Chapter Three: What’s Wrong Is Also What’s Right

AT THIS POINT, I hope you’re asking a question: So, how do I find this path?

It’s a good question, a necessary question, a logical question. People are always relieved when I assure them that finding the path requires no magic tricks, no group-therapy classes, no exotic rituals, and no games. In fact, the path is right in front of you, every single day, and the way to find it is very straightforward: Find a problem to solve.

That’s it.

Find a meaningful problem that is close to you, that affects you, that matters to you, and work to solve it.

Problems are the pavement on the path of life. Problem solving is what tells you you’re finding your way.

What’s wrong in your immediate context can also be what’s right for you.

An illustration may help to reinforce this idea.

In my part of the country, the most prominent natural feature is one of the world’s longest footpaths, the renowned Appalachian Trail. This winding path, which spans almost twenty-two hundred miles across fourteen states, from Georgia to Maine—including Virginia, where I live—is thought to be visited by more than two million people annually. Some are on the trek of their lives, while others are simply out for a day hike. But whatever brings these hikers to the trail, and regardless of how long they stay, one constant that makes their experience far more predictable is the famed “trail blazes.”

Positioned all along the trail, these broad brushstrokes of white paint on more than 165,000 tree trunks, posts, and rocks tell hikers that, no matter how dense the forest has become or how isolated things may feel on the long stretches of trail between aid stations, they are still on the path. In a similar way, the problems we encounter in life, love, and work are the confirmation we need that we’re still on the path after all.

Whenever organizations enlist the help of my foundation, Unlocking Potential, it’s because they have problems they want to get solved. A series of communication breakdowns or branding inconsistencies or operational complexities have them tied up in knots, and their hope is that a few days spent with our Leadership Lab curriculum will have a certain untangling effect.

Sometimes people hope we will show up with the answers to their problems. Instead, we tell them they have everything they need to solve the problems themselves. Our job is to give them the tools, the coaching, the practice, so they can become more effective leaders, collaborators, and problem solvers.

Problems are part of every organization and every life. “Everything is fine” is always a myth. However, when people or organizations focus on the right problems, and work to solve them instead of simply ignoring or complaining about them, they are on the path.

“Focusing on the right problems means you’re on the path,” I remind our clients countless times throughout our days together. Solving problems isn’t just the payoff for leadership done well; it’s also the payoff for life done well.

———

When I first joined AT&T, I noticed problems everywhere I went. Big problems and small problems, consequential problems and incidental problems, problems that were isolated to a specific work team and problems that affected us all. Some of the problems, I’d later learn, had existed for years, and yet there they sat, unresolved. Other problems were fresh and new, but they wreaked havoc all the same.

As I mentioned earlier, I had no real business or leadership experience at this point. I had zero knowledge of the telecommunications industry. I had never managed anyone or anything in my life. This terrible trifecta led me to believe I had no power. I was a lone, unqualified woman in a sea of male experts in a complex industry. It would have been easy just to keep my head down, hoping to survive another day without my inadequacies being exposed. But those pesky problems kept beckoning me.

Shouldn’t somebody do something about those issues?

A watershed moment came when I realized why problems so frequently fester. It’s not because people don’t see them. It’s not because people aren’t affected by them. It’s not even because people don’t care. And it certainly isn’t because no one has any idea about how to make things better. It is because status quo—the way things are, and the way things have always been—has great power.

Why is the current state so powerful? Because some people prefer the known to the unknown. Some are invested in the way things are, so they prefer to live with problems unsolved. They don’t want anything to change.

But here’s the thing: For every person who is invested in keeping things the way they are, there are just as many, maybe more, who know what might be done to fix the problem—to make things better. In fact, I’ve learned time and again that the people closest to the problem, the ones most affected by the problem, always—always—have some good ideas about how to solve the problem. But often they’re not asked, or they aren’t given the opportunity, or they don’t seize the opportunity because they don’t know how much power they possess to upset the status quo. I learned that when I included the people who understood the situation, when I collaborated with them and supported them, together we were able to change the order of things for the better and solve the problem.

