It had been a less than peaceful night as I’d lay tossing and turning, mulling over the argument I’d had with Max, and now it was a less than peaceful morning. A loud banging on the front door accompanied by the chorus of a rabble of barking dogs roused me from my bed. I dashed along the landing to the front bedroom and peered out of the window overlooking the High Street to see Katy standing below with Holly and Bella at her side. ‘Hang on a minute,’ I said, relieved to see her. ‘I’m coming down.’
I pulled open the door. ‘Crikey, you’re an early bird,’ I said, checking my watch. ‘And anyway, I thought you were grounded?’
‘I was, but I offered to walk the dogs and Max agreed. You don’t mind, do you? Me just turning up like this. I wanted to see how you were.’ We wandered through into the kitchen and Digby gave a friendly welcome to the other two dogs before they all scooted outside into the beer garden. I popped the kettle on and Katy sat down at the kitchen table. ‘I know Max came down to see you last night and I was worried. He was in such a filthy mood when he left and then an even worse one when he came home again. I really hope I didn’t get you into too much trouble. It’s not fair that he had a go at you about it though. It wasn’t your fault. You were only trying to help me. I told him as much, but he wasn't really listening.’
‘Well, he’s your brother. He’s bound to feel protective towards you. And I don’t think he took too kindly to me not telling him what happened.’
‘I’m so sorry, Ellie. You two are still good together though?’ she asked, looking concerned.
To be honest, I had no idea. A couple of days ago and I’d thought my future with Max had been looking promising, but in the space of twenty-four hours we’d had our first humdinger of a row and I still didn’t know why he was suddenly taking such a keen interest in the life of his pregnant ex-girlfriend.
‘I’m sure it will all blow over,’ I said noncommittally. One way or the other.
‘And what about Sasha? Did you tell him we ran into her?’
‘No.’ So clearly Katy hadn’t mentioned it either. Thankfully. After our row, I really couldn’t face any more confrontation just yet. ‘We never got round to it. I will have to talk to him some time though.’
She took the mug of tea I proffered and blew on it, before taking a tentative sip. She winced as the boiling hot liquid stung her mouth, but it didn’t deter her, as she immediately took several more lip-burning sips. Her gaze drifted around my kitchen, searching out the worktops, lingering over the bread bin, and eyeing up the couple of boxes of cereal on the side.
‘Are you hungry by any chance?’ I said, laughing. ‘Would you like some breakfast?’
‘Oh well I wouldn’t want to put you to any trouble,’ she said, smiling sweetly, as though the idea hadn’t occurred to her.
‘Bacon sandwich?’ I asked, pulling out the frying pan from the cupboard, as she nodded her eager response.
‘So how did the meeting go last night?’
‘Yeah, it was good. Well it was until your brother showed up and made a scene, but I think we’ll just gloss over that bit. Honestly, I think it’s going to be our best summer fair ever this year, we’ve got so many events lined up, culminating in an amazing masked summer ball at the manor in the evening. You’ll have to come, Katy, if you’re still here by then.’
‘Oh, I’ll definitely be here, well unless Max carries out his threat to put me on the first plane back to Spain, if I should go drinking again.’ She glanced across at me and gave a little giggle.
‘You know he doesn’t mean it?’
She shrugged. ‘Well, I’ve told him, if he does, I’m getting the first plane straight back to England again.’
I smiled, those two were more than an equal match for each other. I buttered four slices of bread and loaded the sizzling bacon evenly between them, squirting a generous dollop of tomato ketchup on top. Wedging the two halves together, I handed one plate over to Katy and took mine over to join her at the table.
‘I’ve been given the lovely job of finding a local celebrity to open the summer fair and to make an appearance as Guest of Honour at the ball. Trouble is we couldn’t come up with any suggestions as to who might be able to do it.’ Seduced by the smell of the frying bacon, the dogs had come flying in and were mooching beneath the table on the scrounge. ‘At this rate, I might have to make Digby the Guest of Honour for the night.’
‘Well you know who you should ask, don’t you?’
‘Who?’
‘GG Williamson.’
Katy was looking at me as though I should know exactly who she was talking about, but despite a very faint bell ringing in the back of my head, I had no idea.
