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Later that evening, I step out onto the deck where Charlotte, Marisol, and Fae are already lounging in the hot tub. I have mostly recovered from my earlier jaunt into town, basically convincing myself that I have made a complete idiot of myself in front of Simon so many times at this point that it is probably all just blending into one incident for him. Even if every single one feels excruciatingly clear to me.
Stepping over the edge of the hot tub, I melt down into the heated water. Since the moment I arrived at the cabin, I have been meaning to come out here, and it is as amazing as I imagined. The heat soothes the tension in my neck and back, melting away thoughts of men and the chaos they cause.
“You guys need to try these.” Kelsey appears on the deck with a tray of creamy white cocktails, festively garnished with cranberries and herbs. “Noreen Ascot is a genius when it comes to Christmas cocktails, and you’re going to love these White Christmas Margaritas.”
“Do we really need our beverages to be quite so Christmassy?” Fae picks the garnish off her drink and chucks it off the deck into the ocean below.
“Rosemary is hardly overtly Christmassy.” Kelsey hands a glass to Charlotte. “And we don’t even have a Christmas tree.”
“It’s a little early in the evening, don’t you think?” Yesterday’s hangover is still fresh in my mind, and I have had more than my share of Christmas inspired beverages.
“If it’s time for hot tubbing, then it’s time for beverages,” Marisol says, helping herself to a glass from the tray.
“I don’t think that’s a rule,” I protest.
“More like a fact.” Marisol hands me a drink. “Besides, I’m not above getting you drunk to drag details out of you.”
My eyes dip to the drink in my hand. Potential hangover aside, it is tempting. “There are no details.”
“Right.” Marisol chuckles. “You’ve been jumpy all afternoon. And I might not be a mother, but I am pretty damn sure that it wasn’t caused by a video chat with your son.”
“She’s not wrong, Ruby,” Kelsey says as she steps into the swirling water.
Panicking, I gulp down my drink, coughing as the tequila burns my throat. “Seriously, guys. Nothing happened. I went to the café. I ordered a beverage and borrowed the Wi-Fi. That’s it.” They are never going to believe me, but maybe I will get lucky, and they will remember that Kelsey has been acting weird since she got home from skating with Nolan last night.
Something definitely happened there. Something that I am betting is much more interesting than hearing about how I assaulted a Christmas tree before acting like a sex-crazed lunatic in front of Simon.
“We’re not buying it.” Charlotte places her drink on the edge of the hot tub and crosses her arms.
My eyes snap over to Charlotte. She is supposed to be my ally. Heck, all of these women are supposed to be my allies. I take a gulp of my drink. “Okay,” I sputter as the tequila burns by throat. “I didn’t use the Wi-Fi. This is all just mother guilt. I’ve only spoken to Jake once since we got here.” And that conversation was a disaster.
“Still not buying it.” Marisol sips her margarita while pinning me with her no-nonsense stare.
“You might as well tell us,” Jenna says. “We’re not going to just forget.”
Fae tilts her head towards Jenna. “What she said.”
I glance at Jenna, then Fae, before snapping my eyes down to my glass. It is half empty, and I am not exactly sure how that happened. “Seriously, it’s just me being stupid. You know how I get.”
“Yes, we do,” Charlotte says. I can hear the patience in her voice. She has been through every single one of my man-induced dramas with me since we met at university. “And that’s why we’re prepared to ply you with drinks until you submit.”
“I saw Simon.” I groan as my confession hits the chilly air and let myself sink deeper into the water.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Fae wrinkles her forehead questioningly. “I mean the guy is seriously hot.”
“Come on. Spill,” Jenna says. “We’re at an age where we need some kind of romantic drama to keep us going.”
I close my eyes. They don’t get it. What happened was the opposite of romantic. What happened was a middle-aged, single mother freaking out over a poster and making a complete fool out of herself in front of the first man who has distracted her since her ex-husband walked on the scene.
“I didn’t exactly see him. I mean, I saw him. I crashed right into him as I was running out of the café like a lunatic.”
A chuckle erupts from Kelsey. My mouth falls open as I stare at her. She giggles again, then slaps a hand across her mouth to stifle the next one. “I’m sorry. It’s just. Isn’t that like the third time?”
