Later, when I was back at the pub, I unlocked the front door ready for any early customers and my mind cast back over the discoveries made today. Hopefully now that Max knew what had been going on with Katy, he would be more understanding of her moods and perhaps now she didn't have to keep that huge secret to herself she would act more thoughtfully towards her brother. And maybe, George Clooney would turn up at the summer fete after all.
My nerves were frazzled by the charged emotions of the last few days. I’d never been one for confrontation and I was just grateful that we’d been able to clear the air over Sasha and Katy. Mind you, I was still puzzled by Max’s comment about needing to sort our relationship out. Weren’t we good now? Couldn’t we just get back to the way things were before all of this had blown up?
Mulling over that thought and with Digby shadowing my every move, I ventured over to the back door and opened it up, letting in the warm air. I peered outside into the beer garden, my mood lifting at the sight. The hanging baskets were growing more plentiful and colourful by the day and the climbing honeysuckle and clematis spread over the walls in a flush of delicate blooms. I walked outside and turned on the hose, giving the baskets and tubs a light drenching. Lifting my head to the sky, I savoured the sensation of the sun caressing my skin. We were so lucky to have this little oasis at the back of the pub. Enclosed by brick walls on each side, and with a wooden canopy covering the first part of the garden providing a sheltered area for when the weather turned bad, you could almost forget you were sitting outside when you were cocooned within the foliage and flowers of the blooming garden. Only today, I suspected there wouldn’t be much time for sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine.
I heard the front door open and wandered back inside to find Gemma arriving for work.
‘Hello lovely, how are you?’
‘Good thanks, what do you want me to get started on?’
Gemma had been such an asset to our team. She’d been quick to learn and enthusiastic, and very popular with the customers too.
‘Well, if you can just man the bars, that would be great. I’ve got to put in the order with the brewery, so I’ll be out the back, but just holler if you need an extra pair of hands.’
On my way through I spotted my gift from Arthur sitting on top of the worktop, a reminder of that promise I'd made him. I quickly pulled out a saucepan from the cupboard, chopped up the rhubarb into chunks and tossed them into a saucepan with a little water and a sprinkling of sugar, ready for cooking.
Then I sat myself down and went through the order for the brewery, put together a list of the food and drinks required for Stella’s upcoming christening and prepared another list to take to the cash and carry, feeling a sense of satisfaction at ticking off items on my to-do list. Then I pottered around the kitchen seeing to some long overdue jobs.
‘Sorry to disturb you, Ellie, but Max Golding is out in the bar, asking to see you.’ Gemma was standing in the doorway.
What was Max doing here? I hadn’t expected to see him so soon after this morning’s heart-to-heart with Katy. I just hoped they hadn’t had another big bust-up. I glanced at my watch. The day had run away with me. Gemma had manned the bar single-handedly over the lunchtime period and would be off soon in time for the school run. I’d cover until Andy turned up in a short while.
‘Thanks, Gemma. I’ll come through and see him. You can get off it you want to.’
Walking out into the bar, my gaze landed on Max, my heart immediately lifting at the sight of him. He stood in the snug, his arms spread wide resting on the top of the bar. Was it just me or did everyone else feel the same magnetic pull towards him? I felt sure they must. His tall, broad frame seemed to fill the bar, his dark eyes intelligent and compelling as usual, his mouth, such an eminently kissable mouth, set strong and inviting. It sent a frisson rippling down my backbone. Our eyes met and he acknowledged me with a smile.
‘Hi Max, everything okay?’
‘Fine, thanks. I’ve left Katy curled up on the sofa watching Netflix. I think the poor girl's exhausted.’
‘Hardly surprising.’ No worries on that front then. This was just a normal friendly visit. Or was it? ‘Did you want a pint of our special ale, it’s new in, it’s a hoppy beer with a sweet, fruity nose to it.’
‘Thanks, but I think a cup of tea would go down better actually. I thought we might have that chat, if this is a good time?’
The pub had emptied out, so I could hardly say it was a bad time, even if I’d wanted to. ‘Sure, I’ll go and make us a drink. I’ll be back in a jiffy.’
For some reason I was full of trepidation trying to imagine what Max might want to discuss. Distractedly, I mooched around the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil and then when it had and I'd made the tea I went and joined Max again, placing the drinks down on the table.
