Chapter 30

Kyp

Kissing Rachel was the best thing I’d ever done. Her total acceptance made me feel complete in a way I never had before. Coupled with my new status as Alpha, I had reached a pinnacle I’d never even thought to aspire to.

But that brought a wave of insecurity crashing through me. I was the Alpha. And I wanted Rachel. I somehow had to keep those two things separate but functioning together.

Her lips slowly rubbed against mine, and I swear my blood ignited. I pulled back slightly, searching her face. Looking for any hint that she saw the struggle going on inside me.

“Green paint is good,” she quipped.

I snorted. “I think I could get used to finding green paint. Frequently.”

She smiled, her eyes twinkling mischief. “Come on. If we get the set stuff done, we can go home. I’m sure we could find some green paint if we looked hard enough.” She winked.

My stomach dropped to my toes. That was dangerous territory. Not because I didn’t want to kiss her, but because my mom wouldn’t be home until late. And as the Alpha, I had to keep things in order.

My insides churned uncomfortably as I was taken back to another time—a darker time—back in Kentucky.

****

Avis Briar was the prettiest girl in the pack. With long blonde hair and curves earlier than the others our age, she was the top of the junior pack hierarchy. In the overall pack, she was just stuck somewhere in the middle like all the rest of—well, not me. I was the Omega. The runt. The excess baggage no one wanted.

Avis was my first real crush. I was thirteen, she was fourteen. I made no move, only watched her from the shadows. But I’d never really liked someone before. I wasn’t as good at hiding that as I was hiding everything else. I learned quickly.

The teenagers—most of them older than me, though I’d been able to shift into fur longer than they had—gathered at the river one evening.

The fire flickered, sparks flying upward into the dark night. Stars sprinkled the sky and there was a hum of mosquitoes by the river water.

“Kiss her!” One of the guys laughed and pushed his friend toward one of the girls.

“Get away, you hairy idiot!” the girl screeched, not actually wanting him to stop. She playfully batted his shoulder as he leaned over and sloppily covered her mouth with his.

I turned my face away. It felt awkward to watch and I took no pleasure in it, although I was curious. I hadn’t even been invited to come with the others, but no one had said I couldn’t come. And I got so lonely that sometimes I was desperate enough for any scrap of attention they’d throw me. Tonight was one of those nights.

Curling my knees to my chest on the outside of the circle, just close enough to feel almost included, but not so close that the others took notice, I observed.

A few other couples broke off and went into the brush together while everyone else continued talking and laughing. Avis sat across from me on the other side of the fire. Occasionally I’d steal glances at her. Her hair shone like gold in the firelight and her teeth sparkled when she smiled.

As the loud talking and laughter died down, a quiet buzz of chatter surrounded us. I stole another glance at Avis and was surprised to find her watching me. One eyebrow arched lazily, and a tiny smile curled one side of her lips. Her perfect lips. Heat rushed through me and I was afraid the other wolves might hear my increased heartbeat.

Gracefully, she unfolded her long legs from under her and crossed them at the ankle. Still Avis held my gaze. My mouth dried. She reached out her hand and crooked her finger at me then patted the grass next to her.

My eyes grew wide. Hope and fear mingled in my belly. Her chin raised, daring me to come over to her. Avis had never been mean to me the way many of the others had. Was it possible she could like me back? Wolf made a noise deep in his throat, wanting her acceptance badly.

Heart thundering and palms sweating, I rose and slowly entered the circle of light cast by the dancing flames. Avis smiled up at me, coy and inviting. I licked my lips. All talking died away and Wolf prickled inside me, suddenly wary now that we were the center of attention.

At that moment, the couples who had left the group earlier sprang from the brush. Two of them grabbed my arms and pinned them behind me while another yanked my head back by my hair.

I was in trouble. I clenched my teeth tight together so the whimper building in my chest wouldn’t escape. Wolf gnashed and tore against my skin, wanting out, wanting to protect us. I forced him back down. It would only be a bloodier confrontation if I let him out. He snarled and howled inside me.

Avis rose on her long legs, lightly padding three steps to me. Dread settled like lead in my stomach.

Without warning, her fist shot out and punched me in the gut. I wheezed and strained against the bigger wolves holding me.

“What makes you think you can look at me?” she asked. Her voice was cold and dripped venom. Wolf recoiled inside me and any hope I’d tried to secretly harbor that someday she might like me withered to ash. “You are dirt. You are nothing. You will never be one of us. You will never be a werewolf. You are a dirty little inbred whelp. Your mother is a whore and your father never wanted you. Knew you were worthless. If you ever touch me, or look at me again, I’ll gouge out your eyes with my fangs.”

Each word cut deeper than the last, far more painful than the blows that then rained down on me. I’d been black and blue for days. But the emotional scars left that night went far deeper.

****

I shook my head to clear the hated memory and focused on Rachel’s face.

“Hey, where’d you go?” she asked softly. Her green eyes searched mine as her hands found mine, grounding me to the present. To her.

I hoped I was enough.