7
DIANA

“I couldn’t help it! It jumped right out in front of me!” I burst into tears.

“Just pull over to the side of the road,” Grandpa said.

But I was shaking all over. I couldn’t move. I had hit a deer! A beautiful deer! I sat there frozen and sobbing, with the engine running. Over and over in my head, I kept hearing the sound of that thump.

Finally, Grandpa got out and walked around to the driver’s side. “Can you slide over, honey? Let me pull the car over.”

I managed to move over to the passenger seat. “What happened to it?”

“I don’t know. That’s what we’re going to see,” Grandpa said. He slid behind the wheel and pulled the car over to the side of the road.

“I’m going to look for the deer,” he said, cutting the engine. “You girls stay here.”

“No, I’m coming with you!” I said.

“No, if it’s hurt I don’t want you to see it,” Grandpa said.

But I didn’t listen. Still shaking like crazy, with tears rolling down my cheeks, I jumped out of the car and followed Grandpa into the wooded area beside the road. Even though we had hit the deer, it hadn’t fallen down. It had just kept on running. And it was nowhere to be seen. Grandpa and I tromped through the branches and underbrush, searching through climbing vines and under pine trees, combing the area for fifty yards around, while Stephanie waited in the back seat of the car. We couldn’t find it.

Finally Grandpa said, “It must have been okay. It didn’t stop. Maybe it wasn’t that badly hurt.”

“That thump sounded so awful, Grandpa.” Tears started leaking again from the edges of my eyes just thinking about it. “Do you think if I had been a more experienced driver I could have done anything?”

“No, it jumped out directly in front of us, honey,” Grandpa said. “There was absolutely nothing you could do. If I had been driving, I would have hit that deer.”

Still I was shaking.

Grandpa stopped to examine the car when we got back. The right front headlight was smashed. “Well, it’s a good thing it’s not any worse,” he said.

“Did you find the deer?” Stephanie asked when we climbed into the car.

“No, it completely disappeared,” I told her. “So maybe I didn’t really hurt it.”

“Just no way of knowing,” Grandpa said as he started the car and headed back down the road. “You know, when living things have the fight or flight response, they have a lot of adrenalin running through their system, so they can do some amazing things, even with serious injuries. We’ll probably never know what happened to that deer.”

After we told Grandma about hitting the deer, I went upstairs and got into the bed and pulled the flowered bedspread up over my head. I felt horrible. I had seen the deer’s beautiful face just as we hit it, with its terrified eyes. I could close my eyes and feel the thudding jolt as we hit.

For school I had just read The Yearling, the story about a boy who raised a deer. I had loved reading about the way the boy related to the deer, all the deer’s antics inside the house, and the deer’s funny and mischievous personality. The boy had named the deer Flag. But the boy’s life was very hard, and the story had been so sad in parts.

Stephanie and Grandma Roberts came upstairs after me. “Maybe the deer will be all right,” Stephanie said, sitting on the side of the bed.

“I’m never driving again,” I said, from under the bedspread.

“Oh, nonsense,” Grandma Roberts said. “Grandpa told me the deer ran right out in front of you. There was nothing you could do. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Why do animals do that, anyway? Run out in front of cars?” I asked, folding the bedspread back so I could see them.

“Well, you know, they might be confused by the lights,” Grandma said. “They may be scared but not know which way to run.”

“I’m not driving anymore,” I repeated. I had been so excited about getting my license, but right now the idea of getting behind the wheel just made me start shaking again, just like Stephanie. I was pathetic. I might have killed a living thing. I might be a murderer.

A minute later, a knock sounded on the front door downstairs.

“That’s probably Mama,” Stephanie said. She went over to the twin bed and slung her weekend bag over her shoulder.

“Oh, no, we’re not ready for you to leave, Stephanie!” Grandma said.

We heard Grandpa downstairs answering the door. “Well, hello, come in, come in,” he said.

“Hey there,” came Stephanie’s mom’s voice. “Thanks so much for keeping my Stephanie today.”

Stephanie headed downstairs and Grandma Roberts and I followed her. Stephanie’s mom, normally with perfect hair and makeup, had mascara smears and bags under her eyes. She looked like she’d been crying. She was talking and waving her hands around nervously. “I appreciate you keeping Stephanie but I can keep her now.”

“Hey, Mama,” Stephanie said.

Her mom pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her. “Hey, sugar!”

“We were expecting to have Stephanie all weekend,” said Grandma Roberts. “We were looking forward to it.”

“I know, and I so appreciate you being willing to keep her, but my plans have changed.” Stephanie’s mom was playing with Stephanie’s hair now, picking it up and smoothing it down over her shoulder.

“All right, then,” said Grandma Roberts. “We’ll miss you, Stephanie.”

Stephanie’s mother pulled her more tightly against her, wrapping her arms around her neck.

I looked at Stephanie’s face. She looked uncomfortable and a little scared.

“Where’s Matt?” I asked.

“He’s out waiting in the car. I just picked him up from his job at the carwash. We’re all going to head home and have a nice time together.”

“How is Matt getting along since his accident?” asked Grandma Roberts.

“Really well,” said Stephanie’s mom. “He regained all the movement in his arm, and he’s got that carwash job, and he’ll be taking classes at the community college this summer, too. He’s really turned over a new leaf. We’re proud of him.”

“That’s wonderful,” said Grandma Roberts.

“Well, sugar, if that’s all your stuff, let’s get going,” said Stephanie’s mom. “Thanks again.”

“Thanks for having me,” said Stephanie. “Thanks for dinner and for the kneeboarding lesson.” I looked at her face and the expression was hard to read.

“Our pleasure,” Grandpa Roberts boomed. “And we want you to come back again.”

“Any time,” said Grandma Roberts, and she lay her hand on Stephanie’s arm.

“Bye,” Stephanie said to me. “I guess I’ll see you back at home next week.”

But would she? What was going to happen when Mom and Norm got home?

“Bye,” I said. “Text me.”

“Yeah, okay, I will.”

I went outside on the front porch to watch as Stephanie walked up the long driveway to her mom’s car. Matt, sitting in the front passenger seat, waved. After a second, I waved back.

I lay on the couch in the family room of the lake house. It wasn’t going to be any fun to watch the movie without Stephanie.

“I don’t feel good about letting that girl go tonight,” said Grandma Roberts. She sat at the end of the couch and put my feet in her lap.

Grandpa sat down in his La-Z-Boy. “Well, it’s too late now. She’s gone.”

“Did you think it looked like her mother had been crying?”

“Yes,” I said.

“You thought so, too?”

I nodded.

“What’s her husband like, do you know, Diana?”

“I don’t know.” I thought about Barry. “He’s tall.”

“Well, that doesn’t tell me much!”

“He’s a pilot. He likes golf.”

“But what’s he like?”

“I don’t know, Grandma! I never paid much attention to him. I’ve only met him once or twice. He’s not usually around.” Sometimes Grandma asked a lot of questions.

“Hmmm,” said Grandma.

“It’s all right. Nothing to worry about. It’s good for her to be with her mom,” said Grandpa. “Now, who wants some popcorn with the movie?”

“I don’t feel like watching the movie now,” I said. “Stephanie’s gone. And I hit a deer.” And Mom and Norm are fighting, but I kept that thought to myself.

“Nonsense,” said Grandpa. “This too shall pass.”

He was always saying that.

Later, in my bed in the white wicker bedroom I lay in the dark and listened to the crickets singing outside. It was a soothing sound. I wondered how Stephanie was doing with her mom and if she could hear crickets too.