———

A conversation with an engineer named Jim comes to mind just now. He was one of those guys who fly below the radar most of the time. Every day, he arrived at work at the same time, parked in the same slot, ate lunch by himself at his desk, and departed at closing time, without causing a single stir. People looked past Jim; he kind of blended in that way. Most people would have described him as steady but unremarkable, dependable but average.

Because I had only recently become Jim’s boss, I didn’t know much about engineering, and I didn’t know much about Jim. So one day I sat down and asked him to tell me about his job and what he did. And I asked him if he saw any problems in his work each day.

Jim eyed me for a moment, as if weighing whether to divulge what was on his mind.

“Well,” he began, “there is something I’ve been wondering about . . .”

Jim designed circuits, and every month AT&T got billed for those circuits.

“I’ve noticed,” he said, “that the circuit manufacturer’s bills never exactly reflect the designs I provide.”

“Well, what do you think we ought to do about that?” I asked.

“I think we ought to check ’em,” Jim said.

I asked Jim to start checking those invoices. I secured resources for him so he could check them more thoroughly and more regularly. And lo and behold, Jim was right; we were being mischarged—and not by a little. Correcting those billing errors saved AT&T $300 million the first year alone.

In a later chapter, we’ll talk about the power of collaboration—which certainly was evident here. But for now, let me direct your attention to the fundamentals of what transpired. Jim was aware of the problem. He assumed, having raised the issue previously with no response, that no one was interested in solving it. Status quo was the way it was. When I came in search of problems, the problem was brought to light, clarified, and worked on. And eventually the problem was solved.

Solving that problem—a massive win for our team—not only saved the company millions of dollars, but it also deepened Jim’s organizational credibility with his superiors, garnered additional support and respect from his peers, broadened his appreciation for the complexities of how things worked outside of his direct role, and increased his sense of self-confidence. The solving of this one immediate problem prepared Jim to solve even bigger problems in days to come. Problems are what pave the path to our full potential. Solving problems is what enables us to thrive.

———

I have learned over the years that if I am not actively solving a problem somewhere, then I am not stretching, learning, or experiencing growth. The reason is that opportunities for growth always hide behind the problems we see. As we do when eating a Tootsie Pop, we have to break through that hard outer shell to get to the good stuff in the middle.

We find a delightful depiction of this idea in Kobi Yamada’s charming children’s book titled What Do You Do with a Problem? The main character, a grade-school-age boy, awakens one morning to discover he has a problem—portrayed in the book as an ominous dark cloud that swirls above his head. The boy didn’t want this problem or ask for this problem or like this problem, but there it is.

As most people would do in response to a problem, the little boy tries everything in his power to make it go away. “I shooed it,” he says. “I scowled at it. I tried ignoring it. But nothing worked.”[1] Still, the problem remains. And then it grows even larger. The little boy begins to fret: What if his problem starts to eclipse everything else in his life? What if it swallows him up?

As the book progresses, the dark cloud grows and grows, until it eventually engulfs the page. By now the boy has had it. He simply can’t live like this! So he decides to quit worrying and start solving his problem instead. He gets out a quill pen, an inkwell, a blank sheet of blotter paper, and a T square. With a bead of sweat trickling down his face, he plots a thorough course. He strategizes and schemes and tests and refines, until he is ready for the momentous event. He will take on this problem with all his might. He will conquer it. He will win.

Next, the little boy, fittingly wearing aviator goggles, leaps into the sky, stretches his arms wide, and attacks the problem head-on. And then he makes the most amazing discovery: There is something inside that big, dark cloud. “My problem held an opportunity!” the boy says joyfully. “It was an opportunity for me to learn and to grow. To be brave. To do something.”[2]

The final page of the book shows the boy and his friends, faces to the wind, unafraid of future problems that may come. That little boy knows the truth of things, and at such a tender age! Problems can be friends, if we’ll regard them as such. We can befriend them instead of begrudging them. We can welcome them in rather than push them away.

———

If you’re like most people I meet, all this talk of “befriending problems” has you riddled with internal angst. Indeed, our tendency when we encounter problems is not exactly to rejoice. Grumble? Yes. Gripe? Of course. Gossip to anyone who will lend an ear? These are reflexive responses when troubles come our way. Running toward problems? Not so much. We tend to run away from them instead. Which is why, despite our griping and grumbling, our circumstances stay fixed, we remain frustrated, and not a single problem is solved.

