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There was no way I was going to allow myself to be kept off this mission.
I spotted a pair of familiar broad shoulders, topped with a blue-tinged neck and a shock of black hair so dark it was iridescent like the wings of a crow or oil on the road, and I hurried to catch up. “Irus!”
He turned at the sound of my voice.
“Hey, Camille. You almost ready? We’re scheduling take off in less than an hour.”
“Yeah, I’m good to go. I want to be on a different ship than the others, though.”
His smooth brow furrowed. “You do? Why?”
“I’m concerned they’re going to put too much energy into worrying about my safety rather than concentrating on the job.”
Irus nodded as though he agreed with my point of view. “As long as you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“It is. And don’t mention it to them, okay? I know they’ll get all hurt about it.”
I felt bad that I was using how Irus felt about me to manipulate the situation.
“Camille,” he said, catching hold of my hand. “I want you to know that they’re not the only ones who will be worrying about your safety. You know that, don’t you. It may have only been a few weeks, but it’s been an intense few weeks, and I don’t think I’ve been able to hide the way my feelings have grown for you in that time. I realize things are...complicated...but I can’t change how deeply I’ve fallen for you. I don’t expect anything in return. I just wanted to tell you in case things don’t go our way up there.”
My heart ached with longing. “You’re still a part of us, Irus, even if things haven’t been physical.”
He gave a sad smile. “It’s not the same, though, is it? I’ll always be on the outside because of who I am.”
An Athion.
“It’s not because of who you are,” I told him. “It’s because of where you come from. The guys are frightened you can offer me something they’ll never be able to.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“I saw you watching me with Aleandro,” I said suddenly, studying his face carefully for his reaction. I didn’t know why I’d decided to mention it—perhaps it was in part because I was angry with the others. Would he deny it?
His cheeks bloomed a darker shade of blue, and he glanced away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. I was looking for Leif and just happened to come across you both. I know I should have turned away, but I’d never seen anyone having sex in real life.”
I widened my eyes at him. “You haven’t seen someone else having sex? Or you haven’t come across sex, full stop?”
He bit his lower lip, the action stirring something deep in my core. “The second option.”
“Oh.” Fuck. Irus was a virgin. Of course, the possibility had occurred to me before, but this was the first time he’d admitted it.
“There are a shortage of females on our planet, remember? That’s the whole reason we’re here. Plus, I’ve been part of the Custos since a young age, and we’re all male. There aren’t many opportunities for meeting females when you’re on a ship in space.”
I gave a coy shrug, trying to eke information out of him. “So, the men didn’t...” I sought for the right phrase to use. “...enjoy each other then?”
“Some of them did. I don’t have anything against it, but it’s not my thing. They’d argue that a hole is a hole, but I’ve preferred to stick with my hand.”
“Did you use your hand when you saw me and Aleandro together?” I asked, curious. “I was thinking about it when Aleandro was inside me.”
His gaze lifted to mine, a new spark of interest and realization inside them. “You were thinking about me pleasuring myself while Aleandro was having sex with you?”
“I couldn’t help it. I saw you standing there. I could tell we’d gotten you excited.”
“But you didn’t tell Aleandro,” he pointed out.
It was my turn to be embarrassed, heat burning my cheeks. “No, I didn’t. And that was wrong of me. Aleandro can be pretty kinky, and I know he doesn’t have a problem with other men. He’d probably have been more than happy to let you watch. But it’s difficult.”
“Because of Mike, you mean?”
“I don’t think it’s just Mike.” This was the first time we’d talked about the difficulties of our situation and brought out into the open that I was interested in Irus, and him in me. “And it isn’t you, either. It’s that you’re another link to Athion, and they’re frightened they’re going to lose me.”
“What if I promise to keep you on Earth, Camille?”
“You can’t make that promise. It’s not yours to give.”
The truth of that statement finally sank in. Was that why I could never take Irus to be a part of our group? Was it because if I did, and I eventually decided I wanted to go to Athion, it would be him everyone would blame? And not only that, he would be the only one who’d be able to come with me, which would mean I’d have chosen him over the others, and I could never live with myself if I did that. At least if I chose to go to Athion because it was what I wanted, I’d know it had been my decision and mine alone, and I’d know that Irus had never played a part in it.
Not that I had any intention of leaving Mike, Aleandro, and Casey—even after the stunt they’d just pulled. But still that little niggle wormed through my heart—a longing of wanting to experience life on another planet, and knowing that if there was no possibility of the men coming with me, that I would be forced to leave them behind. Mike was well within his rights to worry about this. It wasn’t as though I could say one hundred percent that the chance of living on Athion didn’t appeal to me, however wretched that made me feel.
“I’ll make sure you get a spot on one of the ships,” Irus said.
I shook my head free of my thoughts. “Thank you. And good luck up there, Irus.”
“You, too, Camille,” he said and leaned in and placed his cheek against mine, his lips softly brushing the corner of my mouth.
My heart and head danced in circles, and when he drew back again, I was lightheaded and breathless just by his proximity.
Then he turned and walked away, and I watched his broad shoulders and strong back move beneath the tan shirt of his uniform, until he took a corner and vanished from sight.