Ed got out of the car, then came around and opened the passenger side door. A long, slim leg in a leather catsuit emerged first, and then the rest of her stood up. Mission accomplished. Ed had done some yelling when I’d first proposed it and muttered something about prostituting himself, but in the end, he had agreed. And it was a good plan. Except for the sudden churning of my insides. Was that jealously, Kylie? Girl, you are so messed up.
I stepped into the doorway while they were still in the parking area and crossed my arms. “Well, well. What’s this?” An Oscar-winning performance if ever there was one.
Ed gave me a hard look before turning a more genteel expression toward Shabiri. The demoness gave me a winning grin. “No wonder you were so enamored with this sheriff, Miss Strange. He’s a love.” She leaned back and swept her hand under his chin. “It’s too bad you don’t have my amulet, Ed darling. Maybe you should take it from Doug.”
“Maybe I should.” His eyes were locked on hers, and my level of discomfort shot skyward. Was he acting? Had this really been my idea?
“Where’s Erasmus?” she cooed. “He’ll love seeing this.”
“I don’t—” And there suddenly, he was “—know where he is.”
“You’ll adore this, darling,” Shabiri said to Erasmus, hanging on his arm. “This Sheriff-of-the-Wide-Shoulders came looking for me to try to convince me to give back the Draugr gold—which I don’t have, of course—and do you know what happened?”
He cast a glance toward me. “Must I listen to this?”
“He’s such a dear. Said he found me alluring.”
Erasmus turned his head to glare at Ed, who was trying to appear nonchalant.
“So naturally I had to come here and flaunt it.” She slithered over to Ed and nearly wrapped herself around him. He looked down at her with a lascivious smile. I didn’t like it at all.
“That’s, uh, real…nice, Shabiri,” I said, trying to get the words out. “So will you give back the gold?”
She pouted. “I haven’t decided yet. Not that I have it.”
“Oh, for crying out loud.”
Did he sleep with her? I mean that was quick.
His arm curled around her, and I couldn’t quite see where his hand ended up. And she was making a kissy-face at him.
“Okay, you know what? I don’t need to be here. If you don’t have the gold, I’ve got better things to do.”
“Let’s not be hasty,” said Erasmus with a sly smile. “Aren’t you happy for Constable Bradbury?”
“Constable Brad—I mean Sheriff Bradbury can do whatever he damn well wants to. It’s not up to me.”
“That’s right,” said Shabiri sternly. “It isn’t.”
I glared at her, trying to avoid looking at Ed. “Have you brought the gold?”
A roar of Harley engines drowned her out, and she leaned back against Ed. I noticed that Erasmus had taken up a place next to me…very close.
The Ordo screamed up the street and parked in a neat row in front of my shop. When Doug dismounted, he sneered at Ed. “What’s this? What the hell is Shabiri…” But it was pretty plain what the hell she was doing. Doug scowled, and Charise, not surprisingly, clung to Doug with whitening hands. Her eyes narrowed into slits of sheer hatred aimed at the demon…or toward Ed? It didn’t matter. Doug looked like he barely noticed, but I saw that he was reaching into his leather jacket, probably just to make sure he still had the amulet. Hey, that was an idea. I wonder if Erasmus could steal it and hand it over to Ed…
“Is it mutiny?” asked Doug.
Ed shook his head. “She’s not your genie, Doug.”
“She is if I say she is.” He squeezed the demon face on the amulet, and she cried out, stumbling away from Ed. She shot Doug a filthy look.
“You’re a sore loser, Dougie.”
“I don’t want you canoodling with the enemy.”
“As it happens,” she said, smoothing out her leather catsuit, “I don’t think he’s your enemy at all. You are more alike than you’d care to admit. Though there are distinct differences.”
Charise got in closer, twisting the lapel of Doug’s leather jacket. “Don’t let her talk to you like that, Doug.”
In the blink of an eye, Shabiri was in Charise’s face. “I’m certainly not here to please you either, Miss Pale Comparison. As I believe I already made clear.”
Charise touched her neck where Shabiri’s hands had been, running her fingers over her bruises.
I pushed in front of all of them to face Doug. “To what do I owe the displeasure of your company?”
He eyed Shabiri. “Well, I came in good faith to let you know that we couldn’t find the gold. But it looks like someone’s been busy.”
