Ella’s whole body trembled as she watched Nelson leave. What had she done? She’d promised herself, her family, and God that she would control her temper. And the one time she desperately needed to the most, she’d unleashed it on Nelson. I told him he didn’t exist to me. That was the worst thing she’d ever said to anyone. And she said it to a man she cared deeply about.
She rose from the crate and paced, shivering with each step, even though for once she was wearing a coat. How could she have been so awful to him? Yes, seeing him in another woman’s arms was horrible, but she should have at least listened to him like he begged her to. But no, she let her emotions and rage take over.
She tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. She wasn’t in the wrong here—he had kissed someone else. But she couldn’t stop seeing the urgent pleading in his eyes when he was in front of her or hearing the anguish in his voice. She halted, covering her face with her hands. Lord, what have I done? She fell to her knees and started to cry.
Suddenly she felt a strong arm around her shoulders. A gentle tug into thick, warm arms. She leaned against Nelson’s chest, inhaling the soothing scent of his sweater as she wiped her face with the back of her cold hand.
Minutes passed as they sat on the barn floor cradled in each other’s embrace, and neither one of them said a word. She nestled against him, marveling at her own behavior. She should be running away from him. But she couldn’t. Not until he told her the truth about what happened.
“You came back,” she whispered.
“Yeah. Surprised myself with that one.”
“Why?” She lifted her head. “I said awful things to you.”
“Did you mean them?”
Ella hesitated, but only for a second. “Nee.” She gazed into his eyes. “Why were you kissing that woman?”
He stared straight ahead, and the dread reappeared. She had a bad feeling he was about to let her down in the gentlest way possible. “She’s mei ex-girlfriend.”
“Oh.” She leaned against him again, relishing their closeness as she feared it would be the last time she would be in his arms. “Are . . . are . . .” She couldn’t even ask the question.
“Are we getting back together? Absolutely—”
She shut her eyes, bracing herself.
“—not.”
She opened her eyes and lifted her head. “Then why were you kissing her?”
“She was kissing me. And your timing couldn’t have been worse, by the way.”
She scooted out of his arms and moved to sit in front of him. “This is mei fault?”
“Nee, nee.” He took her hand. “This is completely her fault.”
Ella listened as he told her how Norene wanted him to make her husband jealous. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know. I wouldn’t do it even if it did.” He thrust his hand through his short hair. “Last year I wanted to marry Norene. I was all prepared to ask her, but then I saw her kissing Ben. He’s her husband now.”
She frowned. “She was cheating on you with Ben, and now she wants to cheat on Ben with you. She’s got a problem.”
“More than one. She was using her usual trick on me to get me to comply—kissing me. She used to do that all the time when we were dating. If I said anything she didn’t want to hear, she’d kiss me so I would shut up. And it would work.”
Ella didn’t like the jealousy winding through her at that moment. Then she sat up. “Wait. I was talking when you kissed me last night.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
He threaded his fingers through hers. “That kiss was genuine. Norene’s never were.”
Well, she had her answer now. He had meant to kiss her. “Do you regret it?”
“Nee.” A soft smile played on his lips, then disappeared. “Do you?”
She shook her head. “That’s why it hurt so much to see you and Norene—”
He held up his hand. “Let’s not speak about that again, okay? I want to put it out of my mind.”
Ella did too.
“I need to come clean about a couple of things,” he said, sitting cross-legged in front of her. “When I met you, I did everything I could to avoid you.”
“You had a reason to,” she said, cringing at the memory of their first meeting. “I was pretty rude. And blunt.”
“True, but that wasn’t the main reason. Norene isn’t the only woman I wanted to propose to. Before her, I thought I was in love with Miriam. Come to find out that the whole time we were dating, she was corresponding with her ex in Michigan. She dumped me to go back to him. Last I heard, they were married too.”
“Oh, Nelson, I’m so sorry.”
“Then when Norene cheated on me, I told myself I was done with women.”
That one statement explained a lot of things. His annoyance and standoffishness, for starters. Her heart ached for the pain he’d endured.
