Ella couldn’t respond to Nelson’s unexpected question. First, she was still stunned he hadn’t kicked her out of the warehouse. She had no business being here, but after a morning of putting up with Junia’s stony silence punctuated with grimaces and heavy, my-life-is-so-terrible sighs, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She’d grabbed an apple and gone for a walk, but she didn’t get very far. The apple was still in the pocket of her coat, and it was too cold to walk any decent distance. She didn’t want to go home—although her father and Junia were at the store, their house wasn’t a peaceful place either. It was as if their fighting and now silent treatment had polluted their living space. When she passed by the warehouse, she’d checked the door on instinct. When she found it unlocked, she turned into Goldilocks and went inside, not expecting Nelson to arrive until after the holidays.
And here she was, caught red-handed encroaching on his property—even being so bold as to sit on the edge of his bed. But she was so tired . . . of everything, including always being upset when he was around. He must think I’m ab im kopp.
“Or you don’t have to,” he said, jerking her out of her daze. “It’s up to you.”
She looked at him, realizing she’d been so deep in her thoughts she hadn’t answered his question. She really needed to get back to the store. Today’s customers were few and far between, but there was always work to do—shelves to stock and straighten, inventory to check, planning for the spring and summer, sweeping, mopping, wiping the counters . . .
“I’ve got another box to bring in.” He opened the back door again. “You can stay here as long as you need to. I’ll work around you.”
She shook her head, not wanting to be in his way. “I really am sorry,” she said, walking out with him. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“It’s okay.” He went to the buggy and pulled out another box.
Ella followed him and peeked inside. There was one smaller box, and she lifted it out. He raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t say anything as they both went back into the warehouse. “Is this all you have?”
“Ya. Don’t need much for one little space.”
She looked around at the single bed, a short, two-drawer dresser, and a wooden crate for a nightstand. “You need more than what’s here.”
“It’s okay, Ella. I won’t be living in here permanently.”
“Gut.” She still didn’t like the idea of him staying in this cold building during the winter, even if it was temporary. But he had a heater, a place to lay his head, and hopefully a plan. He’d set his box down on the concrete floor next to the crate. “Where do you want this?” she asked, nodding at the box in her hands.
“On the dresser.”
She placed it on top of the piece of furniture, which reached only to her waist. He hadn’t asked for her help, but it would only take a few minutes for her to unpack this box and she would go back to the store. She flipped up the cardboard flaps—
“Don’t open that—”
—and saw his unmentionables. Her cheeks reddened as she quickly shut the box.
He skidded to a stop beside her and whisked it away. “I’ll take care of this.”
A sick feeling filled the pit of her stomach. Nothing was going right for her today. Unbidden, her eyes filled.
Sniff.
Great, now she was crying. She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She had to get it together before she went back to work. She couldn’t let her customers see her upset. Or Junia, although she would probably be thrilled she’d gotten so deep under Ella’s skin. And she couldn’t let Daed see her cry. She and Junia had caused him more than enough problems lately.
“Ella?”
She stilled. Not because Nelson said her name. But the way he said it, with a touch of tenderness. Or she was so desperate for some comfort, she imagined he had. It didn’t matter. She’d trespassed, saw his underwear, and now she was crying in front of him. What else could go wrong?
She ran her hand over her eyes again, inhaled a deep breath, and turned around. “I’ll be going now. Sorry to bother you.”
He motioned for her to sit down on the bed. When she didn’t move, he said, “Ella . . . sit.”
Quickly she obeyed and perched on the mattress. Earlier she’d been so consumed with her thoughts she hadn’t thought twice about using his bed as a chair, but now she was keenly aware of where she was sitting.
He sat next to her, his legs straddling the opposite corner. “I reckon since the chance is high that we’ll eventually be family—”
“Wait, what? Oh . . . right.” How could she have forgotten Junia and Malachi’s love of a lifetime? “Has Malachi been talking about marriage?”
“Not to me. But his mamm is pretty sure it’s going to happen.”
“Junia is too.”
“Given that . . .” He rubbed his chin. “If you do need someplace to get away, you can come here.”
She turned to him. He was staring straight ahead, his hands on his knees now. He was confusing her again. First he wanted her to leave, then he asked her to stay, and now he was letting her use his warehouse. She wasn’t sure what to think, other than he was being uncharacteristically kind. Right now that was exactly what she needed. “Danki, Nelson.”
“I’ll get you a key, since the doors will be locked when I’m not here.” He turned to her with a businesslike expression. “But no stopping by after eight o’clock. I need mei sleep.”
“Got it. And I promise I’ll come here only on really cold days. On nice ones I can geh to the barn.”
“That old one you showed me a few weeks ago when we were looking for Malachi and Junia?”
“Ya.”
He frowned. “Is it safe?”
She shrugged. “Safe enough.”
He stared straight ahead again, not looking at her. “Just come here.”
A little spark of . . . something . . . lit inside her. Not only was he being nice, but he was looking out for her safety. “Are you sure?”
Clearing his throat, he said, “Ya.”
