CHAPTER THREE

 

A myriad of emotions played through me when I looked out and saw him. His eyes were dark shadows in the pale angles of his face. They gave away nothing. It was something about his posture that told me he wasn’t very happy, but I didn’t care; neither was I.

Angrily, I pulled the keys from the ignition and got out of the car. Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned back against the closed door and waited. When he spoke his voice was low, neutral.

“What was that all about tonight?”

“Trinity hates Savannah. I thought that was fairly obvious,” I said curtly.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

I cast my eyes down, knowing exactly what he meant, but not sure how to respond.

Bo stepped toward me until he was close enough to touch my face. With a finger beneath my chin, he lifted until my eyes met his, until I saw his confusion.

“I know that’s not who you are. What happened?”

I shrugged, staring over his shoulder, out into the night, unable to bare the look on his face. His disappointment was crushing.

“Look at me,” he demanded gently.

Grudgingly, I did.

“You’re not this person. I can see it. Why do you give in to them like you do?”

I felt tears threaten and I willed them back.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. You go along with them when I can see that you don’t want to. You want to fight against them, to say what you feel, but you don’t. Why?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“I just can’t.”

“Can’t what?

“Can’t fight them.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t,” I spat angrily. “I have a future to think about. I need cheerleading to help me get into Stanford. If I don’t get into college, I’ll…I’ll…” I didn’t even know how to explain what would happen to me if I was forced to stay here. I shook my head in frustration. “It is what it is, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“So you’d compromise yourself for a scholarship?”

There was no accusation on his face, no judgment. He was simply bewildered by my behavior and he was trying to reconcile the person I actually am with the person he thought I was. Somehow, that made me feel much, much worse.

“It’s not that easy. And I don’t look at it as compromise. I ignore a lot and bite my tongue to keep peace. Why is that such a bad thing?”

“When you want so badly to do otherwise, that’s compromise.”

“Well, call it what you will. This is the only chance I have to get out of here,” I explained.

I didn’t want to admit that another reason I hadn’t helped derail Trinity was because of my ridiculous jealousy of Savannah.

Bo watched me intently for several minutes before he spoke again.

“Why did you invite me to that party?”

His question took me off guard and I stammered a little. “I, uh, I thought you might like to come.”

“And yet you didn’t even speak to me,” he reminded.

Again, I found that I couldn’t look him right in the eye.

“You weren’t there long enough,” I prevaricated.

“But that’s not the only reason,” he stated.

Bo shifted his head to be in my line of sight, forcing me to meet his eyes. When I did, I felt like I’d stepped in quicksand.

“Ridley,” he prompted.

“I just wasn’t expecting you to show up with Savannah.”

“But you were there with a date,” he pointed out.

True, but rather than say that, I shrugged again.

“I just met her,” he clarified. “She lives near me. She seems like a sweet kid and she didn’t have plans, so I thought she might like to go, get out of the house for a while.”

As much as I hated it, I felt relief wash through me. I was so eager for an explanation that didn’t break my heart, I barely questioned it.

“She’s just a friend,” he assured me with a small smile.

I nodded my acceptance, staring at Bo’s throat, afraid if I looked up he’d see my shame and humiliation.

“I went there to see one person,” he said.

When my eyes darted up to his, I found that they were as velvety and absorbing as his voice. They made me feel so many things, all at once, that I was overwhelmed by sensation.

“You don’t love him, do you?”

Bo didn’t need to include any names in his question. I knew exactly who he was talking about, and without hesitation, I shook my head in answer.

“Good,” he said, bending his head to mine.

When he kissed me this time, it was with passion. His mouth devoured mine and I thought there was probably nothing more I wanted in the whole world than to be consumed by him. I gave myself up to it. I’d wanted this since the first time I’d laid eyes on him. I wanted his lips on mine, his hands in my hair, his focus on me and nothing else.

My fingers were fisted in his shirt, hanging on for dear life when Bo lifted his head with a quick jerk. Out of the blue, he whispered, “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

And then he was gone. I didn’t even see him go, something I attributed to my spinning head and clouded senses. I just looked around and he was nowhere. Just gone.

A fraction of a second later, I heard my dad’s stern voice at the door. “Ridley, get in the house.”

The brisk winds of reality quickly blew the fog right out of my mind. If it hadn’t been for the cool moisture on my lips from his kiss, I might’ve wondered if Bo had been a figment of my imagination. But when I touched my fingers to my mouth, I could still feel him there.