“But you wore me down. I’m sure you didn’t even know it. I didn’t fully realize it until last night.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure I do either. All I know is, you’re the one for me. That’s why I came back, Ella. I couldn’t leave, and I would do whatever was necessary to convince you that what happened with Norene wasn’t my doing. And if it meant getting my heart broken over and over until you forgave me . . . then I was willing to accept that too.”
If her heart wasn’t already a puddle of mush, it would have been now. To know he would go through more emotional pain just for her . . . She put her hands on his knees and leaned forward. “You won’t ever have to. You’re already forgiven.”
His shoulders relaxed, his smile back in place. “There’s one other thing I wanted to tell you,” he said, also leaning forward.
“What’s that?”
“Your aentis? The ones who said you weren’t marriage material?”
“Yeah.” She scowled. “Why are you bringing that up?”
“Because”—he cradled her face—“I want you to listen carefully and understand what I’m saying. You, Ella Yoder, are one hundred and fifty thousand percent—”
“That’s not a real number—”
“Shhh.” He put his finger over her lips. “You are definitely marriage material. You’re smart, giving, and loyal.”
His words should make her feel good, and they did. Sort of, even though he sounded like he was describing a Labrador retriever. She glanced at her lap.
He tilted her chin until they were looking directly at each other. “The first day I met you, I thought you were cute. Bossy, but cute.”
Her pulse quickened. “And now?”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I know. Inside and out.” He closed the distance between them and kissed her.
Before she knew it, she was in his arms again. When they stopped kissing, she realized she was in his lap. “Uh-oh,” she said.
He blew out a long breath and set her back on the barn floor. “You know what this means.”
Nodding, she had to smile. “We’re gonna need a chaperone.”
* * *
Wendy pulled into Yoders’ parking lot, taking notice of the renovations to Nelson’s future butcher shop and the almost completed little white house behind it. It had been over a month since she’d last set foot in the grocery store, and three weeks since Barnabas had returned from Lancaster. He’d stopped by her house to thank her for watching over Ella and Junia, even though he didn’t have to. He’d already found out that Ella and Nelson were together, and he seemed happy about that.
Then she had to tell him the hardest thing she’d ever told anyone. “I can’t see you anymore.”
He looked shocked, as she suspected he would. She’d planned to explain her reasons to him if he asked. He didn’t, and when she shut the door and his buggy left the driveway, she wasn’t sure if she was ever going to see him again.
As she brought her car to a stop in one of the parking spaces in front of the store and shut off the engine, her nerves crashed together. She hadn’t seen Junia and Ella either. She was thankful for that, because she didn’t want to hurt them the way she feared she’d hurt Barnabas. But it had to be done. Just like what she had to do today.
She got out of the car. The mid-February air was crisp, cutting through her black stockings, and snow crunched underneath her black tennis shoes. She huddled into her plain coat that covered her plain dress and headed for the entrance, stopping right outside to take a deep breath. She could finally explain herself to the Yoders. She just hoped they would forgive her.
She entered the store and saw it was empty. Junia was behind the counter, writing in her spiral notebook. When she lifted her head, she was smiling. Then it disappeared.
Wendy rubbed the back of her knuckles as she approached her. Junia’s expression was shuttered, although she feigned a smile. “Hi, Wendy. Can I help you?”
“Is your father here?”
The fake smile slipped from her face. “Why do you want to know?”
She had to admire her loyalty to Barnabas. If Ella was here, she would be the same way. “Can I talk to him for a minute?”
Junia paused, then nodded. “I’ll ask.” She walked to the back of the store, only to come right back again. “He’s in the office.”
“Thank you,” she said, aware that Junia was watching her as she walked away. Barnabas was blessed to have two wonderful daughters. She glanced at the garden section, now filled with tools and seeds, before knocking on the door.
“Come in,” he said.
Her heart warmed at the voice she hadn’t heard in so long and had dearly missed. She walked inside, her heart heaving as she saw something she’d never seen on his face—emptiness.
“What can I do for you?” His tone was curt.
“I—” She’d planned how to tell him for over a week now, but now the words escaped her. “I . . .”
His hard expression turned concerned. He got up from the chair. “Is something wrong, Wendy?”