‘You know, the writer!’ she cried, growing impatient with me. ‘I’ve read every single one of his books. I just love them and can’t wait for his next one to be released. That’s what he’s working on now. It’s coming out just before Christmas.’
‘Ah right, yes.’ It was coming to me now. Vaguely. ‘The one who writes those funny detective stories?’
‘Yes. There’s going to be a TV series next year as well.’
Katy was clearly a super fan and if she had her choice of celebrity to open the summer fete then it would be this GG Williamson person. If it had been down to me it would have been George Clooney, but then we all have our dreams, don’t we?
‘Great,’ I said, half-heartedly, distracted by the thought of George Clooney now and, more seductively, the second half of my oozing sandwich.
‘So why don’t we ask him then?’
‘What? Oh, I think he lives in LA and has a villa on the Italian Lakes. Oh, and a beautiful wife too. I’m not sure the charms of Little Leyton are going to be enough to drag him away.’
Katy looked at me blankly, her head dropping to one side, her expression questioning.
‘George Clooney? I was just thinking about…’
‘Nooooo. Not George Clooney. Have you been listening to a word I’ve said? GG Williamson! I bet he’d say yes if we asked him.’
My mind snapped back to the moment. ‘Do we even know where he lives or how would we contact him?’
Katy shook her head slowly. ‘Honestly, Ellie! Do you really not know? GG Williamson. He comes into your pub most nights. Dark blond hair, stubble, sits on the front table with his laptop and notebooks, and a pint of beer.’
‘Oh my god! You mean George! No. Surely not? George Williamson?’
‘Yes.’ Katy laughed. ‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.’
‘Oh my goodness. He lives in my house, well my parents’ house. I had no idea what he was doing up there and I did wonder. I thought he was a bit of a loner. Someone who likes to keep himself to himself. I didn’t think. I didn’t know… He’s…’
‘Hot. Talented. Super cool.’ Katy was only too willing to fill in the blanks. ‘All of those things. The reason he’s been so quiet is that he’s been working to a deadline. That’s why he came to the village. To finish his latest book. His series of books are bestsellers and if he doesn’t produce his next book in time, then all his readers will be up in arms and he’ll get into trouble with his publishers. I recognised him in the pub and went over to talk to him, to tell him how much I admired his work. He was so lovely, he offered to sign all my books for me and he’s promised me a signed copy of his new one when it’s released.’
‘Crikey. Who would have thought it? Here we are searching for a celebrity and all the time we’ve had one in the village right under our noses.’
‘He said that’s why he chose Little Leyton because he didn’t know anyone here and he thought he’d be able to blend into the background without anyone recognising him.’
I cringed inwardly thinking about the first time I’d met him, turning up unexpectedly on his doorstep with my cake wanting to stop for a long getting-to-know-us chat, when he’d been clearly desperate to get rid of me. Now I knew why!
‘Yes, but if he’s come to the village specifically to keep a low profile, I don’t suppose he’d be very keen on being our face of the summer fair, and being plastered all over the local newspaper.’
‘Well we won’t know until we ask him. I think his deadline should have passed now. He told me that once that was out of the way, he’d have a bit more time. He said he was going to be brainstorming ideas and planning out his next book.’
‘Right, well we should definitely ask him then,’ I said, grateful that my hunt for a celebrity might be solved as easily as that. If only all my other problems could be fixed quite so easily too. ‘Next time he’s in I’ll go and have a word with him.’
At the back door, with Holly and Bella back on their leads, Katy leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, taking me by surprise. ‘Thanks for breakfast, and sorry for all the trouble I’m causing you,’ she said, looking genuinely contrite. ‘You will make it up with Max, won’t you?’
Her dark, and oh-so familiar eyes, were flecked with concern, reaching me inside with their sincerity, but I wasn’t about to make any promises I couldn’t keep.
‘I’ll speak to him,’ I said, nodding. It was the only thing I could tell her.
*
After the high drama of yesterday, it came as a huge relief to know that today was my day off. To be honest, I’d not been terribly good in making use of my free days and usually just stayed at home, before getting roped into whatever was going on at the pub. Today I was determined not to let that happen.
I knew my stress levels had been building, making me feel tired and out of sorts for the last few days now, and I couldn’t blame that entirely on Max Golding. If Mum was here she would have told me to slow down, to get a few early nights in and to look after myself properly. It was easy to forget those simple things without your mum gently chiding you with her concern.