With a smile of satisfaction in place, I made my way inside and back to my room where I laid down and fell immediately into a sleep that was filled with dreams of Bo and his breathtaking kisses.

********

The next morning, we went to church, making our weekly foray into the spiritual realm. What used to be a family that enjoyed a close relationship with God was now one that observed nothing more than the appearance of clinging to religion. All three of us were about as hollow, as wounded and as far from God as we’d ever been.

Church was always a tense experience, tense and draining. The effects of it were emotionally staggering. Afterward, as I did every Sunday, I spent the rest of the day in a delicate tap dance of evasion, determined to avoid another energy-sapping family performance. I stayed in my room the entire afternoon, coming out only for food and drink.

It affected Mom and Dad, too. They pretended to be engrossed in any number of consuming projects, anything to avoid…life.

There was only one problem with staying in my room: it brought other unsavory issues to the forefront. My phone rang way too much to allow for a peaceful day. Drew called several times, as did Trinity, neither of whom I was particularly anxious to talk to. I got calls from numerous other people, none of which I answered, all wanting to talk about what happened at Caster’s.

The only person that I really wanted to hear from was the one person that had yet to make an appearance, physical or electronic, and it wasn’t doing good things for my mood.

By the time darkness had fallen, I was as prickly as I could ever remember being and I was suffering from a severe case of cabin fever. Cutting off my light, I yanked up my blinds and threw open the window then pulled a chair up in front of it and made myself comfortable.

I loved the night—the peacefulness of it, the smell of it, the sounds. It was about as close to being alone in the world as I ever felt. Not that I really strived for solitude. It was more that I was always in the company of some person or persons that drained me in some way or another, like they were sucking the life from me. Sometimes I just wanted to be left alone; sometimes, I needed time to heal.

Movement in the side yard caused my heart to leap in my chest. My first alarming thought was that someone was trying to break into the house. I was literally unfolding my legs, preparing to get Dad or get a gun or get something, when a familiar pale face materialized in front of the window.

“You scared me half to death,” I scolded, my fingers still fisted over my runaway heart.

“Sorry,” Bo said casually, coming over to lean up against the side of the house right next to my window.

“What are you doing here?” My tone was much more reasonable once my initial fear had given way to the pleasure of Bo’s presence.

“I’m part of the neighborhood watch and I thought I saw some suspicious activity around your yard,” he claimed.

“Do what?” I moved to stand against the window as well, choosing the side opposite Bo so I could face him. Through the window, I could smell him and I wanted to take a deep breath and hold that scent inside.

Bo’s face was serious for another few seconds before it melted into a heart stopping smile.

“Are you really that gullible?”

I felt a little dazed by that smile and it took me a minute to recover enough to answer.

“Oh. Yeah, pretty much,” I admitted with a self-deprecating smirk.

“That should be fun,” he teased, his smile fading into a lopsided grin.

“Taking advantage of my infirmities and/or weaknesses is strictly off limits,” I warned lightly.

“Really,” he said, leaning in to my side of the window. “What other weaknesses do you have?”

At that moment, I could only think of one and it was less than a half a foot from me, standing on the other side of a brick wall.

“Too many to name,” I finally managed, shrugging offhandedly.

“Mmm,” he said, and then he straightened. “Hey, can I see your phone?”

I’m sure I frowned a little at the odd request, but I agreed, seeing no reason not to let him have it.

I walked back into my room to grab my phone off the dresser. When I turned around, I barely managed to smother a gasp when I ran right into Bo’s chest. I don’t know how he got through the window so quickly or so quietly, but there he was, standing in my room, big as life.

He was looking down at me with those fathomless eyes and I found it suddenly hard to breathe. All the skin that my short shorts and tiny tank top left exposed felt ultra sensitive, like my pores were opening up to him somehow, craving his closeness—flower petals spread wide to receive the wet kisses of the rain.

I swallowed when Bo reached toward me, but he only took the phone from my fingers. He fiddled with it for a few seconds, punching in numbers and making selections.

The bright screen illuminated his face and I was content to watch him. I didn’t care what he did to my phone as long as he didn’t stop biting his lip in concentration. I was sure I’d never seen anything sexier.

When he handed me my phone, I took it, albeit reluctantly. I could still feel the cool imprint of his fingers on the cover.

“Now, you have me on speed dial. Call me any time,” he said, reaching up to push a stray hair from my face where it tangled in my eyelashes. “Day or night,” he finished softly.

I was totally prepared for him to kiss me, wanted it more than anything, wanted him more than anything, but a dark spot on his white t-shirt collar caught my eye.

