her at La Folie…

Nicole broke into her thoughts.

‘Look, I do realise that this can’t be easy for you. If you really are dead against our meeting – ’

‘No, no!’ Hélène shook her head and reached out for Nicole. ‘It’s not for me to stop you contacting Adrian, he’s your father after all. You have a right to meet him if…if you both want to. He knows you were adopted in Jersey so he must know that your turning up was always a possibility.’ She took a deep breath and faced Nicole squarely. ‘I’ll tell him about you and that you’re here. Then it’s up to him. I just don’t want you getting hurt.’ She clenched her hands together as she thought about what she would do to him if Adrian refused to see Nicole. He’d been a coward all those years ago, had he changed?

‘Thanks. I know it’s a risk and I may end up disliking or hating him whatever happens. But I need to try, for my own peace of mind.’ Nicole sighed.

Hélène felt her heart tug at the sight of her daughter. Her maternal feelings were slowly re-establishing themselves and she felt lucky to have this second chance at motherhood.

Nicole said she wanted to go out for a walk and enjoy the sunshine and Hélène felt relieved. If talking to Adrian was going to be upsetting, she didn’t want Nicole around.

After checking that Eve was all right, Hélène went off to her room to make the phone call that, until a few weeks ago, she had never expected to make.