His answer made her more confused, but in a good way, and she was acutely aware that her thoughts and feelings weren’t making any more sense than he was. Still . . . She sighed. He was thoughtful. And handsome. Because even though she was upset when he arrived, she’d continued to notice his looks. There was no point in berating herself for it.
“I need to get that box,” he said, starting to get up from the bed.
“Okay. Oh, by the way—” The momentary spark of joy she’d just felt disappeared. But as Nelson had just mentioned, they might end up being family soon and she wanted him to know what her father had decided to do about Junia and Malachi. “Daed wants me to chaperone,” she said, this time letting out a real bedraggled sigh.
“Malachi and Junia?” He sat back down. “That doesn’t surprise me. They’ve both lost their senses over each other. Well, that will put Phoebe’s mind at ease. Mei sincere condolences.”
She nodded, then stared straight ahead. “Is it always like that?”
“What?”
“Love.” She turned to him. “Does it always make you do crazy things?”
He cleared his throat again. “It can. For some people.”
“Well, if I ever fall in love, I won’t let that happen to me. Not that I have to worry about that ever happening.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve been told I’m not marriage material.”
His brow lifted. “By who?”
“More than one person.” Regret flooded her. She’d already said too much—there was no need to go into embarrassing detail.
He looked sincerely baffled. “Why would they say something like that?”
Ella glanced at him, surprised at his reaction and seemingly genuine interest. She averted her gaze, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. “I know I’m a little bossy,” she said.
“That’s true.”
Her ego pricked. He didn’t have to agree so quickly.
“So are a lot of women. Men too.”
“I’m also . . . frumpy.” She waited for him to respond, anticipating the polite reply. “No you’re not. You’re just fine.” Her spirits hit the concrete when he remained silent. There was no reason to hold back now. “I’m ugly too.” There. She’d said it out loud. And even then she held some smidgen of hope that he would negate that fact.
But he was staring at his feet. Sliding his left heel back and forth. And not saying a word.
Humiliated, she shot up from the bed. “Time to get back to work.”
He jumped up too. “Same here. Lots to do today.”
“Ya. Lots.” She wished she could disappear into the floor. But she’d brought this shame on herself. Saying she was ugly and frumpy could also be construed as fishing for compliments, and that was one of the most prideful things she could do. Not that she meant to, but she would understand if he saw it that way.
“See you later,” she said and dashed out of the warehouse.
She hurried back to the store and went inside. She leaned against the back door and closed her eyes. Leave it to her to take a decent moment and turn it into a nightmare . . . for herself. One thing was for sure, she wasn’t going back to the warehouse anytime soon, despite Nelson’s kind offer. How could she face him again after she’d made a fool of herself? That was becoming a habit every time she was around him.
But there was something important she had to acknowledge. She had misjudged him. He wasn’t a jerk like she thought he was when she first met him. He was direct, and now she knew he was honest. He wasn’t going to flatter her with feigned kind words, and she respected him for that . . . even if the truth was unbelievably painful.
* * *
After Ella flew out of the warehouse—and that was how fast she moved, like a bird in flight—Nelson wanted to kick himself. Her revelations had caught him so off guard he didn’t know what to say. That was his own doing because he’d opened the door by asking her why anyone would tell her she wasn’t marriage material. He had a sneaking suspicion Junia had either hinted that Ella wasn’t, or outright told her. Either way, it wasn’t true.
Then why didn’t I tell her that?
He went outside, careful not to slide in the inch of snow that had fallen in the past hour, and got into the buggy, leading Crackerjack to the Yoders’ barn. Since Ella hadn’t brought it up, Barnabas must not have told her that Nelson was renting stable space from him. She’d find out soon enough. He settled his horse in and walked back over to the warehouse.
He went to the box of his underwear that Ella had peeked in and shoved it all into the top drawer, still bothered about why he hadn’t corrected the insults she’d admitted to him. All he had to do was tell her they were wrong. She wasn’t as beautiful as Norene or as cute as Miriam. But she wasn’t ugly or frumpy. Not even close. Ella Yoder was pretty. He’d thought it before, and he believed it now.
But cute, beautiful women had made him lose his mind in the past, and he wasn’t going to let himself go ab im kopp over Ella. He’d almost laughed when she asked him if love made people do crazy things. It sure made me act crazy.
He shut the drawer and went to unpack the rest of his clothes from the other box, being more careful with his shirts and jeans. He hadn’t thought about needing a closet, but that would only be for his church clothes, and he could keep them neatly folded for the time being. Once he was finished unpacking, he looked around the warehouse . . . and stopped, anxiety riddling him again.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through his hair. Not only couldn’t he figure out where to begin, but he also couldn’t stop thinking about Ella and what she’d said about chaperoning Malachi and Junia. He agreed with Barnabas’s decision, but was it right for Ella to have to accompany them? He also remembered his promise to Phoebe about keeping an eye on Malachi. He didn’t like the thought of her taking on part of his responsibility, even though she wasn’t aware of it.
Nelson stood, shoving Ella and the young lovers out of his mind. He had more important things to do—like coming up with a business plan and implementing it. I can do this . . . I can do this.
But he heard a faint echo in his mind. What if I fail again?