“You’ve got blood on your shirt,” I blurted.

It was obvious by his expression that my question not only took him off guard, but that it ruined the moment. I could’ve kicked myself for my impulsiveness.

Had I not been so aggravated with myself, the shocked look on his face might’ve been comical. It was gone in a flash, though, quickly replaced by a frown.

“Where?”

“Right there,” I said, indicating the spot with my fingertip.

Bo tugged his shirt down until he could see the spot to which I was referring. His frown eased and he shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh, that. Cut myself shaving. Must’ve been worse than I thought.”

When he turned away from me and walked back to the window, I knew the moment wouldn’t be recovered tonight. I followed him over and stood behind him while he crawled through.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said from outside, just before he turned to leave.

I felt bereft for some reason. I wanted to ask him to wait or to stay or to do anything except leave, but I didn’t. Instead, I stood quietly by and watched him walk away.

He hadn’t taken more than six or seven steps, however, when he quickly turned on his heel and came back to the window.

He leaned his head through the opening and crooked his finger at me. When I leaned down to him, thinking he was going to tell me something, he pulled me in for a quick kiss. He left again after that and I smiled as I watched him go, feeling much more satisfied with his exit.

My smile widened when I heard a faint whistling drift through the window on the gentle night breeze. I felt like whistling, too. Or singing. Or flying.

********

Monday’s post-weekend conversation still revolved around Trinity’s brutal rejection of Savannah Grant at Caster’s party. I thought it was telling that no one seemed to want to rehash Savannah’s brave rebuttal, only Trinity’s vicious attack.

As I looked at the faces of the brainwashed followers that hung on Trinity’s every word, I saw, probably for the first time, the true weight of what I’d done by turning a blind eye to her antics all these years.

There was no one to defend the people that Trinity walked all over, no one to call her out about her cruelty and nastiness. There was no one to stand up to her, no one willing to risk the distasteful consequences.

A bold voice sounded in my head, telling me that I should’ve done something, that someone had to. But then another voice spoke up, this one whiny and selfish, reminding me that few others had their entire future riding on it like I did either. I needed to be a part of the squad. I needed cheerleading. I couldn’t be the one who stood up to her.

Ignoring both voices, I headed for class.

“T, wait up!”

“Ugh,” I murmured under my breath.

Drew. I’d forgotten all about him.

I turned and saw him jogging to catch up to me. When he reached me, I plastered a smile on my face, as natural a smile as I could muster.

“Hey.”

“Where were you all weekend? I tried to call you,” he said, frowning. “Did you get my messages?”

“Sorry, I haven’t even had a chance to check them yet,” I confessed, which was partially true. More to the point, I hadn’t taken the time to check them. I’d wanted to put it off as long as possible. “Dad was home. You know how that goes,” I said, rolling my eyes dramatically.

“Oh, yeah,” Drew said, curling his lip sympathetically. “So, what are you doing tonight after practice?”

Bo’s face flashed through my head. I was hoping to hear from him, but even as the thought ran through my mind, I felt guilty, like I was betraying Drew. Even though I knew in my head and in my heart that it was over, I’d been remiss in not letting Drew in on that little fact. I’d been so consumed with Bo, Drew just hadn’t crossed my mind, and that wasn’t right. He deserved better than that.

I didn’t want to make up an excuse. He might see right through that. But I also didn’t want to keep going on as if nothing was wrong. Thankfully, the bell rang, saving me from having to make any kind of decision until later.

Drew bent to kiss me and I gave him a quick peck and dashed off, calling over my shoulder, “I gotta go. I’m gonna be late.”

As I settled into my desk in Calculus, I was sort of amazed at how much Bo had affected me in a few short days. He took up a surprising amount of my available brain space and was apparently working his way into my heart space as well, pushing out people I’d thought were firmly entrenched there.

I used to really like Drew and, until Bo’s arrival, I had thought things were going well. I mean, it’s not like I saw us getting married or anything, but I figured we’d probably date for the rest of the year. I had no idea how weak my feelings for him really were until Bo came along. I felt like Bo had taken my life by storm and now nothing was the same. Somewhere deep down, I knew it never would be again.

At lunch, I sat in the same place I’d sat for a little over a year: sandwiched between Drew and Summer, with his friends beside him and mine beside Summer. I’d never felt more out of place.

