“What are you three ladies up to?” Annabelle asked, sidling up to the table Vivi, Savannah, and I had claimed at Azalea’s few days later.
Vivi stopped her colorful tale about one of the tables she had waited on over the weekend. From what she’d told us so far, she had been this close to breaking out the bottle of General Lee’s drool to pour over their grits.
“Hello to you, too, Annabelle. You’re looking in fine form this morning,” Vivi said, eyebrow arched.
“Why thank you, Vivi. You’re looking well yourself. That shade of lipstick suits you,” Annabelle replied, wisely not taking the bait. She turned her eyes on Savannah and me. “Enjoying this lovely weather?”
It was a kind of small talk I wasn’t used to from Annabelle, but then, this was the first time I was seeing her since our very emotional last meeting. Maybe she was feeling out how she should approach me, now that I knew so much. Not that she was the only one who had reason to feel vulnerable. I might not have told her anything about what had happened in my marriage, but I’d certainly laid myself bare about how much fear I was dealing with all the time. So there was that, an unspoken awkwardness that Savannah and Vivi surely must have sensed, even if they didn’t know what had created it.
It was fascinating, though, having them all here in one place. Surprisingly enough, I’d never actually seen Savannah interact with Annabelle, so I had no idea what dynamic existed between the two women. Did they know each other well? Was Savannah at all intimidated by Annabelle? It would be interesting to watch, to say the least.
“The last few days have been gorgeous,” Savannah agreed, showing no signs of discomfort. “I hope it lasts.” She shifted in her chair for a better vantage point as she looked up at Annabelle. “We’re getting ready to have some lunch, Annabelle. Care to join us?” she asked sweetly, apparently making the executive decision that Annabelle might add interest to our lunchtime gathering. Which she would, but still. It would have been nice to at least have been given more of an input before the invitation was issued.
“Why thank you, Savannah, that would be lovely,” she replied, shooting Vivi a look over her lapse in hospitality.
“I’m so glad you’re free, Annabelle. Pull up a chair,” Vivi said, a wide grin on her face. Something about it, coupled with her tone, left me feeling slightly uneasy. Just what was she up to?
Annabelle wasted no time in claiming a chair, settling in for the duration of what promised to be a very interesting exchange.
“Have y’all ordered?” she asked, clearly having regained her self-assuredness. I shouldn’t have been surprised that the air of unsettledness she had shown earlier had been so short-lived.
The three of us shook our heads.
“We were listening to Vivi tell us about some people who were in here yesterday. Fascinating,” Savannah chirped. “The nerve!”
“Not everyone had the benefit of being raised with manners,” Annabelle sighed.
“True. Which is precisely why I keep General Lee around. Now, let’s order some lunch before we all starve to death,” she instructed. “Savannah, the usual?”
Savannah nodded, eyes glued to Vivi’s face, no doubt trying to assess her mood now that we had a party crasher. Was she kicking herself now for being the one to suggest that Annabelle join us?
“I’m assuming you’ll have the usual, as well, Annabelle?” Vivi asked, rising from her chair.
“Yes, thank you. Dellie, what would you like?” she asked, directly addressing me for the first time since she’d arrived at our table.
“Um,” I stammered, caught off guard since I hadn’t had a chance to look at the menu yet. Everything here was good; I could have picked up the menu and pointed to something at random, and it would have tasted divine; but no matter how juicy the hamburger, no matter how tender the pot roast, every bite of every crispy French fry or spoonful of sauce would have set off the alarms in my head and made it nearly impossible to hear anything else above the noise. “Can I just get a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato on wheat?” I was aware that it was a safe option, rather than one that would qualify as something satisfactory to my bucket list, but I felt my resolve crumble in the face of my unpreparedness. That was really something I was going to have to learn to fight against, that triggered lapse back into my comfort zone.
“Of course! I’ll be right back after I tell Hal what we want.”
Vivi was only gone a minute, but the air shifted the minute she left.
“Savannah, have you put any more thought into my offer?” Annabelle asked, reaching into her purse—today’s selection was a robin’s egg blue that matched the tiny flowers on her silk blouse.
“I have, Annabelle,” she replied, her mouth tipped into a shy smile. “And as generous as it is, I really have to decline.” She shook her head, looking a bit regretful but still resolute.
“Well, if you change your mind, the offer won’t expire.”
