There was nothing to do but go back home. Erasmus clearly wanted to flee, until I reminded him in a deadly voice that he’d promised to help us leave the caves.
He said nothing, only turned on his heel and stomped into the darkness. Doc helped me find my discarded flashlight, and we silently followed him. I couldn’t get the sight of Andras’ burning body out of my mind. Like hellfire. I suppose it literally was. Horrible. And though maybe he deserved it, I couldn’t drum up enough hate to believe it. Maybe Erasmus would die like that if the Powers That Be got ahold of him. I was steaming mad at him, but I didn’t ever want him to suffer like that.
I glanced down at my crossbow. Amazingly, the bolt had returned, unburnt, unscathed.
Ed must have been thinking along the same lines as me. He sidled up to me and said quietly, “I don’t want to see that happen to Shabiri.”
“Oh. So you’re getting feelings for her?”
“No. I just don’t think—even as crafty as she is—she deserves that.”
“She helped the Ordo summon Baph—Goat Guy.”
“Maybe she didn’t even know the harm it could do.”
“She had to know more than she’s letting on.”
He grunted a reply and then gestured toward Erasmus, trudging ahead. “What are you gonna do about him?”
All I could do was shake my head. I was so furious I could barely think straight, let alone talk about it. I felt betrayed and stupid and used. He let us go on with this ritual, all the while he had planned to kill Andras himself. He had used us to draw the demon and make the weapon that killed him. Was it some old grudge? Was he afraid I’d learn more about the Booke than I should? Was he jealous of the power? It didn’t make sense, and the idiot wouldn’t tell me.
Jeff and Nick had changed back after we’d made the long hike back to the cars. Doc threw Nick his keys to the Rambler. “See that Seraphina and Jolene get home. I’m going to ride with Kylie.”
Ed cast a longing glance my way, his arm on the door of the SUV and his foot resting on the running board. When I didn’t acknowledge him, he frowned and ducked into his car. It rumbled as he pulled out of the gravel parking lot.
Erasmus glared at me and vanished. Doc strolled to the passenger side of the car and got in. There was nothing I could do but get in, too.
Before I started the car, he put his hand on my arm. “Wait a moment, Kylie. I’d like to talk to you. Start it, if you like though. We could use some heat.” I did and got the heater going.
“Kylie, there’s no denying these past three weeks have been—well, for lack of a better expression, life-changing. You’ve gotten into some very dangerous situations. Experiences an ordinary person would never have to face.”
I nodded. It was suddenly a bit overwhelming, and I found I couldn’t speak through the lump in my throat.
“It’s been an emotional roller-coaster.”
I nodded again.
“And I know…you have feelings for Mr. Dark…”
I shook my head furiously. No, that had to end. If I couldn’t trust him with my life, why should I trust him with my heart?
“Well, be that as it may, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t say that I blame him all that much for his actions.”
I turned to him, incredulous.
“Far be it from me to approve of what a demon does, but that fella has had a lot to contend with. I’ve been studying the life of Constance Howland. As much of it as I can. And it seems to me that from the time she opened the book to the time she…she died, it was barely a week and a half. The other names that Mr. Dark mentioned to you, former Chosen Hosts, I looked them up too. Near as I can tell, once they had the book in their hands, they didn’t last more than a week. And you’ve had three weeks, going on four. Something is different this time. I have the sense that it’s about our participation—the coven and our willingness to help you. And now there’s Ed and George…and Jeff, when it gets down to it. There’s never been anything like this in the history of the book, I’m willing to bet. And that’s not all.”
I didn’t want to hear anymore. I lowered my forehead onto the steering wheel.
“He has feelings for you. You told me before that you think he’s in love with you, and that changes everything.” He touched my arm, pulling me away from the steering wheel until I sat back against the seat. “Don’t you see? He won’t hurt you, but it doesn’t mean he won’t lie. Maybe to protect you. Maybe to protect himself. But that is his nature. You can’t just treat this like any other love affair. It’s vastly different. Your life still depends on him and his help. And yes, I understand how important it is to know why he killed Andras. And I’ve been thinking about that, too. If Andras was sent back, he’d be free to roam the Netherworld. Maybe get into the clutches of the Powers That Be. And then they’d know what’s been going on here, and they may not like what they hear. And there’s something else. If he was summoned once, he could be summoned again, and until we find out who did it the first time, we can’t prevent it from happening again.”