Listening to them talk about the same things over and over again was getting on my nerves something fierce. It further aggravated my already sour mood, a mood which I knew was in direct correlation to Bo’s curious absence. I hadn’t seen him all day, not even a glimpse in the halls, and now he wasn’t anywhere to be found at lunch either.

I felt like a drug addict in need of a fix, and knowing that he’d upset my life to this point only added to my irritation.

I saw Savannah sitting by herself at a picnic table out on the lawn. She was reading something, munching on a carrot and I took the opportunity to discreetly observe her.

She was striking in her appearance. She had vibrant red hair and I thought probably soft brown eyes, though I’d never really been close enough to see for sure. Like most redheads, her complexion was fair, but where others were plagued with freckles, Savannah’s skin was creamy. She reminded me of a beautiful china doll.

Someone called to her and her head shot up. She waved and laughed and then put her nose back in the book she was reading.

I looked around for the person she’d responded to. It was a guy. Another sophomore I think, one that plays basketball. I searched my mind, but couldn’t readily retrieve his name.

Still looking for Bo, I glanced all around the covered eating area, as well as the grass and picnic tables. In my sweep, I noticed that there were several people eyeing Savannah. It was plain to see that she was getting lots of appreciative looks. I wondered how I’d never noticed that before, but then remembered that my friends were so high maintenance, it was a miracle I ever noticed anything. The world was passing me by and I was quietly letting it.

Reluctantly, I returned my attention to those very same high maintenance friends. I craned my neck to look down the table. My eyes stopped on Devon. Like so many others, he was staring at Savannah, too. There was a longing look on his face, one I recognized because it mirrored the way that I yearned for Bo. It was then that I realized Trinity’s jealousy of Savannah was justified. Devon definitely had feelings for her and they were anything but innocent.

At that moment, I felt a kinship for Devon that I’d never felt before. Like me, he was trapped behind the glass.

The rest of the day was a depressing blur. All day long I watched for Bo and all day long I was disappointed. He never showed up at school.

That night, I took turns between pacing my bedroom floor like a caged animal and lolling lifelessly on the bed. I tried to make my way through French homework, but I kept picking up my phone and scrolling through the numbers until Bo’s number was highlighted. Each time my thumb would hover over the call button, I’d throw the phone down in frustration. I couldn’t call Bo. What would I say?

A little after 1:00, I got tired of waiting—and wanting—and I fell asleep on top of my covers, unable to hold my eyes open any longer.

Later, something woke me. I looked first at the television, but its face was blank. Strangely, I hadn’t even turned it on. I’d left my window raised and the room quiet just in case Bo made an appearance.

I listened, but it wasn’t a sound that had stirred me. It was a smell, a teasing scent that had me sitting up to look around. My befuddled mind was slow to clear, but I would’ve sworn that I smelled Bo’s tangy soap. It swirled in my nose, making my stomach flutter, just the reaction I’d have had if he were standing right next to me.

The clock read 3:30. I glanced at the window. Strangely hopeful, I got up and walked over to it. I looked out into the inky darkness and inhaled deeply. Not surprisingly, there was no one there, but still, I could detect a faint hint of Bo. I listened and heard nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat and the crickets singing in the night.

With a deep sigh, I walked back to my bed, pushed the pillows aside and crawled beneath the covers. After only a few minutes, the silence began to play its usual tricks on me, preying on my mind, so I used the remote control to turn on the television.

The familiar sounds soothed me, but it still took me forever to fall back to sleep and when I did, I didn’t sleep well.

I woke before my alarm went off. As I’d done on so many mornings, I lay in bed and listened to the news.

Another body was found by Southmoore Police last night. The victim was identified as John Robert Gibbs, last year’s primary suspect in the Southmoore Slayings. Discovered in Arlisle Preserve, Gibbs was killed in typical Slayer style, though authorities are awaiting official word from the medical examiner before releasing cause of death.

Last year, Gibbs was arrested for the 2008 murder of Travis Alan Bowman. Bowman, originally thought to be the victim of an animal attack, died of blood loss after his throat was torn out nearly three years ago today. Gibbs was later released on a technicality and his case was never presented to the grand jury…

I grabbed the remote and turned the television off. On a good day, I could only take so much news about what a crap hole the world was becoming. This morning, my threshold was even lower than usual.

At school, Drew was waiting for me at my locker. He asked again if I had any plans for after practice. I think on some level he knew something was wrong and he was trying to overcompensate by paying me lots of attention, even more than usual.

“Actually, I was going to see if you wanted to meet up on the field about seven or so. We’ve got a two-hour camp that we’re holding for the junior high. We’re teaching them some new basket tosses. Want to meet me at the bleachers after?”