Resting his chin in his hands, Max turned to look at me, his gaze scanning mine as though looking for some sort of answer to the most unfathomable question. The awkward silence made a reappearance making the snug bar seem much more snug and much more claustrophobic. Unable to bear the quiet anymore, I turned to him.
‘So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about then?’
‘Ah, yes well…’ He steepled his fingers and hesitated. Max's reticence made me nervous. What could he possibly want to say that was so difficult? ‘Look, let me ask you,’ he took hold of my hand, as though about to impart some very bad news, ‘are you happy? You know, really happy?’
I had to stop and think about that for a moment. To define what that transient indefinable state meant to me. I loved living in the village, being amongst my family and friends, running the pub.
‘I mean happy in our relationship,’ said Max, as if following my thought process.
‘Oh… well…’ Where could this possibly be leading?
‘You know how much you mean to me, Ellie.’ Max’s gaze was imploring. ‘The way I feel about you I’ve never felt about anybody else before, but…’
Oh god, there would just have to be a but, wouldn’t there? My heart pounded dramatically in my chest and a prickly heat rose up my neck. This was Max’s way of letting me down gently. Why hadn’t I seen it coming? This was all my fault. I'd been so uptight over Sasha these last few days that I’d pushed Max away. Like ripping off a plaster, it would be best just to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.
‘But what, Max?’
‘Well, I don’t know how you feel, Ellie, but for me, this… us… well, it’s just not working, the way things are.’
‘Oh.’ It was all I could say, as a searing pain ripped through me.
‘You must feel that way too? We rarely see each other. You’re tied up with the pub, I’ve been preoccupied with my business, I know, and now with Katy here, it’s almost as if we don’t have time for each other anymore.’
‘Right. I see. I’m sorry you feel like that.’ A tumble of emotions flooded my body. Yes, we were both busy and had commitments elsewhere, but until these last couple of weeks, I’d thought we’d been getting on fine. It was still early on in our relationship, but my feelings for Max grew stronger with each passing day. I thought he’d felt the same too, but obviously not. I stood up and walked over to the bar, trying to make sense of what Max was trying to tell me, but none of it was making any sense at all. I turned to look at him. ‘Is this about Sasha?’
‘What?’ He screwed up his face, perplexed. ‘No, of course it isn’t. I told you, Sasha’s just a friend who’s going through a rough patch at the moment. This has nothing to do with her. Why would you even say that?’
Funny how we’d been getting on fabulously until Sasha turned up pregnant and looking for somewhere to live and now suddenly everything felt uncertain between us.
‘Well, I wondered if you might want to get back with her.’ Only actually realising the truth of that statement as I said the words aloud.
‘What?’ Now, it was Max’s turn to push the table aside and he threw his hands to the air. ‘I’ve told you, it’s not my baby, Ellie.’ He was doing well to keep a lid on his evident frustration, but it was bubbling beneath the surface just waiting to spill over.
‘I know, but you wouldn’t be the first man to step up to the plate and take on another man’s child. You said yourself you felt a responsibility to Sasha.’
‘Yes, but not in that way. Jesus Ellie. Why are we even talking about Sasha anyway? This is about you and me.’
‘Yes,’ I said, hearing the sadness in my own voice. ‘And I get what you’re saying. You think we should split.’
‘What?’
I’d wandered over to the window, turning my back on Max, not wanting him to see my distress. I peered outside, only thankful we had no customers in. Soon, he was behind me, his warm breath in my ear, his hands on my waist. He spun me around, his face a whisker away from mine. So close I felt my skin tingle in anticipation. He pulled me even closer, clasping my face in his hands, my body relinquishing under the intensity of his gaze. He stepped back.
‘I don’t want us to split up. No way. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s not what you want, is it?’ he asked, concerned.
‘No! I just thought…’ My words trailed away, relief flooding my body.
‘God no. I’ve not been explaining myself properly, Ellie. That’s the last thing I want. All I’m saying is that we need to make some changes in our relationship. Don’t you think? This, us, is really important to me.’ He stroked the hair away from my face, looking into my eyes imploringly. ‘I’m just worried that if we don’t give each other, our relationship, the time it deserves, then it will suffer as a result. It’s happened before in my previous relationships. I was so wrapped up in my work that inevitably things fizzled out. I don’t want that to happen to us, Ellie. I want us to spend much more time together. That’s what I came to say. What do you think?’