It’s uncanny, isn’t it, how deeply we long to set our faces to the wind like that little boy in the book, unafraid of the future, even as we stay stubbornly stuck in the mud of our current dilemmas, annoyed by our sorry lot. What is it that keeps us from applying our best energies, our best efforts, our best ideas to resolve the issues that have us tied up in knots? What keeps us coasting on yesterday’s knowledge and yesterday’s solutions, sliding backward instead of moving ahead?

I have learned that, despite talking a very good game, many people don’t want to solve problems. Don’t get me wrong—they want the problems solved. But they don’t want to do what it takes to solve them.

A lot of these people can be found in politics. I find it interesting and fascinating that a country whose government was originally intended to promote citizen legislators wound up with career politicians instead. When our country was in its infancy, our leaders hoped that teachers or doctors or business owners or farmers or lawyers who were interested in bettering the nation would take a brief hiatus—at most, several years—from their vocations to serve in an elected capacity in DC. (Did I mention the hiatus was to be brief?) By setting up shop in DC and never going back to ordinary citizen life, today’s politicians signal to the rest of us that they don’t really want to solve problems and make progress. If they wanted to solve problems, they would solve problems.

Though it might be fun to point fingers at our government officials and blame them for hemming and hawing and dragging their feet, the reality is that politics lives downstream of culture. What “we the people” buy into, our politicians will one day believe. What “we the people” prioritize, our politicians will one day prize. What “we the people” declare, our politicians will one day espouse. The only blame to be doled out, then, belongs to you and me. If our political system fails to provide effective, efficient problem solving, it’s only because we failed in problem solving first—beginning with our failure to solve the problem of career politicians. The reason for our lack of success is simple and quite apparent: The problem with problems is that something’s gotta change in order to bring the necessary resolution. Solving problems is one thing, but people don’t like change.

———

Change! Such a troubling word. Such a troubling concept. I often say that change is a lot like heaven: Everybody wants to go there, but nobody wants to die. Change requires a death of sorts—a death of the status quo. But just as so much of nature must lie dormant and fallow each winter before springtime can show off her blooms, you and I will never achieve new levels of efficiency, effectiveness, and expertise—that latent potential we desperately long to see realized—without first being willing to kill some things.

Stale thinking comes to mind.

Thoughtless communication.

Rampant cynicism.

Inadequate follow-through.

And then there’s indulgent self-promotion—oh, do I have opinions about that!

Happiness researcher Gretchen Rubin insists that there is a directly proportional relationship between what she calls “outer order” and “inner calm.” In the same way that my simple, uncluttered workspace at Unlocking Potential allows my mind to think clearly about the problems I’m working to solve, if you will put to death the unhelpful attitudes, actions, and patterns of speech that have cluttered your world for too long, you will see plainly how to address even the most vexing of dilemmas. You will boldly march up the path.

Let me share some insight I’ve gained that I hope will inform the rest of your life: Full-potential people are those who change the order of things for the better. They treat this singular objective as number one on their job description.

Change the order of things for the better . . . and things will get better.

This is true within a corporate structure, an educational environment, an at-home setting, a nonprofit sector, or a freelancer space. It’s true no matter who you are. The impact you crave by living at maximum potential will be realized only by solving real problems that affect real people. By proactively changing the order of things for the better, day by day, you will gradually—and sometimes suddenly—make a positive difference. Likewise, if you come across people who gripe a lot but refuse to solve the problems they’re griping about, people who refuse to change the order of things, then you have people who are choosing to live below their potential—that is, until they change their unwillingness to change.

What, then, keeps us from shifting and changing and solving the problems that need to be solved? I’ve noticed four common pitfalls people tumble into that keep them from solving the problems they say they want solved. These snares hinder forward movement. See which one you’re most prone to fall into, and then we’ll look at how you can steer clear.

Pitfall 1: Presumption of Innocence

Key theme: Abdication

Motto: “Not my problem.”