“Mmm, bleachers,” he said with a suggestive smile. “You know I do.”

Drew and I had never had sex. We’d come close several times and now I was more grateful than ever that it had never progressed to that point. Drew, on the other hand, was bound and determined to push it until it happened. Typical.

He swooped in for a peck on the lips and I ducked as if looking for something in my bag. When I raised my head, I quickly pressed my lips to his cheek and rushed off again, promising I’d see him at lunch.

I didn’t see Bo again all morning. I wondered what could’ve been keeping him from school again today. He’d seemed fine when I saw him Sunday night, and his continued absence was making me crazy. I was ready to bite somebody’s head off by the time lunch rolled around.

I was chomping angrily on a celery stick when, much to my relief and chagrin, I caught sight of Bo sitting down at a picnic table out on the lawn. He was joining Savannah.

Although he’d all but assured me that they were just friends, I watched them with nothing short of envy. They talked easily and Savannah laughed a lot. I tried to push down the green wave of jealousy that rose inside me, but the more I watched them, the harder it got.

“What’s so interesting over there?” Drew tipped his head toward Bo and Savannah.

I shrugged. “Everyone’s talking about Savannah. I was just wondering what the big deal was.”

Devon leaned around Drew to look me in the eye. “Have you ever even met her, Ridley?”

His tone and the firm set of his jaw and mouth reeked of defensiveness. He’d obviously decided he wasn’t going to stand by and listen to another attack on Savannah, even though that’s not what I meant at all.

“Not officially, no, but—”

Devon cut me off. “She’s a nice girl. She’s funny and smart and she plays the bass guitar, which is awesome.”

I quirked a brow at Devon. I wanted to continue the conversation, but I was all too aware of our surroundings and that Trinity was only a few feet away. As if he’d suddenly realized the same thing, Devon’s ire visibly waned and he turned his attention back to his tray. By silent agreement, we both let it drop.

Luck had apparently deserted us, however, because Trinity, with her ears like satellite dishes, had picked up on our quiet conversation.

“That’s it,” she yelled, pushing her chair back from the lunch table and turning a furious glare on Devon. All eyes shifted to Trinity, everyone curious about her sudden outburst. “If you’ve got a thing for white trash, then have at it,” she spat, her eyes flashing angrily at Devon.

“Trinity,” Devon said, pushing his words through gritted teeth. “That’s enough.”

“Don’t you tell me wh—”

Devon cut her off, standing to his feet so quickly that his chair nearly toppled over. “Trinity! How long is it gonna take for you to realize that it’s over? We’re over? I don’t know, but I hope this sinks in a little better because I’m only gonna tell you this one time: stay away from Savannah.”

He turned around and stomped off.

Most mouths agape, nearly the entire lunch crowd watched him go. Devon didn’t have much of a temper and I’m sure everyone else was as surprised as I was to finally see it. I could tell by the look on her face that Trinity was the most stunned of us all.

“You won’t think she’s so special when I scratch her frickin’ eyes out, will you?” she asked, though Devon was already long gone. “Come on, Summer.”

Before anyone could recover, Trinity had grabbed a shocked Summer by the hand and was dragging her across the grass. As they neared the picnic tables, I saw Bo and Savannah look up. Bo’s face was a blank mask, but I could see tension in the stiffness of his body.

I thought of Savannah’s words to Trinity at Caster’s party. Obviously, she wasn’t afraid to stand up for herself, but I wasn’t sure she knew what a handful Trinity could be when she was really riled, and this time Bo couldn’t run interference. He couldn’t step in between the two girls on school grounds. If he so much as touched Trinity, even if it was just to subdue her, he’d be in a world of trouble.

I knew I had two options. Since Trinity was already gone and I could no longer stop her, I could let the scene play out, as was my habit. I could silently root for Savannah, hope that she had her brave-girl hat on today, and watch what happened along with everyone else.

Or I could get up and, for the first time, do something. I could intervene on Savannah’s behalf, take a stand for once, and feel better about the person I saw in the mirror.

My most egocentric inner voice spoke up, reminding me that if I did that, I’d be basically sticking a sword into the heart of my cheerleading career and, therefore, my scholarship and future at Stanford.

With longing, I thought of all my plans. I thought of my much-needed escape from this life and, for a moment, I considered taking the selfish route.

But then, unbidden, I saw Bo’s face when he came to me after Caster’s party. Somehow, when he looked at me, he saw the better person that lives inside me, the person I quell every day. He could see her, but I couldn’t. Today, I wanted to see her, too.

