She wasn’t being mean-spirited or acrimonious—just stating the obvious. Parting at the beginning of a deployment is never easy. There are almost always tears. When small children are involved there are always questions: “Why is my daddy [or my mommy] leaving?” And of course, “Will he [or she] ever come home?”

Lieutenant Colonel Bill Jurney, the commanding officer of 1st Battalion, 6th Marines, described what he missed during these separations this way: “It’s the simple things. Seeing your kids asleep when they don’t know you are there. . . . Coming home and playing in the front yard with all the neighborhood kids. Those are the things I miss the most.”

From my experience, he’s spot-on. But it’s also true that when a service member deploys to a war zone they are surrounded by comrades focused on the mission at hand, shared hardships, adrenaline, and often a singular aim of staying alive. For those left at home there is loneliness, uncertainty, anxiety, and the sole responsibility of raising a family.

Bill Jurney again: “We’re not asking anybody to feel sorry for us. . . . Most spouses of United States Marines are pretty dog-gone strong-willed and independent. They have learned to adapt and live their lives and raise our families in our absence.”

His wife, Sue, agrees: “It’s not just a job, it’s a lifestyle, and it affects everybody in your family. Military spouses sacrifice every day. The way we handle things at home is important. . . . If our guys over there are concerned and worried about how things are going at home, they can’t stay focused on their mission. . . .”

That’s a unique perspective in today’s culture. Few relationships in our society are stress-tested like those in military families. That’s why “Fighting Joe” Dunford describes his wife, Ellyn, as “the most valuable player in the Dunford family.”

Just two days before her husband flew off to take command of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, Ellyn Dunford agreed to sit down with our FOX News team at their new quarters on a military base near Washington. She shrugs off Joe’s “MVP” characterization with a grin—but she also says with a knowing laugh, “Having two little kids in diapers is hard” no matter where you live or what your husband does.

They have been married since 1984. Yet, without the need to consult a calendar, Ellyn estimates she and her husband have spent more than a third of their marriage separated by Joe’s overseas deployments and the cumulative weeks and months he spent in the field on training exercises and military schools. She acknowledges that constant moves as “Military Migrant Workers” make it challenging to raise three children and build her practice as a physical therapist. But she smiles when she says, “Our oldest son went to eleven different schools by the time he graduated from high school.”

With Ellyn Dunford, wife of General “Fighting Joe” Dunford, the day before he deployed as Senior American Commander in Afghanistan. FOX News

It’s not a complaint—just a fact of life. With justifiable pride she shows us around the house she occupied only three days earlier and says, “We’ve moved four times in the last six years. I’ve learned to pack light—and quickly.”

When asked if she worried when she saw news reports about her husband in combat, Ellyn pauses a moment before responding: “Like most military wives with a deployed spouse, I watched the news. We all spoke with those who came back from deployment about what was going on, and some of his troops were very free in what they told me. . . . I tried not to think about it that much. I equate it to being married to a fireman. You know he’s going out on calls, and you know there’s great danger, but you don’t dwell on it.”

Multiple moves, combat deployments, and lengthy separations haven’t dimmed Ellyn Dunford’s affection for her Marine. Asked to reflect on his best qualities, she said, “I admire the way my husband has been faithful . . . to the Marine Corps and our country . . . to those he serves with . . . and as a father and a husband. Everyone struggles with juggling the different aspects of life. . . . I think our family has done it pretty well.”

Ellyn Dunford’s family clearly comes first. But her commitment to the families of those who serve with her husband is a close second. When Joe commanded RCT-5 in combat she spent thirty to fifty hours per week maintaining contact with the families of those he led. She describes that period of her life in a single word: “intense.”

“I shared my email address with every single spouse within the headquarters group, and then with all the battalion commanders’ spouses. . . . I told them to forward to me any issues they couldn’t deal with . . . ‘send them up to me, and I’ll take care of it.’ . . . I went to every memorial service and funeral in the Camp Pendleton area that I found out about.”

She still makes countless visits to military hospitals to meet with wounded Marines and their families. Using the words of a military wife, a mother, and a health-care professional, she knows how crucial families and loved ones are for healing and rehabilitation and why such hospital visits make a difference:

“It’s knowing somebody cared . . . that they came, not just for a photo op or because it’s on a checklist of things to be done this week. . . . For them to know that you actually care is very important because their service member’s injury is the great unknown. They don’t know how they’re going to heal. . . . What’s going to happen after they leave the hospital? Having a visit from a senior person who responds to their concerns is reassuring.”

Ellyn Dunford is well aware that being the wife of America’s senior battlefield commander puts her under a microscope. She describes her new role as “part health-care professional,” part “mentor to others,” and part “educator . . . in a positive way” to help Americans understand the real needs of our warriors and their families.

She points out that today just “one percent of our population serves” in our military, so few of our fellow citizens even know a military family. For many civilians “their context may be a movie. But there are very few movies I’ve seen that reflect my experience or my husband’s.”

Ellyn has been asked, “Will you be going to Afghanistan with your husband?” Others have inquired if she is compensated for the time she spends visiting hospitals and counseling spouses on employment opportunities. Her answer: “I was paid back with the appreciation of the people I helped. . . .”

I ask her what she wants the American people to know about the young people serving today. Her response is particularly relevant to the stories in this book:

“Don’t patronize them. . . . Don’t be afraid of them. . . . Don’t pity them. Treat them as individuals—human beings of great value. You can’t paint military families with a broad brush. Each situation is going to be a little bit different. . . .

“. . . All of them are affected just as much as a civilian family by our economic situation. . . . For those who have been badly injured, rehabilitation is the most immediate concern. . . . For other members and their spouses it’s the transition out of the service and finding good employment. . . . Some will need additional training and education to be productive. . . . They volunteered to go into harm’s way to protect us. . . . When they leave the service, they deserve to have good jobs. . . . That’s the best way we can honor them and their families for their selfless sacrifice.”

At the end of our interview, I ask Ellyn Dunford what she would tell her grandchildren when they asked what she did during this long war. Her response: “I’m going to say, ‘I took care of my family and other people’s families.’ ”

That sounds just right to those whose stories follow.