“Don’t remind me.” I groan. If my face wasn’t already flushed from the heat of the hot tub, it would be blazing. “I saw his face on a poster as the bachelor auction’s most eligible bachelor, and I just flipped out.”
It gets really quiet, except for the crashing of the waves on the cliff face and the hum of the hot tub jets. Everyone is staring at me, and I don’t blame them.
“Maybe you just need to let yourself have a little fun. You don’t need to be so serious.”
I cringe at Kelsey’s words, fixing my eyes on the water bubbling and swirling around me. She isn’t saying anything that Marisol hasn’t already suggested, and I don’t want her to see the truth in my eyes. I desperately wish that I was the kind of girl who could just have a bit of fun, but I have a history of fun times ending up at the altar and turning into heart break. Every. Single. Time.
“What?” Kelsey asks defensively.
When I look up, I find Charlotte, Jenna, and Fae staring at her. Kelsey has been on edge since she got back from her skating date with Nolan, and it looks like the ladies are going after the juicy details that she wouldn’t give up last night. I slide deeper into the water, letting my head fall back against the edge. Their voices fade into the background as my eyes close, while the memory of the feel of Simon’s chest beneath my fingers and his breath on my lips pulls me back to earlier.
“Because there is zero chance that I can pull off this charade.” Kelsey leaps to her feet, and I bolt upright, yanked back into the conversation. “I’m pretty sure his groupies already suspect. If I just wait until this blows up in my face, then I won’t have to tell her. Anybody want another drink?”
Kelsey doesn’t wait for an answer. She grabs the drink tray and darts inside, leaving the rest of us staring at each other.
“I’ll go and check on her.” I push myself up out of the water, the chilly breeze hitting my overheated skin as guilt coils in my stomach. Instead of dreaming about Simon, I should have been listening to Kelsey. I don’t know what just happened, but I need to help fix it.
“I think we should give her some space.” Charlotte places a hand on mine and gives a little squeeze.
“Are you sure? Maybe, I should go.” Jenna glances at the door where Kelsey disappeared, then back at us.
“Do you think this is going to be the next instalment in our list of Christmas dating disasters?”
My eyes whip around to Marisol. She can’t actually be serious, can she?
“What list?” Fae asks.
“Well...” Marisol draws out the word, grinning with an almost malicious pleasure that makes my already delicate stomach lurch. I think I know where she is going with this, and I have got a few Christmases I would rather forget. “There was the Michael incident...”
My mouth drops open, but no words come out. I should say something. Charlotte needs me to say something, but unlike usual, I can’t seem to get my voice to work.
“I guess that should have been my first clue that he wasn’t a keeper.” Charlotte raises her drink to her mouth, then looks at me and shakes her head when she realizes it’s empty. “I think I’m going to need a refill if I’m going to reminisce about Michael.”
I purse my lips. Charlotte’s tone is upbeat, but I have a clear memory of the moment when Michael shattered Charlotte’s heart. It might have happened over a decade ago, but Charlotte still hasn’t gotten over it. Being a matchmaker, people tend to assume that Charlotte has her love life together, but the truth is that she is just really passionate about helping people find their match, so they never experience what she did.
Marisol stretches out in the hot tub, letting her feet float to the surface in the centre. “Lucky that Kelsey is whipping us up new ones right now, then.”
How can Marisol be so calm about this? “I should check on her.” I don’t know if my renewed concern is because I am actually worried about Kelsey, or if it is because I am worried about Marisol’s line of questioning. “She’s been in there a long time.”
“Christmas mixology magic doesn’t happen quickly.” Charlotte gives me a reassuring smile, and I push off the edge of the tub, sinking back into the water and letting the heat wrap itself around my frazzled nerves. If Charlotte is calm, then I don’t need to be freaking out.
Fae groans. “Too much Christmas.”
Charlotte laughs and flicks water at her. “What did you expect when Kelsey was organizing this thing?”
“Hey!” Fae throws her hands up to protect herself from the water. “I worked hard on this look.” She pats her messy bun.