Nothing was worth selling my soul for, and that’s what I felt like I’d been doing all this time by going along with Trinity. I was as guilty as she. Though she only physically took Summer with her, by sitting back and doing nothing, it was like we all went with her, supported her.

I, for one, didn’t want to sit idly by any more. I was nothing like her and it was high time I stood up and let that show.

Without giving it any more consideration, I raced across the grass after Trinity. She had just opened fire on Savannah when I reached them. Summer was standing back, trying to be involved as little as possible.

Trinity was bent over Savannah, jabbing a finger in her face. Though Savannah looked positively mortified, behind that, I could see a spark of anger lighting her eyes, too.

“And if you so much as look at Devon, I’ll kick your—”

“Trinity,” I shouted.

Trinity’s head snapped up and she looked at me in confusion, but only for a moment. After quickly writing me off, she turned her attention back to Savannah and continued her tirade.

“You are nothing but a skanky—”

“Trinity!” This time, I called her name even more forcefully. “Stop!”

Trinity slowly turned to look at me, her voice deadly quiet. “What?”

“You heard me,” I said, stiffening my spine.

It only took a fraction of a second for Trinity’s rage to turn on me. “You better take your bony—”

“Oh, save it, Trinity. I’m sick of your mouth,” I said, feeling years of repressed emotion boiling to the surface. “Devon’s not yours and Savannah hasn’t done anything to you. It’s not her fault that you couldn’t hold on to Devon.”

All the color left Trinity’s cheeks for a slow-motion second before it rushed back in vivid red blotches.

“I will crush you, Ridley! You were a nobody at this school before the squad and I can make sure that you are a nobody again. I’ll burn you to the ground,” she threatened, nearly shaking in her anger.

“Do it, Trinity. I don’t care. It’s not worth it anymore. I’m not like you,” I said, feeling courage and momentum build. “I’m not like any of you. And I’m sick of pretending that I am. I already hate to look at myself in the mirror and I refuse to stand by and let you tear one more decent person to shreds. No more!”

“You know this is war, right Ridley? Are you sure you want to take me on?” Her voice was so low, I had to strain to hear her.

For one uncertain breath, the seriousness, the viciousness, in her eyes gave me pause. She was right: it was exactly like declaring war, but I’d come too far to stop now.

“Bring it,” I finally said, equally quiet and serious.

“Fine,” she said, taking a step back. “I’ll bury you both. Together.” Trinity gave first Savannah then me one more withering look before glancing back at Summer. “Come on, Summer,” she said, turning on her heel and stomping back across the lawn toward the table of stricken onlookers that I used to call my friends.

At Trinity’s sharp command, Summer jumped. She looked at me, indecision crossing her face for an instant before she shrugged and turned to follow Trinity. Silently, but very clearly, Summer had made her choice.

I watched them go, still a bit flabbergasted by what had happened, by what I’d done. When they were both seated once more at the table on the patio, I looked down at Savannah and said the only thing I could say. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded, her eyes big and round. Inanely, I realized that, just as I’d suspected, Savannah’s eyes are a soft, chocolately brown.

Without another word, I turned and walked away. By sheer force of will, I didn’t look back at Bo. A couple of times, as I made my way to the closest school doors, I thought I could actually feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t give in to the urge to confirm it. Once I reached the building, I disappeared inside its walls, wishing that I could disappear altogether.

For the rest of the day, as I walked the halls and entered my classes, I saw people stop and stare and whisper. I knew what they were thinking, what they were talking about: my social suicide. That was all it meant to them. It was nothing more than the equivalent of opting out of a popular club. To me, however, my actions had much more significant consequences, ripples that I could see washing away bits and pieces of my future.

All day, I watched the clock anxiously. I wanted the day to be over, but I was also curious to see Bo in Chemistry, to see what his reaction would be to what happened.

When the bell rang to let out fifth period, I dashed out the door and down the hall to get to Mr. Dole’s class. Despite all the other turmoil in my life, just the thought of seeing Bo made me achy all over and as jittery as a caffeine junkie. I thought it was funny that, of all the classes Bo and I could’ve shared, we were in Chemistry together. There was no doubt we had plenty of that.

When I reached the door to the Mr. Dole’s classroom, I stopped to smooth my hair. I’d left it long and loose today, flowing down my back. Nervous and excited, I turned to walk through the door.

