“God rest you merry, Gentlemen. Let nothing you dismay. For Jesus Christ our Savior was born upon this Day. To save poor souls from Satan's power, when we were gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, oh, tidings of comfort and joy.”
Portia smiled as she stood at the back of the Church of the Holy Trinity listening to the children’s choir from her church sing. The song was one of her favorite Christmas hymns and she was glad she had snuck upstairs to hear them sing it.
It was the first Thursday in December, the official Christmas celebration for her church. Every year they combined it with the feeding so those who came to receive the free meal were not only blessed physically but spiritually. And tonight, the cathedral was packed with people from the first serving who had stayed for the service as well as those waiting for the second serving to take place.
She drew in a deep breath and inhaled the smell of Christmas, from the tree in the lobby behind her to the scent of the food from downstairs. The holly and ivy on the end of each bench, the lit candles at the front, the nativity scene set up near the altar. Everything about the night reminded her that this indeed was the most wonderful time of the year. For a moment, this blessed moment, she could forget everything else and remember that her Father in heaven had loved her so much He sent His only son to earth to be born as a baby in a manger and eventually die to save her from sin. She knew He did it to save the world, but when she thought about it, she saw it as being done just for her.
She could see Milo sitting on a bench in the back. Her body swayed gently to the sound of the carols. Since that first Thursday, Milo had been there every week to help with the feeding. And Portia hoped, in her heart of hearts that somehow God was speaking to her friend’s heart.
“Hey.”
A hand on her arm made her jump a little. She turned around. Her eyes widened. “Hey! What are you doing here?”
Khai smiled and shrugged. “Wanted to see what you were up to every Thursday.” He looked around. “So this is it? They do this every week?”
“Not the concert, but the food, yes. Every week from November to New Year’s.”
Khai nodded as he stepped up beside her. “That’s pretty cool.”
“I think so.” She smiled and drew in another deep breath.
He glanced over at her. “You really love Christmas, don’t you?”
She nodded, feeling something inside her hum with joy. “It just reminds me how much He loves me. How much He was willing to do just for me. Imagine a God that would give up His power and glory to be a human being. To live like we live, knowing all that would happen to him. Knowing he would be despised and rejected by the very ones He created. Imagine Him knowing this and still coming to earth to live and die for us. Love like that?” She shrugged. “It’s overwhelming. It’s a love I can’t turn away from. If He did all that for me, what is too hard for me to do for Him?”
She could feel Khai’s eyes watching her, peering into her curiously. She just smiled and turned again to look at the scene up front. He didn’t respond. He observed the scene along with her, humming every now and then to the carols.
The singers left the stage. A man took his place at the front. Portia recognized her pastor and knew it was time for the Christmas message. She glanced over and noticed Khai was still there, watching intently. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand and pulled him with her to a row in the back, squeezing in beside a little boy and his mother, making space for Khai also. She felt him tense slightly, then he sank down onto the bench. She smiled and focused her attention to the front of the sanctuary where Pastor Greg was telling the Christmas story.
“You know, this Christmas story is a beautiful one. And today, we look at it with wonder. We romanticize the image of Christ being born in a manger, but it really wasn’t romantic or wonderful. The animals probably smelled, and it was most likely not very comfortable. I doubt it was how any of them imagined this birth would happen.”
Portia nodded in agreement. She’d had this thought many times herself.
“For years, the Jews knew a Savior would come,” he continued. “They heard the prophecies and they were looking for Him. But they never expected Him to be born in Bethlehem of all places, in poverty. It was nothing like what they hope and planned for. The birth of Jesus did not happen the way anyone expected Him. But it happened. And it was a blessing. A gift, one of the greatest gifts this world has received.”
Pastor Greg looked out at them for a moment. “I want to ask you, what are you looking for? What are you hoping for? What are you working for? All of us want something. Whether its to be healthy, to be happy, to have a home, to have love. We are all seeking something. But could it be, we miss it because it doesn’t come the way we expect it?”
“Maybe the situation is not ideal. Maybe things are not going according to the plan. We work so hard trying to get things back on track that we miss the blessing God is giving us in the middle of what looks like chaos and confusion.”
Portia sat back as the words rolled over her. Her life was all about order and going according to the plan. But in her effort to keep things happening according to schedule, was she missing something?