‘Yes, yes.’ I was nodding my head in agreement, but feeling slightly dazed too. It was everything I wanted to hear. ‘Well, we’ll just have to make sure we make time for each other. Have date nights and see each other at the weekends, even if it’s only for breakfast and a dog walk.’
‘Yes, but we’re supposed to be doing that now and it’s not working, is it? The days slip by when we’re both so busy and soon it’s a whole week since I’ve seen you.’ He hugged me to him tighter and the firmness of his body up against mine sent swirls of delight rippling through my body. ‘Ellie, I need more than that. I want to go to sleep with you every night and wake up beside you in the morning. I don’t want to have to keep calling you to find out where you are and what you’re doing. Second-guessing what you’re thinking. It’s too stressful. Why don’t you move in with me?’
‘What? At the manor?’
‘Yes,’ he laughed, seeing my bewilderment. ‘Why not? There’s plenty of room.’
It was true, there was plenty of room at the manor. And I’d be lying if I said I had never entertained a fantasy about living in that big country house, swanning around amidst all that luxury, with Max making me breakfast every day. It would be the most magical place to live. A proper family home. But… Why did there always have to be a but?
‘It’s a lovely idea, Max, but I couldn’t leave The Dog and Duck. I’ve committed myself to running this place and I want to do the best possible job I can. I need to be here, on-site, to keep an eye on things. This is my home and my business,' I said, wishing there could be a way around this.
‘But think about it, Ellie. You could still run the pub living at the manor. It’s only up the road. How long does it take to walk up there, about five minutes? And you could get someone else in the living quarters if you really felt you needed a presence here. What do you think?’
My heart was soaring, believing it to be the most amazing idea ever and part of me wanted to throw my arms around Max’s neck and scream my agreement. Moving in with Max would be no hardship at all, living with the man I loved, wasn’t that what it was all about? But what sort of message would it give out to my customers? They might take it as proof that I wasn’t totally committed to my role as landlady of the pub.
‘I think… well I’m very flattered that you’ve asked me. I really wasn’t expecting that. It’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all.’
Max chuckled and kissed me firmly on the lips. It was hard to think straight when I was locked in his arms, his breath warm against my cheek. ‘Just tell me you’ll think about it. I know we could make it work.’ He pulled back holding me at arm’s length, the intense appraisal of his dark eyes not leaving my face for a moment. ‘I want to be with you, Ellie. Properly. If we really want to make a go of our relationship and build a future together, I think we have to do this. If that’s what you want too, then I can see no reason to wait, can you?’
The trouble was Max could be totally convincing when he was enthused about an idea and it would be so easy to be swept away by his conviction, but already in my head I was mentally preparing a list of reasons why it couldn't happen:
• I had the pub to consider – it was my home and my livelihood and I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise that.
• Max and I had only been properly going out together for six months – perhaps it was too soon for such a big commitment.
• Digby would hate it! Scrap that, Digby would love it. With two canine friends to lark around with and extensive grounds to run around in, he would be absolutely in his element.
I sighed inwardly. Max was right, whatever obstacles were in our way, we would be able to overcome them and find a way to make it work. But there was one huge scary thought that I couldn’t get out of my mind; what if, despite all our best efforts, it didn’t work? If I committed myself to Max, moved into his house, declared my undying love to him and then it all went horribly wrong. What if we found out that we didn’t like each other as much as we thought, or I discovered he had some awful personal traits that I couldn’t tolerate. Like snoring. Or cutting his toenails in the bath. Or, more likely, what if he hated the way I left little piles of mess around behind me. I wasn’t the tidiest of people, but living on my own meant I could do exactly as I liked when I liked. From what I knew of Max, I suspected he was the neatest of neat freaks and my sluttish tendencies would end up driving him mad.
I was just thinking about dirty saucepans when Max started sniffing loudly in a most unbecoming and unnecessary way.
‘What on earth is that disgusting smell?’
I sniffed too, before suddenly remembering. ‘Oh no! My rhubarb!’
I dashed out to the kitchen, with Max following me closely behind, and snatched the smoking pan off the heat with a tea towel, looking, in dismay, at the black, gloopy concoction stuck to the bottom.
I swear I heard Max snigger behind me.
He put his arm round my shoulder and peered at the evidence in front of him. ‘Hmmm, if it's all right with you, I think I’ll give the crumble a miss today.’
I let out a heartfelt sigh. Well, at least now he knew he wasn't inviting a domestic goddess to live with him.