Ed ignored Doug and turned to the demon. “It’s pretty important that we get it back. I know that you don’t care that people we know are dying, but I care. Can you help us find the gold, Shabiri?”
She smiled and slithered into Ed’s arms. Both Doug and I made faces.
“Well…” she said, drawing circles on his chest with her finger, “if it’s that important to you…I’ll give it a whirl.” She vanished instantly. The sappy look on Ed’s face vanished. He turned to his brother. “That’s how you do it, Doug.”
“You mother—”
“Hey!” I interrupted. “The point is, boys, that we’re finally getting the gold to return to the Draugr. No more killings. Focus on that, huh?”
“And that’s all I’m doing,” said Doug, pointing a finger at me.
We all stood around, just staring at one another. With his arms firmly crossed over his chest, Doug was the mirror image of Ed. Charise had her fingertips in her leathers’ pockets since her pants were so skin-tight she couldn’t fit in her whole hands. Dean and Bob looked out into the distance.
I finally threw up my hands. “It’s too cold out here to wait. Why don’t you all…come inside…if you can be civil.” They exchanged looks. Before they could sneer, I turned my back on them and marched into the shop. Erasmus, with as wide a grin as he had ever worn, followed me in. He wasn’t the least bit cold that I could tell.
The rest of them slowly wandered inside. I could tell Charise liked the smell of some of the prepared teas, though she’d never stoop to ask for any. But I was feeling charitable. “If anyone wants some tea, those urns have samples. The cups are there.”
Only Charise was brave enough to take some. I couldn’t picture the others drinking tea anyway.
Seraphina walked up to the Ordo and offered them coffee from a carafe. Doug took a cup.
“This is all so cozy. Wiccan central,” he said, between sips. Steam rose from his paper cup as he scanned the room. “Hey, Velma,” he said to Jolene, “What are you and the Scooby gang working on over there?”
She looked up, pushing her glasses up her nose, and clicked off her tablet. She clutched it to her chest and pressed her lips tight together.
“Excuse me,” he muttered.
“We’re trying to find a way to clean up your mess,” I told him. “Seems we’ve been doing that a lot.”
“My mess?”
“The Draugr gold for one. Goat Guy, for two.”
“My Lord Baphomet doesn’t need cleaning up. He’s free.”
“He’ll start killing again,” said Doc. “Or demand sacrifices.”
“What do you know about it, old man?”
Doc narrowed his eyes, lifted his fingers, and snapped them. Doug jumped as a spark lit his backside.
“Stop that!”
“Not until you show some respect, young man. I may be an old duffer, but I know things. Things that only wisdom and observation bring. You could do with paying a bit more attention where it counts, instead of salivating over those noisy machines you like to drive around.”
Bob leaned over toward Doug. “He’s talking about our bikes,” he stage-whispered.
“I know that, Willis.” Doug faced Doc again with a sneer. “You think you know everything just because you’re old, but you don’t. Shabiri has been teaching me things, amazing things. You aren’t the only game in town, you know.”
“We can teach you things.” I was shocked that Seraphina spoke up. She moved forward with such an intense expression that I couldn’t look away. “We can join forces. We could all do amazing things…together!”
Doug stared. He seemed enrapt with her—her flowing skirts and joyous face. Like he had been suddenly shown a sliver of what could be. He even took a step forward.
Until Charise opened her big, fat mouth.
“You aren’t going to listen to this old witch, are you, Doug?”
That snapped him out of it. Maybe Seraphina had done some sort of spellwork. Or maybe not. But whatever it was, the moment was gone now.
“We’re giving back the gold and that’s it. Capisce?” he said.
“You’re such an idiot, Doug,” snarled Ed.
“I’m the idiot? What about you? Messing around with a demon? Ick.”
He smirked, flicking a glance at me. “It’s not as bad as you think.”
“So the gold!” I said a little louder than necessary. “Once we get it, does anyone know what we do with it? I mean, do we need a ritual to get rid of the Draugr?”
“As I understand it,” said Doc, “we simply leave the gold out where they can see it, they take it, and disappear back to…wherever they came from.”
“Valhalla,” said Ed. Everyone looked at him. “Isn’t that where dead Vikings go?”
“Dead Viking zombies?” asked Jolene.