“Thank you for that, really. I think, though, that I’d be more comfortable going through a bank. Borrowing money from friends…” Savannah trailed off, shaking her head. “It can become too complicated.”
Annabelle tipped her head. “I respect your foresight on that, Savannah; it’s quite a mature way of thinking.”
“Her mama raised her right,” Vivi said, breaking back into the conversation as she approached. “Lunch will be ready shortly.” She reclaimed her chair, looking at the three of us curiously. “I’m guessing she asked you again about her offer of a loan?” Vivi directed her question to Savannah.
“She did. And I gave her the same answer I always do, much as I appreciate the generosity of it. I just can’t feel comfortable, borrowing money like that from someone I know, even if they aren’t family.” She shook her head emphatically. “I just can’t.”
“No one says you have to,” Vivi replied simply. “Just take it as a sign that people believe in you. Right, Annabelle?” She skewered the little old woman with her eyes, daring her to say otherwise.
“Right.” It was one of the few signs of solidarity I’d witnessed from them, but it was certainly well-founded, from what I had seen of Savannah’s baking skills. I could only imagine what a force the two woman could be together, should they ever choose to align and use their powers for good.
“I can understand your reasoning,” I murmured. “The whole subject of money can create enormous tension, and that’s not always something you want to have to deal with on top of the stress of getting a business up and running.”
Savannah shook her head solemnly. “No. Lord knows the idea of starting makes me nervous enough!”
“Well, I for one know you’re going to be just fine, whenever you do decide to do it.” Vivi reached out and rested a hand on Savannah’s. “Now. Dellie,” she said in a clipped tone that made me feel a sweat coming on. “Annabelle tells me she took you shopping the other day for some lovely new clothes. From what I’ve seen so far, I’m guessing that none of them have actually even made their way out of the shopping bags you brought them home in, right?”
I blinked. The woman hardly knew me, but she certainly seemed to have me pegged.
“Umm,” I stammered, not knowing how to reply.
Really, what could I say? She was right. Everything was presently tucked away in their respective bags, tags still on them and largely undisturbed since the day Annabelle and I had gone shopping. I was still unsure that I should even keep them. Not that I had the receipt for anything; Annabelle had seen to that—probably to ensure that I would have no way of taking them back.
And even though a makeover was on my list, even though I now had the perfect way to really and truly make progress on that particular challenge, I was still so insecure about it all that I was almost paralyzed by indecision over what to wear every time I considered my new clothes. Hence my lack of progress on the sartorial front.
“Um nothing,” Vivi said, skewering me with her eyes. “What good are they going to do you unless you wear them? Honestly, girl. You’ve got to learn to let other people be generous to you when they want to.” She paused, pursing her lips and arching an eyebrow. “But you’ve also got to learn to be generous to yourself, Dellie. None of us expect new clothes to fix whatever is hurt in there—” she tapped a light finger on my chest, just above my heart “—but it’ll at least make you feel a little bit better about yourself.”
I stared at her, wondering just what it was that Annabelle had told her. Knowing Annabelle, though, I had a feeling that she had disclosed nothing about our conversation or my confession—however incomplete it might have been. She was far too discreet for that and seemed to place a higher value on keeping confidence than one might have assumed.
All three women were watching me now, and I could only wonder what each of them might be thinking. Was I ready to let them in? Part of me was aching to unload, to tell them everything that had happened over the past few years with my marriage, to tell them how the anxieties that had begun during my teenage years had now become crippling in so many ways. To tell them how afraid I was that I would never find my way back to being spontaneous and adventurous, someone who was ready to embrace life rather than hide from it.
Yes, I still had my sense of humor, and there was enough spunk left in me that it came out to play every once in awhile when I let my guard down. But most of the time felt like I was on high alert, defending myself from some unknown threat. Afraid to taste life—both literally and figuratively.
Bigger than the part of me that wanted to tell them, though, was the part of me that kept me silent, the part of me that was afraid that they would think I was pathetic.
“You still haven’t told us your story, Dellie,” Vivi said, reading my mind. “We made a deal, remember? And so far, you haven’t held up your end of the bargain. You can trust us, you know.” She searched my face. “All three of us care about you. You may not have been here long, but I think we’ve all gotten to know each other enough for you to see that we want to be your friends.”