What advice would she be giving me now about Max?
‘Don't let him mess you around.’
‘If he’s not being straight with you then walk away.’
‘You don’t deserve to feel second best.’
I could hear her voice in my head and would agree one hundred per cent with her sentiment, but I knew it wasn’t as straightforward as that. The events of yesterday played on my mind and I mulled them over, trying to see if I could make more sense of them now. Maybe I’d overreacted to Sasha’s news, feeling unnecessarily threatened by the unexpected discovery that she was pregnant, my shock only heightened by Katy’s presence, who had whipped up my confusion with her constant questions. Maybe I was building this up into something much bigger than it actually was. I just needed to take a step back from it all today.
Upstairs, with my hair wrapped in a towel from my shower, I padded over towards the window and looked out over the beer garden. The sun filtered through the clouds casting a warm glow over the enclosed space. A few weeks ago, Dan, Rich, Andy and I had put in a mammoth cleaning up session. We’d pressure-washed the tables, chairs and benches, repainted the walls a warm cream colour, pulled up the weeds, trimmed the climbing bushes, installed some patio heaters and replaced all the cushions with new candy-striped ones. The blankets in the basket by the door to the garden, for those nights when there was a cold nip in the air, had been replaced with some new cosy ones too. A raised decking area had been installed at the back of the yard to provide more seating and with Polly’s beautiful hanging baskets and the tall ferns in the patio containers providing bold and striking relief, it made for a warm and welcoming space. The barn at the back of the patio, where we held our open-mic nights, and private parties, looked so pretty with the wooden boxes of bright red geraniums outside. I felt so proud of the wonderful space we’d created and relished the thought of how busy it would be soon with all our visitors over the summer. With it being totally empty and peaceful now though, and the warmth of the sun beckoning me outside, it seemed like an opportunity to good to miss.
Quickly, I threw off my towel and gave my hair a quick blast with the hairdryer, before climbing into my clothes, and going downstairs. Making myself a mug of tea, I ventured outside with my book, surprised at how warm the sun was on my skin. I pulled out one of the big wooden chairs and sat down, stretching my legs out in front of me on to another chair, lifting my face to the sky, luxuriating in the warmth of the day. I delved into my book, and soon I was lost into another world, pleased to escape the realities of mine. It was only when a shadow fell over me and I looked up, squinting my eyes against the brightness of the sun, that I realised I’d been sitting there for over an hour.
‘Oh hi Dan!’
‘Feeling better today?’
‘Oh yes, all fine now, thank you,’ I said, brushing his concern away. ‘I reckon we did a good job out here, don’t you? It's such a beautiful space. You know, I might make it part of my daily routine to come out here for a quiet spell each morning.’
‘You should. You won’t get much chance when the punters start flooding in.’
‘I’ll be out today, Dan, but any problems and you can always call me on my mobile.’
‘Don’t worry. We’ll deal with them. Just go out and have a good day, and forget about the place for once.’
‘Thanks, Dan.’
Knowing the pub was in safe hands, I left and went straight round to Polly’s shop. I found her behind her worktop surrounded by buckets of flowers, green foliage, cellophane and ribbons, a pencil behind her ear.
‘You look busy!’
Her face lit up to see me.
‘Oh I am. Two big corporate orders have come in, plus the usual daily arrangements and bouquets. Mind you, I’m pleased for the distraction. It keeps me from dwelling on a certain Johnny Tay.’
‘I’ve told you, Polly, you need to put the man right out of your mind. That way lays madness.’
‘I know and it would be much easier to forget about him if he’d only stop texting and emailing me. Part of me wants to tell him to go and take a running jump, but there’s a part of me that loves seeing his name in my inbox.’
‘Oh, Polly!’ I sighed, rueing ever having encouraged the relationship in the first place.
Just then the bell on the door rang, signalling the arrival of a new customer.
‘Look I’ll leave you to it, I’m off to see Josie now. She said if you’re free after work then to pop in for a glass of wine.’
‘You bet! That idea’s going to help me get through the rest of the day.’
