Tonight was a surprise. Nelson hadn’t expected to have as much fun as he did. He and Malachi of course went after each other while they played cards, as they always had growing up together. But it was good-natured, and the Yoder sisters went right along with it. The other nice thing was that the lovey-dovey couple had kept their ardor down to a negligible simmer, which made the atmosphere much more comfortable. And now he couldn’t resist teasing Ella a little bit, he was in such a good mood. He knew this was her domain, knew she’d get a little fussed up if he took over the dishes. And she had.
What he didn’t expect was how his heart was galloping in his chest. Or maybe he knew all along what he was doing, and it was time to raise the white flag where his feelings for Ella were concerned. They had been dancing around each other long enough.
Still holding her hand, he drew her closer, a mix of fear and attraction coursing through him. He’d been down this road before. Difference was, he’d never felt this way with Miriam or Norene, like his heart was going to explode in his chest and he wouldn’t be able to breathe if he wasn’t holding her hand right now. This woman who had exasperated him, fussed at him, and bossed him around was also the most giving, loyal person he’d ever known. There was no guile to Ella Yoder, and she was more than willing to admit when she was wrong or made a mistake. Better yet, she was willing to correct it. Willing to change.
He needed to make some changes himself. Starting right here . . . right now. He leaned down.
“Nelson?”
He smiled.
She smiled back, but there was uncertainty in her eyes. “Are you going to kiss me? Because if you are, I have to warn you I’ve never been kissed, but I get the impression that you’ve done some kissing yourself and I don’t want you to be disappoint—”
He covered her mouth with his, partly because she was talking too much but mostly because he wanted to, more than anything. When they parted, he whispered, “Whoa.”
Her eyes widened. “Is that a gut whoa, or a bad whoa?”
He tightened his grasp on her hand. “Gut. Definitely gut.”
“Ahem.”
Nelson jumped and stepped away from Ella, but not too far, and he was still holding her hand as Junia and Malachi zipped into the room. His nephew was giving him the smirk to end all smirks.
“Excuse me,” Junia said, wedging her arm between them and separating them. “Who needs a chaperone now?”
“You were right, Junia,” Malachi said with a laugh. “There is something going on between them.”
“Nee, there isn’t,” Ella said, looking at Nelson, who was now several feet from her since Junia had pushed him away, but only because he let her. This time.
He grinned at her. Then walked over to Malachi. There would be time for them to talk later about what happened, and their kiss was the perfect end to a wonderful evening. “Gute nacht, ladies.”
“Bye!” Junia called out brightly.
As he and Malachi left the Yoders’ and headed for Jesse’s, Nelson started to whistle.
“You’re not going to tell me what just happened back there?”
“Nope.”
“Really?”
He turned to his disappointed nephew and shook his head, intent on keeping the sweet memory of Ella’s kiss to himself.
* * *
“You’ve got to tell me everything,” Junia said, dragging Ella out of the kitchen and to the living room. “Every detail. Is that the first time you kissed him?”
Still in a daze, Ella couldn’t respond. Only Nelson Bontrager could make her speechless. She could still feel the touch of his lips, soft and gentle, on hers. That’s what kissing was? No wonder everyone made a big deal about it.
“You’re not being fair.” Junia crossed her arms over her chest. “I would have told you all about me and Malachi if you’d wanted to know.”
Ella highly doubted that. “I don’t, by the way. These things are supposed to be private.”
“Oh, all right.” She smiled. “But I knew it. I told Malachi a month ago that you and Nelson liked each other.”
That was news to her, although she’d known for a while that she liked him. From his kiss, she now knew he reciprocated. Which didn’t make all that much sense to her. She jumped up from the couch and started to pace, nibbling on her thumbnail.
“What?” Junia asked.
“I’m confused. It wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t like each other.”
“And now you’re kissing.” Junia sighed. “That’s how love works.”
“Huh?”
“There’s a fine line between love and hate.”
“That’s harsh. I never hated Nelson.” She wasn’t supposed to hate anyone, or even speak the word. Nevertheless, she’d thought it a few times over the years, usually about Junia. It was so nice that they weren’t at odds with each other anymore.
“That’s just a saying. Of course you didn’t hate him.” She gave her another knowing look, except Ella had no idea what it meant. “And now you like each other. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d have to explain this to you.”
“But why? And when? He was so mad at me last week about the paint and his hair. And then before that, he was tired of me bossing him around.”
“Nelson seems like he can handle himself.”
