Chapter 11

Nurture Your Relationship Garden

“The master of the garden is the one who waters it, trims the branches, plants the seeds, and pulls the weeds.”
~ Vera Nazarian

Let’s say you want to make a vegetable garden. You prepare the soil, plant the seeds, and water it. You stand back and look proudly on what you’ve done. It looks all set to produce the bounty you’re hoping for.

But what if you don’t pay attention to the garden for a few months and come back thinking, Ah, I’m ready for those ripe tomatoes now. What will you find? Probably a lot of dead or dying plants. What else will you discover? The weeds have taken over. What happened to the garden? It was prepared and planted well in the beginning but neglected for far too many days and literally dried up.

A relationship is similar to the garden. Even if it starts off well, if the relationship is not nourished and cared for, it can wane and even perish.

Don’t take your relationships for granted, especially the most meaningful ones in your life. Relationships are living things that require care and nutrients to grow well. The care is the love and intentionality we invest into them. The nutrients are the things we actually do —the quality time we spend together, the ways we support each other, the words of encouragement—and our communication skills are the means we use to tend the relationship. When we do, the relationship garden will grow strong and healthy through its seasons.

Ways to Tend Your Relationships

Each relationship is its own garden. They’re not all the same. Your relationship with your spouse is different from the relationship you have with your child or co-worker and so forth. You need to tend each relationship individually, thoughtfully, doing what each one needs to grow well, especially the ones nearest and dearest to you.

Here’s a simple strategy: Sit down with a sheet of paper and make 3 columns. In the first column on the left write down some of their names. In the middle column next to their name jot down what might be a good next step to nurture that specific relationship. In the column on the right, write down when you will do it. Here are some examples:

• A phone call, letter or email just to say hi and catch up on how you’re both doing
• An invitation to get together for coffee or lunch, go to a movie, or take a walk around the block
• An encouraging word for a job well done
• Then do it immediately or schedule the day and time to make it happen—without a schedule, and actually following through and doing your plan, it will just be good intentions with no substance and no result
• For example, you can format your to-do list like this:

Name	Next Step	When
Mom	Call to check-in	2-3 times weekly
Jane (spouse)	Plan a date out together	This coming Friday or Sat.?
Michael (child)	Personal time together	This evening after dinner
John (friend)	Meet for lunch	One day this month – 10th or 11th ?
Mary (co-worker)	Email to thank her for her help on project	Do now

Action: Then schedule and have the discussions or make the calls or emails to make those plans happen.

The above ideas are simple actions on your part, but they can go a long way in nurturing your relationships on a consistent basis.

Self-Reflection:

Who haven’t you spoken with lately? Is it time to give them a call and say hello? (Make a list and follow through)