I wandered off down the road with Digby trotting along happily at my side. In the past few weeks a new energy had been breathed into the High Street. With the arrival of the warmer weather, a lot of the shops had opened up their doors and were displaying their wares outside in brightly coloured baskets. Enjoying my stroll in the sunshine, I put all thoughts of Max and Sasha out of my head, determined not to let those worries spoil my day. I arrived at Josie’s house a while later, and she opened the door to greet us, a big smile on her face and baby Stella in her arms.
‘I know you weren’t expecting me and Polly till later on, but I hope you don’t mind me inviting myself around now, do you? It’s just that my free days usually whiz past without me really doing anything and I thought this morning, now who would I most like to spend the day with, and of course there was only one possible answer to that question.’ I took Stella out of Josie’s arms and held her high up in the air, her little face gurgling happily at me.
‘What? Are you kidding? It’s never an inconvenient time as far you’re concerned. Come in. To be honest, I’ve been going a bit stir-crazy. I could do with some company.’
‘What’s up?’ I asked as we wandered through into the living room. Digby trotted ahead, sniffing all the way, on the lookout for any tidbits that Stella may have dropped, before I called him to my side and put him on his lead. I popped Stella down on her play mat and she immediately took off, on all fours, laughing at Digby, as she did.
‘Oh, just the normal stuff. Stella’s really grizzly, she’s teething I think, so I’m not getting much sleep at the moment. I know she can't help it, bless her, but I turn into a mummy monster if I don’t get my eight hours. You know, I sometimes wonder if I’m cut out for this motherhood lark.’
‘Don’t say that, Josie. You’re a brilliant mum.’
She raised her eyebrows, and gave a wry smile. ‘Oh, take no notice of me. I didn’t know love like this until I had my little girl and I wouldn’t swap her for the world, but I guess I just didn’t realise how hard it can be at times.’
‘Oh Josie, of course it’s hard. Have you talked to Ethan about the way you’re feeling?’
‘Not really.’
‘Well it might help. And you could always talk to your doctor too if you needed to. I hate to think of you being unhappy.’
‘I’m fine. Really. And dad will be back soon. That will make everything seem so much better.’
A wave of guilt washed over me. I saw Josie most days when she came in for her shifts at the pub, and sometimes she popped in for a coffee and a chat, but mostly those meetings were only fleeting. With everything else I’d had going on, I wondered if I’d been guilty of neglecting my oldest friend, at a time when she needed me most.
‘Do you fancy a walk?’ I asked her. ‘It’s so beautiful out there.’
‘Yes,’ she said, jumping up. ‘I could do with getting out. I’ll just go and grab Stella’s changing bag. I’ll bring some bread too in case we go down by the pond.’
As we walked around the village, through the park and down the back lanes, with Digby leading the way and me pushing Stella’s buggy, we spoke about the christening and the likely numbers for the catering. Josie had decided to have the reception in the back barn at the pub, which was a lovely space for a small gathering. She reckoned on about forty people coming along and I’d offered to lay on the catering.
‘What do I need to bring?’ she asked.
‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘We’ll provide everything. Just bring yourselves and the star of the show, of course.’ I stopped for a moment to peer into the buggy. The star of the show was currently fast asleep and looking as cute as a button.
‘You’ll never guess who I bumped into yesterday?’ I said, a little while later, once we’d finished making plans for the christening. I dropped it in casually, as though it was just a small, inconsequential piece of news.
‘Who?’
‘Sasha.’
‘Oh really? I meant to ask how she got on with Max and the cottage?’
‘Yep, she loved it apparently; she’s already moved in.’
‘Oh dear,’ said Josie, recognising my less than genuine response to this news. ‘So what, is she working with him again then?’
‘No. This is a personal move. She wants to make her home here.’ I paused, preparing myself to say the words aloud. ‘Now that she’s pregnant.’
‘What the…?’ Josie actually stopped dead in her tracks, reached one hand out for the buggy as if to steady herself and turned to look at me, her face a picture of utter disbelief. ‘You are kidding me?’
‘No.’ I shook my head, slowly, purposefully. ‘I wish I was.’
‘Oh god! Is it Max’s baby then?’
I’d been sounding Josie out, wanting to gauge her reaction. To see if I was being totally unreasonable in thinking the worst of Max. But instead my worst fears were being confirmed right here and now. I wasn’t being unreasonable after all. Or hormonal or overreacting. Max’s ex-girlfriend was pregnant and the natural assumption to make was that it was his baby.
