So there I was, exhausted, having just finished the Wines2Whales bike race, and I was told over the phone that I had been cleared of all charges. That was great, and a very good reason for a celebration. But there was one problem. The result didn’t mean I was now finished with the Lions; I was still unable to move on with my life. My lawyers had requested that I be able to resume my duties, which meant I had to report to work at 7 a.m. the next day. So I had to fly home from Cape Town, where Brad Ingram and I were staying, to Durban to collect my clothes, and then on to Johannesburg.
That was okay, except for one thing. I had given all my Lions gear to one of Jules’s dad’s friends. He loved the Lions, so when I was suspended I had given him everything. I had to get myself some new Lions shorts and vests to wear when I appeared in front of the players the next day.
The first thing I did upon reporting for work was to have a meeting with Moggee and De Klerk. They had decided to draw a line under everything that had come between us and wanted to start out afresh. They asked me if I was prepared to come back and work for the Lions. I asked them if I could use the week to assess the situation. They agreed.
To be fair, while I was away, Johan Ackermann had got on with his work and was doing a good job. Johan was happy for me to come back as the head coach and was prepared to carry on as my assistant. We had a good relationship, but I felt awkward about the situation; it seemed unfair on him for me to take over again. The Lions had finished the Currie Cup season and were busy with the pre-season preparations. They had started a conditioning programme for promising young players.
For a week, I just watched and observed, and fulfilled a couple of media obligations. At the end of the week, on the Friday, I returned to Durban. It then hit me how exhausted I was. I told Jules that I just didn’t feel like I had the energy for the Lions and their problems any more.
If there was one disappointing aspect of how my lawyers handled the case, it was that although it was great to have won the hearing, as it made me feel vindicated, I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t out of the Lions. My lawyers were quick to point out that I was still an employee and under contract. My mate Pierre Dormehl could sense my irritation.
I had managed to maintain my composure and dignity throughout the process. Even De Klerk had apologised to me. He told me he was sorry that I had had to go through everything. I said very little, as it just made my milk curdle.
‘What will be will be, Kevin,’ I said. ‘Let’s just move on.’
My contract still had a year to run – though, in their mind, they probably thought I might have two years left, as I was entitled to exercise my option of staying on until 2014. But I knew there was no chance of that. I realised that I would do well to just last the week, I was feeling that low.
So, the following week, after taking the weekend to think about it and to make absolutely sure I was doing the right thing, I went to the Lions management in an amicable mood and spoke to them in an adult manner. I told them they had everything in place with the team and I could make myself available as a consultant for them if they got back into Super Rugby, but that the leadership was already in place and I was prepared to negotiate out of my contract.
We created a severance with a tax directive, which saved them some money, and I was out of there.
Allers had appointed Ruben Moggee as the CEO at the Lions, and although he was only there on a short-term basis, he brought great value to the union. He worked on the severance documents with me and could have insisted on one of those insincere press releases and a media conference, which you see so much of in professional sport when a coach leaves, but he didn’t.
While the hearing was being held, my old club, the Sale Sharks, approached me. I had no pressing engagements in South Africa apart from the hearing, so I went to Sale to take a look at the situation there. The Lions management then inferred from this that I was being employed by Sale. That was not the case – I just went to meet with the club and assess the set-up.
It was announced to the media at the time that I had made no agreements with Sale, and that was the truth. Even though I was awaiting my fate with the Lions and was still under contract with them, I was entitled to travel and so I went to watch Sale play in a Heineken Cup game and attended a few training sessions. That was all. There was no formal agreement and I wasn’t working for them.
Sale wasn’t in a good state as a club and I had serious reservations about committing myself to yet another rebuild. South Africa had also become my home and I had made the decision to live my life there. My first marriage to Kay had ended in 2011. As I said in an earlier chapter, we became estranged after living apart for so long.
During the time I was suspended from the Lions, which became five months instead of the much shorter period initially envisaged, I went to live in Durban and stayed with my good friends Brad and Cheryl, and their daughter Isabella. I subsequently met Jules and her daughter Hannah, and I decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
In my previous married life, I had spent a lot of time away from home, chasing my career. I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. I needed to prove to myself, and to Jules, that I could put my partner ahead of my career. Plus, I found that the Durban climate really appealed to me. I was happy to make the city my home.
After the hearing ended and I resumed my duties at the Lions, I did go back to Sale. Apart from anything else, I needed to make up the money that I had lost on the legal fees. For five months, whatever I had been earning was going out of the door in legal fees. By working for Sale, I could earn foreign currency. But I was only hired on a short-term contract. Again, I wanted to test the situation to see if I would be able to give it my full commitment later. In the end, the club did offer me a very lucrative contract: a two-year deal that included a house, cars and travel expenses, among other things.
Although it was an attractive offer, I felt that two years down the road I might end up in exactly the same situation I had been in at the Lions. I just didn’t think Sale was a club that had the ability to win the Premiership or go very far in the Heineken Cup.
Steve Diamond, with whom I had played rugby in my days in England, was now the CEO at Sale. He is everything in the club; he probably even mows the field! The club has done well in terms of building new facilities since I was there, but they will have to spend a lot of money on players if they are going to become successful. Brian Redpath came in as the coach, but management moved him sideways and, when I was there during my consultancy, I was reluctant to get too involved, as Redpath was still there. I felt for him and his family. The situation did not sit well with me.
Although the club had made some big purchases while I was there – Richard Gray, the British & Irish Lions lock, and Danny Cipriani were new to the club – everyone seemed to be underperforming. The culture at the club engendered feelings and emotions in me that were very similar to what I had experienced at the Lions. I could have fixed the problems at the club in time, that is without question, but would it have been sustainable, I asked myself.
And I would have created a few headaches, as there were too many people there who were in survival mode. A clean-out would have been necessary, and I questioned whether I had the energy for that. I decided that I definitely had the energy to get married again and live in another country, but I did not want to go through all that stuff again at work. It was time to stop chasing my career.
When I returned to South Africa in January 2013, Steve Diamond had a go at me for walking out, but there had never been a deal in place. Steve obviously felt that, as he had hired me as a consultant, he would end up getting me full time – but although I left before the end of the consultancy agreement, I had not signed a contract. I had to get a work visa to be employed in the UK, and for the visa to be approved the club had to make out that I was going to work there long term. Perhaps that was where the confusion arose.
I decided to put my coaching career on hold until such time as I was presented with the opportunity to work in the right environment. I would love to coach in South Africa, and I can go to the highest level if I were asked to. I don’t have the reservations that I used to harbour about coaching the Springboks or being an assistant there. Those reservations I used to have when considering working for the Boks as an ex–All Black are now firmly in the past. But, again, I can’t emphasise it enough, the environment would have to be right. This time, the people and processes would have to be right to fit in with the plan.
With my career on hold, I could take time out for some long, serious reflection. I have experienced success, but why have I also courted so much controversy? I felt that needed to be processed. What do I need to change and how can I adapt to become more effective in my coaching?
The sabbatical I decided to take was going to be about facing up to my demons, admitting my faults, reflecting on where I had gone wrong, and on what needed to be changed in order for me to move forward both as a person and as a coach.