Boy, can he. And now that she thought about it, she really liked that aspect of him. The way he could take charge. Sure, he was a little uncertain about his business, but that was normal since it was something new. Otherwise, he was always in control. Like tonight, when he kissed her—
“Ella.”
“What?” She turned to Junia. How could her sister interrupt her while she was reliving the best part of the night?
“Sit.” She patted the seat next to her.
Apparently it was a night for firsts. Junia was telling her what to do. Ella sat.
“I don’t have that much experience with dating,” Junia said.
“You don’t?”
She frowned. “Nee. Believe it or not, Malachi is the first boy I ever kissed.”
“That’s a surprise.”
“Good grief, Ella. What kind of woman do you think I am?”
“Never mind. Continue.”
“Malachi is a good man. So is Nelson. They wouldn’t be kissing us if they didn’t like us. Trust me, Nelson likes you. I think he has since the first time you two met.”
“That’s impossible. We couldn’t stand each other . . . Oh.” She thought about the fine line between like and . . . dislike. She preferred that term. “I can’t believe Nelson felt the same way about me that I do about him. Why didn’t he say anything?”
“Who knows? Don’t question it, Ella. Just enjoy.”
Yet Ella couldn’t just enjoy this, not when she was still so bewildered and still unsure about Nelson’s feelings. He never said he liked her, although his kiss showed that he did. But what if he was regretting it? What if right this minute he was wishing he’d never kissed her?
Junia yawned. “I’m going to bed. Remember, I’m opening the store tomorrow.”
“Sure.” She stared at the woodstove, which was now filled for the night. Either Junia or Malachi must have taken care of that.
“See you in the morning.”
“Ya.” She sank down on the couch. “See you.” She heard Junia’s footsteps on the stairs, but she couldn’t stop looking at the flames in the stove as dread slowly came over her. His kiss seemed too sudden to be the real thing, and she suspected Junia was making up the like versus dislike thing. Mamm, how I wish you were here to explain all this.
She hurried up to her room, shut the door, and turned on the battery-powered lamp on her nightstand. She took out her diary and sat on the edge of the bed. Pencil in hand, she started writing.
Dear Diary,
Nelson Bontrager kissed me tonight . . . and I don’t know what to do.
* * *
The next morning, after the best night’s sleep he’d had in ages, Nelson got up and dressed for the day, still thinking about Ella. And the more he thought about her, the more he was sure of his feelings. Strange, because he’d spent so much time fighting being around her and then fighting how he felt. But one kiss and one look in Ella’s eyes after that kiss and he knew beyond any doubt that she was the woman for him. Finally, he understood what Malachi had been saying all this time. How he was so sure about his feelings for Junia. Because he felt the same way about Ella.
He cut off three huge pieces of Ella’s bread—she was an excellent cook, which was a bonus for him!—and slathered honey on one of them. As he chewed, he tried to switch his focus to work. He’d set today as the deadline to finish reading Business Plans 101 and start in earnest writing his. The faster he finished that, the sooner he could see Ella . . . and they could talk about what happened last night. He wished he could do that this morning, but they both had work to do. After the store closed, he would go see her. Maybe he would have his plan done by then too, and she could read over it. He took another bite of bread, imagining her tucked in the crook of his arm, reading his chicken scratch. He smiled. Perfect.
Once he polished off the rest of the bread, he reached for the book but stopped when he heard the clomping of horse hooves outside. He got up and opened the door. His jaw hit the floor. Norene Yoder, now Norene Miller, was scrambling out of her buggy and walking toward him.
“Can I come in?” She glanced at her feet, then looked at him again. “Please?”
He crossed his arms. “Why are you here?”
“I need to talk to you.” She took a step forward.
Nelson stepped back. “About what?”
Her face took on that pinched, offended look she used to have when she didn’t get her way. Then she sighed. “I’ll only take a few minutes of your time. I promise.”
He hesitated, then opened the door. “I’ve got stuff to do, so make it quick.”
“You don’t have to be so rude.”
“Seriously?” He spun around. “Have you forgotten what you did to me?”
“Nee.” She pressed her lips together and looked at her feet again. “That’s why I’m here. To apologize.”
“Consider it accepted. Now geh.”
“Nelson, don’t be like this.” She moved closer to him. “I know I was wrong for cheating on you with Ben. I see that now.” Her eyes filled. “I think . . . I think he’s cheating on me.”
Nelson stilled as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Ben wouldn’t . . .” Would he? He’d always assumed Ben was a nice, affable guy who wouldn’t hurt a bee or a fly, and had been an innocent party to Norene’s deception. But maybe he’d known all along that she and Nelson were seeing each other. “What makes you think that?”