I shrugged my answer and made the mistake of glancing in Josie’s eyes, seeing the shock there.
‘What? I don’t believe it. What’s he said about it?’
‘That’s the thing. Absolutely nothing. I only found out when Katy and I were out shopping yesterday and we bumped into Sasha. There was no way she could have hidden the news. Max hasn’t mentioned anything to me. And in a way I wonder if that tells me everything.’ I sighed. ‘Sasha even said what a rock Max had been.’
‘Really? What’s that all about then?’
‘I honestly don’t know.’
‘Oh darling!’ Josie stopped and threw her arms around me, hugging me tight. ‘This is awful. You can’t have this hanging over you. You need to speak to him, find out exactly what’s going on.’
Feeling the support and affection in Josie’s arms around me made me buckle. A huge swell of emotion lodged in my throat and tears filled my eyes. I blinked them away, cross with myself that I was reacting like this. I knew I’d have to have that conversation with Max, but I was scared. Scared of what I’d find out.
A pain ripped through my stomach. What if it was his baby? Knowing Max, he’d want to be fully involved in his child’s life. Any decent man would, but would he want to rekindle his relationship with Sasha too to create a proper family environment? There’d be no place for me in that happy little scenario. How would I cope seeing Sasha and Max building a life together in the village? This was where I felt happy, secure and protected, but that peace would be shattered if I knew Max was starting a brand new life with someone else.
‘Well do it soon. You have a right to know what’s going on. It’s not fair on you to be kept in the dark when it affects your life. He is your boyfriend after all.’
That was true, but we’d been going out for less than six months. He and Sasha had over five years in the bank. We didn’t even live together. He was occupied by work and I was immersed in the running of the pub. Our relationship was important to both of us, but it hadn’t been our main priority. And now it seemed it might never be. Max might have more important things to worry about now.
‘God it’s all such a mess. I know I’ll have to talk to him, but I’m frightened. I just have this feeling, Josie, that I’m going to lose him.’
‘You can’t know that. Not until you talk to him. Do it soon. Do it now. Go and find him, have it out with him?’
‘No,’ I shook my head vigorously. ‘I can’t!’
Normally I didn’t stop to think. Normally, I’d go straight ahead and act. Not this time. Something was stopping me from getting in the car and racing round to the manor, knowing that once we’d had that conversation it was likely to change our lives forever. I really wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.
‘Let’s not talk about it now,’ I said. ‘Let’s just enjoy the sunshine today.’ Although that would be easier said than done when my head was full of thoughts of Max, Sasha and an image of their beautiful little baby.
*
Much later, back at Josie’s, I fed Stella her tea, a bright orange concoction of sweet potato and carrot that was gobbled up enthusiastically, and then spent a fun time playing with her wooden farm set on the floor, before I happily volunteered to do the bath and bed routine.
‘Oh, you should come round every evening,’ said Josie, still slumped on the sofa as I carried Stella up the stairs. ‘I could get used to this.’
It was no hardship for me. I loved spending time with my goddaughter, even if it was far less often than I would have liked.
With the same red hair as her mum and bright blue eyes, her little face lit up as we sang songs in the bathroom and later when I placed her in the cot, her little eyelashes fluttered closed as I read a bedtime story. Before Stella came into our lives I hadn’t felt in the least bit broody – babies had never featured in any of my plans – but her arrival had stirred all sorts of emotions within me. Love and longing and pride, and she wasn’t even mine! Now as I stroked her fine hair over her head, I knew the special bond I had with my best friend’s daughter was one that would last us a lifetime. A baby was life-changing in so many ways, a change I could now imagine and hope for myself one day. With Stella drifting off to sleep, I pottered around her bedroom, folding up her clothes, enjoying the moment of peace and quiet.
I bent down and planted a kiss on Stella’s head, inhaling her delicious scent. Creeping out of the bedroom, giving one last glance to the now sleeping Stella, my heart swelling at the sight of her tucked up beneath the covers, I made my way back downstairs to find Polly had arrived and was chatting with Josie in the kitchen. Thank goodness for the wonderful women in my life, young and old. They were always there to support me and I was determined not to let whatever was going on with Max spoil my time tonight with my friends. That could wait until tomorrow.