The first pitfall, presumption of innocence, is marked by lack of engagement and a refusal to take responsibility. We refer to it somewhat humorously in the words of a Polish proverb: “Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy”—“not my circus; not my monkeys.”

As it relates to problem solving, we adopt the presumption-of-innocence approach whenever we distance ourselves from a dilemma that we are fully equipped to help solve. We see the problem. We understand the problem. We grasp the effects that the problem has caused. We just have no desire to get messy by engaging the problem firsthand, so we dust off our hands and move on.

Jim the engineer, my colleague at AT&T who saved the company millions of dollars by catching the invoice snafu, certainly could have presumed innocence by claiming—rightly so—that the issue belonged to the accounting team, not to him. He could have turned a blind eye to the problem, kept his head down, and simply tended to “the work he was paid to do.” Thankfully, he didn’t. Thankfully, he stepped around this pitfall and stayed on the path toward his full potential.

A story that broke in April 2018 involved Austin Perine, of Birmingham, Alabama, who had been buying Burger King chicken sandwiches by the dozen to pass out to people who are homeless in his part of town. What makes this story remarkable is that Austin Perine is four years old. Austin’s dad wanted his young son to understand what homelessness looked like, so he took him to a local shelter, where women and men were waiting in line for a hot meal. Austin took one look around and asked his dad, “Can we feed them?”

Austin began using his weekly allowance to purchase hot sandwiches—instead of buying himself a new toy—and then traipsed about town with his father in tow, looking for hungry mouths to feed. Today’s social-media trends being what they are, Burger King soon learned of Austin’s efforts and decided to donate $1,000 a month for a year to fund Austin’s altruistic work. Now, he and his dad are dreaming of opening a shelter of their own, one that addresses not just the physical needs involved in homelessness, but the emotional and mental health needs as well.[3]

I think we’d all understand if Austin whiled away his days eating Popsicles and playing with trucks. He’s four. But though he may not yet have the verbal acuity to express it, he has picked up on something that is utterly changing the course of his life: We cannot reach our full potential, and enjoy the satisfaction of that journey, unless we invest ourselves in solving a problem somewhere.

Your problem might be a boss who can’t seem to make a decision.

It might be a broken relationship that matters deeply to you.

It might be your seeming inability to manage your finances.

It might be your neighbor’s barking dogs.

As in Austin’s case, it might be seeing the same hungry people around your town, day after day after day.

The proximity of a problem is far more important than its parameters. I have long held that the people closest to the problem are best suited to solve it. In other words, if a problem is keeping you up at night, it’s likely your problem to solve.

Pitfall 2: Rush to Judgment

Key theme: Misidentification

Motto: “I’ve got just the solution for that.”

The second pitfall, rush to judgment, is marked by presumption and pride. We stumble into this pitfall whenever we think we know how to solve a problem without taking the time to assess it from all angles and accurately identify the source rather than just the symptoms. If we treat the symptoms of a problem but not the problem itself, we end up solving nothing at all.

Politicians in Washington, DC, are guilty of this every day, year after year and decade after decade. Rather than asking the people closest to the problem how they might choose to solve it, and then providing them with the resources and encouragement and power to do so, they tell us that they know the right answer and will take care of it, if only we will reelect them and send them more money. But between the politicians, the lobbyists, and the bureaucrats, the problems only seem to fester and the powers that be in Washington only get stronger—which might have been their real goal all along. Remember the power of the status quo?

Real problems in the real world are rarely simple enough to be solved with a flippant “Oh, I’ve got just the solution for that!” Real problems require a real investment of time and thoughtful, clear-eyed assessment, as the prospective problem solvers dig deep under the surface to excavate the source of the pain, and thus the best solution to pursue. The reason people closest to the problem—those who are most affected by the problem—are best able to solve it is that they are usually the ones prepared to invest the time and energy to understand the problem.

An old children’s fable comes to mind that perfectly portrays this idea.

As the story goes, there once was a king who ruled a prosperous kingdom filled with happy, successful people. One day, he decided to visit the people he ruled. He went near and far, even to remote places his chariot couldn’t take him. In those places, he went on foot.