“Did you even get out of your PJs today?” Charlotte retorts.
“Quit changing the subject.” Marisol pins Charlotte with her stare. “And start giving us the details on your first Christmas with Michael.”
Charlotte groans and pushes herself up onto the edge that I just abandoned, shoving her hair back from her flushed cheeks. “You mean how I was waiting for him in a sexy number that didn’t even cover my nipples, and he arrived with that grad student who was working at the lab with him?”
“Same grad student he left you at the alter for?” Marisol asks.
Apparently, my mom-glare has zero effect on Marisol. I glance worriedly at Charlotte. She is smiling, but it looks a little frozen at the corners.
“Easy, Mari.” Fae gives Marisol a little shove.
“Maybe what we need is the details about the Joel fiasco,” Jenna says.
There is a moment where it feels like no one is even breathing. I can never guess how Marisol is going to react.
Marisol shakes her head, chuckling, and the strange tension releases. “I almost forgot about that.” She settles back into the corner of the tub. “I guess Kelsey wasn’t the first one to play the fake girlfriend.”
“What possessed you to invite him?” Jenna asks.
“Invite who?” Kelsey glides out onto the deck with a tray of red drinks garnished with more cranberries and festive green sprigs.
“Joel,” Marisol says, accepting the glass Kelsey holds out for her. “He was my last attempt to make my mother feel better about her only daughter not being married before thirty. I am not sure she ever got over that.”
“Poor Joel probably didn’t either,” Fae says.
Kelsey passes out the rest of the drinks, stashes the tray, then steps into the tub. “Didn’t he date a man after?”
“Speaking of dating men, remember when Ruby thought Greg was gay?”
I freeze, my throat going dry as Marisol’s question hits me square in the chest. “Yeah.” My voice is pitched too high to sound natural. “Except, it turned out he didn’t like men. He just didn’t want me.”
A cold flash rolls through me as realization dawns, leaving me chilled even in the super-heated water. My relationship with Greg was broken from the start. It was never the love story I believed it was. He wasn’t my soulmate. He was just my desperate attempt to believe I was worthy of being loved.
Fred, my first husband, shattered my heart when I was barely old enough to really understand what love was. I didn’t stand a chance when Greg swept me off my feet with his gregarious smile. He was so handsome, and I was so lost as a single mom.
The mood around me shifts. Marisol sits up straighter, like she said the wrong thing. Something that feels like bile and hot lava is bubbling up inside me, and I need to get out of here before they can circle around me.
Water sloshes over the side, making the deck slippery as I leap from the hot tub. Charlotte snags my glass as it slips from my fingers, and I bolt for the French doors.
“Oof.” The air is shoved out of my lungs as I bounce off something solid and crash to the deck.
“Ruby?” Simon’s voice filters through my numb brain.
“What are you doing here?” I scramble backwards away from him, but a sharp pain snakes through my ankle, causing me to freeze as I cry out. He really can’t be here, not when I am all twisted up about Greg.
“Are you okay?” He kneels beside me. His hand hovers over my body, like he wants to check for injuries, but isn’t sure that he should.
“Yeah. Just tweaked my ankle.”
Simon gestures to a bushy evergreen lying on the floor beside us. “I brought you a Christmas tree.”
He is too close. His warm breath on my cheek is making intimate parts of my body twinge deliciously. I struggle to pull enough oxygen into my lungs to formulate a witty response. “How did you get in here?”
“The door was unlocked, and I heard you guys out back. Nolan said you would be expecting me.”
“We weren’t.” I poke at my ankle, trying to assess the damage.
“Let’s get you up.” Simon helps me to my feet, supporting me so that I don’t have to put any weight on my ankle.
“He’s a keeper,” Marisol murmurs behind me.
Cringing, I shoot a look at Marisol. I don’t need her help to make this more awkward.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
The husky timbre of his voice ignites the twinges into a full-blown tingling glow, starting in my core and spreading rapidly through my entire body. I glance up at him to find him staring at me, and another wave of heat sweeps through me, making my already flushed cheeks burn. I am suddenly acutely aware that I am dripping wet and practically naked.