“No.” Her mouth quivered. “I just came back from a meeting.”
“What meeting?”
“With Bishop Fry.”
He frowned, his brow arching in confusion.
“I told him . . .” Her heart warmed, the joy she’d felt after talking to the bishop filling her up. She hadn’t said anything to anyone yet, not even her mother. “I’m joining the church, Barnabas. I want to become Amish.”
He didn’t move—not a single inch or muscle. Just stared at her for a long moment, as if he was in shock. Then he finally spoke. “He answered,” Barnabas whispered. “He answered me.”
“Who?”
He grabbed a tissue out of the box on his desk and dabbed his eyes, then looked at her again. “Tell me everything.”
They both sat down, him in his desk chair and her in the opposite one. “First, I’m sorry that I pushed you and your family away. I had to be sure about this decision for myself. I didn’t need any . . .”
“Distractions? Influences?”
“Yes.” She almost said ya, as she’d been taking Deitsch lessons from Charity. But she wouldn’t officially speak the language until she was baptized. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I believe God’s been leading me to this decision, even when I was working in New York. I was never happy there, although I did my best to pretend I was. I played the game of the career woman living a successful life in the most exciting city in the world.
“But that’s all it was—a game. Until I moved to Marigold and found out there was another way to live. One where I could become closer with God, closer with my mom, and have a real community that wasn’t just the Uber driver, the doorman, and the guys who dropped off my takeout.”
Barnabas frowned, looking a little confused. “Doorman?”
“Never mind,” she said, managing a smile. “I didn’t renew my office lease, and I purchased the plot of land next to Mom, the one in between us and Jesse and Charity. I hope to start building my little house soon, without electricity and to the Amish standard. I talked with Micah and Jesse, and they said they would help.” Her throat grew thick. “He said everyone would help.”
He smiled. “When is your baptism?”
“We didn’t set a date. I still need to go through the instruction.” She leaned forward. “I’m so happy, Barnabas. Never in my life did I ever think I’d go without my phone for five minutes, much less gladly give up my worldly lifestyle to serve God and others. I wanted you to be the first to know.”
Barnabas got up from his chair and closed the office door. Then he knelt beside her. “I didn’t think this would happen,” he murmured. “I had so much doubt.” He glanced at the ceiling. “I should have known better than to doubt him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve been praying for you to join the church, Wendy. I’ll have to admit it was for selfish reasons, though. And when you said we couldn’t see each other, I was sure it would never happen. Just know this—whatever happens between us, you joining our community is what truly matters. I don’t ever want you to feel you have to push me or my family away. We’ll always be here for you.”
Her pulse quickened. “Us?”
He took her hand. “Wendy, will you—”
The door burst open. “Daed, why is this closed? . . . Oh.”
Wendy, her hand still in Barnabas’s, turned to see Ella standing there.
Ella’s gaze jumped from hers, to her father’s, then back again. “Um, is this what I think it is?”
“Nee.” He got to his feet, his knees creaking a bit, then let out a little laugh. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Wendy’s spirits fell. For a minute she thought he was going to . . . certainly not propose, but maybe—
“Because it looked like you were proposing to Wendy.” Ella frowned a little. “Which would be strange, considering she’s English.”
“I wasn’t proposing,” he said, looking at Wendy again with a smile. “But I was going to ask her out on a date.”
“What?” both women exclaimed.
He turned to Ella. “Out,” he said, shoving her out the door.
“But, Daed—”
“I’ll explain later.” He shut the door on her, then looked at Wendy again. “That didn’t work out the way I planned.”
She stood up and went to him. “Most plans never do. And I’m happy to go out with you, Barnabas. After we ask the bishop what’s proper.”
“Of course.” He took her hand again. “You changed my life, Wendy. And now, God willing—”
“I might be a part of it.”
He chuckled. “We sound like Junia and Malachi.”
“And Nelson and Ella.” She smiled.
“Who’s going to be our first set of chaperones?” he said, moving closer to her.
“How about all four?”
He took her in his arms. “This might not be proper,” he said, leaning his cheek against her hair. “But we’ll keep it between us.”
She closed her eyes and smiled. For now.