Walking long distances proved to be very enjoyable for the king, as he was better able to see what was happening in his kingdom and engage the people in unhurried conversations. But as the days went by, the king noticed a distinct pain radiating from his right leg.

“I wish to keep walking,” the king said to himself, “but this pain is intolerable.”

The king went to his ministers and complained that something must be done at once to make the kingdom’s roads more comfortable for him to tread.

“The paths are so jagged and stony that my leg is suffering!” he declared. “But I have just the solution for that.”

The king ordered that all the roads in the kingdom be paved with soft, supple leather. That would ease his footfalls, he reasoned. Yes, this was the right thing to do.

The ministers were shocked by the king’s decree. How many of the kingdom’s cattle would have to be slaughtered to provide enough leather for this effort? How expensive a proposition would this prove to be? And yet they did not object.

One of the king’s ministers, who lived in the neighborhoods the king had visited on foot, approached him with a different idea. Kneeling before the king, he took a measurement of the king’s foot. A few days later, he returned with a pair of shoes made of the same soft, supple leather the king had ordered as pavement throughout the kingdom.

“There,” said the king’s minister. “Now you may go wherever you wish in comfort.”

The king applauded the minister’s wise ways, and all in the kingdom lived happily, and comfortably, ever after.

Pitfall 3: Failure to Launch

Key theme: Procrastination

Motto: “I don’t know where to start.”

A third problem-solving pitfall is failure to launch. This pitfall occurs when problems are kicked down the road because the solution is not immediately obvious or the person lacks the will to overcome inertia and get started. The toll that procrastination takes on our financial, emotional, psychological, and relational well-being is significant. Though some people probably do work better “under pressure,” the risks of procrastination tend to outweigh any benefits. Procrastinators sap energy from an organization as tasks remain “in progress” for longer than necessary. Procrastination causes people to rush through tasks at the last minute, compromising thoughtful creativity and thoroughness. But perhaps the most damaging consequence of procrastination is that it can cause us to miss wonderful opportunities for connection, advancement, and that sense of accomplishment that comes with seeing a problem through to the end.

The CEO of Unlocking Potential, Casey Enders, is a bright, witty woman who loves to interact with people, invest in friendships, and create inviting spaces where meaningful conversations can unfold. But with a busy work life and an intense travel schedule, she can be tempted to allow her longing for deep connection to go unmet.

She and her husband are first-time homeowners, and upon moving in, Casey realized it was going to be difficult to host guests in their cozy house unless they limited their entertaining to one or two visitors at a time. Then she had an idea. If they did something about their “atrocious backyard,” as she described it, they would gain additional space for entertaining, and thereby scratch the itch for interpersonal connection that she always feels.

Knowing Casey as I do, I wasn’t surprised to learn that she immediately translated the goal into a project, complete with line-item expenses, a detailed prioritization of tasks with due dates, and a compelling vision to keep her motivated each step of the way.

“I would love to host a Memorial Day barbecue in our backyard,” she said. “That would be the bomb.”

Though it would have been easy to let such a problem go unresolved for weeks or months, and then push it off until next spring, or even the spring after that, Casey chose a different tack. She knew that creating a welcoming environment would compel her to extend frequent invitations for friends and loved ones to swing by. In this case, solving a seemingly simple problem—and doing it now, not later—beautifully addressed a complex need.

Mary Todd Lincoln once wrote in a letter to a friend, “That most difficult of all problems to solve, my evil genius Procrastination has whispered me to tarry til a more convenient season.”[4]

Thankfully, we can whisper back, “No.”

Pitfall 4: Scarcity Mentality

Key theme: Resignation

Motto: “This problem will never be resolved.”

The fourth and final pitfall on the path to reaching our full potential is the scarcity mentality. You’ll know you’ve fallen into this trap when you hear yourself muttering self-defeating statements:

A truism often attributed to carmaker Henry Ford really is true: “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”[5] Resigning yourself to a given problem forfeits the boundless fulfillment that comes from solving the problem. Please don’t let that be you!