‘Hi Ellie,’ said Polly, turning to greet me, and pulling me in towards her with a hug. ‘How’s things?’
‘Well…’ Best get it over and done with as quickly as possible. I gave her a very rapid-fire run-down of recent events, her mouth dropping open in amazement as I mentioned the pertinent facts.
Sasha, Max’s Ex.
Pregnant.
Baby.
When I finished recounting the sorry tale, Polly yelped. ‘Noooo! And is it Max’s baby?’
The case against Max was growing by the hour.
‘I don’t know and I really don’t want to think about it now. It’s been tying me up in knots all day. I’ll have to see him tomorrow. Talk to him. I’m not looking forward to it one bit but at least then I’ll know for sure one way or the other.’
Both girls pulled a sympathetic face, before Polly said, ‘You don’t know. We’re jumping to conclusions. It’s just as likely to be someone else’s baby as it is Max’s.’
Now it was my turn to look doubtful.
‘Anyway, enough about my sorry love life,’ I said, desperate to get off the subject. We had moved outside into Josie’s small garden and were sitting on the patio, the sweet smell of the blossoming honeysuckle wafting in the air. It was cooler now and I’d wrapped my cardigan around my shoulders. ‘You’ll never guess what I found out today?’
‘There’s something else?’ said Polly, looking alarmed.
‘Yeah, but this isn’t bad. This is a bit of juicy gossip. You know that guy who comes in to the pub? The good-looking one who we thought might be from the pub guide?’
‘George, you mean?’
‘Yes, you’ll never believe who he is.’ Both Polly and Josie nodded blankly. ‘He’s actually GG Williamson, the writer. I had no idea, Katy was the one to tell me. She’s a real fan of his work and recognised him in the pub. Apparently he came to the village to finish off his next book, although I don’t think we’re supposed to know that, so keep it under your hats. He’s trying to keep a low profile.’
‘Really! I thought there was something familiar about him, but I would never have guessed,’ said Josie.
‘I don’t know about familiar, I just think he’s really lovely-looking. He’s got nice brown eyes,’ said Polly, her thoughts clearly taking her off to some faraway place. ‘And he’s very charming too. And a best-selling writer, you say? Hmmm, I wonder if we can convince him to stay? Little Leyton is in desperate need of some eligible men about the place.’
I laughed. ‘I’m not sure about that, but Katy suggested we ask him if he would open the summer fete celebrations for us. It would be a bit of a coup. And would certainly add an extra element to the day.’
‘Well if you need my help in persuading him,’ said Polly, her throaty chuckle ringing out, ‘then just let me know. I’m always willing to do my bit for the village and, to be honest, I could do with the distraction.’
‘Oh?’
‘Just Johnny,’ she said sighing, her shoulders slumping. ‘He texted me again. As bold as you like.’ She pulled out her phone and read the message aloud:
‘Hi Polly, how are you? Been thinking about you a lot recently, wondering how you’re doing. Coming home soon. Maybe we can catch up?’
‘Aw, it definitely sounds as though he’s missing you, Polly,’ said Josie.
‘What? He has no right to miss me! And there’s no apology. No, “sorry I broke your heart and disappeared into the sunset without a word.” Nothing like that. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t let him back in the village. I still don’t know what went so wrong between us. I thought we had something special together, it felt so exciting being with him and everything seemed full of possibilities. And then out of nowhere he decides he has to get as far away from me as possible. Was I really that awful to send him packing to the other side of the world?’
‘You weren’t awful at all, Polly. It was just Johnny being an arse,’ I offered.
‘Definitely. A prize arse,’ said Josie, agreeing with me wholeheartedly.
‘I suppose you’re right. I just don’t know how I’m going to cope with him being back on the scene.’
‘You’ll be fine, Polly. Do all your crying with us in private. And then when he shows up, put on a brave face and show him just what he’s been missing all these months.’
‘Yeah,’ she said, nodding. ‘You missed your chance, Johnny Tay!’
‘What is it with the men in our lives, Polly?’ I asked.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ she said, excitedly. ‘You know that Grand Tour we talked about for our retirement. Any chance we could bring it forward by about thirty years and go this weekend instead?’
We laughed and raised our glasses to that. If Max was going to start playing happy families with Sasha in the village, then getting as far away as possible from Little Leyton might just turn out to be the best idea ever.