I couldn’t help but feel crestfallen when I didn’t see Bo’s bag on his table. It would’ve been nice if he’d hurried as I had, anxious to see me, too. But then I reminded myself that it was still really early. Maybe his class had run over a minute or two or he’d been waylaid in the hall.

I took my seat and surreptitiously watched the door. Kids started dribbling in and, little by little, the seats started filling up, but still there was no sign of Bo. I kept my hopes up by making plausible excuses for his tardiness, but when Mr. Dole arrived and began the lesson, I had to admit with crushing disappointment that he wasn’t coming. One of Mr. Dole’s rules was that, once his lecture had begun, there were to be no interruptions. He closed his door and didn’t open it again until the bell rang. Period.

Just as I’d completely given up hope, the door creaked and Bo slipped in, muttering an apology to Mr. Dole, who merely gave him a deep frown and kept right on teaching.

As Bo took his dangerous front row seat, he winked at me. Warmth flooded my body and I decided that my all-day agony was totally worth that one small gesture.

For the rest of the period, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Hungrily, I watched his every move, every gesture, as if they were what was keeping me alive, like the blood flowing through my veins. I cursed Mr. Dole’s lesson plan, wishing that today was a lab day. I’d gladly have partnered with Bo to fire up the Bunsen burner, but instead, I had to be content with just watching him.

About five minutes before class was over, I heard a faint buzzing sound. Bo quickly reached into his pocket and glanced down at his phone, careful to keep it from Mr. Dole’s eagle eye.

Sliding the phone back in his pocket, Bo gathered up his things and slipped out of his seat and out the door. Once again, Mr. Dole just frowned at him. I wondered vaguely if he was under Bo’s spell, too. He sure wasn’t acting like himself today.

I was a little deflated that I hadn’t gotten to talk to Bo, so between that and the hoopla I expected from the other cheerleaders at practice, I was pretty cranky by the time I got to the field.

I half expected there to be a coup, one where Trinity usurped my position as Captain and then summarily dismissed me from the squad. But if that was to happen, it wasn’t going to be today. Trinity didn’t even show up for the camp, which didn’t disappoint me one bit. I’d done enough emotional spewing for one day and I still had Drew to deal with.

Ugh, I thought, filling with dread at the reminder of what was yet to come.

When the camp was over and all the junior high cheerleaders had left along with most of our squad, I started packing up all the equipment and mentally preparing myself for what I had to say to Drew. The trouble was, I’d start thinking about Drew and, within a minute or two, I would find my thoughts had wandered back to Bo again.

“Are you alright, Ridley?”

It was Summer. She had her duffel slung over her shoulder and was apparently ready to go.

“Yeah. Why?”

I’m sure we were both thinking Duh!, but rather than saying anything, Summer just eyed me skeptically.

“You just don’t seem like yourself today, that’s all.” That was a nice way to put it.

“Nope, I’m fine,” I said, gluing a smile on my face.

“You’re not, but it’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m fine. Really,” I said reassuringly. I knew she wanted me to talk to her about Trinity, but if she didn’t have the nerve to just come out and ask me, I wasn’t going to volunteer anything. Besides, she’d picked sides and, whether she would admit it or not, we were at odds.

She started to walk off, but then she turned back. “You know you can talk to me, right?” When I nodded, she continued. “I mean, it’s not like Trinity has to know everything.”

Ha! I felt like laughing right in her face. Although she wasn’t as bad as most of the other girls, she was certainly not a person to whom I’d tell anything important or confidential. In fact, I had no one in my life that I could talk to about things like that, serious things. I just held them inside until, like a cancer, they slowly ate away at me from the inside out.

“Well, there’s nothing to tell, but thanks anyway.”

“Do you want me to stay and help you clean up?” As she asked, she hoisted her duffel further up on her shoulder, as if a silent reminder that she was ready to go. Talk about your conflicting body language.

For the first time all day, I nearly laughed. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m almost done.”

“Alright. Well, see you tomorrow,” she promised, walking off the field toward the parking lot.

Five minutes later, I was still contemplating her behavior when Drew arrived. He leaned in to kiss me, but I put my hand on his chest to stay him.

“We need to talk,” I announced.

I hated the look that came over Drew’s face. It said that he knew what was coming and he didn’t like it one bit. I must’ve been more transparent that I’d thought.

“Alright,” he said slowly.

“Drew,” I began, resuming my task of packing pompoms away. “I don’t want you to think that this has anything to do with you or something you’ve done wrong, because it doesn’t.”