“He’s been distant. I cook and clean and do the wash, and take care of the house, and he doesn’t seem to notice or acknowledge what I do. He used to be so . . . attentive.”
Was she seriously coming here and complaining about her marriage? Even if Ben had known he was part of Norene’s cheating, Nelson was starting to feel sorry for him and grateful for himself. “That’s your problem, not mine.”
“Maybe if he saw me with you, he would get a little jealous.” She moved closer to him. “He would act the way he used to.”
“I thought you were here to apologize, not ask me to deceive your husband.”
She was inches away from him now. “Nelson,” she purred, looking up at him the way she used to when she tried to manipulate him. “It’s only a teeny-weeny favor. And I really am sorry I hurt you. I didn’t think it was such a big deal, but I can see now that it was. You truly loved me, didn’t you?” Before he could move, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
He pushed her back . . . and saw Ella standing behind her.
* * *
The knot of dread that had been forming in her stomach since she woke up this morning disappeared when she saw Nelson kissing another woman, replaced with a sharp, deep pain, as if she’d been punched in the gut. Here he was kissing someone else, hours after he’d kissed her—sweetly, tenderly, as if it meant something to him. Obviously it didn’t. And that was the reason she came over here, to find out if the kiss was real or an impulse he was regretting.
That didn’t matter anymore. Not after what she’d seen.
She turned on her heel, suddenly feeling numb.
“Ella,” he called, coming up behind her.
She didn’t stop walking. Didn’t look at him. Couldn’t say anything past the hard lump in her throat.
“Ella!” He jumped in front of her, bending down and gripping her shoulders. Not hard, just enough to force her to stop. When she tried to shrug him off, he held firm. “That’s not what it looked like.”
“It looked like a kiss,” she squeaked. She sounded like a frightened mouse. Where was her strong, bossy voice when she needed it?
“It was—”
“Let me geh.” She tried to shove off his hand.
“Not until you listen to me.”
“Nelson!”
They both looked to see the woman standing in the doorway, and Ella’s heart sank past her knees. Junia was pretty, but she was shredded wheat compared to this woman. As for Ella . . . she’d never stand a chance against someone so beautiful.
“We haven’t finished,” she said, giving Ella an annoyed look.
“Oh yes we have.” Nelson let go of Ella’s shoulders, turning to face the woman. “You need to—”
Ella took the opportunity to escape. She ran down the road, not knowing where she was headed until she found herself staring at the old barn in front of her. She walked inside, although the boards on the walls were so sparse, she was technically still outside. She didn’t care. She sat down on an old apple crate, too dead inside to think. Or cry. All she could see was Nelson kissing someone else.
“Ella.”
She heard his voice but didn’t look up, not even when he walked in and crouched down in front of her.
“Ella . . . please . . . look at me.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Not until I explain what happened back there.”
She shifted away from him. “I don’t care. Geh on back to her.”
“Ella—”
“I said leave!” She faced him, throwing the full brunt of her anger at him. “I won’t let you make a fool out of me ever again. Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me.” She lifted her chin. “You don’t exist to me anymore.”
* * *
Nelson slowly got up, still blinded by her words and the fury behind them. He’d seen Ella cross. Angry. Even furious. But the rage coming from her eyes and words hit him square in the chest.
After she took off, he yelled at Norene to leave. She did, but in a huff, as if he and Ella had inconvenienced her. The woman was truly off her rocker. But there was nothing he could do about it, and she was Ben’s problem now. Nelson had a bigger problem of his own. He had to calm down Ella. He’d chased after her until he saw her going into the barn. He stopped before going inside, needing to catch his breath so he could tell her that he hadn’t kissed Norene—she kissed him.
But she wasn’t even giving him the chance.
He turned from her, his own anger building. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid—another heartbreak. Although the situation wasn’t the same as it had been with Miriam and Norene. Ella was rejecting him. And her rejection was so paralyzingly painful, he could hardly draw breath. Had he fallen that hard for her?
Yes. He had.
He tried to turn his feelings to stone, the way he did after seeing Norene and Ben together. But they wouldn’t. Instead, they were so raw all he could do was walk away. Three times he’d been burned, and this one was the worst. By far.
Fine. If this was how she wanted things to be, he would make it happen. She didn’t exist for him either. He’d been able to avoid her before and he’d do it again. This time he had far more motivation.
Without another word, he walked out of the barn and out of her life. For good.