Several years ago, I chaired an organization called Opportunity International, which provides small-scale financial loans to entrepreneurs in need so they can begin to find release from the clutches of poverty. In the coastal city of Barranquilla, Colombia, a woman named Rosa fretted over her modest home. She fretted over her entire neighborhood, in fact, because it was situated on a landfill with no drainage system to speak of. Whenever heavy rains came—which they do with great frequency there—the water, having nowhere else to go, would rise up and flood her home.

Now, if anyone had cause for bellyaching or giving up, it was Rosa. Three times, she endeavored to raise the floor of her home to avoid future damage. Three times, her cobbled-together solution failed. Her situation was dire, and it worsened every time a storm rolled through town. Rosa could have resigned herself to the heavy weight of daily life, believing her load would never be lightened. Instead, she rallied. She found someone to teach her how to make soap. She learned how to purchase clothing for resale. She sought guidance regarding starting her own business. She got busy solving the next problem in front of her. And against all odds, she began to thrive.

Connecting with other homespun entrepreneurs caused her to cross paths with Opportunity International, which improved her situation even more when she was granted a roof-and-floor loan. By installing a permanent floor, Rosa ensured that her belongings would be safe, even in the midst of a storm. This mattered to her because those belongings included the handmade soap and articles of clothing that she sold out of her house. Not only is Rosa now proud of her home, but her business can also grow.

As is so often the case, taking action to change the order of things opens up further opportunities to change the order of things in bigger and better ways. What a testament to abundance thinking—to believing that, regardless of how bad things seem, change is only one solution away.

———

My guess is that you resonate most with one of these four pitfalls, that there’s one that has caused you the most frustration in your effort to face and resolve problems in life. Take heart. In part 2, we will begin to hone the character qualities we need to navigate around these pitfalls on the path to realizing our full potential. To that end, it will be useful for you to have in mind two or three specific problems that are disrupting your world today. Though I still contend that problems are our friends, I concede that they can be highly disruptive friends.

Think back to when you were a kid learning to cross the street. I hope that some wise, wonderful adult pulled you aside and said, “Listen, you can’t just barrel out into the street. The street is where cars drive. Cars can be dangerous. There is a process to crossing a street . . .”

No doubt that all-knowing person laid out for you a simple three-step approach to crossing a street: stop, look, listen. Those three steps can be covered in a matter of seconds, but those few seconds could save your life.

Stop, look, and listen was useful advice back then, and it’s still useful for us today. As you endeavor to name the problems you’d like to solve, using the principles we’ll discuss in part 2: “The Pursuit of the Path,” I encourage you to try that simple trio again. Taking the time to stop, look, and listen is exactly the opposite of the termite’s head-down approach: pushing dirt, day after day, never stopping to consider what may be all around.

First, stop. Your daily agenda and mine may look different, but I would venture a guess that we both lead busy lives. The simple act of stopping might be the most challenging thing you do all day. But it is a critical first step in analyzing what’s really tripping you up. Stop. Sit. Breathe. Reflect. Find calm.

Next, look. Pick your head up and look around you. See things in a clear-eyed way. What is actually going on? What are the problems? Who else might be affected by these problems? The other people who live with you? Your colleagues at work? Are there systems you depend on to keep your days moving along? What’s going on in your workplace, in your neighborhood, in your church, in your home? Is a friend going through a divorce? Is the school your kids attend losing people’s trust? As you take in the various people and places that make up your typical week, what do you see?

Finally, listen. As you interact with other people in your life, what themes are you hearing? Is a family member hinting at a struggle he or she is walking through? Has a colleague consistently been making excuses for dropping the ball? Are your closest friends indicating that you’ve been tough to reach lately?

As you assess your present set of circumstances, what do you see? What do you hear? What problems are raising their hands in your life, hoping you’ll choose them to solve? What thoughts are cluttering your mind, just waiting to get sorted out? What situations are making your life more difficult these days? Who seems bound and determined to give you heartburn lately? Consider jotting down the problems that are closest to you—those that surface in your mind and heart—so you’ll have a list close at hand as you engage with the resources in part 2. By this point, I hope you’re convinced that you don’t want to be a termite, chained to a destination. I hope you’re committed to solving problems with others, and staying on the path.