It might be getting dark, but it is still way too light out for Simon to be seeing me less than fully clothed. As quickly as the thought comes up, I shove it down. I can’t be thinking about getting naked with Simon, not when he is this close.
I move away from him. I need space for my brain to function.
“I’m okay.” I wince as my full weight comes onto my ankle, sending a throbbing pain up my leg. I quickly shift to my other foot, swaying into Simon. His hand closes around my arm, steadying me physically as my insides turn molten.
My body’s reaction isn’t helping me be more graceful.
“Here.” He hands me a towel. “You’re cold.”
I let him wrap the towel around me, not caring whose it is. Not even feeling the cold that he is worried about. His voice is too deep, and he is too close for me to be thinking about anything else. Something is happening to my brain. Something that I should be afraid of because I have been here before—with Greg.
But I am not going there right now. I won’t let Greg intrude. I clutch the towel tightly around me, covering my bathing suit clad body.
“Sexy and sweet.” Marisol speaks just quietly enough that it is clear she only intended the comment for the ladies in the hot tub, but still loudly enough that there is no chance Simon didn't also hear her. It is getting hard to remember why we are friends.
“Behave,” Charlotte hisses.
“Why?” Marisol’s innocent tone wouldn’t fool anyone who knew her for longer than five minutes.
I don’t stick around to find out what she has to say next. With cheeks that are flaming for a variety of reasons other than the fact that I just spent the last hour or so submerged in hot water, I limp-dash into the cabin.
“Ow.” I rub my hand against my hip, where I just skewered it on the corner of the kitchen counter. The feel of his hand on my arm and the headiness of his scent are making me clumsy.
“We should get you on a chair, before you do some real damage.” Simon guides me to sit, even as I am shrivelling up inside.
“I’m okay. It’s just twisted. It’ll be fine in a minute. You should go.” I say the words, but I don’t mean them. Not with any real conviction. The lonely, recently jilted side of me wants him to help me remember what it feels like to be wanted.
“I’ll grab some ice.”
“Really. You’ve done enough.”
He steps away from me and runs a hand through his hair, his eyes narrowing.
“No. No.” I reach out a hand and place it on his arm, then snatch it away. “That’s not what I meant. I just don’t want to complicate things...” My voice fades. I am making everything worse. “I can take care of myself.”
This is all too much. My tangle of emotions is confusing me. Simon is just a man I have run into a few times in some less-than-ideal situations. And sure, he listened to me, but I am confusing the trauma of my marriage ending with attraction. I am just lonely, and Simon is a nice guy. The fact that he is sinfully delicious is only compounding the confusion.
He tips his head to one side, appraising me. I desperately want to pull the towel tighter around me like a shield, but I stay frozen.
“What do you think is going to happen if I put ice on your ankle?”
Oh my God. He thinks that I think he wants sex. I close my eyes, trying to get a handle on the humiliation rolling through my body. “Nothing.” I almost choke on the word.
Apparently, all my years of marriage have not made me any less awkward when dealing with sexual tension, especially the one-sided kind. Simon Ascot is one of those men who can have his pick of women. His ex-wife exemplifies the perfection he is used to. There isn’t a chance that he is interested in me.
The soothing sensation of the ice on my throbbing ankle pulls me back to the moment. My eyes snap open to find him kneeling in front of me, carefully holding the dish-towel-wrapped ice against my ankle. I was so lost in my rambling thoughts I wasn’t even aware he had moved.
“Why are you here?” My question is blunt, bordering on rude, but at this point I have zero dignity left, and I should just be straightforward.
“Nolan picked up a tree for Kelsey, but he’s stuck at an orientation for the Santa Scramble, so he asked me to bring it over.”
“Kelsey is going to love that. It’ll score him some big points.”
“Yeah. I think that’s the idea.”
“He’s got her tied up in knots.” I groan, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Why do I always tell you things I shouldn’t?”
He shrugs, chuckling, and shifts the ice. “Because I have you tied up in knots?”
My laugh comes out like a bark. “I don’t think that’s it.” I look him right in the eye when I say it, but it is a complete lie that I will have to unpack with the ladies later.
“Then maybe it’s because you know that I’m safe.”