“Ruth Russell,” I said with vehemence.
“We’re still not sure of that. But there’s one more thing to think about. Mr. Dark’s actions could simply be as you said—that he didn’t want you learning more about the book, which bears some thinking. But in any case, try not to be too hard on him. He’s struggling as much as you are, fighting emotions he’s never felt before. And he doesn’t know how to reconcile how he feels with what he has to do. Remember, his entire creation was designed to kill and devour the Chosen Host. And now he can’t. Imagine the turmoil inside him.”
I let Doc’s words wash over me, give me new strength. Erasmus was as much a victim of his circumstances, maybe even more, than I was. It was tragic. And tragedies never ended well.
I cleared my throat. “I can see where you’re coming from.”
“I hope you do. This is new for all of us.”
“I know. I appreciate you helping me unpack it all.”
“I can’t tell you what to do, Kylie. You must follow your own instincts. All I can do is offer my perspective.”
“And it’s awfully helpful.” I finally put the car in gear and rambled down the dirt road. When I got to the highway, I saw that the Interceptor had been waiting for me. I guess we’d been up there a while. I flashed my headlights to signal we were okay and followed them up the road.
I took Doc home. Nick hadn’t returned yet with his car, but Doc let himself in, turning on the lights in his living room to wait for Nick.
I drove home by myself, brooding like a certain demon I knew. I parked in front of the darkened shop and got out of the car.
The bell above the door sounded hollow as I entered into the near-darkness. I’d left a nightlight on, and wandered over to the stairs, glancing at the glass apothecary jars lined up like soldiers along the old buffet. My tea, both ordinary and exotic varieties, were nestled in those jars. My herbs were tucked into a myriad of little wooden drawers, each type labeled in careful pen on cards in brass frames over brass drawer pulls.
“It really is a perfect little shop,” I sighed. I was proud of it, though I still wondered if I’d have the chance to own it for more than a few weeks.
“It is a fine shop,” said that familiar voice from the shadows.
“I thought you’d buggered off to parts unknown.”
“Of course not. I am tethered to the book.”
“That’s a handy excuse.”
Erasmus stepped out of the shadows. Moonlight slanting in from the window illuminated his face. “I…seem to be tethered to more than the book.”
“Why did you do it?”
He took a step closer. “Would you believe me if I said that I had a very good reason?”
“No.”
“Then we are at an impasse.”
“Was it to save you or me?”
He took a step closer. “Yes.”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
“I needed to know—”
“I know. I would have liked to have known as well. But it was too dangerous, his lingering between here and there.”
“But I told you—”
“And I’m sorry. But I panicked. I am not versed in these…strange new dynamics.”
The dark smoothness of his voice calmed me, perhaps even lulled me. I didn’t, couldn’t fight it. “What sort of dynamics?”
He stepped closer until he was merely a foot away. “Of a demon…falling in love with a human.”
“Have you?”
His hand slowly rose to delicately cup my cheek. “Yes,” he whispered. “I’m sorry if I’m not doing it right. I don’t know how.”
I closed my eyes and breathed. “You’re doing it right,” I said. Doc had told me to try to understand him. Doc really knew more about the world than I did, didn’t he?
When I opened my eyes, Erasmus was gazing at me with concern. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. I’m sorry that I will continue to lie to you.”
“It’s your nature.”
“Yes. As your nature is to despise it.”
“We’ll agree to disagree?”
He cocked his head. “If you want to think of it that way.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
“I see. Well, I will be here, keeping watch. Baphomet still roams free.”
I trudged through the shop and reached the stairs. I’d made it halfway up to my room when I stopped. He had a hopeful expression. That I’d forgiven him. That I’d invite him up. I wanted to. The whole episode had been so horrible that it would’ve been nice to be in someone’s arms. But I couldn’t invite him. Not yet.
I gave him a half-smile instead and scuffed up the stairs, closing the door as he stood in the shadows below.