I nodded. They had. All three of them had become great sounding boards, great sources of inspiration, even in the little time I’d been here. I was extremely glad I’d met all of them; and they each, in their own way, gave me hope for all the ways that life could grow past struggle.
That still didn’t ease my own misgivings about telling them what had happened.
I looked from woman to woman, each with their own very complicated tales to tell, and wondered what they would say to me, once I had finally given them my story.
Annabelle, who had married a man she loved and built a successful life with. Still, that life hadn’t come without cost, and she was suffering her own guilt at having caused someone else pain. Would she ever believe that she had been forgiven for that, believe that the baby she had lost hadn’t been some sort of punishment?
Vivi, who had been married twice, to men who could have broken her belief that love really was possible. A woman who had been raised by a mother dedicated to making a good life for herself and her child. Would she ever realize that she was just as strong and capable as her mother? Could she see that, in her own way, Annabelle’s interference with her father had been borne out of love, rather than maliciousness? Could Vivi fully grant her forgiveness?
Savannah, who had lost a good man, far too soon; and who was now left dreaming dreams that she was afraid to reach out and grab, for fear that she would fail and have no one to catch her. Would she ever feel confidence in her own talent and realize that she was loved and supported by everyone who knew her?
These women—each with their struggles—were beautiful and strong and inspiring, whether they realized it or not. They were radiant and rare, women whose lives were shaped by those very struggles, but who were not letting that define them. They shared the common ground of widowhood, but none of them wore it as a brand. Rather, it was part of their history, another layer of their growth and shaping. These were women I could learn from, and I didn’t want to lose their respect.
Still, I owed it to them to prove that I had faith in each of their characters, to trust them with my vulnerability just as they had trusted me with theirs.
I was still sitting there, silent in my uncertainty, when one of the waitresses brought our tray of food.
“Your order came up, Vivi, so I thought I’d save you the trip,” the perky little blonde chirped with a cheery smile, setting down plates in front of Savannah and Annabelle without asking whose was whose. Obviously, she was familiar with this bunch; and once Vivi’s plate had been unloaded from the tray, the girl proudly placed my sandwich in front of me, having deduced that the last item could only be mine.
“Thank you, Darla,” Vivi said, giving the girl a smile. “Once you’ve put the tray away, you can go on home. I think we’re pretty much done with the lunch rush, and Rachel and I can handle whoever else comes in.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Darla drawled. “Enjoy y’all’s lunch. I know you’re off tomorrow, Vivi, so I’ll see you next week?”
Vivi nodded, and the girl walked off after one last smile.
“Darla is such a sweet girl,” Vivi said, watching her head back to the kitchen. “Smart little thing, too. Wants to go to William and Mary when she graduates, and she’s certainly got the grades for it.”
“Has she worked for you long?” I asked, glad for the reprieve in conversation.
“A year or so. Known her parents for forever, though. I went to high school with her mama. Really, really nice family,” she said with a sigh. There was something almost wistful in her eyes.
“Do you ever wish you had children of your own?” The question came as a surprise, even to me, and I was the one asking it.
Vivi shot me a look. “I used to, but I stopped wishing after a little while. Some women just weren’t meant to have children, and I’m one of them,” she said simply. “But stop sidestepping, Dellie. What are you avoiding?”
“Dellie, you can tell us,” Savannah said quietly, her blue eyes wide with concern and curiosity. “None of us will judge you. I hope you know that.” She laid a hand on my arm, a silent urge that I would hear and trust her sincerity.
“I know.” I nodded, realizing that I was probably far from convincing. “I just…” I stopped, not knowing quite how to explain what I was feeling. “You’re going to think I’m a fool. You’re going to wonder why I haven’t just…gotten over everything and gotten on with my life.”
“Why don’t you tell us and let us come to our own conclusions, Dellie?” Annabelle suggested gently.
All four of us sat there at our little table, our plates of food untouched.
“We can sit here as long as you like. None of us has anywhere to be, right, ladies?” Annabelle asked, the tone of her voice leaving little room for argument.
Vivi and Savannah shook their heads.
It seemed that I wasn’t getting out of it this time—no matter how many evasive tricks I tried.
I took a deep breath. These were women I could trust, women I could lean on and learn from. Women who had grown through struggle and would understand my own. We were all, in some way, caught in prisons of our own making, seeking release from whatever was holding us back.
Maybe my trip here could be the marker of new beginnings and healing for all of us.