I put as much sincerity into my voice and my expression as I could manage. I had never wanted to hurt Drew.

He nodded, his face a tight, blank mask.

“Things are changing so fast this year, it’s crazy. It’s our senior year and things are probably only going to get crazier, not less crazy.”

Drew’s brows came together in a small frown of confusion. I was mucking this up and I knew it. I should’ve practiced what I was going to say, but I was too wrapped up in thinking about Bo to give it adequate attention.

I stopped what I was doing and stepped over to stand in front of him. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Not like this anyway,” I said, putting my hand on his arm. “You are a great guy and I don’t want this to sound cliché, but I really hope we can still be friends. Besides, I’m sure you won’t want to be associated with a social pariah for the rest of your senior year.”

Drew hadn’t said a word. He just stood there in silence, watching me. When he finally spoke, he surprised me.

“This is about that new guy, isn’t it?” Anger was evident in every hard line of his face.

“What? No,” I said halfheartedly. I was taken off guard and that was all the conviction I could muster.

“Don’t lie to me, Ridley,” Drew hissed through his gritted teeth, flinging my hand off his arm with a furious swipe.

“To be honest, Drew, I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me,” I proclaimed, regretting that last choice of words as soon as they were out of my mouth. They were sure to incite a reaction in almost anybody.

“It’s you, huh?” He grabbed my upper arms in a steely grip. “Well that much I know. It’s you screwing the new guy. That’s what it is,” he spat. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not.”

His fingers felt like they were digging all the way into my bones, he gripped me so tightly. “Drew, you’re hurting me.”

“You can’t, can you?” As he spoke, he pulled me up onto my toes and into his chest so that my nose was nearly touching his. “Admit it,” he shouted down at me.

“Drew, I told you—”

“Nothing but lies,” he interrupted, giving me a little shake. “You’re hot for the new guy, you just won’t admit it. You’re a whore just like Trinity.”

A little thread of fear was working its way around my jack-hammering heart.

“Drew—”

“Admit it,” he yelled again, shaking me harder.

Just as a real panic was about to set in, a voice sounded from the shadows.

“Let her go.”

I exhaled in relief, instantly recognizing it. It was Bo. Drew and I both turned to look back at the bleachers.

Bo stepped out into the thin beam of light that shone across the grass from the field house and he stopped there. To me, he looked intimidating. He stood, half in shadow, with his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing Drew steadily, silently.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is,” Drew sneered, pushing me away from him and turning his body to face Bo. “She’s nothing but a lying whore. You sure you want to lose some teeth over a girl like that?”

“I won’t be the one losing teeth,” Bo said, his tone matter-of-fact.

Physically they looked pretty evenly matched. Nonetheless, I was nervous for both of them. I didn’t want Drew to get hurt any more than he already was and I certainly didn’t want to see anything happen to Bo. As far as I was concerned it was a lose–lose situation all the way around.

Although Drew and I were at least twenty feet from Bo, I still felt like the situation needed more of a buffer, so I stepped over in front of Drew to face him. I wasn’t taking a stance in opposition to him, facing off against him with Bo, but that must’ve been how Drew perceived it.

“Bo, Drew was just leaving,” I said, turning my head slightly to direct my words over my shoulder at Bo. My eyes never left Drew, and I addressed him more quietly. “This has gone far enough, Drew. We can talk more later, after you’ve calmed down.”

Drew’s hands shot out and grabbed me by the arms again. “What if I want to talk now?”

I don’t know how he moved so quickly, but it seemed like the instant that Drew’s fingers touched my arms, Bo was at my side. He was so close I could feel his body brushing mine from hip to shoulder. His chest and belly were pressed against me and his arm was stretched out beside my head. He was reaching past me, his fingers wound tightly around Drew’s throat.

“Touch her again,” Bo said softly, the warning clear in his tone.

I felt Drew’s fingers loosen their hold as he released me. I was just about to move out of the way when I decided that maybe they were both safer with me between them. It was my indecision that caused what happened next.

I can only guess that when I started to move out of the way, Drew saw it as an opportunity to get in the first strike, a sucker punch. He brought his fist around in an upper cut aimed right at Bo’s chin. Unfortunately, when I stepped back into position, his fist connected with my jaw on the way up instead.

Violently, my head snapped back on my neck. I saw a bright flash of light and heard a sickening crunch just before a pain more intense than anything I’ve ever felt sliced through my head. It lasted only for a fraction of a second before a black sea of nothingness drowned out sight, sound and, thankfully, feeling.