“Zombie Valhalla?” Ed offered.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “As long as they’re gone.”
The only sounds were the sipping of tea and coffee. Time ticked away.
The sound of a car roused us, moving as a group to the window. Nick and George pulled up in front of the shop and got out, George scornful of the row of bikes. He looked toward the shop and took out his gun.
“Uh oh,” Doug and I said at the same time.
Ed went to the door. “I’ve got it,” he said back to us. “George! It’s me, Ed. It’s okay. We’re just having a little parlay with the Ordo. You can put your gun away.”
“If it’s okay with you, sheriff, I’d like to see that for myself.”
“I’m opening the door, George, slowly and carefully so you can see me.”
He did so with his hand up. George two-handed the gun and rushed in. He looked over Doug and his gang and slowly lowered his weapon. “What’s going on, sheriff?”
“We’re just working out a little negotiation.”
“About the zombies?”
“What the hell?” said Doug. “He knows, too?”
George slipped his gun away. “Yeah. We’ve got you covered, Doug.”
“You’re no fun at all, deputy. But I see you and your boyfriend are a little more open these days.”
Someone was growling. It was Nick. His eyes were becoming green, his ears and snout growing.
Doug stepped back.
“It’s even worse than that,” I said. “We’ve got some werewolf power on our side.”
This time, Bob and Dean stepped back.
“Whoa,” said Dean. He suddenly didn’t look all that big and bad with his shaved head. “Doug, they got werewolves. That little faggot is now a fucking werewolf.”
“I wouldn’t go throwing those epithets around, Willis,” said George, hand on his holster. “I don’t think Nick likes it.”
Nick hadn’t returned to normal yet, his teeth elongating while his growls grew louder.
“Nick,” I said. “You need to dial it down.”
Nick caught his breath and blinked at me. His snout and ears receded. The last things to go were his fangs, slowly slipping up behind his lips.
Doug looked like he was on his last nerve. “Damn.”
“So you see, Doug.” I walked forward until I was right in front of him. “We do have the upper hand.”
He looked panicked. Then suddenly he wasn’t. He even smiled. “Not quite, sweet thing. There’s still my Lord…BAPHOMET!”
The sky rumbled. Oh, shit. “You didn’t. You didn’t just call on him, Doug. You are such an asshole!”
I rushed to the window. Yup. Dark, threatening clouds gathered fast, clumping into angry roiling masses and blotting out what was left of the sun. Lightning lit the underside of the clouds, searing across their underbellies in bright flashes.
The center of the clouds suddenly rolled away, and Baphomet slowly descended through the partition, like some upside-down Renaissance painting where he was the cherub.
I turned toward Doc, who clearly had nothing.
“What’s the plan, Doug? Did you think this through?”
By the look on his face, he obviously hadn’t. He seemed as terrified as the rest of us. And when the mist began to rise, I knew we were in for a world of trouble.
“Great. The Draugr.”
Baphomet landed, his hooves digging potholes into the asphalt. The sky was dark now, dark enough for zombie Vikings.
Baphomet noticed the mist swirling around his legs and smiled, his weird goat eyes shining. He cocked his head and watched as the Draugr dragged themselves out of the forest, weapons raised. They almost looked like they were riding the clouds of mist, heading toward the shop. They ignored the giant goat god in front of them, as if his presence was an everyday occurrence.
“Any ideas, Nick? Is that enchanted fire working?”
“I, uh, think I’m a little bit terrified right now.”
I whirled toward him. “Well, snap out of it! We have a situation here.”
“Okay. You’re right. I have the pouch. Haven’t tested it yet.”
“Wait,” said Doc. “What if he goes out there, and Baphomet tries to stop him? He’ll need cover.”
“What have we got to cover him with?”
Ed and the deputy looked shocked and frightened. George wasn’t even grabbing at Nick to pull him back. So they were useless.
Something hit my leg. When I looked down, I saw the Booke nudging me. The Booke. Maybe…
I grabbed it, felt its power throbbing within me. “Are you ready, Nick?”
“Ready? I don’t…I don’t…”
“Now or never, Nick.” He gave me a nod, opened the pouch, and reached his hand in. I held the Booke in front of me and rushed out the door.
Baphomet immediately turned toward me. “Kylie Strange,” he said in a gravelly voice.