Pastor Greg stepped from around the pulpit to the side. “You know, the Son of God never came the way anyone expected it. But everything happened exactly according to God’s plans. I know a lot of you here are going through some difficult times. Maybe there isn’t enough money at home. Maybe your family is gone. Maybe you have no place to live. And it’s hard to look at this and see this as God’s plan. But I believe that even in the chaos, God is still in control. When you can’t trust the plan, trust His hand. And believe that in His hand, there is a gift for you.”
When you can’t trust the plan, trust His hand.
But the idea of not trusting the plan was too uncertain for her. How would she know His hand? What if she thought she was following God’s hand but instead was following something else? It was too scary for her. Plans she could do. They were step-by-step, easy to follow. But what if God wanted her to step away from what was easy?
She didn’t realize it was over until she felt everyone stand beside her. Everyone on her left side at least. Khai was still sitting. Even as everyone filed out of the seats around them, he didn’t move.
She nudged him with her shoulder. “You okay?”
He turned to her slowly. “You know I don’t go to church.”
She nodded. “Only special occasions.”
He shook his head, turning to look ahead of him. “It’s always weird.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He paused a moment. “I always feel like...like...”
“Like someone is talking only to you?”
He looked over at her again. “So that’s a normal thing?”
She nodded.
He let out a breath. “How do they do that?”
She laughed. “They don’t do it.” She nodded upwards. “He does.”
Khai shook his head. “It’s weird.”
She smiled and reached over to squeeze his hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
He glanced at her and looked away, but closed his fingers around her hand before she could pull away. “It’s nice. Being here with you. Kinda makes the weirdness okay.”
She peered at him, not sure what to say. Whatever it was, she didn’t get a chance, because there was a tap on her shoulder. She let go of Khai’s hand as she noticed Milo.
“Uh, we’re heading downstairs.” She glanced back and forth between Khai and Portia. Portia realized they were still sitting pressed together in the pew, even though they were now the only persons in it.
Portia slid over and stood. “Uh, yeah. I’m coming.”
“We’re coming,” Khai stood up. “I actually came to help.”
Milo grinned and looped her hand through Khai’s arm. “Great, you can come with me.”
Portia raised an eyebrow, surprised at Milo’s action until she noticed her friend’s slight nod to the left.
Portia looked over and saw Brady leaning against the doorframe of the church’s exit. She glanced back at Milo. Her friend nodded and Portia knew that Brady had been standing there, watching them for more than a little while.
“I’ll catch up with you guys downstairs.”
She watched them leave before walking over to Brady. “Hey, didn’t know you were coming tonight.”
His face was flat. “It was supposed to be a surprise. Guess I was the one that got surprised.”
How should she play this? She decided to go for ignorance.
“What do you mean?”
Brady shot her a knowing look, but Portia stuck to her plan.
He sighed. “Look, I know we’re not exclusive or anything, but I didn’t know you were seeing Khai also.”
She shrugged. “I’m not.”
“So what was that about?”
She lifted her palms. “I didn’t know he was going to be here either. He showed up during the service and we grabbed the last couple of seats in the back.”
Brady frowned. “So you guys aren’t dating? I mean if you were, obviously I would be okay with it because we never agreed to be exclusive.”
Portia touched Brady’s hand and smiled. “Khai and I are just friends. We’re not dating.”
He raised an eyebrow at her skeptically. She stepped forward and dropped a light kiss on his lips. It was their first venture into mouth-to-mouth zone.
“We are not dating, I promise.” She squeezed his hand. “Now, are you going to stand here sulking all night, or are you gonna help me serve some hungry people?”
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I guess I could help, if another kiss is on the menu at some point in the night.”
Portia pulled him towards the stairs to the lower level. “Resorting to bribery now, Mr. Semple?”
“A brother will use whatever tools he has.”
Portia laughed as they headed downstairs. Brady was a nice guy. He was a Christian. And he respected her. He had a good job, parents that were still together and no red flags in his past. He was the kind of guy that hit all the requirements on her list. He was the kind of guy she planned to marry someday. And even though Pastor Greg had just talked about not holding too tightly to the plan, she was going to do the best she could to make this one work. Because she wasn’t so sure she could survive her life without a plan, and the truth was, she was too afraid to try.