Nick slipped out the door and headed for the other end of the shop, ducking just around the corner. He began to chant.
“Why do you keep saying my name like that?” I said, stalling. “I get that you know who I am.”
“I want my words to be the last you ever hear.”
“Oh, blah, blah, blah. You talk like a comic book villain.”
He frowned. Creases formed between his eyes, on his forehead, and around his mouth. He sneered with his big goat teeth. Of course, he was twenty feet tall, so everything seemed more exaggerated. He leaned over, like a building suddenly tilting toward the ground. “Your words are foolishly brave.”
“That’s me, all right. Foolishly brave. Can’t you just go back to wherever you came from? What do you want with this place anyway? You’d never fit on the furniture.”
“To enslave Mankind. They belong to me. As do you.”
“Yeah, well.” I snatched a glance at the Draugr as their snarling, rotting selves drew closer. Come on, Nick! “We’d make really terrible slaves. We don’t like doing what others tell us to do. Especially these Mainers. They have their own minds.”
“Their will shall be taken from them. Their only thoughts will be to please me.”
“Look,” I said, sobering. “Why do you have to kill? Why can’t you just—I don’t know—talk with us. Impart your wisdom. You know things we can’t begin to know. You’ve lived a thousand lifetimes. More. I’m sure there are tons of people who’d love to hear about you. Can’t we all just be friends?”
“You are a fool, Kylie Strange!”
I didn’t like the fact that he was cocking back his arm. It was almost certainly bad for me. A ball of light…power…something formed in his curled fingers. When he shot his arm forward, the ball careened toward me. I had a split second for my life to pass before my eyes just as I instinctively raised the Booke to hide behind.
I expected either a blow or an explosion. I expected to be pulverized by that ball of power. And yet, time kept ticking, and as far as I could tell, nothing happened. I opened my eyes to a squint and looked to either side. The Draugr were still coming, Moody Bog was still there in the misty, gray distance, and my shop still stood behind me. But now there were also waves of light pouring from behind the Booke.
I lowered it slightly and felt what the Booke was feeling. If it could laugh, that’s what it would’ve been doing. It held the ball of power to its cover, letting it roll there like a soft tickle, before the Booke absorbed it through the leather and into the parchment, where it simply… dissolved.
I looked up at Baphomet. That was one unhappy goat.
“What have you done!”
Where was Erasmus? The pussy was hiding somewhere in the shadows. “I, uh, didn’t do anything.”
He trembled in anger. And then he threw back his head and roared.
The Draugr in front of me burst into flames and twisted in the sudden inferno. At first, I thought it was Baphomet, but he was just as surprised as I was.
But not as surprised as Nick, apparently. He wore an astonished look on his face, before he jumped in glee. “It worked!”
The Draugr turned tail and ran, arms and weapons flailing, into the woods.
“No!” I cried. Now I was going to be responsible for setting Maine on fire.
But as their tormented bodies hit the trees, the flames went no further. Come to think of it, the fire was sort of greenish, not the color of a proper fire at all. It caught neither brush nor tree, only glowing around the zombies that had been hit. The others—who seemed to be multiplying each time I checked—didn’t appear to like the look of it, retreating into the mist away from their burning brethren.
I had no time to celebrate Nick’s success. Goat Guy was still on the warpath.
“Doug! Get the hell out here and deal with this!” I called.
He came timidly to the doorway and looked up. Baphomet glared down at him. Doug came out the rest of the way and dropped to his knees, head down. “Lord Baphomet.”
“Why do you consort with this creature?” said Baphy, gesturing toward me. I bristled. Look who’s calling who a creature!
“It was necessary, my lord. To get information from them.”
“I do not like her or her book. She should be dead by now. If the demon will not do it, you are to see to it.” In a final fit of petulance, he swept out his arm and knocked the bikes on top of each other. They fell like dominoes, the crunch of metal and the clatter of chrome on chrome echoing through the night. Baphomet turned without flicking an eyelash at me, then pumped his wings, lifting into the sky. I hoped he wouldn’t be inclined to kill tonight, not that there was anything I could do about it.
I held the Booke tightly, knowing it had saved my life. The wheels in my head began to churn. If the Booke could be used as a weapon, then I intended to use it.